Ocd Thoughts Quotes

We've searched our database for all the quotes and captions related to Ocd Thoughts. Here they are! All 66 of them:

Carrying all of these thoughts is downright heavy.
Corey Ann Haydu (OCD Love Story)
Thoughts are only thoughts. They are not you. You do belong to yourself, even when your thoughts don't.
John Green (Turtles All the Way Down)
OCD focuses on the negative. I didn't think to myself, My praying will save my grandma. Instead, I thought, If I don't pray, my grandma will die for sure.
J.J. Keeler (I Hardly Ever Wash My Hands: The Other Side of OCD)
People who live with OCD drag a metal sea anchor around. Obsession is a break, a source of drag, not a badge of creativity, a mark of genius or an inconvenient side effect of some greater function.
David Adam (The Man Who Couldn't Stop: OCD and the True Story of a Life Lost in Thought)
The return of the voices would end in a migraine that made my whole body throb. I could do nothing except lie in a blacked-out room waiting for the voices to get infected by the pains in my head and clear off. Knowing I was different with my OCD, anorexia and the voices that no one else seemed to hear made me feel isolated, disconnected. I took everything too seriously. I analysed things to death. I turned every word, and the intonation of every word over in my mind trying to decide exactly what it meant, whether there was a subtext or an implied criticism. I tried to recall the expressions on people’s faces, how those expressions changed, what they meant, whether what they said and the look on their faces matched and were therefore genuine or whether it was a sham, the kind word touched by irony or sarcasm, the smile that means pity. When people looked at me closely could they see the little girl in my head, being abused in those pornographic clips projected behind my eyes? That is what I would often be thinking and such thoughts ate away at the façade of self-confidence I was constantly raising and repairing. (describing dissociative identity disorder/mpd symptoms)
Alice Jamieson (Today I'm Alice: Nine Personalities, One Tortured Mind)
The real problem with his type of OCD--chronic fear of hurting other people--was that you thought so much about not running over children, not sideswiping pedestrians, not poisoning strangers with germs on your hands--essentially not killing a world full of strangers--that you ended up hurting the people you loved most. He saw that now.
Cammie McGovern (Say What You Will)
It would've been the perfect time to tell her. To tell anyone. To say, 'I'm drowning and I need someone, anyone, to be my life raft.' To say, 'I thought it had gone, and it hasn't and I'm so scared by what that means.' To say, 'I just want to be normal, why won't my head let me be normal?
Holly Bourne (Am I Normal Yet? (The Spinster Club, #1))
In job interviews they’d ask me, What’s your greatest weakness? and I’d explain that I’ll probably spend a good portion of the workday terrorized by thoughts I’m forced to think, possessed by a nameless and formless demon, so if that’s going to be an issue, you might not want to hire me.
John Green (Turtles All the Way Down)
Statistics say that a range of mental disorders affects more than one in four Americans in any given year. That means millions of Americans are totally batshit. but having perused the various tests available that they use to determine whether you're manic depressive. OCD, schizo-affective, schizophrenic, or whatever, I'm surprised the number is that low. So I have gone through a bunch of the available tests, and I've taken questions from each of them, and assembled my own psychological evaluation screening which I thought I'd share with you. So, here are some of the things that they ask to determine if you're mentally disordered 1. In the last week, have you been feeling irritable? 2. In the last week, have you gained a little weight? 3. In the last week, have you felt like not talking to people? 4. Do you no longer get as much pleasure doing certain things as you used to? 5. In the last week, have you felt fatigued? 6. Do you think about sex a lot? If you don't say yes to any of these questions either you're lying, or you don't speak English, or you're illiterate, in which case, I have the distinct impression that I may have lost you a few chapters ago.
Carrie Fisher (Wishful Drinking)
The baby was warm against my chest. I knew I was broken too. I wasn't like other people. I was scared and weird and anxious and sad lots of the time, and I didn't know why. My parents thought I was abnormal, I was pretty sure. They said I wasn't, but you don't get sent to a therapist if you're normal. Sometimes we really aren't supposed to be the way we are. It's not good for us. And people don't like it. You've got to change. You've got to try harder and do deep breathing and maybe one day take pills and learn tricks so you can pretend to be more like other people. Normal people. But maybe Vanessa was right, and all those other people were broken too in their own ways. Maybe we all spent too much time pretending we weren't.
Kenneth Oppel (The Nest)
An average person can have four thousand thoughts a day, and not all of them are useful or rational.
David Adam (The Man Who Couldn't Stop: OCD and the True Story of a Life Lost in Thought)
People who live with OCD drag a mental sea anchor around. Obsession is a brake, a source of drag, not a badge of creativity, a mark of genius or an inconvenient side effect of some greater function.
David Adam (The Man Who Couldn't Stop: OCD and the True Story of a Life Lost in Thought)
Mind over matter represents the triumph of will over physical hindrance. Our thoughts are our weapon against the world.
