Shane Dawson Quotes

I just don’t have the willpower to hit up the gym every day for two hours, and the idea of cutting candy out of my diet seems impossible.

I'm going to H*ll.

If you're passionate about something, give it your all, and you will find happiness.

I know the old saying “Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.” Well, nothing tastes as good as being alive either.

If you can't laugh at yourself, then what the fuck is the point of living?

Our breakup broke the record for the most mutual parting of ways in history. Here’s the text-message conversation: Me: Hey . . . should we break up? Canadian: Ya probably. Me: Ok. Canadian: Did you watch Hoarders last night? Me: Ya! I can’t believe that woman ate her dead dog thinking it was jerky. Canadian: I know! Crazy! Me: Well . . . goodbye I guess. Canadian: Do we have to unfollow each other on Twitter? I’d rather still follow you. You have funny tweets. Me: No way. I never unfollow anyone. That’s so tacky. Canadian: Agreed.

The only person who had ever wanted to fuck me was a homeless lady who used to stand outside of Ralphs and tell me I had a “sad face that she wanted to sit on.

And to this day we are still kissing each other with the same amount of passion. It’s been more than three years, and I still feel like there’s more to unwrap. Every day I get a glimpse of what’s inside. I hope it never ends.

CAROLisWET: And my vagina. Ilikenipplerings: ?!?!?!!?!! CAROLisWET: Yep. All 8 inches of it.

It’s a twisted land of self-hatred, sadness, and lots of repressed anger toward every person who’s ever hurt me.

I'm here to tell you that it gets worse. It really does. The problems you have as a kid will seem ridiculous when you get older because bigger and worse problems will come along. But you will learn to deal with them easier as you grow up, or, like me, you'll just stop giving a shit. So yes, it gets worse, but you know what gets better? Your tolerance for the bullshit.

She must have been dealing with a lot of issues that made her take out her anger on me. It doesn’t make it right but it makes it slightly understandable.

Selling bracelets to old ladies isn't as cute when you are a teenager with constant accidental boners.

Side note: What is that crotch pad for? Is it to protect the vagina from the impact of a big wave? Or maybe to have a stronger barrier between vagina and sand? I can imagine how uncomfortable a sandy vagina is. Almost as uncomfortable as when sand would get in my loose under-boob skin. See, women, I relate to you.

All those years I had thought my first choice would be Sour Patch Kids but then I realized God had a different plan for me. Peanut butter and chocolate. Praise the Lord.

Now this isn't meant to make anyone feel like college is a waste of time, because for so many people it's not. But don't go because you feel like you have to. If your heart isn't in it, then why spend four years of your life stuck somewhere you don't want to be?

To everyone who gets me, thank you. To everyone who doesn't, thank you too. You give me the motivation to keep succeeding just to piss you off.

And to this day we are still kissing each other with the same amount of passion. It´s been more than three years, and I still feel like there´s more to unwrap. Every day I get a glimpse of what´s inside. I hope it never ends.

Isn’t that weird how you never see a fat kid eat? We always do it in private, as if we are fooling anyone. How sad. As

And nowadays, I keep my promises.

Some were better than others, but they all had one thing in common: they were terrible.

Shane Dawson, a leading vlogger, said, “They give Vine stars movies. What ? If you put all their content together, it’s three minutes. Vine makes me kind of sad—I’m nervous that will turn into what content is.

Ya. Some guys never learn.

Me: Actually my name is Shane. Allan: I know. I was testing you to see if you would correct me. And you did. You failed.

The office fell quiet, tension thickening the air as Shane and Mitch watched each other with the narrowed eyes of jungle cats waiting for the first flinch to attack. “Shane,” she said sharply. “I’m not asking. I’m telling. Leave.” Without taking his eyes off of Mitch, he nodded. “Fine, you’ve got five minutes.” How dare he? She flew at her oldest brother, jabbing her finger into his big chest as his expression widened with surprise. “Listen, I’m twenty-eight years old. Your job of taking care of me is done. Got it? Finished. I’ll take as long as I damn well please.” She pointed to the door. “And you’ll sit outside patiently and wait for me.” Shane’s lips quirked and he raised one brow. “Geez, no need to throw a fit.” She let out a shriek and stomped her foot, pointing once again to the door. “Out!” His expression softened, and a slow smile spread over his mouth. He gave a little tug to her hair. “I haven’t seen that temper in quite a while.” He looked up past her to Mitch standing behind him. “I suppose you have something to do with that?” There was no answer from behind her, and Shane sighed. “All right, we’ll be outside.” Maddie

