School Daze Quotes

Hold on to me!” Tedros yelled, hacking briars with his training sword.Dazed, Agatha clung to his chest as he withstood thorn lashes with moans of pain. Soon he had the upper hand and pulled Agatha from the Woods towards the spiked gates, which glowed in recognition and pulled apart, cleaving a narrow path for the two Evers. As the gates speared shut behind them,Agatha looked up at limping Tedros, crisscrossed with bloody scratches, blue shirt shredded away. “Had a feeling Sophie was getting in through the Woods,” he panted, hauling her up into slashed arms before she could protest. “So Professor Dovey gave me permission to take some fairies and stakeout the outer gates. Should have known you’d be here trying to catch her yourself.” Agatha gaped at him dumbly. “Stupid idea for a princess to take on witches alone,” Tedros said, dripping sweat on her pink dress. “Where is she?” Agatha croaked. “Is she safe?” “Not a good idea for princesses to worry about witches either,” Tedros said, hands gripping her waist. Her stomach exploded with butterflies. “Put me down,” she sputtered— “More bad ideas from the princess.” “Put me down!”Tedros obeyed and Agatha pulled away. “I’m not a princess!” she snapped, fixing her collar. “If you say so,” the prince said, eyes drifting downward.Agatha followed them to her gashed legs, waterfalls of brilliant blood. She saw blood blurring— Tedros smiled. “One . . . two . . . three . . .”She fainted in his arms. “Definitely a princess,” he said.

footnote: "With all due respect" is grown-up talk for "I think you're stupid.

Are you sure that’s a real spell?’ said the girl. ‘Well, it’s not very good, is it? I’ve tried a few simple spells just for practice and its all worked for me. Nobody in my family’s magic at all. It was ever such a surprise when I got my letter, but I was ever so pleased, of course, I mean, it’s the very best school of witchcraft there is, I’ve heard – I’ve learnt all our set books off by heart, of course, I just hope it will be enough – I’m Hermione Granger, by the way, who are you?’ She said all this very fast. Harry looked at Ron, and was relieved to see by his stunned face that he hadn’t learned all the course books by heart either. ‘I’m Ron Weasley,’ Ron muttered. ‘Harry Potter,’ said Harry. ‘Are you really?’ said Hermione. ‘I know all about you, of course – I got a few extra books for background reading, and you’re in Modern Magical History and The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts and Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth Century.’ ‘Am I?’ said Harry, feeling dazed. ‘Goodness, didn’t you know, I’d have found out everything I could if it was me,’ said Hermione.

*It is a known fact that if you stand up on a chair, put your fingers in your ears, and announce “I love turnips,” people will think you’re weird.

As for us,Etienne was right.Our schools are only a twenty-minute transit ride away.He'll stay with me on the weekends, and we'll visit each other as often as possible during the week. We'll be together.We both got our Point Zero wishes-each other.He said he wished for me every time.He was wishing for me when I entered the tower. "Mmm," I say.He's kissing my neck. "That's it," Rashmi says. "I'm outta here.Enjoy your hormones." Josh and Mer follow her exit,and we're alone.Just the way I like it. "Ha!" Ettiene says. "Just the way I like it." He pulls me onto his lap,and I wrap my legs around his waist.His lips are velvet soft,and we kiss until the streetlamps flicker on outside. Until the opera singer begins her evening routine. "I'm going to miss her," I say. "I'll sing to you." He tucks my stripe behind my ear. "Or I'll take you to the opera.Or I'll fly you back here to visit. Whatever you want.Anything you want." I lace my fingers through his. "I want to stay right here,in this moment." "Isn't that the name of the latest James Ashley bestseller? In This Moment?" "Careful.Someday you'll meet him, and he won't be nearly as amusing in person." Etienne grins. "Oh,so he'll only be mildly amusing? I suppose I can handle mildly amusing." "I'm serious! You have to promise me right now,this instant,that you won't leave me once you meet him.Most people would run." "I'm not most people." I smile. "I know.But you still have to promise." His eyes lock on mine. "Anna,I promise that I will never leave you." My heart pounds in response.And Etienne knows it,because he takes my hand and holds it against his chest,to show me how hard his heart is pounding, too. "And now for yours," he says. I'm still dazed. "My what?" He laughs. "Promise you won't flee once I introduce you to my father.Or, worse, leave me for him." I pause. "Do you think he'll object to me?" "Oh,I'm sure he will." Okay.Not the answer I was looking for. Etienne sees my alarm. "Anna.You know my father dislikes anything that makes me happy.And you make me happier than anyone ever has." He smiles. "Oh,yes. He'll hate you." "So....that's a good thing?" "I don't care what he thinks.Only what you think." He holds me tighter. "Like if you think I need to stop biting my nails." "You've worn your pinkies to nubs," I say cheerfully. "Or if I need to start ironing my bedspread." "I DO NOT IRON MY BEDSPREAD." "You do.And I love it." I blush,and Etienne kisses my warm cheeks. "You know,my mum loves you." "She goes?" "You're the only thing I've talked about all year.She's ecstatic we're together." I'm smiling inside and out. "I can't wait to meet her.

