Robert Bolton Quotes

A belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses; it is an idea that possesses the mind

The success of language in conveying information is highly overrated. 

The law of change says, “Things do not stay the same. If they don’t get better, they get worse.

Psychologists have discovered that when a person is repeatedly submissive in her interactions with another person, the other tends to feel guilty about getting her own way so much. This feeling generates pity, irritation, and finally disgust toward the submissive person.20

At the opposite extreme, people are often reluctant to assert about the “little things” in life. They say, “I shouldn’t be so ‘small’ and ‘picky’ to be bothered by such an insignificant thing.” Sometimes we can truly develop more acceptance of another person’s behavior, but often a pseudoacceptance develops in the top of our mind while the irritation continues to grow in the depth of our gut.

Each person has a self-image that, to some degree, does not match reality. A significant difference between self-image and reality can be harmful. The more self-aware you are, the less likely you are to be vulnerable to your illusions. The more aware you are, the more you can do with your life.

Sometimes, when I am reading, the way a person has phrased his truth is as important to me as the truth itself.

I realised then that they rarely did anything routine — such as drinking coffee — because they enjoyed it; rather they seemed to do it because, in their minds, it was somehow appropriate. It was as if they felt on show, anxious to do the right thing.

This jostling for position in the household hierarchy was a drama that was played out every day. It must have been important to the people involved, in the context of their narrow lives and their work, but to us it appeared petty and absurd. It had probably been going on for generations before us and will probably continue for generations into the future. But it must inhibit industry and innovation and is no doubt, even now, contributing to Britain’s commercial and social decline.

What’s the difference between cod and plaice?’ Kath asked the chippy, innocently. ‘Fifty pence, luv,’ he said. ‘It’s on the sign.

But why ‘summer pudding’ I wondered. My guess was that prosperous Victorians or Edwardians, or their cooks, faced with an unprecedented abundance of home-grown berries, and new exotic berries and fruits from the empire, but unfamiliar with the delights (or benefits) of eating them raw, straight from tree or vine, were compelled to turn them into something they could recognise. And as they had always called the course after the main course ‘pudding’, and as it was always stodgy and cooked in a round pudding bowl, they did to that fresh summer fruit the only thing they knew: they put it into a pudding bowl, shaped it into a pudding shape, and called it a pudding. A summer pudding.

Tell me and I’ll forget; show me and I might remember; but involve me and I’ll understand.

If a man has one person, just one in his life, To whom he is willing to confess everything— And that includes, mind you, not only things criminal, Not only turpitude, meanness and cowardice, But also situations which are simply ridiculous, When he has played the fool (as who has not?)— Then he loves that person, and his love will save him.3

A belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses; it is an idea that possesses the mind.

Although the tendency to make evaluations is common in almost all interchange of language, it is very much heightened in those situations where feelings and emotions are deeply involved. So, the stronger our feelings, the more likely it is that there will be no mutual element in the communication. There will be just two ideas, two feelings, two judgments missing each other in psychological space. I’m sure you recognize this from your own experience. When you have not been emotionally involved yourself, and have listened to a heated discussion, you often go away thinking, “Well, they actually weren’t talking about the same thing.” And they were not. Each was making a judgment, an evaluation from his own frame of reference. There was really nothing which could be called communication in any genuine sense.

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

Sometimes, when I am reading, the way a person has phrased his truth is as important to me as the truth itself. The wording is like a powerful painting that I would like to put on the wall. I want to share the statement with other people, not just for its truth, but also because the way it is worded somehow has a special meaning for me.

The law of change says, "Things do not stay the same. If they don't get better, they get worse." If relationships do not get stronger, they will get weaker; if they do not become closer, they will become more distant; if they do not become more productive, they will become less productive.

It is better to manage changes skillfully than to just let life happen to you.