Rosenberg Quotes

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.

Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.

The question shouldn't be "Why are you, a Christian, here in a death camp, condemned for trying to save Jews?' The real question is "Why aren't all the Christians here?

It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the Rosenbergs, and I didn't know what I was doing in New York.

Never apologize for your reading tastes.

You can't make your kids do anything. All you can do is make them wish they had. And then, they will make you wish you hadn't made them wish they had.

At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.

Vampire Willow Rosenberg: "In my world, we have people in chains, and we can ride them like ponies.

We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.

The public has an insatiable curiosity to know everything except what is worth knowing.

It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they executed the Rosenbergs, and I didn't know what I was doing in New York. I'm stupid about executions. The idea of being electrocuted makes me sick, and that's all there was to read about in the papers -- goggle-eyed headlines staring up at me at every street corner and at the fusty, peanut-smelling mouth of every subway. It had nothing to do with me, but I couldn't help wondering what it would be like, being burned alive all along your nerves. I thought it must be the worst thing in the world. New York was bad enough. By nine in the morning the fake, country-wet freshness that somehow seeped in overnight evaporated like the tail end of a sweet dream. Mirage-gray at the bottom of their granite canyons, the hot streets wavered in the sun, the car tops sizzled and glittered, and the dry, cindery dust blew into my eyes and down my throat.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of death I will fear no evil, for I am the meanest son of a bitch in the valley.

Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values

Rosenberg's First Law of Reading: never apologize for your reading tastes.

New mothers enter the world of parenting feeling much like Alice in Wonderland. - Being a mother is one of the most rewarding jobs on earth and also one of the most challenging. - Motherhood is a process. Learn to love the process. - There is a tremendous amount of learning that takes place in the first year of your baby’s life; the baby learns a lot, too. - It is sometimes difficult to reconcile the fantasy of what you thuoght motherhood would be like, and what you thought you would be like as a mother, with reality. - Take care of yourself. If Mommy isn’t happy, no one else in the family is happy either. - New mother generally need to lower their expectations. - A good mother learns to love her child as he is and adjusts her mothering to suit her child.

peace cannot be built on the foundations of fear.

To practice the process of conflict resolution, we must completely abandon the goal of getting people to do what we want.

Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values.

What type of car do I get?" David asked. "As we like to say in the Middle East," Zalinsky said, "We'll blow up that bridge when we get to it.

Esprit de l’escalier. Staircase wit; the brilliant thing you should have said, coming to you only as you leave by the stairs

When we are in contact with our feelings and needs, we humans no longer make good slaves and underlings.

Why must men always talk of politics, war, and sports instead of art, literature, and music?

Sweet words cannot disguise the bitter truth," I say.

One last piece of advice." "What's that?" I ready my pencil and paper. "Don't take no for an answer." She wags a finger at me. "Never take no for an answer, and they will learn to respect you.

The anchor symbolizes clarity and courage during chaos and confusion,” my Grand-mere says. “Chaos and Confusion, aren’t those your cats names?” Now I know her story is a delusion.

The only exception is that a widow can own a business. Strange consolation for losing one's husband, I'd say.

Louis, if there is one thing I learned from that wretched war, it's that we can't always follow the rules. Sometimes breaking the rules is exactly what is called for.

What makes men defend their territories with might and violence?

To experience this again uncovers an essential part of myself long forgotten.

Life can change in the flash of a shooting star, and the people we love can be out of our reach forever.

We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in the derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves. As author and mythologist Joseph Campbell suggested, "'What will they think of me?' must be put aside for bliss." We begin to feel this bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.

all day long, everything go right and nothing wrong. May those you love bring love back to you, and may all the wishes you wish come true.

How marvelous that nature thrives even while men perpetrate hate and destruction.

I should have known you would create your own castle one day, You didn't need me, after all.

Your heart extends to your taste in heart.

Si ce n'est pas une chose, c'en est une autre

Fighting is a soldier’s only religion. But it has proven useful to adopt the religion of the country I wish to conquer.

No snowflake in a blizzard ever feels responsible.

Why did I let Reynard Wolfe convince me to embalm and inter Louis

May the sun shine on you all day long, everything go right and nothing wrong. May those you love bring love back to you, and may all the wishes you wish come true.

