Msw Quotes

Be careful whom you choose to love. This decision will impact your future life and happiness in ways you cannot yet imagine.

We all have innate emotional needs. If these needs aren't met, there can be serious consequences to out psychological health. Invalidation is no trivial matter. According to Steve Hein, MSW, author of the excellent and invaluable website, EQI.org, invalidation is psychological murder or "soul murder." Having

When the burden is not yours to carry, put it down.

PTSD is a COMPLETELY SANE AND NATURAL REACTION to an insane circumstance. It is debilitating, it can be considered a disability, but ironically it means you are an entirely normal human being.

True belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are. It requires us to be who we are.

Around four years ago, they asked if I’d run a district meeting of UU ministers. I knew a lot of the attendees, of course, and on the last day a group of them staged an intervention of sorts, insisting there must be something I could do in the denomination. And there was: to process my failed ministry, I’d written my MSW thesis on how different religions settle their clergy, so I knew a lot about ministerial settlement. Someone hooked me up with the UU Transitions office and I’ve been a search consultant ever since—and for other denominations, too. In my therapy practice, I sit for thirty hours a week; this consulting work gets me out of that damn chair!

Sometimes, exiting a space allows your roots to spread and your potential to grow.

Today, as women, we often find ourselves taking care of our children, our parents, our friends, our lovers. We extend grace and compassion toward others so easily, yet we often struggle to make space and time to put ourselves first.

Difficult people often leave us with few choices for setting and enforcing boundaries, which is why we may choose to accept imperfect solutions.

Don’t sugarcoat a difficult person’s behavior. You need to name the behavior for what it is: control, manipulation, and abuse. Doing this makes it clear that their behavior is unacceptable, not your fault, and not something you can change. Seeing harmful behavior for what it is can help you accept an imperfect solution, such as getting a divorce or not allowing your children to visit their grandparents.

Grieving the end of a relationship, or accepting any imperfect solution, is a process that includes remembering why you made this decision, accepting your feelings, finding healthy outlets for your feelings, and treating yourself with kindness.

kindness is more productive and will lead to better results in the future.

Arguing, or even negotiating, with someone who isn’t interested in understanding you or lacks empathy won’t be productive. Try to see this for what it is—a distraction—and don’t take the bait.

In an ideal world, people would enthusiastically embrace our boundaries and understand our needs and feelings, but this is a fantasy when dealing with difficult people. Because they refuse to change or compromise, we often need to make difficult choices and do things that feel harsh or unloving, such as limiting or ending contact with them, but that are truly in our best interest.

Directly calling a difficult person out on their manipulative behavior will cause conflict or further abuse; it won’t result in the person taking responsibility or changing.)

Why this boundary matters to you. Example: This boundary matters because I need to keep my son safe. You have the right to set boundaries. Example: I have the right to decide who or what comes into my home. When other people respond unfavorably, it doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong. Example: My father’s anger doesn’t mean I’ve done something wrong. You’re not responsible for how other people feel about your boundaries or how they respond. Example: My father’s feelings and actions aren’t my responsibility. It’s not my job to make him feel better.

When dealing with difficult people, we need to take a different approach to setting boundaries than we do with most people. Strategies such as trying to compromise or sharing our feelings won’t work. Instead, we need to focus on being safe, avoiding power struggles, and knowing what we can control. Otherwise, we’ll get stuck in unproductive conversations that deteriorate into arguments, blaming, ultimatums, or worse.

For the most part, difficult people won’t comply with requests to change their behavior. They’ll respond with anger (like Amir’s father), deny there’s a problem (like Nigel), play the victim, agree to change but never follow through, or even laugh in your face and walk away.

We don’t always like other people’s boundaries; we don’t like being told no or having to compromise. But if we can’t respect other people’s boundaries, our relationships will suffer. We’ll be frequently frustrated and annoyed, we’ll have more arguments, and ultimately, people won’t want to be around us. When we respect other people’s boundaries, we accept their right to self-determination, to do what’s right for themselves. This builds trust and emotional safety because others are more likely to be open and honest with us if they experience us as respectful and nonjudgmental.

