Nba Funny Quotes

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?

Funny is like sexy, and they are kind of related. What turns one person on is hilarious to another person. And vice versa. And you can see all of this at the nexus of clowns. Many people think clowns are hilarious. (Many others think clowns are creepy.) But there is a certain percentage of people who think clowns are sexy. Don't believe me, Google "clown porn" right now. I dare you. And if you don't need to Google that, then it's because it is already saved on your browser. So when these dudes say, "Women aren't funny," they are forgetting a classically important addendum: "to me." They should be saying, "Women aren't funny to me." But they don't say "to me" because if you are a man in America, you are considered the norm. (Remember it's the NBA and the W[omen's]NBA, not the WNBA and the M[en's]NBA.) And if you are a white man in America, then you are also considered the norm.

I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be an NBA player. This is all some fantasy world that I have no right to live in. I was just a kid from the projects who was always too skinny or too funny looking to be taken seriously. I was the kid they called the "Worm" because of the way I wiggled when I played pinball. Me, living this life, with women and money and attention everywhere? It didn't seem real.

Several years ago, I was playing basketball with our son Jonathan. We’ve played one-on-one for years. For the first time, he beat me, fair and square, 15--14. I gave him a high five. Then I told him he was grounded! During the game at one point Jonathan dribbled around me and went up for a shot. I came out of nowhere, timed it just right, and blocked his shot. I swatted the ball away and it went flying into the bushes. I felt like an NBA star. A couple days later, we went to the gym to play with some friends. Jonathan said, “Dad, tell everybody what happened the other night.” I said, “Oh, yeah, Jonathan went up for this shot, and I must have been this high in the air and I blocked it, and it was something else.” He said, “No, Dad, I meant tell them how I beat you for the first time!” What’s funny is, I didn’t remember my defeat, I remembered my victory The first thing that came to my mind wasn’t that I lost the game to him, but the fact that I did something good. It’s because I’ve trained my mind to remember the right things. For many people it’s just the opposite. They won the game, but they remember all the mistakes they made. They never feel good about themselves. They’re always focused on something they didn’t do good enough. It’s all in how you train your mind. It depends on what channel you’re watching. Don’t make the mistake of remembering what you should forget, whether it’s your hurts, your disappointments, or your failures. Don’t forget what you should remember--your victories, your successes, and the hard times you overcame.

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