If I’ve got to take down a couple of rogue city girls for you to get your happily ever after, I’ll do it.” Shane scrubbed a hand over his jaw and gave her a slow once-over. “She might actually be able to take them on.” “She’s very persistent,” James added dryly. Gracie scowled. “You’re not still mad about that, are you?” “I don’t get mad,” James said, but a muscle in his cheek jumped, belying his words. Gracie snorted, waving a hand. “Whatever, Professor. I still think you’re being a baby.” James cocked his head to the side and studied her. “You just don’t know when to shut up, do you?” Mitch glanced at Shane, who shook his head. “It’s been a fun drive.” “Hey—” Gracie started to speak, but Mitch cut her off. “Can you save it for another time?” The front door flew open and Sophie came storming out. “What is all the racket out here?” “Hey, Soph,” Shane said. “It’s three in the fucking morning and I’m not in the mood.” Penelope wandered out, much more slowly. “This is giving me a headache.” Shane shifted his gaze on her. “We’re coming in.” Penelope smirked. “I don’t take orders after work hours.” Maddie’s mom crowded onto the porch. “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph—get in here or the neighbors are going to have a fit.” Mitch

This isn’t a good time.” “No shit,” Shane said, sarcasm clear. Without waiting for an invitation, he sat down on the chair opposite Mitch’s desk. “What’d you do to my sister? She ran out of here without a word like a kicked puppy.” Mitch took a slug of scotch, his stomach twisting. She was gone. Panic clawed at him with sharp nails. He took a deep breath. She’d be at home. His home. Shane scrubbed the stubble lining his jaw. “Turns out that five minutes can do some damage after all.” “How

I’m going to get her.” “I told you I was going to be stuck with you.” Mitch stood up, the alcoholic haze evaporating as adrenaline kicked in. “Don’t come looking for her anytime in the next couple hours.” Shane’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not much of a take-orders kind of guy.” “Tough. Where Maddie’s concerned, get used to it.” “Understand that if you hurt my sister, there’s not a place on earth you’ll be able to hide. I’d better never see her cry like that again.” Mitch ground his teeth as a muscle jumped in his cheek. He’d made her cry. He nodded. “Understood.” Shane

Shane, I asked you to stay away.” Mitch turned cool eyes on her. “You didn’t tell me you’d talked to your family.” Guilt knifed through her. “Um . . .” “And you didn’t tell me you were screwing a perfect stranger,” Shane said flatly. “Um . . .” She gulped. “Shit, all your talk about independence.” Shane’s expression turned thunderous. “Fucking the first random guy you happen across so he’ll give you a place to stay doesn’t count, Maddie.” Even as anger flared bright inside her, she winced at the words. She opened her mouth to give him hell, but before she could, Mitch turned on her brother, moving faster than she’d ever seen him. Before she could blink, Shane was up against the wall with Mitch’s hand around his throat. “Don’t. Ever. Talk to her like that.” His tone shook with rage and barely contained violence. “Mitch, please.” Maddie ran over to him, gripping his arm to pull him off. It was like trying to move granite. He didn’t even budge. James walked up behind her, sliding his arm around her waist and pulling her back as Sam grabbed Mitch’s shoulder. “Let him go, Mitch.” Sam’s voice was calm and controlled. “This isn’t the way to handle the situation.” “Fuck. Off.” Mitch’s tone was like ice. Sam’s fingers tightened. “Trust me on this.” Shane’s face reddened, and Mitch’s hand tightened. Shane gripped the wrist that had him pinned to the wall, but he didn’t attempt to free himself. This struck Maddie as strange. Her oldest brother was a known ass-kicker. Half of Chicago was scared of him. “If you ever talk to her like that again,” Mitch said, in a deadly tone, “I will rip your fucking throat out.” The air shifted, swirling with tension and far too much male testosterone. Maddie’s heart thumped hard against her chest. Shane sputtered. “Mitch, this isn’t going to solve anything,” Sam said. Mitch increased the pressure around Shane’s throat, turning his complexion another shade darker. “Do you understand me?” Shane tugged at Mitch’s wrist, his gaze flashing with what Maddie could only suspect was fury. There was going to be bloodshed soon. James ran his hand up her arm, giving her a squeeze. She pulled away and touched Mitch’s forearm. The muscles were taut under her touch. Inflexible. She said softly, “Mitch, please let him go.” Mitch turned his head to her, unnamed emotion flickering in his eyes. She pleaded silently, and finally, he gave a slight nod. A second later, he released her brother. Shane coughed, bringing his hand up to rub at his neck. Cool as ever, James shook his head as though dealing with a bunch of unruly toddlers.

The word "YouTuber," even though - listen, I love YouTube, and I would never, ever abandon it, but I think when somebody says "Youtuber" it says "Oh, they talk about what they ate that day." That's not me - I do way more than that.

I wanted to know what Gucci Gang ment and when I serched it up it said; 'Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang Gucci Gang'. well, now I know!

If you're passionate about something, give it your all, and you will find happiness.” ― Shane Dawson, It Gets Worse: A Collection of Essays