David Adam (The Man Who Couldn't Stop)
I try Dr. Pat's breathing exercises but they're not working because my entire mind is focused on keeping myself glued to the couch. I don't want to move any closer to the bathroom just in case. But I hate myself for the thought. I know it's not right or normal. I know I'm not simply some cute quirky girl like Beck says, and every moment I can't get off the couch is a moment that makes me one level crazier. That heavy, pre-crying feeling floods my sinuses and I drop my head from the weight of it. Cover my face with my hands long enough to get out a cry or two. Because there is nothing, nothing worse than not being able to undo the crazy thoughts. I ask them to leave, but they won't. I try to ignore them, but the only thing that works is giving in to them. Torture: knowing something makes no sense, doing it anyway.
Corey Ann Haydu (OCD Love Story)
My compulsive thoughts aren't even thoughts, they're absolute certainties and obeying them isn't a choice.
Paul Rudnick
how very, very tired I am with this hidden battle for my own thoughts, the burden of counting, the work it takes to hide it.
Hanna Alkaf (The Weight of Our Sky)
It's a thousand tiny impulses, building on one another. First you decide it's a good idea to check the oatmeal bin for bugs. Next you're going through all the canisters, and before you know it, you're wearing a hazmat suit and examining the frosted flakes for ground-up glass. Each action further enforces the obsessive-compulsive circuit. When the disease is full-blown, sufferers are firmly entrenched in the neural loops that make them repeat thoughts and actions over and over. In other words, your brain keeps getting back in line for the same carnival ride it didn't enjoy in the first place. You lose your sunglasses, you throw up on your shirt, and two minutes later you're back on the Whizzer. Wheeee.
Jennifer Traig
Some people with OCD are compelled to pick up pieces of broken glass from the street. They worry that, if they don’t, then someone else might cut themselves on the glass. If the person with OCD fails to prevent that happening, they think, well I may as well have walked up to the stranger and deliberately hurt them. So they take
David Adam (The Man Who Couldn't Stop: OCD and the True Story of a Life Lost in Thought)
I suppose I should be thankful that if I have to go mad, at least I get to do it in a fashionable, aristocratic way.
Lily Bailey (Because We Are Bad: Ocd and a Girl Lost in Thought)
I’d love to learn everything all over again, but learn it right this time. I’d love to return my brain to factory settings.
Lily Bailey (Because We Are Bad: Ocd and a Girl Lost in Thought)
Reassurance, like offence, is taken not given.
David Adam (The Man Who Couldn't Stop: OCD and the True Story of a Life Lost in Thought)
I tidy up the loose ends for a couple of minutes and then nod, signalling that I am done. I say done — I’m never really done when I only have two minutes, but I am done enough to attempt to engage in a conversation for a small window of time. Bursting point has been delayed.
Lily Bailey (Because We Are Bad: OCD and a Girl Lost in Thought)
I realized that I was okay with myself. I was quirky and withdrawn and loud, but I liked that. I smiled at strangers without thinking they were going to attack me and drag me into their cars. I went to doctors’ offices and touched magazines that had been touched by sick people.
Anna White (Mended: Thoughts on Life, Love, and Leaps of Faith)
I can’t believe he’s going along with this.” She flops on her bed, then wrinkles her forehead and stares at the mattress. “Did you make my bed?” “Yes,” I say sheepishly, but she doesn’t seem pissed. I’d already warned her that my OCD might rear its incredibly tidy head every now and then, and so far she hasn’t batted an eye when it happens. The only items on her don’t-touch-or-I’ll-fuck-you-up list are her shoes and her iTunes music library. “Wait, but you didn’t fold my laundry?” She mock gasps. “What the hell, Grace? I thought we were friends.” I stick out my tongue. “I’m not your maid. Fold your own damn laundry.” Daisy’s eyes gleam. “So you’re telling me you can look at that basket overflowing with fresh-from-the-dryer clothes—” she gestures to the basket in question “—and you aren’t the teensiest bit tempted to fold them? All those shirts…forming wrinkles as we speak. Lonely socks…longing for their pairs—” “Let’s fold your laundry,” I blurt out. A gale of laughter overtakes her small body. “That’s what I thought.
Elle Kennedy (The Mistake (Off-Campus, #2))
One day, I just decided to see how long I could go without eating. I never thought I was fat; if anything, my lack of boobs and scrawny legs told me that I was actually too skinny, but being extra-OCD about food soon became my thing. It gave me something to think about all day and it was a secret that I could obsess over without anyone else knowing.
Naya Rivera (Sorry Not Sorry: Dreams, Mistakes, and Growing Up)
If I'd been the author, I would've stopped thinking about my microbiome. I would've told Daisy how much I liked her idea for Mychal's art project, and I would've told her that I did remember Davis Pickett, that I remembered being eleven and carrying a vague but constant fear. I would've told her that I remembered once at camp lying next to Davis on the edge of a dock, our legs dangling over, our backs against the rough-hewn planks of wood, staring together up at a cloudless summer sky. I wouldv'e told her that Davis and I never talked much, or even looked at each other, but it didn't mater, because we were looking at the same sky together, which is maybe more intimate than eye contact anyway. Anybody can look at you. It's quite rare to find someone who sees the same world you see.
