Pluviophile Quotes

Pluviophile - I remember how we began – you smiling, me falling, like the rain.

A pluviophile is someone who finds joy and peace in the sound and smell of rain, and may enjoy activities such as reading, drinking tea, or listening to music on a rainy day.

pluviophile

Until his more and my less wasn´t enough anymore.

What´s that?” He asks. “Peace.” I say as the water begins to wave, and it starts pouring and thunder rolls.

When I surface, she´s there in the middle of all looking at me and I want to cry. Because no single person on this fucking planet would know exactly how to handle me. But she does. Always does.

And I can´t see because of the rain and my eyes. Because I´m crying. “I think I drowned.” I say, trying not to sound stupid because of my shaking voice. “In your green-greyish eyes.” I try to smile.

I knew I liked her when I saw her in the rain. I knew I´ll tolerate her when she sat with me in the rain. I knew she´d be a problem when I started to dream about her. ... I was into her when she danced with me in the rain with her stupid crocs. I´ll protect her when she had that panic attack.

I grew up longing love. But it was denied. Then I longed pain instead. Because that was all I ever got from the people I loved. All I could give myself. Until her. Until she drowned me. With her love.

How can we call something like that love when we keep hurting us?

She made the pain go away and the love to come. She made me drown on my own beliefs. On my own pain, anxiety, and darkness. And I survived. We did.

The devil sat the heaven on fire trying to save her. But he burned her. The angel sat the hell underwater trying to save him. But she drowned him.

All my life I was searching for love I didn´t got back. For love in all the wrong places. But I let him in. And since then, he never came back out. Because the cruel thing about your heart - that no one tells you until it´s too late - is that there is a way in, but no way out. What is in stays. Even if you don´t want it in anymore.

He´s Hook. No lost boy. But I forgot Hook was once a boy too.

So, you´re using me to mess with him?” He cocks a smile. “Again?” His eyebrows twitch and I fight a smile. His eyes pinch. “This is becoming a habit of yours.” He points with his finger as he holds the cup up to his lips hiding a smirk. I bite my lip, and he shrugs. “But I don´t mind it.” He says, locking eyes with me. “It´s a good one.” He tells me, and his dimples show. God, he´s beautiful.

Let´s get some new.” He suggests and nods towards the kitchen. I nod and as I turn, I feel his hand on the back of my neck. My skin on fire sending chills down my spine. I wonder how likely self-inflammation is. But right now, it seems highly possible.

But all I see in him is safe. It´s confidence. What I don´t have but get through him.

I stand in the middle of the party I´ve gone to many times before. Between the people I´ve been friends with. But it doesn´t feel like were friends anymore. It feels like I don´t fit. I feel awkward and misplaced like an alien. The outsider and creep. Because some-how those people just a length away are still my friends, but somehow it feels foreign. Like we´re not anymore. And I don´t fit in or belong. But maybe that´s just the way I feel. Cause they don´t seem to feel weird at all.

Like I didn´t fight for you.” He snaps almost laughing. “All I ever did was fight for you. Trying to get you back. To be good enough for you.” He yells and I fight tears. “So, don´t fucking say, I didn´t fight for you. Whereas you never did anything to fight for me.

Then he grins like he had a breakthrough. “You don´t lose me. Okay. We need distance. But I´m not leaving you.” He mimics my voice, and I frown. “This isn´t forever it´s for now.” He says next and Deja Vu hits me like a punch in the face. He repeats my words. “I´ll stay Kai. I won´t run like you. But that doesn´t mean that I´ll be with you. I´ll always stay. But as long as you run, I won´t be with you. Until you chose to stay too.” He goes on pretending to whine and I fight the tears that make me see his face blurry. He memorized all the things I´ve said to him as I left. I wanna die.

You want to be loved so bad; you chase after every possibility to be wanted, but you won´t let it happen. You won´t let anyone love or get to you.

So, what do you see in him?” He asks. “You tell me you´ve been friends with him.” I tease, but he looks at me with an annoyed grin. “I asked first.” He tells me and I nod with a laugh. “Apparently everything others don´t.” I say with a shrug, but he nods like he gets what I´m saying. But no one can.