Mener un combat perdu d'avance

The tendrils of fear and uncertainty slowly unfurl around my heart, at least enough to hear a new beat of strength and hope.

La goutte d'eau qui fait de border le vase

They do not expect such misbehavior from me.

The rules are as treacherous as wolves in the sheep pasture.

Avec un peau d'aide de vos amis.

Love and respect dissolve the human constructs of class and religion.

Jeter de l'huile sur le feu.

Change is inescapable." Greno sighs. "One must face the future with courage.

Should I call you Louise as your husband

Wars are senseless and cruel, fought for our power hungry emperor, not for the people.

Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable.

Heard straight from Napoleon’s mouth himself,” I say. “Champagne! In victory we deserve it, and in defeat we need it.

bantams with big puffy chests and exotic head-dresses, bright orange coats with black tails. A couple of roosters sport bright red combs and wattles.

Combattre le feu par le feu

Our clever scheme now sickens me. War seems like such a cunning game of wills until people die because you won.

C'est de la folie de parler de paix avec un loup.

One should never let fear ruin one's thirst for knowledge," he grins.

Il est temps d'ecouter son coeur.

Change comes whether we are ready or not.

How often men think us vapid because we keep our own counsel?

What does one do when judged a laughingstock by the one person who matters most?

Chaque jour de ta vie est un feuillet de ton histoire que tu ecris.

Apparently, covered mirrors protect one from seeing the morbid grief on one's own face. Or glimpsing a loved one's ghost over one's shoulder.

I find that rules tend to hamper one's inner voice, don't you?

Did I think about their welfare with this decision? Admittedly not. And look where my selfishness got me.

How often do you see something you've tried to teach your children make an impact?

Which is it, Madame Pommery, are you the daring coquette or a pillar of society?

I know where their skeletons are buried, and I don't mean the cemetery.

La lumiere au bout du tunnel

With no light and no mirror, I cannot tell a thing except the dress is dark. Dark as my mood. Dark as my future.

Duels are not so much to kill the opponent as to gain satisfaction. To restore one's honor by demonstrating a willingness to risk one's life.

No one can dictate your name. That is for you to decide.

Why are peasant men and women allowed to gather together after dinner, sharing stories by the hearth? What is it about the upper class that strives to separate us by gender, economics, and history?

Politics is a moving target with no bullseye of truth, breaking up more families than uniting them.

Tidy fingernails, tidy mind. Another silly dictate from Etiquette for Ladies. I must really burn that book.

L'amour est aveugle

My theory is that we get depressed because we’re not getting what we want, and we’re not getting what we want because we have never been taught to get what we want. Instead, we’ve been taught to be good little boys and girls and good mothers and fathers. If we’re going to be one of those good things, better get used to being depressed. Depression is the reward we get for being “good.” But, if you want to feel better, I’d like you to clarify what you would like people to do to make life more wonderful for you.

From then on, my sense of smell swelled beyond reason. Mostly ordinary odors, but sometimes I imagine I can smell the stink of a lie. Or the perfume of a pure heart. Or the heartbreaking smell of what could have been.

focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging,

Etiquette can be tricky, Louise.” I strap her in the gig. “Inevitably, one finds oneself in a predicament where rules do not apply, or worse, they contradict each other. When that happens, one must listen to one’s heart for direction.

I knew something was wrong with me that summer, because all I could think about was the Rosenbergs and how stupid I'd been to buy all those uncomfortable, expensive clothes, hanging limp as fish in my closet, and how all the little successes I'd totted up so happily at college fizzled to nothing outside the slick marble and plate-glass fronts along Madison Avenue.

Peace requires something far more difficult than revenge or merely turning the other cheek; it requires empathizing with the fears and unmet needs that provide the impetus for people to attack each other. Being aware of these feelings and needs, people lose their desire to attack back because they can see the human ignorance leading to these attacks; instead, their goal becomes providing the empathic connection and education that will enable them to transcend their violence and engage in cooperative relationships.

Whatever you want too much you can't have, so when you really want something, try to want it a little less.

His heart thrashed like a bobcat in a trap. When he refused to run for governor, they begged him to run for lieutenant governor. Augusta was all for it, since she’d taken up with the Pioneer Ladies Society, serving punch in the back of the ballroom. Felt good to have her on his side for a change.

