β
Mrs Dalloway is always giving parties to cover the silence
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
She had the perpetual sense, as she watched the taxi cabs, of being out, out, far out to sea and alone; she always had the feeling that it was very, very, dangerous to live even one day.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
He thought her beautiful, believed her impeccably wise; dreamed of her, wrote poems to her, which, ignoring the subject, she corrected in red ink.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
What does the brain matter compared with the heart?
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
It might be possible that the world itself is without meaning.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
She thought there were no Gods; no one was to blame; and so she evolved this atheist's religion of doing good for the sake of goodness.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
It is a thousand pities never to say what one feels.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
To love makes one solitary.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Did it matter then, she asked herself, walking towards Bond Street, did it matter that she must inevitably cease completely? All this must go on without her; did she resent it; or did it not become consoling to believe that death ended absolutely?
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Peter would think her sentimental. So she was. For she had come to feel that it was the only thing worth saying β what one felt. Cleverness was silly. One must say simply what one felt.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
It was a silly, silly dream, being unhappy.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
The world wavered and quivered and threatened to burst into flames.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Rigid, the skeleton of habit alone upholds the human frame
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
But nothing is so strange when one is in love (and what was this except being in love?) as the complete indifference of other people.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
What is this terror? what is this ecstasy? he thought to himself. What is it that fills me with this extraordinary excitement?
It is Clarissa, he said.
For there she was.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
...she always had the feeling that it was very, very dangerous to live even one day.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Life stand still here.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Moments like this are buds on the tree of life. Flowers of darkness they are.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Fear no more, says the heart, committing its burden to some sea, which sighs collectively for all sorrows, and renews, begins, collects, lets fall
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
I prefer men to cauliflowers
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Her life was a tissue of vanity and deceit.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Fear no more, says the heart...
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
She belonged to a different age, but being so entire, so complete, would always stand up on the horizon, stone-white, eminent, like a lighthouse marking some past stage on this adventurous, long, long voyage, this interminable --- this interminable life.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
First a warning, musical; then the hour, irrevocable. The leaden circles dissolved in the air.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
One cannot bring children into a world like this. One cannot perpetuate suffering, or increase the breed of these lustful animals, who have no lasting emotions, but only whims and vanities, eddying them now this way, now that.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Still, life had a way of adding day to day
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Beauty, the world seemed to say. And as if to prove it (scientifically) wherever he looked at the houses, at the railings, at the antelopes stretching over the palings, beauty sprang instantly. To watch a leaf quivering in the rush of air was an exquisite joy. Up in the sky swallows swooping, swerving, flinging themselves in and out, round and round, yet always with perfect control as if elastics held them; and the flies rising and falling; and the sun spotting now this leaf, now that, in mockery, dazzling it with soft gold in pure good temper; and now again some chime (it might be a motor horn) tinkling divinely on the grass stalksβall of this, calm and reasonable as it was, made out of ordinary things as it was, was the truth now; beauty, that was the truth now. Beauty was everywhere.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Human beings have neither kindness, nor faith, nor charity beyond what serves to increase the pleasure of the moment.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Half the time she did things not simply, not for themselves; but to make people think this or that; perfect idiocy she knew for no one was ever for a second taken in.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
As we are a doomed race, chained to a sinking ship, as the whole thing is a bad joke, let us, at any rate, do our part; mitigate the suffering of our fellow-prisoners; decorate the dungeon with flowers and air-cushions; be as decent as we possibly can.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
what she loved: life, London, this moment of June.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
So he was deserted. The whole world was clamouring: Kill yourself, kill yourself, for our sakes. But why should he kill himself for their sakes? Food was pleasant; the sun hot; and this killing oneself, how does one set about it, with a table knife, uglily, with floods of blood, - by sucking a gaspipe? He was too weak; he could scarcely raise his hand. Besides, now that he was quite alone, condemned, deserted, as those who are about to die are alone, there was a luxury in it, an isolation full of sublimity; a freedom which the attached can never know.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
for women live much more in the past...they attach themselves to places;
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
A thing there was that mattered; a thing, wreathed about with chatter, defaced, obscured in her own life, let drop every day in corruption, lies, chatter. This he had preserved. Death was defiance. Death was an attempt to communicate; people feeling the impossibility of reaching the centre which, mystically, evaded them; closeness drew apart; rapture faded, one was alone. There was an embrace in death.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Are we not all prisoners? She had read a wonderful play about a man who scratched on the wall of his cell, and she had felt that was true of lifeβone scratched on the wall.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
For she had come to feel that it was the only thing worth saying--what one felt. Cleverness was silly. One must simply say what one felt.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
It was awful, he cried, awful, awful!