He looks down at me. “I´ve seen you the first day you stepped on that party Lia.” He tells me. “You just never looked.” He whispers. “But I did, I looked. Every time. I looked.” His voice raspy. “But you only ever saw him.” He says. “You just have to look the other way.” He says soft and I nod.

Maybe her angel eyes saw too much kindness in the devil or maybe their time is up now.

But we both know what your love means.” He laughs. “Nothing.” He spits. “Pain.” He growls. “Hurting people.” He adds. “And you´ve hurt.. her enough.” He scowls.

Our love is not a rainbow, but the rain shower. The storm. No colorful butter-flies, but black ones. Not a sunrise, but a sunset. Not inspiring but crushing. Not lukewarm, but intense. Bleeding. Dark. Black. Pain. Is that what love feels like? The feeling of not being able to breathe. The feeling that a kiss isn´t close enough. The feeling of kissing Kai for the first time in what feels like a lifetime. Or is it just him that makes me hurt? Is his love pain?

He really loves through pain. But is it justified if you love it? At least right now it feels like it. Like it´s love.

Fear shows that you live in the future and not the present. And this isn´t where I want to be. I´m home in the now. Nowhere else.

I can hear her heartbeat. Beating for me. But I need her to stop running after me, so I say something that will hurt her. Because I´ll keep hurting her anyway.

. “But love makes me feel weak. The power that it gives you, takes it from me. It makes me feel alone.” He says and that stabbed me. “And not the other way around.” He says and my heart can´t understand he feels different than I do. But love is subjective and sometimes we forget that.

But how am I supposed to save her if I´m not capable of saving myself? She doesn´t need to be saved idiot. You are. But the thing is the self-destructive behavior is a way to prove you´re still in control. And control is all I have left. It´s all I ever had. The control I could give myself, that I hadn´t as a child and need to hold on. The control she wants me to let go, and I give up when I´m with her. When I open up.. I lose control. I lose part of me when I open up to her. So, if I want her, I need to learn that first. To lose control.

It´s insane how trauma makes you push people away when all you want is love. When all I want is her forever. But forever are just many now´s.

I broke her heart scared of her touching mine. But she already held it. And I made her walk away with it. But the truth is I don´t have hers. Because I don´t deserve it. Not yet and maybe not ever.

I´ll write you a letter, a poetry, a sentence.. something.

I wrote this letter, this poetry, this sentence, this something to numb some of your pain.

Now done with the quotes. You have a mouth, use it.” I snap and a low chuckle leaves his body, and he kisses me. “I didn´t mean that.” I say annoyed and he grins. “Then you have to be more precise.” He retorts and I roll my eyes. “You have a heart, use it.” I counter. “Make me.” He teases and I hit him playfully. “I already do Scar.” He tells me and I smile.

I take a step back, and I look at him through the darkness. And it´s funny because it´s all I ever see when I look at him. As if I could see anything else. Because he is.. the absorption of light. I just hoped to find something else when I look at him. But the past weeks I´ve came to realization that there´s nothing else. Or at least I can´t see past that anymore. And he knows.

What you´re smiling about?” He asks sensing. “You ate strawberries.” I whisper. “Mhm. I did.” He hums. “Want some?” He teases, and my heart makes somersaults, and I nod. His lips brush mine and then he kisses me. Drowning me with sweetness.

They drive off and I stand there. Unable to move or breathe. The devil let the universe explode trying to save her. But he killed her.

He just called me Sky.

Because she found the love Peter refused to give her.

The past years felt like we were drowning. But something wouldn´t let us die. We clung onto each other, dragging one another down. I needed to swim without choking. To live without drowning. So, I let him go and swam.

But the story got out of hand. Someone else has written a book I didn´t want to read. It was a sad story.

We confused hate with love.

It rained that day. The day I lost her. When I pushed her but should have hold on.