John Green (Turtles All the Way Down)
[I]f he had to guess, he would say that the reason he doesn't want to loan the book out, to Ethan or anyone else, is because of the part of his personality that is one gigantic record-keeping system, a complex sifting and filing scheme that dictates what goes here and what goes there, turning his life into so many marks on a tablet. His mind would busy itself with the book's whereabouts every second it was away. He knows it would.
Kevin Brockmeier (A Few Seconds of Radiant Filmstrip: A Memoir of Seventh Grade)
No way," I tell her. "Once was enough for me." And I mean it, though it has nothing to do with Paul and his blue eyes, and everything to do with how very, very tired I am with this hidden battle for my own thoughts, the burden of counting, the work it takes to hide it. The Djinn hates it when I'm adrift in the world, trying to live my life; he prefers me anchored to my home, where I can feed his need for numbers without fear of discovery.
Hanna Alkaf (The Weight of Our Sky)
Someone asked me recently, what it is like to live with OCD. I paused for a while and said, imagine watching your sibling getting run over by a truck in front of your eyes, not once, not twice, but repeatedly like in a looped video, or your child getting beaten up at school, or your partner getting abused by strangers on the street - and the only way you can stop that event from happening is to keep on repeating the task that you were carrying out when the vision first appeared in your mind, until some other less emotionally agonizing thought breaks the loop of that particular vision and replaces it - and though you know, it's just a thought and not the destiny of the people you love, you feel it excruciatingly necessary to keep repeating the task until the thought passes, so that nothing bad happens to your loved ones - and that's what it is like inside the head of a person with OCD, every moment of their life.
Abhijit Naskar
Having OCD, and tending to see things as either black or white and in perfectionistic terms, as well as being overconscientious, he was extremely hard on himself and insisted that he somehow be guaranteed that he would not one day snap and act on his thoughts. At one point, Frank told me that he was now concerned that he was feeling too little anxiety, which made him think that perhaps he was a sociopath without a conscience after all and would end up like Jeffrey Dahmer!
Lee Baer (The Imp of the Mind: Exploring the Silent Epidemic of Obsessive Bad Thoughts)
Years later, a different therapist asked her exactly what she was afraid of. Varya was initially stumped, not because she didn’t know what she was afraid of but because it was harder to think of what she wasn’t. “So give me some examples,” said the therapist, and that night Varya made a list. Cancer. Climate change. Being the victim of a car crash. Being the cause of a car crash. (There was a period when the thought of killing a bicyclist while making a right turn caused Vaya to follow any bicyclist for blocks, checking again and again to make sure she hadn’t.) Gunmen, Plane crashes – sudden doom! People wearing Band-Aids. AIDS ¬¬- really, all types of viruses and bacteria and disease. Infecting someone else. Dirty surfaces, soiled linens, bodily secretions. Drugstores and pharmacies. Ticks and bedbugs and lice. Chemicals. The homeless. Crowds. Uncertainty and risk and open-ended endings. Responsibility and guilt. She is even afraid of her own mind. She is afraid of its power, of what it does to her.
Chloe Benjamin (The Immortalists)
By [anticipatory anxiety] I mean that the patient reacts to an event with a fearful expectation of its recurrence. However, fear tends to make happen precisely that which one fears, and so does anticipatory anxiety. Thus a vicious circle is established. A symptom evokes a phobia and the phobia provokes the symptom. The recurrence of the symptom then reinforces the phobia. The patient is caught in a cocoon. […] [Obsessive-compulsives] fear the potential effects or the potential cause of the strange thoughts. The phobic pattern of flight from fear is paralleled by the obsessive-compulsive pattern. Obsessive-compulsive neurotics also display fear. But theirs is not 'fear of fear' but rather fear of themselves, and their response is to fight against obsessions and compulsions. But the more the patients fight, the stronger their symptoms become. In other words, alongside the circle formation built up by anticipatory anxiety in phobic cases, there is another feedback mechanism which we encounter in the obsessive-compulsive neurotic. Pressure induces counter-pressure, and counter-pressure, in turn, increases pressure. If one succeeds in making the patient stop fighting his obsessions and compulsions -- and this may well be accomplished by paradoxical intention -- these symptoms soon diminish and finally atrophy.
Viktor E. Frankl (The Will to Meaning: Foundations and Applications of Logotherapy)
I sure do like this sculpture.” Jolene smiled at the newcomer. “Well, hello, Lou.” The Devil sent her a narrow-eyed look. “Hello, vile woman.” “You buttoned up your shirt wrong,” Jolene told him. “What?” he squeaked, peeking down at the shirt. Realizing she was kidding, he flattened his lips. “See, vile.” Jolene rolled her eyes. “Let it go, Lou.” Sensing there was more to this than the shirt comment, Harper asked, “Let what go? What did you do, Grams?” Jolene tipped her chin at Lou. “He was in a bad mood, so thought I’d take him to a nice, calming atmosphere to cheer him up. Only there is no cheering him up.” Harper wasn’t buying that innocent act for a single second. “Where did you take him?” “To a poetry recital.” Lou’s face hardened. “The words hardly ever rhymed! How is that poetry?” And it clearly drove his OCD streak crazy.