An insincere apology that blames the victim or invalidates their feelings (like the second example) can cause more harm.

Unfortunately, most law enforcement professionals are not trained in how to discharge the excess energy that remains in their bodies after a traumatic event.51 Nor, typically, is there organizational infrastructure in place to support their self-care and healing. As a result, many police live with the biochemicals of chronic stress in their bloodstreams.

what many public safety professionals need most is to learn to manage their own bodies.

Health is not simply the absence of illness. Real health is the will to overcome every form of adversity and use even the worst of circumstances as a springboard for new growth and development. Simply put, the essence of health is the constant renewal and rejuvenation of life.” DAISAKU IKEDA

What’s wrong with many of us is that racialized trauma is deeply embedded in our bodies, constricting us and limiting our ability to live full lives.

I learned to access a settledness that is always and already present. I usually call it the Infinite Source, but it doesn’t require a name, or an explanation, or a belief. This settling of nervous systems, and this connection to a larger Source, is vital to healing.

There is very little relationship between who is locked up and the concept of justice. Americans don’t understand that people in prison are often there because of where the policing was. What’s more: White people need to start telling the truth about the way this justice system works. Because every white person—particular middle- and upper-class white people—knows that they are not as worried about their children becoming trapped in the system unjustly.” HEATHER ANN THOMPSON

To many police bodies, even many Black ones, African Americans are foreign bodies that need to be corralled, controlled, damaged, or destroyed.52

I am aware there is some risk to doing this. When we fail to soothe and protect white bodies, or fail to accept white fragility and white-body supremacy, some of us with dark skin get pulled over, tackled, searched, often arrested, and sometimes killed. This creates an ongoing dilemma. Many white Americans need to be confronted—firmly and compassionately—on their white fragility. Yet much of that fragility is a trauma-driven, lizard-brain defensiveness that quickly fights, flees from, or freezes out all such caring confrontation.

white-body supremacy comes at a great cost to white people.

The activities you’ll learn and practice in this chapter won’t make your commute shorter, your boss more empathetic, or your child less self-centered. But they will help you be less resentful or reactive when your commute, your boss, or your child makes your life more difficult.

in an effort to avoid anxiety and hypervigilance, over-settle their bodies into a state that resembles depression. This, too, can be a flight response.

Anchor 1: Soothe yourself to quiet your mind, calm your heart, and settle your body. •  Anchor 2: Simply notice the sensations, vibrations, and emotions in your body instead of reacting to them. •  Anchor 3: Accept the discomfort—and notice when it changes—instead of trying to flee from it. •  Anchor 4: Stay present and in your body as you move through the unfolding experience, with all its ambiguity and uncertainty, and respond from the best parts of yourself. •  Anchor 5: Safely discharge any energy that remains.

Black, white, and police bodies all need to learn to be more comfortable and settled with one another.

The deadliest manifestation of white fragility is its reflexive confusion of fear with danger and comfort with safety.

The soul nerve is the unifying organ of the entire nervous system. Health and mental health professionals call it the vagus nerve or wandering nerve, but I call it the soul nerve—a much stickier and more descriptive term.62

Few skills are more essential than the ability to settle your body. If you can settle your body, you are more likely to be calm, alert, and fully present, no matter what is going on around you.

Gather together a large group of unsettled bodies—or assemble a group of bodies and then unsettle them—and you get a mob or a riot. But bring a large group of settled bodies together and you have a potential movement—and a potential force for tremendous good in the world. A calm, settled body is the foundation for health, for healing, for helping others, and for changing the world.

Remind yourself that any discomfort you feel is a protective response, not a defective one.

Remind yourself that any discomfort you feel is a protective response, not a defective one. Accepting, experiencing, and moving through that discomfort is the foundation of healing.

our ancestors spent centuries here under unrelentingly brutal conditions. Generation after generation, our bodies stored trauma and intense survival energy, and passed these on to our children and grandchildren.

We try to protect ourselves by protecting white people from their own fears about us.

White Americans must accept, explore, and mend their centuries-old trauma around the oppression and victimization of white bodies by other, more powerful white bodies.