I don't wish to make any spurious claims but when you see photos of me from the same time that J.K. lived in Winterbourne and we went to school together, it does make me wonder who her visual inspiration was for the Harry Potter character.

Jump in the air! Fall in the dirt. Just make sure no one gets hurt! Go…Moose!

He looks up. Our eyes lock,and he breaks into a slow smile. My heart beats faster and faster. Almost there.He sets down his book and stands.And then this-the moment he calls my name-is the real moment everything changes. He is no longer St. Clair, everyone's pal, everyone's friend. He is Etienne. Etienne,like the night we met. He is Etienne,he is my friend. He is so much more. Etienne.My feet trip in three syllables. E-ti-enne. E-ti-enne, E-ti-enne. His name coats my tongue like melting chocolate. He is so beautiful, so perfect. My throat catches as he opens his arms and wraps me in a hug.My heart pounds furiously,and I'm embarrassed,because I know he feels it. We break apart, and I stagger backward. He catches me before I fall down the stairs. "Whoa," he says. But I don't think he means me falling. I blush and blame it on clumsiness. "Yeesh,that could've been bad." Phew.A steady voice. He looks dazed. "Are you all right?" I realize his hands are still on my shoulders,and my entire body stiffens underneath his touch. "Yeah.Great. Super!" "Hey,Anna. How was your break?" John.I forget he was here.Etienne lets go of me carefully as I acknowledge Josh,but the whole time we're chatting, I wish he'd return to drawing and leave us alone. After a minute, he glances behind me-to where Etienne is standing-and gets a funny expression on hs face. His speech trails off,and he buries his nose in his sketchbook. I look back, but Etienne's own face has been wiped blank. We sit on the steps together. I haven't been this nervous around him since the first week of school. My mind is tangled, my tongue tied,my stomach in knots. "Well," he says, after an excruciating minute. "Did we use up all our conversation over the holiday?" The pressure inside me eases enough to speak. "Guess I'll go back to the dorm." I pretend to stand, and he laughs. "I have something for you." He pulls me back down by my sleeve. "A late Christmas present." "For me? But I didn't get you anything!" He reaches into a coat pocket and brings out his hand in a fist, closed around something very small. "It's not much,so don't get excited." "Ooo,what is it?" "I saw it when I was out with Mum, and it made me think of you-" "Etienne! Come on!" He blinks at hearing his first name. My face turns red, and I'm filled with the overwhelming sensation that he knows exactly what I'm thinking. His expression turns to amazement as he says, "Close your eyes and hold out your hand." Still blushing,I hold one out. His fingers brush against my palm, and my hand jerks back as if he were electrified. Something goes flying and lands with a faith dink behind us. I open my eyes. He's staring at me, equally stunned. "Whoops," I say. He tilts his head at me. "I think...I think it landed back here." I scramble to my feet, but I don't even know what I'm looking for. I never felt what he placed in my hands. I only felt him. "I don't see anything! Just pebbles and pigeon droppings," I add,trying to act normal. Where is it? What is it? "Here." He plucks something tiny and yellow from the steps above him. I fumble back and hold out my hand again, bracing myself for the contact. Etienne pauses and then drops it from a few inches above my hand.As if he's avoiding me,too. It's a glass bead.A banana. He clears his throat. "I know you said Bridgette was the only one who could call you "Banana," but Mum was feeling better last weekend,so I took her to her favorite bead shop. I saw that and thought of you.I hope you don't mind someone else adding to your collection. Especially since you and Bridgette...you know..." I close my hand around the bead. "Thank you." "Mum wondered why I wanted it." "What did you tell her?" "That it was for you,of course." He says this like, duh. I beam.The bead is so lightweight I hardly feel it, except for the teeny cold patch it leaves in my palm.

See you at breakfast?" "Yeah.See ya." I try to say this casually,but I'm so thrilled that I skip from her room and promptly slam into a wall. Whoops.Not a wall.A boy. "Oof." He staggers backward. "Sorry! I'm so sorry,I didn't know you were there." He shakes his head,a little dazed. The first thing I notice is his hair-it's the first thing I notice about everyone. It's dark brown and messy and somehow both long and short at the same time. I think of the Beatles,since I've just seen them in Meredith's room. It's artist hair.Musician hair. I-pretend-I-don't-care-but-I-really-do-hair. Beautiful hair. "It's okay,I didn't see you either. Are you all right,then?" Oh my.He's English. "Er.Does Mer live here?" Seriously,I don't know any American girl who can resist an English accent. The boy clears his throat. "Meredith Chevalier? Tall girl? Big,curly hair?" Then he looks at me like I'm crazy or half deaf,like my Nanna Oliphant. Nanna just smiles and shakes her head whenever I ask, "What kind of salad dressing would you like?" or "Where did you put Granddad's false teeth?" "I'm sorry." He takes the smallest step away from me. "You were going to bed." "Yes! Meredith lives there.I've just spent two hours with her." I announce this proudly like my brother, Seany, whenever he finds something disgusting in the yard. "I'm Anna! I'm new here!" Oh God. What.Is with.The scary enthusiasm? My cheeks catch fire, and it's all so humiliating. The beautiful boy gives an amused grin. His teeth are lovely-straight on top and crooked on the bottom,with a touch of overbite. I'm a sucker for smiles like this,due to my own lack of orthodontia. I have a gap between my front teeth the size of a raisin. "Etienne," he says. "I live one floor up." "I live here." I point dumbly at my room while my mind whirs: French name, English accent, American school. Anna confused. He raps twice on Meredith's door. "Well. I'll see you around then, Anna." Eh-t-yen says my name like this: Ah-na. My heart thump thump thumps in my chest.

