Russell Barkley Quotes

The children who need love the most will always ask for it in the most unloving ways

Paradoxically, without self-control you can't be free.

Russell Barkley similarly describes the primary problem in ADD as a deficit in the motivation system, which makes it impossible to stay on task for any length of time unless there is constant feedback, constant reward.

Without self-control, we wind up in places we didn’t really want to be,

Over time both parents and child figure out that the more quickly they get enraged and threatening, the more quickly they get what they want—the parents get obedience or the child gets a reprieve from a command. When this process goes unchecked over many months, it can lead to confrontations that end in parents physically abusing their children or the children destroying property, attacking the parents, holding their breath until blue, banging their head against a floor or wall, or hurting themselves in other ways. This is how “No!” escalates into violence in some families.

Emotion is so powerful that it’s as if it has an electric charge that is transferred to those around us.

Self-awareness ✓ Inhibition ✓ Nonverbal working memory ✓ Verbal working memory ✓ Emotion regulation ✓ Self-motivation

MotivAider,

What is not developing properly in your child is the capacity to shift from focusing on the here and now to focusing on what is likely to come next in life and the future more generally.

Rather, I believe it is a fundamental deficiency in self-regulation generally and executive functioning specifically—the ability to look toward the future and to control one’s behavior based on that foresight.

Children with ADHD can do so many things wrong that parents could confront them on their transgressions throughout much of the day. But is this the kind of relationship you want with your child? Parents of children with ADHD must develop a sense of priorities.

In fact, the more you learn about the nature of defiance in children, the less you’ll view it as “something wrong with your child” and the more you’ll see it as a difficult situation or pattern of interactions with highly workable solutions. I trust you’ll finish this chapter with new hope that you can meet this challenge and restore the loving relationship with your child that you both deserve, and that this problem does not have to stand in the way of your child’s achieving a happy, healthy adulthood.

Back in the 1990s, research that looked at how ADHD affected teenagers at work concluded that they did pretty much as well as other teenagers. Maybe, it seemed, the symptoms interfered mainly in educational settings and we didn’t need to worry so much about jobs. We now know that’s not true. As the last quote above attests, ADHD can hurt you even more at work than it has at school. The problem with those 15-year-old studies is that they failed to take into account the types of jobs adolescents usually hold: unskilled, part time, and temporary. Working at a local rec center, fast-food joint, or car wash doesn’t demand a lot of attention, thought, or persistence. Maybe ADHD really wouldn’t interfere much.

These cues can take many forms. Here are some examples keyed to particular problem situations: ✓ A sign you put on the margin of your computer monitor or on your desk within your visual field reminding you not to start surfing the web instead of doing your work. Or try a picture of your boss on which you have printed “Get to Work!” Or, do as Homer Simpson did in one memorable episode when he displayed a picture of his young daughter, Lisa, with the statement “Do it for her!” beneath it.

When one member of a couple has ADHD, the balance of work in the household can end up askew, hurt feelings can result from apparent insensitivity or lack of interest in the other person, and intimacy can be threatened by poorly regulated emotion.

To put it simply, you and other adults with ADHD are blind to time

you don’t deliberate over all the possible options available before making that snap decision.

Because we expect adults to have this executive function, society reacts pretty negatively to extreme or exaggerated expressions of emotion. We accept the fact that babies scream at the slightest emotional pain because it’s a self-preservation mechanism. And we understand perfectly when 3-year-olds throw a temper tantrum when they don’t get the candy at the grocery store checkout counter. But we’re embarrassed and disapproving of an adult who bursts into tears or yells in anger in public over a minor frustration like having to stand in a long line at the supermarket.

You’re more subject than other adults to frustration, boredom, and resentment.

you intentionally conjure up images of the destruction of the planet and use the anger these images stimulate to motivate you onward.

All of this told of harm done, of a drug that made a child depressed, lonely, and filled with a sense of inadequacy, and when researchers looked at whether Ritalin at least helped hyperactive children fare well academically, to get good grades and thus succeed as students, they found that it wasn’t so. Being able to focus intently on a math test, it turned out, didn’t translate into long-term academic achievement. This drug, Sroufe explained in 1973, enhances performance on “repetitive, routinized tasks that require sustained attention,” but “reasoning, problem solving and learning do not seem to be [positively] affected.”26 Five years later, Herbert Rie was much more negative. He reported that Ritalin did not produce any benefit on the students’ “vocabulary, reading, spelling, or math,” and hindered their ability to solve problems. “The reactions of the children strongly suggest a reduction in commitment of the sort that would seem critical for learning.”27 That same year, Russell Barkley at the Medical College of Wisconsin reviewed the relevant scientific literature and concluded “the major effect of stimulants appears to be an improvement in classroom manageability rather than academic performance.”28 Next it was James Swanson’s turn to weigh in. The fact that the drugs often left children “isolated, withdrawn and overfocused” could “impair rather than improve learning,” he said.29 Carol Whalen, a psychologist from the University of California at Irvine, noted in 1997 that “especially worrisome has been the suggestion that the unsalutary effects [of Ritalin] occur in the realm of complex, high-order cognitive functions such as flexible problem-solving or divergent thinking.”30 Finally, in 2002, Canadian investigators conducted a meta-analysis of the literature, reviewing fourteen studies involving 1,379 youths that had lasted at least three months, and they determined that there was “little evidence for improved academic performance.”31

Problemem w ADD nie jest wiedza o tym, co robić, tylko robienie tego, co wiesz.

