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How lonely am I ?
I am 21 year old. I wake up get ready for college.
I go to the Car stop where I have a bunch of accquaintances whom I go to college with.
If I'm unfortunately late to the stop, I miss the Car . But the accquaintances rarely halt the car for me. I have to phone and ask them to halt the car.
In the car I don't sit beside anyone because the people I like don't like me and vice versa.
I get down at college. Attend all the boring classes. I want to skip a class and enjoy with friends but I rarely do so because I don't have friends and the ones I have don't hang out with me.
I often look at people around and wonder how everyone has friends and are cared for. And also wonder why I am never cared for and why I am not a priority to anyone.
I reach home and rest for few minutes before my mom knocks on my door.
I expect her to ask about my day. But she never does. Sometimes I blurt it out because I want to talk to people.
I have a different relationship with my dad. He thinks I don't respect him and that I am an arrogant and self centered brat. I am tired of explaining him that I'm not. I am just opinionated. I gave up.
Neither my parents nor my sis or bro ask me about my life and rarely share theirs.
I do have a best friend who always messages and phones when she has something to say. That would mostly be about his girlfriend .
But at times even though I try not to message him of my life. I do. I message him about how lonely I am.
I always wanted a guy or a girl best friend. But he or she rarely talk to me. The girl who talk are extremely repulsive or very creepy.
And I have a girl who made me believe that I was special for her.She was the only person who made me feel that way. I knew and still know that she is just toying with me. Yet I hope that's not true.
I want to be happy and experience things like every normal person. But it seems impossible.
And I am tired of being lonely.
I once messaged a popular quoran. I complimented him answers and he replied. When I asked him if I can message him and asked him to be my friend he saw the message and chose not to reply.
A reply, even a rejection is better than getting ignored.
A humble request to people on Quora. For those who advertise to message them regarding any issue should stop doing that if they can't even reply. And for those who follow them. Don't blindly believe people on Quora or IRL
Everyone has a mask.
I feel very depressed at times and I want to consult a doctor. But I am not financially independent. My family doesn't take me seriously when I tell them I want to visit a doctor.
And this is my lonely life.
I just wish I had some body who cared for me and to stand by me.
I don't know if that is possible.
I stared to hate myself. If this continues on maybe I'll be drowning in the river of self hate and depreciation.
Still I have hope. Hope is the only thing I have.
I want my life to change.
If you read the complete answer then,
THANKS for your patience.
People don't have that these days.
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