Suzanne Wright (Blaze (Dark in You, #2))
So what came first, do you reckon, the horrible thoughts forcing you to carry out rituals like a junkie, or the need to make people laugh? Or maybe they’re two sides of the same coin. The vivid imagination causing thoughts which make you want to cry is the same imagination that can find humour in situations other people would call ‘mundane’…” “It’s occurred to me, yes.” “Oh, it’s more than occurred to you, Nicky boy. You’re an intelligent man who has an affliction which affects your mind, so you’ve definitely thought about it. A lot, I bet. I’d like to tell you something Nicky, but I want to make sure I’ve got your full attention. Do I?” “Yes,” I replied in spite of myself. He leaned even closer, as if we were either co-conspirators in some scheme or lovers about to kiss. “We’re all victims. All of us. Victims of our own minds...
Angelo Marcos (Victim Mentality)
I began the process of cutting up my random fabrics into strips. Of course, I chose easy things first, items that didn't' hurt me very much to cut up: torn sheets. A flannel nightgown so tattered it could never be worn again, one of Steve's worn-out t-shirts, couch upholstery. The resulting balls of fabric yarn that I wound together after cutting astounded me. They were gorgeous--each one prettier than the last, which made me braver. I took some photographs. And I heaved a sigh. Things in me were changing, I could feel it...so many months focusing on Stuff, Stuff, STUFF had made me bolder. What's the worst that could happen? I thought to myself. It reminded me of the day I finally, after ten years of kicking and screaming, took that first half pill [for OCD]. To someone else it might be no big deal, but to me? It felt like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute.
Eve O. Schaub (Year of No Clutter)
I have existed for 21 years. I didn't live them all, but from now on I am hoping to.
Lily Bailey (Because We Are Bad: Ocd and a Girl Lost in Thought)
I am better. I don't know whether it's for good, or if one day something might make me abnormal again. But that's the funny thing about living. If you do it properly, you don't know how the next sentence will begin.
Lily Bailey (Because We Are Bad: OCD and a Girl Lost in Thought)
Here's to the strong ones. Here's to the ones that never give up.
Lily Bailey (Because We Are Bad: Ocd and a Girl Lost in Thought)
...Even though mental health is still the elephant in this room, the room is trying to accommodate the elephant, which is more than I expected.
Lily Bailey (Because We Are Bad: Ocd and a Girl Lost in Thought)
Revaluing is a deep form of Relabeling. Anyone whose grasp of reality is reasonably intact can learn to blame OCD symptoms on a medical condition. But such Relabeling is superficial, leading to no diminution of symptoms or improved ability to cope. This is why classical cognitive therapy (which aims primarily to correct cognitive distortions) seldom helps OCD patients. Revaluing went deeper. Like Relabeling, Reattributing, and Refocusing, Revaluing was intended to enhance patients’ use of mindful awareness, the foundation of Theravada Buddhist philosophy. I therefore began teaching Revaluing by reference to what Buddhist philosophy calls wise (as opposed to unwise) attention. Wise attention means seeing matters as they really are or, literally, “in accordance with the truth.” In the case of OCD, wise attention means quickly recognizing the disturbing thoughts as senseless, as false, as errant brain signals not even worth the gray matter they rode in on, let alone worth acting on. By refusing to take the symptoms at face value, patients come to view them “as toxic waste from my brain,” as the man with chapped hands put it.
Jeffrey M. Schwartz (The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force)
At bottom, though, the failure to face nonlocality reflects an unease with the implication that the stark divide between mind and world sanctioned by classical physics—in which what is investigated and observed has a reality independent of the mind that observes or investigates—does not accord with what we now know. Almost all scientists, whether trained in the eighteenth century or the twenty-first and whether they articulate it or not, believe that the observer stands apart from the observed, and the act of observation (short of knocking over the apparatus, of course) has no effect on the system being observed. This attitude usually works just fine. But it becomes a problem when the observing system is the same as the system being observed—when, that is, the mind is observing the brain. Nonlocality suggests that nature may not separate ethereal mind from substantive stuff as completely as classical materialist physics assumed. It is here, when the mind contemplates itself and also the brain (as when an OCD patient recognizes compulsions as arising from a brain glitch), that these issues come to a head. In the case of a human being who is observing his own thoughts, the fiction of the dynamic separation of mind and matter needs to be reexamined.