I want you to open that cabinet over the sink slowly,” Officer Spence ordered. “And then back away. No false moves, Cooney!” Mrs. Cooney went and opened the cabinet over the sink. There were some bandages in there and some bottles of aspirin. “Aha!” Officer Spence hollered. “Aspirin! Can you get that stuff in a drugstore?” “Well, yes, of course,” Mrs. Cooney said. “Just as I suspected!” Officer Spence shouted. “You’re a drug dealer!” “WHAT?!” “You’re handing out drugs to innocent children!” Officer Spence yelled as he wheeled in a portable jail cell. “You should be ashamed of yourself. How do you sleep at night?” “I take NyQuil,” Mrs. Cooney said.

In high school I developed a habit of wandering through shopping malls after school, swaying through the bright, chill mezzanines until I was so dazed with consumer goods and product codes, with promenades and escalators, with mirrors and Muzak and noise and light, that a fuse would blow in my brain and all at once everything would become unintelligible: color without form, a babble of detached molecules. Then I would walk like a zombie to the parking lot and drive to the baseball field, where I wouldn't even get out of the car, just sit with my hands on the steering wheel and stare at the Cyclone fence and the yellowed winter grass until the sun went down and it was too dark for me to see.

Karras sat alone and sipped bleakly at his coffee. He felt warm in the sweater that he wore beneath his cassock; felt weak in his failure to have given Chris comfort. Then a memory of childhood shimmered up sadly, a memory of Ginger, his mongrel dog, growing skeletal and dazed in a box in the apartment; Ginger shivering with fever and vomiting while Karras covered her with towels, tried to make her drink warm milk, until a neighbor came by and saw it was distemper, shook his head and said, "Your dog needed shots right away." Then dismissed from school one after-noon... to the street... in columns of twos to the corner... his mother there to meet him... unexpected... looking sad... and then taking his hand to press a shiny half-dollar piece into it... elation... so much money!... then her voice, soft and tender, "Gingie die...." He looked down at the steaming, bitter blackness in his cup and felt his hands empty of comfort or of cure.

But I’m not ok. For days afterward, I walk around dazed, unable to shake the feeling of having been violated. During a meeting with my advisor, she asks how I’m doing, expecting my usual aloof response. Instead, I launch into a version of what happened. I try to be vague because I don’t want to implicate Strane, so the story comes out patchy and incoherent, makes me sound crazy. “This is Henry we’re talking about?” my advisor asks, her voice barely above a whisper; the office walls are thin. “Henry Plough?” He hasn’t even been there a year and already he has a reputation for being a man of integrity. Clasping her hands, my advisor labors over her words as she says, “Vanessa, over the years I’ve gathered from your writing that something happened to you in high school. Do you think that might be what you’re really upset about here?” She waits, her eyebrows jumping as though prompting me to agree. This, I think, is the cost of telling, even in the guise of fiction—once you do, it’s the only thing about you anyone will ever care about. It defines you whether you want it to or not. My advisor smiles, reaches forward and pats my knee. “Hang in there.

Boswell, like Lecky (to get back to the point of this footnote), and Gibbon before him, loved footnotes. They knew that the outer surface of truth is not smooth, welling and gathering from paragraph to shapely paragraph, but is encrusted with a rough protective bark of citations, quotations marks, italics, and foreign languages, a whole variorum crust of "ibid.'s" and "compare's" and "see's" that are the shield for the pure flow of argument as it lives for a moment in one mind. They knew the anticipatory pleasure of sensing with peripheral vision, as they turned the page, gray silt of further example and qualification waiting in tiny type at the bottom. (They were aware, more generally, of the usefulness of tiny type in enhancing the glee of reading works of obscure scholarship: typographical density forces you to crouch like Robert Hooke or Henry Gray over the busyness and intricacy of recorded truth.) They liked deciding as they read whether they would bother to consult a certain footnote or not, and whether they would read it in context, or read it before the text it hung from, as an hors d'oeuvre. The muscles of the eye, they knew, want vertical itineraries; the rectus externus and internus grow dazed waggling back and forth in the Zs taught in grade school: the footnote functions as a switch, offering the model-railroader's satisfaction of catching the march of thought with a superscripted "1" and routing it, sometimes at length, through abandoned stations and submerged, leaching tunnels. Digression—a movement away from the gradus, or upward escalation, of the argument—is sometimes the only way to be thorough, and footnotes are the only form of graphic digression sanctioned by centuries of typesetters. And yet the MLA Style Sheet I owned in college warned against lengthy, "essay-like" footnotes. Were they nuts? Where is scholarship going?