Always finds his way back to me. Like he´s Hachiko. With the difference I´m not dead. But even if I were, he would follow.

His black coat now white. His hair damp almost black, covered in snowflakes. And it was the first time it didn´t hurt to watch him leave. Because I knew he would come back. And this time, for sure.

Uhm.. those are 156 stones I collected since.. you left.” He speaks up.

Some higher might has decided that our paths would cross thousands of times, but never align. And I´ll always be there for crossing that line. But we must accept that we´ll never align.

For Scorpios, it´s hard to let go. They are loyal to death for the people they love. Maybe that´s a weakness. The strings we get attached to. Because when we bond, it´s for life and beyond. Everyone is frightened of us because of our sting. But we don´t use it out of spite, we use it out of fear. We feel backed into a corner, so we defend ourselves. We hurt from mortal fear, not the sake of hurting. But two of them are fighting a battle they can´t win. And we stung each other enough. But we learned not to anymore.

I just have to be with her. That´s what I know. It´s a feeling I can´t explain like something higher than us to understand. Like it´s written in all the books. Like it´s a law of nature. A formula that is immutable. Like my soul´s mission. My curse and blessing. My purpose as a human being. To have her in my life and to make this work. To be better for her. To heal for her. That was the reason I always came back. Like a voice or an angel whispering, I have to keep reading because the story isn´t over yet.

Love is only true in fairy tales. In reality it´s just pain. That´s what I´ve always known. But now I´ve come to learn I was right.

For many, it´s music that heals them. For me, it´s her. Even if in the same breath, she hurts me. She saved me but I couldn´t save her once. Because a villain can try hard to be a hero but fails anyway.

I still remember the day when she looked at the rain like others at the stars. That day I fell for her. I wanted her looking at me like that. I just couldn´t see she did.

When it hurts, it´s worth it. And with her it burns.

And in ways she stayed a scar. Even after years. And I had that conviction scars could fade. They did and I saw it on my body before. But hers never did. Neither the scar that she left on me.

It´s always pure magic when the flakes fall like time stopped. Like little fairies, they dance and fall in slow motion.

I always told him the world has to hear his voice.

But when you came around..” He shakes his head. “It just made sense why. It´s almost like.. just then I started to find my voice. To get it. To get me. To get life.” He shrugs with a laugh. “So, thank you.” He nods. “You changed me.

I never knew, but I needed that change.” He speaks. “So, thank you, Scar for changing me.” He nods and his tears break free.

Long after he left, I stood there blinking at the empty street he went along.

How are you supposed to fall in love when you have trust issues, fear of commitment, and fear of losing control?

Everything you wanted to hear from me but I couldn´t tell you.

My sickness is called not being able to love. Or at least not without hurt.

I´ve hurt her as much as I loved her.

She wanted to hear my voice, but I could only ever offer her my poems.

He pulls me back into a hug and his heart beats against mine trying to reanimate the half dead butterflies.

He pulls me to him, and I look at his huge pupils. The black hole that consumes me every time. The rabbit hole I fell down thinking I would find love.

It´s a voice so loud, but I can´t listen now. I push it away cause all I can hear is his sobbing and his heart on my skin pounding against mine begging me to let him in, to make it all stop. To make him capable of love. To make him right and make him enough. And all I can do is listen. To that beat. To those cries. To all he doesn´t say but screams. Because when Wendy – and I certainly am her instead of a lost girl - heard Peter cry she had no other choice but to sooth him. But who soothed her? And I open my heart for his darkness to sweep in. To slice me inside out. To suck all the light out of it. All the color. To write his name on the inside of my skin until there´s just him. Him in my mind, heart, and soul. Hoping to take away some of his pain. Even if causing with that pain in myself.

I don´t deserve you.” He says. “Maybe I do.” He shakes his head. “But you deserve so much more. To be loved all the time. Wholly and out loud. Not just in pieces. Not in the dark. In letters, poetry, or quotes. Sentences or something´s.” He says.

And I can ask for more.” ... “And he can´t give me more, but I can´t give him less.