Still, the sun was hot. Still, one got over things. Still, life had a way of adding day to day.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
After that, how unbelievable death was! - that is must end; and no one in the whole world would know how she had loved it all.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
When people are happy they have a reserve upon which to draw, whereas she was like a wheel without a tyre
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Clarissa had a theory in those days - they had heaps of theories, always theories, as young people have. It was to explain the feeling they had of dissatisfaction; not knowing people; not being known. For how could they know each other? You met every day; then not for six months, or years. It was unsatisfactory, they agreed, how little one knew people. But she said, sitting on the bus going up Shaftesbury Avenue, she felt herself everywhere; not 'here, here, here'; and she tapped the back of the seat; but everywhere. She waved her hand, going up Shaftesbury Avenue. She was all that. So that to know her, or any one, one must seek out the people who completed them; even the places. Odd affinities she had with people she had never spoke to, some women in the street, some man behind a counter - even trees, or barns. It ended in a transcendental theory which, with her horror of death, allowed her to believe, or say that she believed (for all her scepticism), that since our apparitions, the part of us which appears, are so momentary compared with the other, the unseen part of us, which spreads wide, the unseen might survive, be recovered somehow attached to this person or that, or even haunting certain places, after death. Perhaps - perhaps.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Effort ceases. Time flaps on the mast. There we stop; there we stand. Rigid, the skeleton of habit alone upholds the human frame
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
An offering for the sake of offering, perhaps. Anyhow, it was her gift. Nothing else had she of the slightest importance; could not think, write, even play the piano. She muddled Armenians and Turks; loved success; hated discomfort; must be liked; talked oceans of nonsense: and to this day, ask her what the Equator was, and she did not know.
All the same, that one day should follow another; Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday; that one should wake up in the morning; see the sky; walk in the park; meet Hugh Whitbread; then suddenly in came Peter; then these roses; it was enough. After that, how unbelievable death was!-that it must end; and no one in the whole world would know how she had loved it all; how, every instant . . .
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Love and religion! thought Clarissa, going back into the drawing room, tingling all over. How detestable, how detestable they are!
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
She looked pale, mysterious, like a lily, drowned under water, he thought.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
For the young people could not talk. And why should they? Shout, embrace, swing, be up at dawn...
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Death was defiance. Death was an attempt to communicate; people feeling the impossibility of reaching the center which, mystically, evaded them; closeness drew apart; rapture faded, one was alone. There was an embrace in death.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
But the close withdrew: the hand softened. It was over-- the moment.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Roses," she thought sardonically, "All trash, mβdear.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Her only gift was knowing people almost by instinct, she thought, walking on. If you put her in a room with someone, up went her back like a cat's; or she purred.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
There was an emptiness about the heart of life; an attic room.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
The people we are most fond of are not good for us when we are ill.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Despairing of human relationships (people were so difficult), she often went into her garden and got from her flowers a peace which men and women never gave her.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
alone, condemned, deserted, as those who are about to die are alone, there was a luxury in it, an isolation full of sublimity; a freedom which the attached can never know
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
What did it mean to her, this thing she called life? Oh, it was very queer.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
The cold stream of visual impressions failed him now as if the eye were a cup that overflowed and let the rest run down its china walls unrecorded.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
But he could not taste, he could not feel. In the teashop among the tables and the chattering waiters the appalling fear came over him- he could not feel. He could reason; he could read, Dante for example, quite easilyβ¦he could add up his bill; his brain was perfect; it must be the fault of the world then- that he could not feel.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Quiet descended on her, calm, content, as her needle, drawing the silk smoothly to its gentle pause, collected the green folds together and attached them, very lightly, to the belt. So on a summerβs day waves collect, overbalance, and fall; collect and fall; and the whole world seems to be saying βthat is allβ more and more ponderously, until even the heart in the body which lies in the sun on the beach says too, That is all. Fear no more, says the heart. Fear no more, says the heart, committing its burden to some sea, which sighs collectively for all sorrows, and renews, begins, collects, lets fall. And the body alone listens to the passing bee; the wave breaking; the dog barking, far away barking and barking.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