Jeffrey M. Schwartz (The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force)
It was clear to Stapp, at least in principle, that Quantum Zeno might allow repeated acts of attention—which are, after all, observations by the mind of one strand of thought among the many competing for prominence in the brain—to affect quantum aspects of the brain. “I saw that if the mind puts to nature, in rapid succession, the same repeated question, ‘shall I attend to this idea?’ then the brain would tend to keep attention focused on that idea,” Stapp says. “This is precisely the Quantum Zeno Effect. The mere mental act of rapidly attending would influence the brain’s activity in the way Jeff was suggesting.” The power of the mind’s questioning (“Shall I pay attention to this idea?”) to strengthen one idea rather than another so decisively that the privileged idea silences all the others and emerges as the one we focus on—well, this seemed to be an attractive mechanism that would not only account for my results with OCD patients but also fit with everyone’s experience that focusing attention helps prevent the mind from wandering. Recall that Mike Merzenich had found that only attended stimuli have the power to alter the cortical map, expanding the region that processes the stimuli an animal focuses on. And recall Alvaro Pascual-Leone’s finding that the effort of directed attention alone can produce cortical changes comparable to those generated by physical practice at the piano. It seemed at least possible that it was my OCD patients’ efforts at attention, in the step we called Refocusing, that caused the brain changes we detected on PET scans.
Jeffrey M. Schwartz (The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force)
The will, it was becoming clear, has the power to change the brain—in OCD, in stroke, in Tourette’s, and now in depression—by activating adaptive circuitry. That a mental process alters circuits involved in these disorders offers dramatic examples of how the ways someone thinks about thoughts can effect plastic changes in the brain. Jordan Grafman, chief of cognitive neuroscience at the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke, calls this top-down plasticity, because it originates in the brain’s higher-order functions. “Bottom-up” plasticity, in contrast, is induced by changes in sensory stimuli such as the loss of input after amputation. Merzenich’s and Tallal’s work shows the power of this bottom-up plasticity to resculpt the brain. The OCD work hints at the power of top-down plasticity, the power of the mind to alter brain circuitry.
Jeffrey M. Schwartz (The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force)
My room’s a mess. I scurry around, scooping up piles of clothes and stuffing them into the laundry hamper. “I thought people with OCD were supposed to be neat,” she says. “Popular misconception,” I say as I kick all the textbooks strewn across the floor into a haphazard pile.
Tamara Ireland Stone (Every Last Word)
Why and how does this person switch gears, activating circuits in the dorsal prefrontal cortex connecting to adaptive basal ganglia circuits, rather than the OCD circuits connecting the orbital frontal cortex to the anterior cingulate and caudate? (See Figure 4.) At the instant of activation, both circuits—one encoding your walk to the garden to prune roses, the other a rush to the sink to wash—are ready to go. Yet something in the mind is choosing one brain circuit over another. Something is causing one circuit to become activated and one to remain quiescent. What is that something? William James posed the question this way: “We reach the heart of our inquiry into volition when we ask, by what process is it that the thought of any given action comes to prevail stably in the mind?
Jeffrey M. Schwartz (The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force)
Quantum theory “allows for mind—pure conscious experience—to interact with the ‘physical’ aspect of nature…. [I] t is [therefore] completely in line with contemporary science to hold our thoughts to be causally efficacious,” Stapp argued. He ended his JCS paper with a discussion of my OCD therapy, calling it “in line with the quantum-mechanical understanding of mind-brain dynamics.” According to that understanding, mental events influence brain activity through effort and intentions that in turn affect attention. “The presumption about the mind-brain that is the basis of Schwartz’s successful clinical treatment,” Stapp concluded, “is that willful redirection of attention is efficacious. His success constitute[ s] prima facie evidence” that “will is efficacious.
Jeffrey M. Schwartz (The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force)
In the absence of effort the OCD pathology drives the brain’s circuitry, and compulsive behaviors result. But mental effort, I believe, generates a directed mental force that produces real physical effects: the brain changes that follow cognitive-behavioral therapy for OCD. The heroic mental effort required underlines the power of active mental processes like attention and will to redirect thoughts and actions in a way that is detectable on brain scans. Let me be clear about where mental effort enters the picture. The OCD patient is faced with two competing systems of brain circuitry. One underlies the passively experienced, pathological intrusions into consciousness. The other encodes information like the fact that the intrusions originate in faulty basal ganglia circuits. At first the pathological circuitry dominates, so the OCD patient succumbs to the insistent obsessions and carries out the compulsions. With practice, however, the conscious choice to exert effort to resist the pathological messages, and attend instead to the healthy ones, activates functional circuitry. Over the course of several weeks, that regular activation produces systematic changes in the very neural systems that generate those pathological messages—namely, a quieting of the OCD circuit. Again quoting James, “Volitional effort is effort of attention…. Effort of attention is thus the essential phenomenon of will.
Jeffrey M. Schwartz (The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force)
The world has a way of balancing—for every time something good happens, something bad has to happen and vice versa. With the thought of my date with Blaine, I mentally prepare myself for the blow of something bad that I’m sure is headed my way.