The barbs usually start flying at adults who seem ruled by whatever is going on around them, who need other adults to do their thinking for them, who don’t think ahead, and who have no patience

Self-control is defined in psychology as any response, or chain of responses, that we direct at ourselves that leads us to change our own behavior instead of just acting on impulse so that we can change what will happen in the future. It is action directed at the self to change that likely future.

Self-control, or better yet, self-regulation, allows us to monitor our own actions, stop ourselves as needed, contemplate our possible actions, and then choose the wisest course of action to get the best possible outcome in the future.

Notice that the initial pause and even making a “do list” of issues are self-directed actions that lead to a change in what Len is likely to do next.

You know it’s hard to maintain a sense of adult accomplishment and competence when those around you think they can’t count on you to get things done or even show up.

For we humans know that simply reacting is not what is best for us if we want to optimize our long-term welfare, quality of life, and even survival over our short-term actions and their immediate rewards.

More and more as we mature, we find the big prize at the end of the long haul to be worth waiting and working for and so turn away from the small seductions and rewards of the moment to work for those much bigger rewards.

That’s what I mean by self-control: the ability to choose something other than your initial impulse so you can get something in the future that you want more or that is better for your long-term welfare and happiness.

We then start to adjust our next response based on the actual consequences of what we do. All animal species do this, because if they don’t, they won’t survive for very long as adults.

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What is most important to understand about children with ADHD is not simply that they move about too much, it is that they react or behave too much. They are much more likely to respond to the things around them in any situation than are children without ADHD of the same age. Their behavior occurs too quickly, too forcefully, and too easily in situations where other children would be more inhibited.

Taking Charge of ADHD.

Rule 1: Stop the Action! Buy some time before you respond. Rule 2: See the Past … and Then the Future See what’s coming. Rule 3: Say the Past … and Then the Future Analyze before deciding; develop rules for the future. Rule 4: Externalize Key Information Rely on something besides your memory. Rule 5: Feel the Future Stay motivated. Rule 6: Break It Down … and Make It Matter Bring the future a lot closer. Rule 7: Make Problems External, Physical, and Manual Simplify problem solving. Rule 8: Have a Sense of Humor! Accept your imperfections and get on with your life.

Be proactive.” Far too often we react to our children’s behavior, often on impulse, without regard for the consequences and with no plan for what we are trying to achieve. In those instances we are being acted on and not consciously choosing to act. Seeing a situation from

Do I have a consequence planned? Should I make a smaller

Oppositional, defiant children . . . Change from content to angry in seconds. Fight the inevitable, such as going to bed, going to school, or coming to the table at mealtimes, even when they know that eventually they’ll be forced to comply. Insist on having their own way when playing with friends. Argue as vociferously about performing the little tasks as the big ones, as long as it’s something they don’t want to do. May lie or cheat to escape responsibility for their actions. Like to “get back at” people instead of forgetting about minor slights. Are easily irritated. May seem hostile toward particular people for no obvious reason. Ignore commands. Deliberately disobey their parents and sometimes other adults. Break rules indiscriminately. Verbally refuse to follow instructions. Badger, annoy, or taunt people, sometimes apparently for fun. Interrupt others’ play. Seem to have a chip on their shoulder. Can’t control their temper as well as other children of their age. Often break or destroy things out of anger. May indulge in self-destructive behavior such as holding their breath or banging their head. Show little respect or regard for their parents, especially Mom.

In his book-length review of the executive functions, Dr. Russell Barkley (2012) explored the reasons that these skills evolved in humans in the first place. He makes the compelling case that it was the selection pressures associated with humans living in larger groups of genetically unrelated individuals, which made it selectively advantageous to have good self-regulation skills. That is, these abilities became more important to survival as humans became more interdependent with and reliant on dealings with people who were not family. Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and executive dysfunction continue to have effects on the myriad relationships and social interactions in daily life. These connections include romantic and committed relationships/marriage, relationships with parents, siblings, children, and other relatives, friendships, and interactions with employers, coworkers, and customers. The executive functions in relationships also figure in the capacity for empathy and tracking social debt, that is, the balance of favors you owe others and favors owed to you. The ability to effectively organize behavior across time in goal-directed activities gains you “social collateral.” That is, the more you deliver on promises and projects, the more that you will be sought out by others and maintain bonds with them. Some of the common manifestations of ADHD and executive dysfunction that may create problems in relationships include: • Distractibility during conversations • Forgetfulness about matters relevant to another person • Verbal impulsivity—talking over someone else • Verbal impulsivity—saying the “wrong thing” • Breaking promises (acts of commission, e.g., making an expensive purchase despite agreeing to stay within a household budget) • Poor follow-through on promises (acts of omission, e.g., forget to pick up dry cleaning) • Disregarding the effects of one’s behavior on others (e.g., building up excessive debt on a shared credit card account) • Poor frustration tolerance, anger (e.g., overreacting to children’s behavior) • Lying to cover up mistakes • Impulsive behaviors that reduce trust (e.g., romantic infidelity)