I heard the fear in the first music I ever knew, the music that pumped from boom boxes full of grand boast and bluster. The boys who stood out on Garrison and Liberty up on Park Heights loved this music because it told them, against all evidence and odds, that they were masters of their own lives, their own streets, and their own bodies. I saw it in the girls, in their loud laughter, in their gilded bamboo earrings that announced their names thrice over. And I saw it in their brutal language and hard gaze, how they would cut you with their eyes and destroy you with their words for the sin of playing too much. “Keep my name out your mouth,” they would say. I would watch them after school, how they squared off like boxers, vaselined up, earrings off, Reeboks on, and leaped at each other. I felt the fear in the visits to my Nana’s home in Philadelphia. You never knew her. I barely knew her, but what I remember is her hard manner, her rough voice. And I knew that my father’s father was dead and that my uncle Oscar was dead and that my uncle David was dead and that each of these instances was unnatural. And I saw it in my own father, who loves you, who counsels you, who slipped me money to care for you. My father was so very afraid. I felt it in the sting of his black leather belt, which he applied with more anxiety than anger, my father who beat me as if someone might steal me away, because that is exactly what was happening all around us. Everyone had lost a child, somehow, to the streets, to jail, to drugs, to guns. It was said that these lost girls were sweet as honey and would not hurt a fly. It was said that these lost boys had just received a GED and had begun to turn their lives around. And now they were gone, and their legacy was a great fear. Have they told you this story? When your grandmother was sixteen years old a young man knocked on her door. The young man was your Nana Jo’s boyfriend. No one else was home. Ma allowed this young man to sit and wait until your Nana Jo returned. But your great-grandmother got there first. She asked the young man to leave. Then she beat your grandmother terrifically, one last time, so that she might remember how easily she could lose her body. Ma never forgot. I remember her clutching my small hand tightly as we crossed the street. She would tell me that if I ever let go and were killed by an onrushing car, she would beat me back to life. When I was six, Ma and Dad took me to a local park. I slipped from their gaze and found a playground. Your grandparents spent anxious minutes looking for me. When they found me, Dad did what every parent I knew would have done—he reached for his belt. I remember watching him in a kind of daze, awed at the distance between punishment and offense. Later, I would hear it in Dad’s voice—“Either I can beat him, or the police.” Maybe that saved me. Maybe it didn’t. All I know is, the violence rose from the fear like smoke from a fire, and I cannot say whether that violence, even administered in fear and love, sounded the alarm or choked us at the exit. What I know is that fathers who slammed their teenage boys for sass would then release them to streets where their boys employed, and were subject to, the same justice. And I knew mothers who belted their girls, but the belt could not save these girls from drug dealers twice their age. We, the children, employed our darkest humor to cope. We stood in the alley where we shot basketballs through hollowed crates and cracked jokes on the boy whose mother wore him out with a beating in front of his entire fifth-grade class. We sat on the number five bus, headed downtown, laughing at some girl whose mother was known to reach for anything—cable wires, extension cords, pots, pans. We were laughing, but I know that we were afraid of those who loved us most. Our parents resorted to the lash the way flagellants in the plague years resorted to the scourge.

There were years when I went to the movies almost every day, sometimes even twice a day, and they were the years between 1936 and the war, around the time of my adolescence. Those were years in which cinema was my world. It’s been said many times before that cinema is a form of escape, it’s a stock phrase intended to be a condemnation, and cinema certainly served that purpose for me back then. It satisfied a need for disorientation, for shifting my attention to another place, and I believe it’s a need that corresponds to a primary function of integration in the world, an essential phase in any kind of development. Of course there are other more substantial and personal ways of creating a different space for yourself: cinema was the easiest method and it was within reach, but it was also the one that instantly carried me farthest away. I went to the cinema in the afternoon, secretly fleeing from home, or using study with a classmate as an excuse, because my parents left me very little freedom during the months when school was in session. The urge to hide inside the cinema as soon as it opened at two in the afternoon was the proof of true passion. Attending the first screening had a number of advantages: the half-empty theater, it was like I had it all to myself, would allow me to stretch out in the middle of the third row with my legs on the back of the seat in front of me; the hope of returning home without anyone finding out about my escape, in order to receive permission to go out once again later on (and maybe see another film); a light daze for the rest of the afternoon, detrimental to studying but advantageous for daydreaming. And in addition to these explanations that were unmentionable for various reasons, there was another more serious one: entering right when it opened guaranteed the rare privilege of seeing the movie from the beginning and not from a random moment toward the middle or the end, because that was what usually happened when I got to the cinema later in the afternoon or toward the evening.