Our public discourse, our media, and our policing all unsettle our bodies far more than they help us settle them. This is especially true around issues involving the myth of race.

As a result, you will lose your cool less often, and stressful situations will be less likely to trigger a fight, flee, or freeze response. In turn, you may develop stronger and more respectful relationships with your fellow commuters, your boss, and your child.

Settling is not the same thing as healing; it is an all-important foundation for healing. A settled body invites and accepts efforts to mend it; an unsettled one tends to resist those efforts.

Healing trauma involves recognizing, accepting, and moving through pain—clean pain. It often means facing what you don’t want to face—what you have been reflexively avoiding or fleeing. By walking into that pain, experiencing it fully, and moving through it, you metabolize it and put an end to it. In the process, you also grow, create more room in your nervous system for flow and coherence, and build your capacity for further growth.

Most forms of dialogue, diversity training, and other cognitive interventions are going to have little effect on this reflexive fear response, because the white body has been trained to respond in this noncognitive way.

in order to work through your trauma, you need to learn to slow down, reach for an internal resource, and fully experience your body through your soul nerve.

When you heal historical and intergenerational trauma, you heal the people who came before you. You also heal the generations to come, because your healing means that you will not pass on your trauma to your descendants.

Harrington never worked in a place like this, a system where ‘underbudgeting’ is designed to arbitrarily keep costs down while acting as a defense against public attack. The city and state thus appear magnanimous, politicians fair-minded regulators of the public good . . . until the closed cases lead to starvation, child abuse and suicides at rates so great they arouse the public’s conscience. Then it all starts again— bigger budgets, closer supervision, more MSW programs . . . while the poor are blamed because according to our Puritan tradition of self-reliance those too weak or stupid to contribute get pushed aside, deserve not to survive

Addressing trauma demands a multifaceted approach. Maxine Harris and Roger Fallot assert that trauma-informed care transcends mere acknowledgment. It requires environments tailor-made for trauma survivors, facilitating trust-based exploration of their stories (Harris & Fallot, 2001).

You have the power to stop intergenerational and historical trauma in its tracks, and to keep it from spreading from your body into others. Above all, you have the power to heal. But first you have to choose to heal.

When I dare to be powerful—to use my strength in the service of my vision—then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” AUDRE LORDE

I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.” ROSA PARKS

All adults need to learn how to soothe and anchor themselves, rather than expect or demand that others soothe them. All adults need to heal and grow up. Nevertheless,

when you soothe another body, I encourage you to do it by choice, not out of reflex.

Healing is about taking the time to notice what gets in the way of feeling connected to your life, your community, and your sense of possibility. Healing, at its core, is about slowing down so that we can better listen, to ourselves and each other.” SUSAN RAFFO

White fragility screams this message to people of all colors: Whenever a white body feels unsafe or uncomfortable, it’s everyone’s job to soothe it down ASAP. If they don’t, a dark body may need to get broken.

Difficult people can make our lives miserable. They often try to convince us that our boundaries are unreasonable or that we’re mean, unfair, or irrational. However, when someone doesn’t respect our boundaries, it doesn’t mean that we’re asking too much or shouldn’t set boundaries. Other people’s inability or unwillingness to respect our boundaries usually reflects their difficulty with self-management or empathy, not that our needs or boundaries are wrong.

It’s helpful to become aware of how your mind and body respond to difficult people so you can take steps to care for and protect yourself. Before answering the following questions, you may need to pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations for several days or weeks and then record your answers.

past behavior is usually a strong indicator of future behavior. It’s important not to minimize the dangerous things this person has done or the ways he or she has harmed you or others.

Whatever the response, it’s unlikely to be a sincere attempt to change. The more you reason, plead, or threaten, the more defensive, angry, or manipulative the difficult person will become. This leaves you with one choice—do what’s in your power to improve your life.