Anger is a result of life-alienating thinking that is disconnected from needs. It indicates that we have moved up to our head to analyze and judge somebody rather than focus on what we are needing and not getting.

I am often described to my irritation as a 'contrarian' and even had the title inflicted on me by the publisher of one of my early books. (At least on that occasion I lived up to the title by ridiculing the word in my introduction to the book's first chapter.) It is actually a pity that our culture doesn't have a good vernacular word for an oppositionist or even for someone who tries to do his own thinking: the word 'dissident' can't be self-conferred because it is really a title of honor that has to be won or earned, while terms like 'gadfly' or 'maverick' are somehow trivial and condescending as well as over-full of self-regard. And I've lost count of the number of memoirs by old comrades or ex-comrades that have titles like 'Against the Stream,' 'Against the Current,' 'Minority of One,' 'Breaking Ranks' and so forth—all of them lending point to Harold Rosenberg's withering remark about 'the herd of independent minds.' Even when I was quite young I disliked being called a 'rebel': it seemed to make the patronizing suggestion that 'questioning authority' was part of a 'phase' through which I would naturally go. On the contrary, I was a relatively well-behaved and well-mannered boy, and chose my battles with some deliberation rather than just thinking with my hormones.

Jeter de l’huile sur le feu Adding insult to injury As Reynard Wolfe supervises the inventory that determines the company’s fate, I shuffle through correspondence in Louis’s rolltop desk. Louise plays with my chatelaine tools on the Aubusson rug at my feet. She unreels the measuring tape, draws with the pencil, and winds the timepiece. My husband’s gift is useful after all. As

In this stage, which I refer to as emotional slavery, we believe ourselves responsible for the feelings of others. We think we must constantly strive to keep everyone happy. If they don’t appear happy, we feel responsible and compelled to do something about it. This can easily lead us to see the very people who are closest to us as burdens.

Actually, Louis, there was a time I thought all rules were made to be broken. And then, society's rules broke me." I press my thumb and forefinger on the bridge of my nose to relieve the pressure. "I have no idea what you are trying to say." I take a deep breath. "Rules are important, and we must understand them to get along in this world, but if we never think beyond the rules, we will miss a lot of opportunities.

Words Are Windows (or They’re Walls) I feel so sentenced by your words, I feel so judged and sent away, Before I go I’ve got to know, Is that what you mean to say? Before I rise to my defense, Before I speak in hurt or fear, Before I build that wall of words, Tell me, did I really hear? Words are windows, or they’re walls, They sentence us, or set us free. When I speak and when I hear, Let the love light shine through me. There are things I need to say, Things that mean so much to me, If my words don’t make me clear, Will you help me to be free? If I seemed to put you down, If you felt I didn’t care, Try to listen through my words, To the feelings that we share. -–Ruth Bebermeyer

As we’ve seen, all criticism, attack, insults, and judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message. The more we practice in this way, the more we realize a simple truth: behind all those messages we’ve allowed ourselves to be intimidated by are just individuals with unmet needs appealing to us to contribute to their well-being. When we receive messages with this awareness, we never feel dehumanized by what others have to say to us. We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves. As

Actually, Louis, there was a time I thought al rules were made to be broken. And then, society's rules broke me." I press my thumb and forefinger on the bridge of my nose to relieve the pressure. "I have no idea what you are trying to say." I take a deep breath. "Rules are important, and we must understand them to get along in this world, but if we never think beyond the rules, we will miss a lot of opportunities.

Perhaps you are surprised that I regard praise and compliments to be life-alienating. Notice, however, that appreciation expressed in this form reveals little of what’s going on in the speaker; it establishes the speaker as someone who sits in judgment. I define judgments—both positive and negative—as life-alienating communication.