She would not say of any one in the world that they were this or were that. She felt very young; at the same time unspeakably aged. She sliced like a knife through everything; at the same time was outside, looking on. She had a perpetual sense, as she watched the taxi cabs, of being out, far out to the sea and alone; she always had the feeling that it was very, very dangerous to live even one day. Not that she thought herself clever, or much out of the ordinary. How she had got through life on the few twigs of knowledge Fraulein Daniels gave them she could not think. She knew nothing; no language, no history; she scarcely read a book now, except memoirs in bed; and yet to her it was absolutely absorbing; all this; the cabs passing; and she would not say of Peter, she would not say of herself, I am this, I am that.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
And it was awfully strange, he thought, how she still had the power, as she came tinkling, rustling, still had the power as she came across the room, to make the moon, which he detested, rise at Bourton on the terrace in the summer sky.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs Dalloway)
β
Nothing could be slow enough, nothing lasts too long. No pleasure could equal, she thought, straightening the chairs, pushing in one book on the shelf, this having done with the triumphs of youth, lost herself in the process of living, to find it with a shock of delight, as the sun rose, as the day sank. Many a time had she gone, at Barton when they were all talking, to look at the sky; seen it between peoples shoulders at dinner; seen it in London when she could not sleep. She walked to the window.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
With twice his wits, she had to see things through his eyes -- one of the tragedies of married life.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
For in marriage a little licence,a little independence there must be between people living together day in and day out in the same house; which Richard gave her, and she him.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
For she was a child, throwing bread to the ducks, between her parents who stood by the lake, holding her life in her arms which, as she neared them, grew larger and larger in her arms, until it became a whole life, a complete life, which she put down by them and said, "This is what I have made of it! This!" And what had she made of it? What, indeed?
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
For the truth is (let her ignore it) that human beings have neither kindness, nor faith, nor charity beyond what serves to increase the pleasure of the moment.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
What a lark! What a plunge!
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
(But he could not bring himself to say he loved her; not in so many words.)
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
She had influenced him more than any person he had ever known. And always in this way coming before him without his wishing it, cool, ladylike, critical; or ravishing, romantic.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Because it is a thousand pities never to say what one feels
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
No decent man ought to read Shakespeare's sonnets because it was like listening at keyholes.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
One might fancy that day, the London day, was just beginning. Like a woman who had slipped off her print dress and white apron to array herself in blue and pearls, the day changed, put off stuff, took gauze, changed to evening, and with the same sigh of exhilaration that a woman breathes, tumbling petticoats on the floor, it too shed dust, heat, colour; the traffic thinned; motor cars, tinkling, darting, succeeded the lumber of vans; and here and there among the thick foliage of the squares an intense light hung. I resign, the evening seemed to say, as it paled and faded above the battlements and prominences, moulded, pointed, of hotel, flat, and block of shops, I fade, she was beginning. I disappear, but London would have none of it, and rushed her bayonets into the sky, pinioned her, constrained her to partnership in her revelry.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
For the truth is ... that human beings have neither kindness, nor faith, nor charity beyond what serves to increase the pleasure of the moment. They hunt in packs. Their packs scour the desert and vanish screaming into the wilderness. They desert the fallen.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
How often since then has she wondered what might have happened if she'd tried to remain with him; if sheβd returned Richard's kiss on the corner of Bleeker and McDougal, gone off somewhere (where?) with him, never bought the packet of incense or the alpaca coat with rose-shaped buttons. Couldnβt they have discovered something larger and stranger than what they've got. It is impossible not to imagine that other future, that rejected future, as taking place in Italy or France, among big sunny rooms and gardens; as being full of infidelities and great battles; as a vast and enduring romance laid over friendship so searing and profound it would accompany them to the grave and possibly even beyond. She could, she thinks, have entered another world. She could have had a life as potent and dangerous as literature itself.
Or then again maybe not, Clarissa tells herself. That's who I was. This is who I am--a decent woman with a good apartment, with a stable and affectionate marriage, giving a party. Venture too far for love, she tells herself, and you renounce citizenship in the country you've made for yourself. You end up just sailing from port to port.