After the Grand Perhaps” After vespers, after the first snow has fallen to its squalls, after New Wave, after the anorexics have curled into their geometric forms, after the man with the apparition in his one bad eye has done red things behind the curtain of the lid & sleeps, after the fallout shelter in the elementary school has been packed with tins & other tangibles, after the barn boys have woken, startled by foxes & fire, warm in their hay, every part of them blithe & smooth & touchable, after the little vandals have tilted toward the impossible seduction to smash glass in the dark, getting away with the most lethal pieces, leaving the shards which travel most easily through flesh as message on the bathroom floor, the parking lots, the irresistible debris of the neighbor’s yard where he’s been constructing all winter long. After the pain has become an old known friend, repeating itself, you can hold on to it. The power of fright, I think, is as much as magnetic heat or gravity. After what is boundless: wind chimes, fertile patches of the land, the ochre symmetry of fields in fall, the end of breath, the beginning of shadow, the shadow of heat as it moves the way the night heads west, I take this road to arrive at its end where the toll taker passes the night, reading. I feel the cupped heat of his left hand as he inherits change; on the road that is not his road anymore I belong to whatever it is which will happen to me. When I left this city I gave back the metallic waking in the night, the signals of barges moving coal up a slow river north, the movement of trains, each whistle like a woodwind song of another age passing, each ambulance would split a night in two, lying in bed as a little girl, a fear of being taken with the sirens as they lit the neighborhood in neon, quick as the fire as it takes fire & our house goes up in night. After what is arbitrary: the hand grazing something too sharp or fine, the word spoken out of sleep, the buckling of the knees to cold, the melting of the parts to want, the design of the moon to cast unfriendly light, the dazed shadow of the self as it follows the self, the toll taker’s sorrow that we couldn’t have been more intimate. Which leads me back to the land, the old wolves which used to roam on it, the one light left on the small far hill where someone must be living still. After life there must be life.

Could life get any worse? She had read that great literature often comes out of great tragedy. If that was true, well, Shakespeare better move over.

colored

I guess I must have verbally expressed my disappointment over losing the online auction for my kickass boots, since Becca said, "You sure do swear a lot." I shrugged and pointed at the swear jar. "I'm supposed to put a dollar in it every time I curse. But I don't think I'm that bad." I didn't add that at the apartment my roommate, Gina, and I shared, she'd installed a swear jar, too. "You're that bad," Becca said. "You said the F-word, like, five times in a row." I tried not to sound indignant. "Swearing is a proven stress reliever. You should try it instead of doing that to yourself." I nodded toward her bandaged arm. "When I'm under a lot of stress, dropping a couple of f-bombs makes me feel a lot better." "What have you got to feel stressed about?" She looked around the office. "This doesn't seem like such a hard job." "Oh yeah? You don't know the half of it." My job wasn't the problem. It was my personal life that was currently going down the toilet. "I'm not even getting paid for this." "What?" Becca came out of her daze a little, seeming genuinely surprised, but not enough to let go of the horse pendant. "How come?" "Because there are, like, nine hundred applicants with way more experience than people my age for every job that comes available. We all have to work for free just to get some experience, so we can put it on our résumés so we can maybe get a paying job someday, but there's no guarantee we will. Oh, right, I forgot they don't mention this in high school. You''re still brimming with hope and joie de vivre.

Spike Lee’s School Daze and Sidney Poitier’s To Sir with Love

Skippy and Jif

disgusting!

started

would rather watch a ballet than go to school.

And I got the “Most Shocking Turnaround of Any Student, Ever” award.

Tuesday Today, Creepy was telling me all about how excited he was about going to camp. He told me that they were going to have a big talent show this year, and he was going to be part of a band. “I didn’t know you could play an instrument,” I said to Creepy. “Yeah, I play a mean set of drums,” Creepy said. Now, I was going to ask him how he plays drums without arms, but I think some things are best left alone. I

I made it to Ms. Bones’ Scare class when she said, “Kids, remember, this exam will count toward 50% of your grade. So make sure you give it your all when you go out and scare those villagers today.” “Not me,” I thought, “I’m going to get those villagers laughing so hard, they won’t be scared at all.” When we got to the village, all the other kids picked a villager to scare. And the other kids did really well. But then it was my turn. I picked a villager that I saw picking crops. Steve also gave me some music to go with the routine, so I turned on the boom box and jumped out of the bushes. “Everybody Dance Now!” I started doing my routine, and it was good! I was all up into my routine, when more and more villagers gathered around me. I was really getting into it. Soon, the entire village was gathered around me, and they were into it too. “Hey guys, check out what Zombie is doing!” one of the mob kids yelled. Then all of the mob kids jumped out of the bushes at once. All of a sudden, the entire village went crazy and the villagers started running and screaming. “It’s the Zombie Apocalypse!” a villager yelled. “AAAAHHHH!!!” was all I heard, as all of the villagers scattered to their homes. Ms. Bones was shocked. “You scared the entire village all at once!” she said. “That was the most amazing thing I have ever seen!” Then she said, “You get an A plus for your scare test, and for the class. Congratulations, Zombie!” Man, I really hate my life.