Kayla Krantz (The OCD Games)
She looked down at her burger. “Josh, I’m just a little run-down, okay? I’m sleeping with Sloan in the hospital every night. I’m living off of black coffee and whatever I can shove in my mouth. My OCD is manic—” “You have OCD?” It didn’t really surprise me. I’d seen a touch of it in her since I’d known her. One of my sisters had it. I knew it when I saw it. “Usually it’s not this bad, but it gets worse when I’m under stress.” She finished the burger and balled up the paper like it was an effort to even do that. Then she lay back against the headrest and closed her eyes. She was falling apart. She was deteriorating physically and mentally trying to keep Sloan together. And where the fuck was I in all this? Failing her. She wouldn’t ask for my help. I knew her well enough to know this, and I hadn’t even been to the hospital in three days to check in on her. I’d left her on her own with Sloan and Brandon’s family and all the rest of it. I should have been there. Maybe I could have gotten ahead of this life-support thing. Taken a spot on the overnight shift to be with Sloan so Kristen could get some sleep. Made sure she ate. Talking to me or not, Kristen never turned down food. I blamed myself for this. But I blamed her too. Because if she had let me, I would have taken care of her. We could have taken care of each other, and neither of us would be in such bad shape. I reached over and threaded my fingers through hers. She didn’t pull away. She looked too tired to fight me. She squeezed my hand, and the warmth of her touch coursed through me. “I’ll go to the hospital,” I said. “I’ll talk to his parents, and I’ll stay with Sloan today. I need you to go home and sleep. And tomorrow I want you to go to the doctor. Call to make the appointment tonight because you might have to fast before they do bloodwork.” She just looked at me, her beautiful face hollow and weary. She was always so strong. It was scary seeing her declining like this. Love did this to her. Her love of Sloan. And probably her love of me too. I knew it wasn’t easy on her. I knew she thought she was doing the right thing. But fuck, if she would just stop. If she would stop, we could both be okay.
Abby Jimenez
I have a confession. I'm a little OCD when I post on social media – I tend to edit more than I should. But then I started thinking, maybe we should all edit a little more - our posts, our thoughts, our words.
Traci Lea LaRussa
Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) is unhelpfully named, since it is not particularly closely related to the better known obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). It does not tend to co-occur with obsessive-compulsive disorder, or even run in the same families. Obsessive-compulsive disorder is an anxiety disorder, in which the sufferer feels compelled to repeat particular thoughts or actions, such as checking or hand-washing. As an anxious condition, it belongs to the same family as depression and generalized anxiety disorder, and thus is related to high Neuroticism and responds to some extent to serotonergic antidepressant medications. Some people have even seen obsessive-compulsive disorder as a low Conscientiousness problem, since the affected individual cannot inhibit the checking or washing response in rather the same manner as the alcoholic cannot inhibit his desire to drink. Whether this is the right characterization or not, it is clear that OCPD is a very different type of problem.16 What, then, does OCPD entail? Psychiatrists define it as ‘a pervasive pattern of preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and mental and interpersonal control, at the expense of flexibility, openness and efficiency, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts’.
Daniel Nettle (Personality: What makes you the way you are)
I built an idea in my head of the hero I wanted to be, a grab bag of traits from heroes, villains, and side characters. I did not have book role models, I had book blueprints. But there remained a huge gap between the person I wanted to be and the person who I was. This was because no matter how many book blueprints I had, as much as I wanted to make myself the hero of my own life, it didn’t matter as long as I kept telling the story wrong. Nowadays, as a storyteller, I know what the problem was. I had all the elements I needed to tell a good story. But I was telling it the wrong way, so I could never get to the ending I wanted. If you tell yourself you’re a winner, you know what kind of story you’re telling, and you will march toward that... Likewise, if you tell yourself you’re a loser, you’ve made that your story, and you will march toward that instead. The same setbacks could happen in the loser’s story as in the winner’s story, but the self-defined loser would let them be proof that they were never going to be anything. Here’s the story I was telling myself back when I was little edible child waiting to be carried away by hawks and making OCD rituals for herself: once upon a time, there was a girl who was afraid of everything. When I was 16, I realized that I knew what this story looked like and how it ended, and it wasn’t the life I wanted for myself. If I wanted my ending to look different, I needed to change the kind of story I was telling about myself. I needed to shape my events into a different genre: once upon a time, there was a woman who was afraid of nothing. At age 16, I legally changed my name from my birthname — Heidi — to one I thought sounded like the hero I wanted to be: Maggie. And I vowed that I would never be afraid of anything ever again. Did it work? No, of course not. Not right away. But it became a mission statement, my hero’s journey.
Maggie Stiefvater
That summer when I was feeling very much like Juliet holding the potion, the therapist would tell me, “Just know that those thoughts aren’t you. That’s the OCD, it’s not you.” It was a kind gesture—she was offering me the illness narrative that reigns now, the one that constructs very, very firm boundaries between brain and self, illness and consciousness, self and other. I clung to that for a while, the notion that the maelstrom happening in my brain was not of me but outside me, happening to me. That there was a tidy line dividing “me” from “disease,” and the disease was classifiable as “other.” But then it became difficult to tell whether certain thoughts should go in the me box or the disease box—where did “I want to throw a rock through the kitchen window” belong? Eventually I could no longer avoid the fact that mental illness is not like infection; there’s no outside invader. And if a disease is produced in your body, in your mind, then what is it if not you?