Still, there is this sense of missed opportunity. Maybe there is nothing, ever, that can equal the recollection of having been young together. Maybe it's as simple as that. Richard was the person Clarissa loved at her most optimistic moment. Richard had stood beside her at the pond's edge at dusk, wearing cut-off jeans and rubber sandals. Richard had called her Mrs. Dalloway, and they had kissed. His mouth had opened to hers; (exciting and utterly familiar, she'd never forget it) had worked its way shyly inside until she met its own. They'd kissed and walked around the pond together.
It had seemed like the beginning of happiness, and Clarissa is still sometimes shocked, more than thirty years later to realize that it was happiness; that the entire experience lay in a kiss and a walk. The anticipation of dinner and a book. The dinner is by now forgotten; Lessing has been long overshadowed by other writers. What lives undimmed in Clarissa's mind more than three decades later is a kiss at dusk on a patch of dead grass, and a walk around a pond as mosquitoes droned in the darkening air. There is still that singular perfection, and it's perfect in part because it seemed, at the time, so clearly to promise more. Now she knows: That was the moment, right then. There has been no other.
β
β
Michael Cunningham (The Hours)
β
She came into a room; she stood, as he had often seen her, in a doorway with lots of people round her. But it was Clarissa one remembered. Not that she was striking; not beautiful at all; there was nothing picturesque about her; she never said anything specially clever; there she was however; there she was.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Sir William said he never spoke of 'madness'; he called it not having a sense of proportion.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
She felt very young; at the same time unspeakably aged
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Oh, Mrs. Dalloway. Always giving parties to cover the silence.
β
β
Michael Cunningham
β
But he could not tell her he loved her. He held her hand. Happiness is this, he thought.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Once you fall, Septimus repeated to himself, human nature is on you. Holmes and Bradshaw are on you. They scour the desert. They fly screaming into the wilderness. The rack and the thumbscrew are applied. Human nature is remorseless.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
It is Clarissa, he said.
For there she was.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
For they might be parted for hundreds of years, she and Peter; she never wrote a letter and his were dry sticks; but suddenly it would come over her, If he were with me now what would he say? --some days, some sights bringing him back to her calmly, without the old bitterness; which perhaps was the reward of having cared for people; they came back in the middle of St. James's Park on a fine morning--indeed they did.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
For this is the truth about our soul, he thought, who fish-like inhabits deep seas and plies among obscurities threading her way between the boles of giant weeds, over sun-flickered spaces and on and on into gloom, cold, deep, inscrutable; suddenly she shoots to the surface and sports on the wind-wrinkled waves; that is, has a positive need to brush, scrape, kindle herself, gossiping.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Well, Iβve had my fun; Iβve had it, he thought, looking up at the swinging baskets of pale geraniums. And it was smashed to atomsβhis fun, for it was half made up, as he knew very well; invented, this escapade with the girl; made up, as one makes up the better part of life, he thoughtβmaking onself up; making her up; creating an exquisite amusement, and something more. But odd it was, and quite true; all this one could never shareβit smashed to atoms.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
So on a summer's day waves collect, overbalance, and fall; collect and fall; and the whole world seems to be saying 'that is all' more and more ponderously, until even the heart in the body which lies in the sun on the beach says too 'that is all'. Fear no more, says the heart. Fear no more, says the heart, committing its burden to some sea, which sighs collectively for all sorrows, and renews, begins, collects, lets fall.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
All the same that one day should follow another; Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday; that one should wake up in the morning; see the sky; walk in the park...then these roses; it was enough. After that, how unbelievable death was! -- that it must end; and no one in the whole world would know how she had loved it all.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
It rasped her, though, to have stirring about in her this brutal monster! to hear twigs cracking and feel hooves planted down in the depths of that leaf-encumbered forest, the soul; never to be content quite, or quite secure, for at any moment the brute would be stirring, this hatred...
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Then came the most exquisite moment of her whole life passing a stone urn with flowers in it. Sally stopped; picked a flower; kissed her on the lips. The whole world might have turned upside down! The others disappeared; there she was alone with Sally. And she felt that she had been given a present, wrapped up, and told just to keep it, not to look at it β a diamond, something infinitely precious, wrapped up, which, as they walked (up and down, up and down), she uncovered, or the radiance burnt through, the revelation, the religious feeling!
