Norm Macdonald Funny Quotes

Death is a funny thing. Not funny haha, like a Woody Allen movie, but funny strange, like a Woody Allen marriage.

Women are attracted to funny men, it is often said. This is not true. It only appears this way because women laugh at everything a very handsome man says. So this gives the very handsome men the idea that they are funny.

The plain truth is that Adam Eget is an alcoholic and that’s why he doesn’t drink. Me, I’m not an alcoholic and that’s why I do drink. Life sure is funny that way.

I hate when people say “touché” after you say something funny. I don’t know what it means, but I know that I hate it.

Death is a funny thing. Not funny haha, like a Woody Allen movie, but funny strange, like a Woody Allen marriage.

How did I suddenly get so goddamn funny?

It’s funny how something as small as the news of a teenager being slaughtered and tossed in a ravine can be enough to lift the spirits of an entire set full of important Hollywood people.

The biggest laughs you'll ever hear in life are like at a Thanksgiving dinner with a bunch of loved ones. And nothing funny is said, and it just comes from love.

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.

I was honored that these smart, educated folk had given me the moniker. But the truth was, I was nowhere near as smart as Alfred Einstein. Shoot, I wasn't even as smart as that new scientist, the one with the wheelchair and the funny way of talking. But I wasn't gonna let the eggheads and bluestockings in the writer's room know that.