Sewerslvt Quotes

The last time I saw you, you had left the hotel room, I said "please be safe" & you replied "I will" Then I watched you walk down the street from the window looking down at your phone. the second you left, I felt an immense dread I felt thinking if this was our final goodbye. Something I would always dread. I never wanted to let you go. Or the times I had to catch my flight back home, & leave Sydney & Melbourne after spending the week with you. Knowing I had to come back to my personal hell, away from you, worrying sick whether you'll be safe, whether I would be able to do something, anything at all if you ever needed me. & on each of those departures, we never got to have one last long hug, one final kiss, & the last chance to say "I love you" I was scared because I always felt as if I took this time for granted. because the uncomfortable truth is this. There's always the last time. There's always a never again.

That's how I've felt about making this music, as an act of destroying myself, & for what, peoples mild amusement? longing for things to go wrong? fame & fortune? I'm not sure anymore. anything I do or say will be viewed by thousands of people, picked apart, criticised by people who think it's in any way at all important. It's hardly a spotlight, it's a magnifying glass under the sun. I never expected things to have been this way, when I was younger I wanted to be the next GG Alin, but more importantly, stay underground, stay unknown, & keep this as a hobby only, push the boundaries, piss people off, black metal aesthetic, etc. & anyone who questioned it can get the finger. But then I grew up, I matured, & saw the world differently, I changed. But the internet is the internet, & Ive been paying for those mistakes by the pound. These things I've done that I regret & have done my best to atone for, simply won't matter, not when people show no forgiveness & want nothing but blood to pay the debts. & blood is what they will get, & even then I'm not sure it will be enough. Even in saying this, even by coming back at all, It feels like I'm just lighting myself on fire & then watch all the moths come towards me. I sometimes get asked what's it's like to be famous, a thought which never occurs to me but whenever people ask I look at my numbers & realise how far I've come, & I don't feel pride, I feel paranoid, I feel threatened. that's how many people are watching you now. & every time I tell them the same thing. Don't ever be famous, It destroys you, I hate being me.