“
Imagine a spouse trapped in a physically abusive and violent relationship. Does one approach the domestically battered partner, whose lips are bleeding from being slapped, and demand that this person produce a thoughtful and measured solution for their physical and emotional maltreatment? And yet, in the cohabitation of different races and ethnicities that comprise our nation-house, those who are privileged and cloaked in the supremacism of whiteness expect those who have been physically exploited for centuries to administer the necessary balm to soothe their abusers’ troubled souls. Can you see how offensive it is to ask those relegated to the margins of whiteness to provide the tonic that heals those who have dispossessed, disenfranchised, and disinherited them? Rather than dealing with their complicity, these whites are demanding that the sufferers provide the means to resolve their own suffering. On the other side of this equation, even when solutions are continuously demanded from the abused, the answers they offer are ignored. Maybe the concerns of the battered are dismissed because they are voiced in anger or through too many tears of pain, making tormentors feel guilty or uncomfortable. Not only are the mistreated required to offer solutions, but they must present them in loving kindness and tender sensitivity lest aggressors feel threatened, misunderstood, offended, or aggravated. Regardless of how many times the marginalized have come forward to reason in good faith, they have been met with a refusal to listen. For this reason, the responsibility for dealing with spousal abuse ought to fall on the abuser and not the abused. Rather than focusing upon the ones being oppressed, we must keep the focus on their oppressors, holding the belligerent responsible. Constantly having to explain to members of the dominant culture how they have been exploitative while also providing remedies for one’s own maltreatment takes a psychological toll on the marginalized. Those of us who encounter the daily micro- and at times macro-aggressions experience a cumulative emotional anguish that negatively impacts our mental and physical health. Many of us who have spent a lifetime having to tell these abusers how they should not be abusing us find ourselves wrestling—all too often—with self-doubt and self-loathing. If the truth be told, white America already knows the answer.
”
”
Miguel A. de la Torre (Decolonizing Christianity: Becoming Badass Believers)