Jonathan Franzen (The Best American Essays 2016)
Freud, who spoke German, used the term zwangsneurose (obsessional neurosis). The word zwang was translated as ‘obsession’ in London, but ‘compulsion’ in New York. Faced with confusion, scientists introduced the hybrid term ‘obsessive-compulsive’, a label subsequently given to millions of people, as a compromise.
David Adam (The Man Who Couldn't Stop: OCD and the True Story of a Life Lost in Thought)
The idea is to help patients more clearly assess the contents of their thought stream, teaching them to note and correct the conceptual errors termed "cognitive distortions" that characterize psychopathological thinking. Somone in the grips of such thinking would, for instance, regard a half-full glass not merely as half-empty but also fatally flawed, forever useless, constitutionally incapable of ever being full, and fit only to be discarded. By the mid-1980s, cognitive therapy was being used more and more in combination with behavioral therapy for OCD, and it seemed naturally compatible with a mindfulness-based perspective. If I could show that a cognitive-behavioral approach, infused with mindful awareness, could be marshaled against the disease, and if successful therapy were accompanied by changes in brain activity, then it would represent a significant step toward demonstrating the causal efficacy of mental activity on neural circuits.
Jeffrey M. Schwartz (The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force)
The Quantum Zeno Effect "fit beautifully with what Jeff was trying to do," recalls Henry Stapp. It was clear to Stapp, at least in principle, that Quantum Zeno might allow repeated acts of attention-which are, after all, observations by the mind of one strand of thought among the many competing for prominence in the brain-to affect quantum aspects of the brain. "I saw that if the mind puts to nature, in rapid succession, the same repeated question, 'shall I attend to this idea?' then the brain would tend to keep attention focused on that idea," Stapp says. "This is precisely the Quantum Zeno Effect. The mere mental act of rapidly attending would influence the brain's activity in the way Jeff was suggesting." The power of the mind's questioning ("Shall I pay attention to this idea?") to strengthen one idea rather than another so decisively that the privileged idea silences all the others and emerges as the one we focus on-well, this seemed to be an attractive mechanism that would not only account for my results with OCD patients but also fit with everyone's experience that focusing attention helps prevent the mind from wandering.
Jeffrey M. Schwartz (The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force)
The discovery that modified speech can drive neuroplasticity in the mature brain is just the most dramatic example (so far) of how sensory stimuli can rewire neuronal circuits. In fact, soon after Merzenich and Tallal published their results, other scientists began collecting data showing that, as in my own studies of OCD patients, brain changes do not require changes in either the quantity or the quality of sensory input. To the contrary: the brain could change even if all patients did was use mindfulness to respond to their thoughts differently. Applied mindfulness could change neuronal circuitry.
Jeffrey M. Schwartz (The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force)
I tried to point out that it's not a gimmick to teach patients suffering with OCD that their intrusive thoughts and urges are caused by brain imbalances, and that we now know they can physically alter those imbalances through mindfulness and self-directed behavioral therapy techniques.
Jeffrey M. Schwartz (The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force)
This new preface serves to refine, and further clarify, the Four Steps to self-directed therapy: Relabel, Reattribute, Refocus and Revalue. When OCD patients Relabel, they are calling their disturbing thoughts and urges what they really are: obsessions and compulsions. When they Reattribute, they recognize that the bothersome thoughts won’t go away because they are symptoms of a disease, OCD. When they Refocus, they work around the intrusive thoughts by doing a constructive, enjoyable behavior. When they Revalue, they learn to ignore those thoughts and view them as worthless distractions.
Jeffrey M. Schwartz (Brain Lock: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior)
At the same time, the deeper I get with my OCD and treatment, the more I realize that it is also a part of me. It is the part of me I try so hard to repress, the part of me I don't believe is worthy of love, the part of me I judge in other people. It has to be fought, but to some extent, it also has to be placated. I also have to say, I'm not as smart as I thought I was, I'm not as in control, I better not judge these people because whoo-ee look at me. It can't simply be exorcised. It illuminates the brittleness and arrogance of my own precious assumptions about myself: that I am smart, that I am in control because I am smart, that I can do everything just so, that I can do it better. But it also attacks the parts of myself I want to keep: the gritty traveler, the artist who bucks conventions, the bold experimenter. Fine, it says, my thoughts are random, my thoughts are constructed, my thoughts are only thoughts, but then so are yours: all of it is a fantasy, dark and light.
Sarah Menkedick (Ordinary Insanity: Fear and the Silent Crisis of Motherhood in America)
I couldn’t escape the spiral of my thoughts, and I felt like they were coming from the outside.
John Green
CAUDATE NUCLEUS. That’s the part of the brain that’s not filtering out the OCD thoughts properly.