Regardless, it’s hard to accept that some people won’t respect us or our boundaries. And even when we focus on what we can control, they may try to sabotage our boundaries with guilt, bullying, and belittling. This is another power play commonly used by difficult people to try to control us. They think that if they make us feel bad enough about setting limits, we’ll back down and they’ll be able to do whatever they want.

takes courage to admit when you’ve disrespected someone’s boundaries, but to create and sustain mature and satisfying relationships you need to be able to acknowledge your mistakes, apologize, and change your behavior. I hope you’re now more aware of how you violate other people’s boundaries, understand that you’re not the only one who struggles with

mindfulness skills allow us to focus attention in the moment in order to recognize that we have a choice about how to proceed.

Some ways to minimize DNA damage include avoiding harmful chemicals, heavy metals, or radiation, wearing sunscreen, and not smoking.

The three best ways to promote hormesis are fasting, caloric restriction, and exercise

The primary sources of stress for most people are work and family. These feelings come from trying to meet the demands of both in a way that would make them feel satisfied and happy.

The increased prevalence of anxiety, depression, and hypertension are the physical evidence of stress.

Sustained stress packs a huge punch to our physical health and can significantly contribute to obesity, cardiovascular disease, hypertension, and diabetes.

It’s important to note that stress is not always bad. The adrenaline that stress triggers helps us deliver a great talk to a large group of people or keeps us alert to finish that demanding project by its deadline.

Most people know that to get the most out of life, they need to take care of themselves by exercising, sleeping well, and eating right. But knowing is not the same as doing!

It's never too early to start lecture kids about race and racism. The following pointers will assist you in getting the conversation started. Sara D. Lee, MSW, LCSW, shares her tips for talking about race with our youngsters. Inspect her website Pacific Burnout Therapy or on Facebook. Conversations about race are always happening around us. Always. Of media, and each person participates in the least times. A bit like during a painting, where the filled and blank spaces close to doing the whole work, both what's said and what's left unsaid matter. For instance, I adore Mr. Rodgers. Still, the absence of 1 or more celebrated paternal figures of color in children's media is an example of racism shaping the children's conversation on race. An Asian-American, Latinx, Native-American, or African-American father figure could have filled that role if it didn't require a singular blend of access and privilege that our society exclusively extends to the White race.

The surest thing I took away from my BSW, MSW, and Ph.D. in social work is this: Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering. I wanted to develop research that explained the anatomy of connection.

Types of Degrees for Professionals When you begin to investigate therapists, you will probably see a wide array of initials following their names. That alphabet soup indicates academic degrees, licenses, and/or certifications. Remember that just because the professional has a lot of impressive degrees, that doesn’t mean that he or she is the right therapist for you. The most important thing is to feel completely comfortable with the person so you can speak honestly about your feelings. If you are uncomfortable or intimidated, your time with the therapist will not be effective. When finding a therapist, you should look for one with a master’s degree or a doctorate in a mental-health field. This shows that he or she has had advanced training in dealing with psychological problems. Therapists’ academic degrees include: M.D. (Doctor of Medicine): This means that the doctor received his or her medical degree and has had four years of clinical residency. M.D.s can prescribe medication. Ph.D. (Doctor of Philosophy) and Psy.D. (Doctor of Psychology): These professionals have had four to six years of graduate study. They frequently work in businesses, schools, mental-health centers, and hospitals. M.A. (Master of Arts degree in psychology): An M.A. is basically a counseling degree. Therapists with this degree emphasize clinical experience and psychotherapy. M.S. (Master of Science degree in psychology): Professionals with this degree are more inclined toward research and usually have a specific area of focus. Ed.D. (Doctor of Education): This degree indicates a background in education, child development, and general psychology. M.S.W. (Master of Social Work): An M.S.W. is a social-work degree that prepares an individual to diagnose and treat psychological problems and provide mental health resources. Psychiatric social workers make up the single largest group of mental health professionals. In addition to the various degrees therapists may hold, there are also a number of licenses that may be obtained. These include: M.F.C.C.: Marriage, Family, and Child Counselor M.F.T. Marriage and Family Therapist L.C.S.W.: Licensed Clinical Social Worker L.I.S.W.: Licensed Independent Social Worker L.S.W.: Licensed Social Worker