What happened?” He asks, looking at me like I´ve changed. “I realized I deserve more.” I say. “That´s what happened.” I nod.

I wanted control. He wanted time. Things we couldn´t give.

Does a book mean more than physical contact? More than a kiss? More than sex? More than a feeling? Apparently for her, the words mean more. And I can´t do a thing about it. She´s all in her head and won´t let me in.

When you hurt the one you love, it feels like you hug them, but it hurts them. Like you kiss, but your lips slice them. You say you love them and all they feel is hate. Like what you give isn´t enough. Like I am not enough. Shouldn´t the one you love; make you feel enough?

I don´t know how to stop this or to hold her. But where is the sense when the prince keeps fighting if all Aurora wants is sleep?

He looks like he´s physically and mentally in pain. And he probably is because emotional pain is processed in the same area as physical pain. So, he is and so am I. In pain and not in love. And most of all not happy.

No Lia, you weren´t my someday. My almost or maybe.” He nods and swallows. “You were my Now.” Tears run down his jaw and my heart want´s to break out and stop beating because it´s too much. It hurts too much to work any longer. And my tears flow too. “That´s all you ever were. My Now´s.” He repeats as if I didn´t hear or couldn´t understand what that means. “But you never wanted them.

Just because you love me doesn´t mean I should let you love me.

Wounds can´t heal when they get touched constantly. And all we do is stab each other.

In order to love you must die a little. But we weren´t ready to die yet. At least not for each other.

The now I had was make-believe. His was real. Mine never was.

And in this very moment, to the rain the clouds pleaded; stay.

Because the rain never vanished.

He just exists as a shell with his soul somewhere else. Like his spirit left his body behind. Seeking a better place to be.

But most of my dreams are nightmares, so I started daydreaming instead. I sat in the rain and flew in the sky. I floated in space and drowned in the sea. I rotted in hell and burned alive. And I fell.

A place you go to when all hurts, and you can´t feel it anymore. A place where I´d love to go to forever. A place where it rains only. They never told you that, but it rains a lot in Neverland.

The last string of life is bond, to her.

I am Lia Sky. I´m.. friends with your son.” I say and he locks eyes with me reading my face taking me in. “Which one?” he cocks an eyebrow, and I tilt my chin up.

You wanna know why I´m always in the rain?

How others looked at the stars you looked at the rain. Like I used to myself..

Like hell was our home we had to come back every now and then. Because even hell knows heaven exists. They just have to reach for it. They burn to survive.

But are we fools to want to work on our mistakes? To still try and make promises we try to live up to? To heal something worth saving? Instead of trying to find someone new who isn´t broken? Are we really fools, or are we just bolt enough, to fight?

I learned that total fusion follows the dark abysses. It´s a cycle. There´s no end. No beginning. And I know no matter what, I´ll love him. But that doesn´t mean that I´ll wait for him to start my life. Love can´t be all I want.

I`ve got slapped in the face by a girl I dumped. It turned me on. I was hard. I told her. She kicked me in the balls. That day I realized I like hurting. I like hurting girls too. Playing with their feelings. Because I can´t feel the way they seem to be able to feel. I´m not loveable. I don´t want to love. I want to hurt.

Happiness is a decision, Lia.” He says. “And all in your head.” He taps his temple, and I am unable to speak.

With his finger he´s absently rubbing the place where my ring finger meets my hand. He used to do that back then. He stopped somewhere along the line.

When you know why you like someone than it is most likely just some sort of a crush. But when you have no reason or any explanation.. that´s love Scar.

And I´m scared to fuck up again. I just can´t tell her. I wish she wouldn´t need the words. I wish she could hear my thoughts. My silent bones braking. My soul beg-ging. My tears pleading. I wish this could be enough. But I know it´s not. But she stayed until the rain stopped, but the tears kept falling. My hands shook when I tried to hold her. But she kissed me as soft as a haze. And I know she knew the things I wanted to say. Because even if she wants me to be different, she knows who I am. She knew I loved her silently.

I could write a letter, but would that ever be enough?