Jeffrey M. Schwartz (Brain Lock: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior)
This is very positive. Just thinking a good thought is a bad Refocus strategy. For example, someone with a fear of dying might Refocus on assuring herself that she’s healthy. Why is that bad? Because it’s so easy for that thought to become an avoidance, merely a way of pushing aside the thought about death that is causing the OCD symptoms. It is an attempt to neutralize an obsessive thought, and that is a compulsion. Your Wise Advocate will tell you that the thought is just an obsessive thought; you then accept the thought and focus on a good behavior.
Jeffrey M. Schwartz (Brain Lock: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior)
The first thing to look for in a genius is odd behavior. I was around 40 years old when I recognized my own oddity in character, and I was completely caught off guard by this transparency. I had been aware of my very difficult mental battles, such as OCD and Misophonia (though for several years I didn’t even know they were actual conditions), but I convinced myself that those were basically just issues that weren’t actually attached to my character. I thought that I could confine them to my private life, and that the world around me wouldn’t be able to detect them, and I convinced myself that the majority of others probably went through similar things. But I was wrong. My conditions were not normal, and I was not normal.
Calvin W. Allison (Poetic Cognition)
Fourth, along these same lines, some diagnoses remind us of a more central role of the body in a person’s struggle. Psychiatric diagnoses remind us that we are embodied souls. We know this clearly from Scripture! But functionally speaking, we sometimes over-spiritualize troubles with emotions and thoughts. When you consider the spectrum of psychiatric diagnoses, it is clear that years of research demonstrate that some diagnoses may have a stronger genetic (inherited) component of causation than others. These include schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, autistic spectrum disorder, and perhaps more severe and recalcitrant forms of depression (melancholia), anxiety, and OCD.2 Another way of saying this is that although psychiatric diagnoses are descriptions and not full-fledged explanations, it doesn’t mean that a given diagnosis or symptom holds no explanatory clues at all. Not all psychiatric diagnoses should be viewed equally. Some do indeed have long-standing recognition in medical and psychiatric history, occur transculturally, and therefore are not merely modern, Western “creations” that highlight patterns of deviant or sinful behavior, as critics would say. Observations that have held up among various
Michael R. Emlet (Descriptions and Prescriptions: A Biblical Perspective on Psychiatric Diagnoses and Medications (Helping the Helpers))
(Home) ‘This land is beautiful, but the people are horrible.’ The people took this beautiful land and raped it, and put up a bunch of ugly boxes, however, my home is in the Victorian-style and it is old and has a handcrafted personality. There is an ancient oak tree outside my window, sometimes I step out my window then onto the roof of the porch, and sit in the tree branch that hangs over, and watches all the stars as they appear to turn on and off. Yes, I have wished upon a shooting star, that things will change, and that the towers will be no more. Looking straight ahead, I can see all the lights that go on the horizon, some days the sunsets are blazing before the lights turn on. Then there are some days that the window is shut because it is cold windy while everything is chilled with the color of blue. (Frame of mind) My mood can change just like this and that it seems. Yes, just like all the summer turns into winter, and the winters turn into spring, and all of these thoughts running in my mind fall like the leaves through my brain, and they most likely do not mean a thing. I guess you could blame it on my ADD, ADHD, dyslexia, bipolar disorder, or OCD. I do not have any of these… I do not have anything wrong with me. But, if you are like one of the sisters or someone from my school, you would say my mood changes are because of my- STD’s, HIV, or being as they say GAY or BI, and LEZ-BO. They have also said, I am a pedophile and a child stocker, and I get moody if I do not get some from them. That is why I am so sober at times, or so they say. Whatever…! They also have said that I am a schizophrenic- psycho and that I could not even buy love. I would not try that anyways. I think that having money does not give you happiness; I am okay being a humble farm- girl, the guy that finds me… needs to be happy with that also. I am sure there are more things they say. However, those are just some of them that I can dredge up as of now, off the top of my head. They have murdered me and my life, in so many ways. So now, do you wonder as to why I am afraid of talking to people or even looking at them? You know you and they can try to destroy me, and my life. However, I do not have any of those listed either; none of these random arrangements of letters defines me as the person I truly am. (Sight) Looking out the windows, I can see the golden hayfields of ecstasy, I see the windmills that twist and tumble. I can see the abandoned railroad track that lies not far from my home. I can hear the cries of the swing as the wind gusts in spurts. But yet I am still in my room, but that is just okay with me. Because I know that there will someday soon be someone there for me. (Household) My room is a land of peace and tranquility without all the gloom, with a bed and a canopy overhead but still, I am not truly happy? There is nothing- like the sounds of the crickets speaking up often in the cool August night breeze. It is relaxing to me, however; it is a reminder to me of how the last glimmers of summer are ending. Besides the sounds slowly fade away, yes- I can hear this music from my bedroom window. It is just like in the spring the birds sing in the morning and leave in the cool gusts to come. It is just like the hummingbirds that flutter by, and then before I know it, all has changed; so, it seems by the time I walk out my bedroom door, to start my day. ‘Life goes in cycles of tunes it seems, and nature is its synchronization in its symphony you just have to listen.
Marcel Ray Duriez (Nevaeh The Lusting Sapphire Blue Eyes)