Two Questions That Reveal the Limitations of Punishment Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment to change people’s behavior. The first question is: What do I want this person to do that’s different from what he or she is currently doing? If we ask only this first question, punishment may seem effective, because the threat or exercise of punitive force may well influence someone’s behavior. However, with the second question, it becomes evident that punishment isn’t likely to work: What do I want this person’s reasons to be for doing what I’m asking?

since I started the Saint Remi Auxiliary for the orphanage. The other auxiliary ladies babble on about Louis—how steadfast, gentle, and loyal he was, never once mentioning his failing wool and wine business. I’ve given them all Etiquette for Ladies. Their words drift to the ceiling with the candle smoke, as my fingers examine the gift Louis gave me last year for my thirty-ninth birthday. I’d hoped for canvas and paints, but he gave me a chatelaine. “Everything you ever need hanging from your belt.” He’d demonstrated each item with such pride, I hid my disappointment. “Thimble, watch, scissors, and measuring tape for your needlework, a funnel for your oils, a pencil, a pantry key, a wax letter seal, and a vial of smelling salts. Uncorking the

become a widow, men line up to tell you what to do now that your husband is gone. But you must not listen to a single one. Trust your own counsel.” The matagot rubs against my arm, purring softly. His fur is softer than it looks. “His name is Felix.” Veuve Clicquot eyes the tray, looking for her next victim. “Whose name?” My wrists start to itch, and I scratch them discreetly. “The matagot.” She pops a madeleine in her mouth and giggles. “Oh my, that’s good.” By the time Veuve Clicquot leaves, my wrists have swollen with hives. I lure the matagot with a piece of cheese. Snatching him up, I march him to the back door and shoo him into the alleyway. “Bon chance, Felix!” Good luck. Waking before dawn, I reach for Louis, but the hollow in the feather

Wanna know what a bullet feels like, Warren? A real one? It’s not like in the comics…I think you need to. Feel it…It’s not going to make a neat little hole. First - it’ll obliterate your internal organs. Your lung will collapse, feels like drowning…When it finally hits your spine, it’ll blow your central nervous system-…I’m talking. The pain will be unbearable, but you won’t be able to move… A bullet usually travels faster than this, of course. But the dying? It seems like it takes forever. Something, isn’t it? One tiny piece of metal destroys everything. It ripped her insides out… It took her light away. From me. From the world… And now the one person who should be here is gone - and a waste like you gets to live. A tiny piece of metal. Can you feel it now?

I’m going to a party tonight,” I said, partly just to say it out loud and partly to brag. Conrad raised his eyebrows. “You?” “Whose party?” Jeremiah demanded. “Kinsey’s?” I put down my juice. “How’d you know?” Jeremiah laughed and wagged his finger at me. “I know everybody in Cousins, Belly. I’m a lifeguard. That’s like being the mayor. Greg Kinsey works at that surf shop over by the mall.” Frowning, Conrad said, “Doesn’t Greg Kinsey sell crystal meth out of his trunk?” “What? No. Cam wouldn’t be friends with someone like that,” I said defensively. “Who’s Cam?” Jeremiah asked me. “That guy I met at Clay’s bonfire. He asked me to go to this party with him, and I said yes.” “Sorry. You aren’t going to some meth addict’s party,” Conrad said. This was the second time Conrad was trying to tell me what to do, and I was sick of it. Who did he think he was? I had to go to this party. I didn’t care if there was crystal meth or not, I was going. “I’m telling you, Cam wouldn’t be friends with someone like that! He’s straight edge.” Conrad and Jeremiah both snorted. In moments like these, they were a team. “He’s straight edge?” Jeremiah said, trying not to smile. “Neat.” “Very cool,” agreed Conrad. I glared at the both of them. First they didn’t want me hanging out with meth addicts, and then being straight edge wasn’t cool either. “He doesn’t do drugs, all right? Which is why I highly doubt he’d be friends with a drug dealer.” Jeremiah scratched his cheek and said, “You know what, it might be Greg Rosenberg who’s the meth dealer. Greg Kinsey’s pretty cool. He has a pool table. I think I’ll check this party out too.” “Wait, what?” I was starting to panic. “I think I’ll go too,” Conrad said. “I like pool.” I stood up. “You guys can’t come. You weren’t invited.” Conrad leaned back in his chair and put his arms behind his head. “Don’t worry, Belly. We won’t bother you on your big date.” “Unless he puts his hands on you.” Jeremiah ground his fist into his hand threateningly, his blue eyes narrow. “Then his ass is grass.” “This isn’t happening,” I moaned. “You guys, I’m begging you. Don’t come. Please, please don’t come.” Jeremiah ignored me. “Con, what are you gonna wear?” “I haven’t thought about it. Maybe my khaki shorts? What are you gonna wear?” “I hate you guys,” I said.