I walked out onto the stage and I started telling the tale of the “Untold Story of the Origin of Zombies.” And it went like this: Where do Zombies come from? Not many people know. But after some extensive investigative Zombie journalism, we’ve discovered the truth. It all began when the human government decided that they wanted to create stronger soldiers. They had lost too many battles, and now they wanted to win every war that they fought. So they approached some soldiers in their army to join a special secret project. The only requirement was that the soldiers they chose had no living relatives. This way, no one could claim their bodies in case something went wrong. So, they exposed these soldiers to an experimental virus to enhance their abilities and make them into super soldiers. The experiment seemed to be working. But then, something terrible happened... The soldiers went crazy, and they were horribly disfigured. Ultimately, the experiment claimed their lives. But, when the soldiers were being prepared for burial, they suddenly came to life. They were not only walking, but they had enhanced strength, enhanced sense of smell and enhanced hearing. They attacked the soldiers in charge of burying them. And the recently bitten soldiers also transformed into the living dead. Before long, the entire army base was contaminated with the virus. Once everyone in the base was exposed, the virus mutated and the soldiers began having an overwhelming craving for something warm and mushy. They longed for brains! Soon, the army of the living dead found their way to the next unsuspecting town in search of brains. They attacked that town, biting anything that moved both human and animal. Soon that town was overrun. The virus spread from town to town, and city to city, until the entire world was contaminated. It was the first Zombie Apocalypse. After hundreds of years had passed, the Zombies started to evolve and began developing intelligent thoughts. They began forming villages, and then towns, and then entire cities of Zombies were created. The Zombies made great advances in health and science, and became highly advanced technologically. But, eventually the Zombies’ appetite for brains and warm flesh gave way to an even greater craving... The craving for CAKE! Their overwhelming desire for cake resulted in an explosive rise in the baking industry. Cake shops began springing up on every corner of every Zombie city street. They just couldn’t get enough! The human race began growing again, too. Human villages of farmers and miners began springing up. And because the Zombies were a peaceful race, they coexisted with the humans by staying away from them. But soon, the Zombie’s resources began to become scarce, especially the cake. So Zombies began scaring villagers in order to get the supplies they needed, especially the highly valued resource of cake. Now Zombies send their kids to Scare School to train their children from a very young age. They train them on how to effectively scare humans in order to get their needed supplies, especially cake. And so it has been until today. Thank you.

Lizzie.

If a teacher said they needed a kid to jump off the roof, Andrea would

You know what I’ll miss even if it does turn out to be nice in Texas?” she said finally. “What?” “You. I never had a friend as good as you, Willie. You make me laugh.” Embarrassed, he said, “Yeah, well, that’s what a goofup is good for.” She stood up then, and in the dark before the smoky fire, she put her hands on his shoulders and kissed him. “There,” she said. “Now you’re not a goofup anymore. I’ve transformed you.” “Wow!” he said. “Wow!” He was so overwhelmed, he didn’t even help her douse the fire or collect the bundle of things she’d brought with her. And when she’d finished and told him to come, he followed her back to her house like a robot while Booboo pranced beside him enjoying the adventure. Willie was still in a daze, but when Mr. Carter insisted on driving him home he said, “You don’t have to. I can walk.” “The ladies would never allow that. You get in the car, Willie.” “Bye, Willie. See you in school,” Marla said. “Yeah,” he said. “See you. Bye, Mrs. Carter.” Booboo followed Willie into the car without waiting for an invitation. He settled on the seat with his paws on Willie’s lap and promptly fell asleep. Willie stroked the dog’s fur. It was so good to have Booboo back.

Harry Potter

macaroni pictures.

Superflat Biome.

Then another group of kids glued macaroni and googly eyes on my head in the shape of a smiley face.

sickle

Grrrr!

Yodel-adle-eedle-idle. Yodel-adle-eedle-idle-oo! Yo-yo yodel-laydee-hoo yodel-laydee-hoo, yo-yo yodel-yodel-laydee, yo-yo yodel-yodel-laydee-hoo. Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hoo. Yodel leh-hee yodel-lee-eee-ooo. Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hoo. Yada-yada yada-yada yad-eee-ooo, yippee odelay dee ahdelay ayaayayayay ohohohoh ladelayhee tee rodeo hee hee.

Yodel-adle-eedle-idle. Yodel-adle-eedle-idle. Yodel-adle-eedle-idle-oo! Yo-yo yodel-laydee-hoo yodel-laydee-hoo, yodel-laydee-hoo, yodel-laydee-hoo.

way),

The renovation only took two months. Yeongju was hands-on for the entire process, from hiring the contractor and discussing the design to choosing the materials. On the opening day of the bookshop, she sat on a chair and looked out the window. That moment, the weight of everything that had happened crashed upon her and she broke down. Every day, in between fresh tears, she ordered the stock, handled the customers, and made the coffee. When she finally regained some of her senses, the bookshop was seeing more customers and she was back to reading daily like in her middle-school days. It was as if she’d been at the mercy of tumultuous waves, knocking her into a daze as they pushed and pulled her in different directions until, luckily, she landed in a place she really loved.

Feel the flowing life energy.” “Yesssssssssssssss…” “Can you see the universe unfolding in your mind?” Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

all kinds of trouble. But there’s not a lot of

My life is ruined! My parents came home last night talking about how the teacher showed them the great essay I wrote. “I never knew you liked camp so much, son,” Dad said. “Yes, Honey. We were going to give you the summer to do whatever you wanted,” my Mom said. “Now that we know you love camp so much, we signed you up to go to camp this summer. There was a camp representative at the Parent-Teacher conference last night, so we signed you up right away.” “We even put down a non-refundable deposit for it too, son,” Dad said. “So, congratulations, you’re going to camp!” OMZ! My life is totally ruined! Now I’m going to spend my summer in the Swamp Biome at camp. Oh man, this is terrible! What am I going to do?!! I decided to ask Steve some advice on how to get out of my terrible situation. I found Steve in a cave crafting some fireworks. All of a sudden, “BOOOOMMM!” All that was left of him were his tools and his weapons. A few minutes later, Steve walked into the cave behind me. I totally understand how he does that trick now. “Hey, Steve!” “Wassup, Zombie?” Steve said. “I have a question for you.” “Shoot!” Steve said. So, I picked up his bow and arrow and I shot him. “Ow! What’d you do that for?” “You told me to shoot,” I said. “Forget about it. What’s your question?” “My Mom and Dad are making me go to camp this summer,” I said. “But I don’t want to go. I’ve got to find a way out of it, and I need your help.” “Why are they sending you to camp?” Steve asked. “Well, I kind of told them I wanted to go.” “And now, you don’t want to go?” Steve asked. “No, I never wanted to go,” I said. Steve just looked at me… Confused. “Well, I thought if I wrote an essay about how much I wanted to go to camp, my Mom and Dad wouldn’t send me to camp,” I said. After I said it out loud, I realized how dumb that idea was. “It sure made sense at the time,” I said. “So, you want to get out of camp, but your parents think you really want to go?” Steve asked. “Yeah.” “Well, you could always get in trouble and they’ll punish you by taking away your summer camp,” Steve said. Man, Steve is so smart. That was the best idea I have ever heard. So, I’ve got to get in trouble so that my parents will punish me by taking camp away. I can do that. I just have to find a class that I can fail this semester, and they’ll punish me for sure if that happens. See, this is why I always go to Steve when I need some good advice.

Swami Havabanana

My name is A.J. and I hate school. It was Monday morning. I had just walked into Mr. Granite’s third-grade class. Everybody was putting stuff into their cubbies. My friends Ryan and Michael

Many women have children with grown boys and then wonder why they don’t man up. They can’t because they’re not men.

Men are the maintainers and protectors of women. If they don’t or won’t, it’s probably because they’re not truly men.

Three months is 12 weeks. That’s 12 whole weeks with no Andrea! I got a calculator for Christmas, and I figured it out. Twelve weeks times 7 days in a week is 84 days. That’s 84 days with no Andrea! And 84 days times 24 hours in a day is 2,016 hours. That’s 2,016 hours with no Andrea! And 2,016 hours times 60 minutes in an hour is 120,960 minutes. That’s 120,960 minutes with no Andrea! And 120,960 minutes times 60 seconds in a minute is 7,257,600 seconds.

6 Nah-Nah-Nah Boo-Boo Y’know how your teacher says you have to read a chapter in a book before you can have fun? And you really don’t want to? Well, read this chapter. Then go have fun! And tell your teacher nah-nah-nah boo-boo!

I picked a villager that I saw picking crops. Steve also gave me some music to go with the routine, so I turned on the boom box and jumped out of the bushes. “Everybody Dance Now!” I started doing my routine, and it was good! I was all up into my routine, when more and more villagers gathered around me. I was really getting into it. Soon, the entire village was gathered around me, and they were into it too. “Hey guys, check out what Zombie is doing!” one of the mob kids yelled. Then all of the mob kids jumped out of the bushes at once. All of a sudden, the entire village went crazy and the villagers started running and screaming. “It’s the Zombie Apocalypse!” a villager yelled. “AAAAHHHH!!!” was all I heard, as all of the villagers scattered to their homes. Ms. Bones was shocked. “You scared the entire village all at once!” she said. “That was the most amazing thing I have ever seen!

I hate school. I

Thursday My parents took me to “The Woking Dead” Chinese restaurant to celebrate me winning the science fair. “We’re so proud of you, son,” Dad said. “You’re a chip off the old block.” “Maybe he can work with you at the Nuclear Waste Plant for the summer,” Mom said. “That way he’ll be able to develop his scientific talent.” I just tried to bury my sorrow in my Zombie egg roll. “So, son,” Dad said. “I just put another non-refundable deposit for another week at camp for you. I don’t know how we’re going to afford it. But you’re worth it.” “Maybe we should send him to science camp too, this summer,” Mom said. I threw up my egg roll. “Wow, look how excited he is,” Mom said.

Why was the Zombie afraid to cross the road? Because he lost his guts!” I love that joke! I don’t know why, but every time I tell it, nobody laughs. But

Tuesday Today my parents took me to the “Drool and Gruel” diner to celebrate my A+ on my Scare exam. “Son, you never stop surprising us,” Dad said. “We talked to your teacher and she said that your reenactment of the Zombie Apocalypse was the best thing she had ever seen. You scared every villager in that town.” “Thanks Dad,” I said as I buried my sorrow in a Drool Shake. “Honey, tell him the surprise,” Mom said. “What surprise?” “Well, son, Ms. Bones was so impressed with your work that she spoke to the Principal. And the Principal agreed to sponsor you for an extra week of camp as a reward. Isn’t that amazing?!!” I threw up my Drool shake. “Look how excited he is, honey. He can’t even keep his Drool shake down,” Mom said. Life is so unfair.

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis,” said

you’re

Naaaaaaayyyyy,” said Pootie. “Milk comes out of goats?” I asked. “I thought milk came out of cows.” “It comes out of goats, too, Arlo,” said Andrea. Little Miss Know-It-All was proud of herself because she knew something I didn’t know. I hate her. “See, we learned something already,” said Mrs. Lizzy. “Goats

electrodes

I was going to stay home all summer and play video games and eat cake. But

No!” said all the girls. “Are you excited about moving up to third grade?” Mrs. Dole asked. “Yes!” said all the girls. “No!” said all the boys. “I was thinking. Wouldn’t it be nice to give presents to Mrs. Daisy?” said Mrs. Dole. “She worked so hard for you all year. What would you like to give her?” “I’ll give her a skateboard,” I said. “That’s what you want, Arlo!” Andrea said, rolling her eyes. “Try to think of something Mrs. Daisy

dumbheads,

Usually,

Now I sit me down in school Where praying is against the rule For this great nation under God Finds mention of Him very odd. If Scripture now the class recites, It violates the Bill of Rights. And anytime my head I bow Becomes a federal matter now. Our hair can be purple, orange, or green, That’s no offense; it’s a freedom scene. The law is specific, the law is precise. Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice. For praying in a public hall Might offend someone with no faith at all. In silence alone we must meditate, God’s name is prohibited by the state. We’re allowed to cuss and dress like freaks, And pierce our noses, tongues, and cheeks. They’ve outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible. To quote the Good Book makes me liable. We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen, And the unwed daddy, our Senior King. It’s “inappropriate” to teach right from wrong, We’re taught that such “judgments” do not belong. We can get our condoms and birth controls, Study witchcraft, vampires, and totem poles. But the Ten Commandments are not allowed, No Word of God must reach this crowd. It’s scary here I must confess, When chaos reigns the school’s a mess. So, Lord, this silent plea I make: Should I be shot; my soul please take! Amen

American

PRINCIPAL SPENCE?!

he’ll have me bloody head.

Every

Sunny and headed back to the beach house. “I have great news, A.J.!” my mom yelled from the porch. “I just got off the phone. One of your friends from school is going to be sharing the house with us!” “Yippee!” I said. “Who is it? Ryan? Michael? Neil?” “No,” my mother replied. “It’s Andrea Young.” WHAT?????????!!!!!!!!!!! 3 Bummer in the Summer!

Milky Way, AirHeads, Mars bars, Twix, Kit Kat, Chunky, mr. Goodbar, York Peppermint Patties, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Mike and Ike, Atomic FireBall, JuJu Fish, Sour Neon Worms, Goobers, Laffy Taffy, Nerds, Sugar Daddy, Baby Ruth, Snickers, Kisses, M & M’s (plain and peanut), gummi bears, Dots, Junior Mints, Milk Duds, Good & Plenty, Whoppers, Twizzlers, Dum Dum, Skittles, Butterfinger, Starburst, Crunch, Jolly Rancher, Sweet Pops, Tootsie Roll….

Mrs. Roopy, Mrs. Yonkers, Ms. Hannah, Mr. Loring, Miss Small.

virus.

monsters just to be on the safe

Now I sit me down in school Where praying is against the rule For this great nation under God Finds mention of Him very odd. If Scripture now the class recites, It violates the Bill of Rights. And anytime my head I bow

You should shut your face, too,” Andrea told Emily. “You’re an annoying little crybaby.

Shampooooo. Shamp ooooo. Sham. Poo. Poo sham. Poosh ham. Poo—

I love Andrea.

MOM

If Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?

That was totally not fair.

lanyards

Little Miss Perfect

knew that,” I lied.

window people.

the man was Mr. Klutz, the principal of

They seem to think that ruining my summer vacation is part of their Zombie parent job description or something.

Slimey said he was going to the Superflat Biome. He said they have big fields where he can have fun and jump around.

Mr. Klutz

fizz ed,

The guys and I all agreed that sword fighting was cool. Instead of us playing games in fizz ed, they should let us fight with swords. All that running and jumping and stabbing each other would be good exercise.

If your blood didn’t flow, you would die, Arlo,” said Andrea, who calls me by my real name because she knows I don’t like it.

No matter how I smile, I always end up looking like a real noob. Noob

WOW,” everybody said, which is “MOM” upside down. We all started buzzing again. The teachers looked worried. A few first graders started crying. It was the saddest day in the history of the world.

Boys go to Mars to get candy bars. Girls go to Jupiter to get more stupider.

sarcastically.

1

OMZ!

Tomorrow’s Window People By Arlo Jervis Someone only fired should soft become hammer, Imagination! Because awkward autumn sudden neighbor remain, Fishhook! Glow shadow oatmeal tomorrow window people.

Bon appétit!