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
One feels even in the midst of the traffic, or waking at night, Clarissa was positive, a particular hush, or solemnity; an indescribable pause; a suspense before Big Ben strikes. There! Out it boomed. First a warning, musical; then the hour, irrevocable. The leaden circles dissolved in the air. Such fools we are, she thought, crossing Victoria Street. For Heaven only knows why one loves it so, how one sees it so, making it up, building it round one, tumbling it, creating it every moment afresh; but the veriest frumps, the most dejected of miseries sitting on doorsteps (drink their downfall) do the same; can't be dealt with, she felt positive, by Acts of Parliament for that very reason: they love life. In people's eyes, in the swing, tramp, and trudge; in the bellow and the uproar; the carriages, motor cars, omnibuses, vans, sandwich men shuffling and swinging; brass bands; barrel organs; in the triumph and the jingle and the strange high singing of some aeroplane overhead was what she loved; life; London; this moment in June.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Proust so titillates my own desire for expression that I can hardly set out the sentence. Oh if I could write like that! I cry. And at the moment such is the astonishing vibration and saturation and intensification that he procuresβthereβs something sexual in itβthat I feel I can write like that, and seize my pen and then I canβt write like that. Scarcely anyone so stimulates the nerves of language in me: it becomes an obsession. But I must return to Swann.
My great adventure is really Proust. Wellβwhat remains to be written after that? Iβm only in the first volume, and there are, I suppose, faults to be found, but I am in a state of amazement; as if a miracle were being done before my eyes. How, at last, has someone solidified what has always escapedβand made it too into this beautiful and perfectly enduring substance? One has to put the book down and gasp. The pleasure becomes physicalβlike sun and wine and grapes and perfect serenity and intense vitality combined.
Jacques Raverat...sent me a letter about Mrs Dalloway which gave me one of the happiest moments days of my life. I wonder if this time I have achieved something? Well, nothing anyhow compared with Proust, in whom I am embedded now. The thing about Proust is his combination of the utmost sensibility with the utmost tenacity. He searches out these butterfly shades to the last grain. He is as tough as catgut & as evanescent as a butterfly's bloom. And he will I suppose both influence me & make out of temper with every sentence of my own.
β
β
Virginia Woolf
β
She felt very young; at the same time unspeakably aged. She sliced like a knife through everything; at the same time was outside, looking on. She had a perpetual sense, as she watched the taxi cabs, of being out, out, far out to sea and alone; she always had the feeling that it was very, very dangerous to live even one day.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
yet she could not resist sometimes yielding to the charm of a woman, not a girl, of a woman confessing, as to her they often did, some scrape, some folly. And whether it was pity, or their beauty, or that she was older, or some accident-like a faint scent, or a violin next door (so strange is the power of sounds at certain moments), she did undoubtedly then feel what men felt.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
As a cloud crosses the sun, silence falls on London; and falls on the mind. Effort ceases. Time flaps on the mast. There we stop; there we stand. Rigid, the skeleton of habit alone upholds the human frame. Where there is nothing, Peter Walsh said to himself; feeling hollowed out, utterly empty within. Clarissa refused me, he thought. He stood there thinking, Clarissa refused me.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Come along,' she said. 'They're waiting.'
He had never felt so happy in the whole of his life! Without a word they made it up. They walked down to the lake. He had twenty minutes of perfect happiness. Her voice, her laugh, her dress (something floating, white, crimson), her spirit, her adventurousness; she made them all disembark and explore the island; she startled a hen; she laughed; she sang. And all the time, he knew perfectly well, Dalloway was falling in love with her; she was falling in love with Dalloway; but it didn't seem to matter. Nothing mattered. They sat on the ground and talked-he and Clarissa. They went in and out of each other's minds without any effort. And then in a second it was over. He said to himself as they were getting into the boat, 'She will marry that man,' dully, without any resentment; but it was an obvious thing. Dalloway would marry Clarissa.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
I often wish I'd got on better with your father,' he said.
But he never liked anyone who--our friends,' said Clarissa; and could have bitten her tongue for thus reminding Peter that he had wanted to marry her.
Of course I did, thought Peter; it almost broke my heart too, he thought; and was overcome with his own grief, which rose like a moon looked at from a terrace, ghastly beautiful with light from the sunken day. I was more unhappy than I've ever been since, he thought. And as if in truth he were sitting there on the terrace he edged a little towards Clarissa; put his hand out; raised it; let it fall. There above them it hung, that moon. She too seemed to be sitting with him on the terrace, in the moonlight.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Men must not cut down trees. There is a God. (He noted such revelations on the backs of envelopes.) Change the world. No one kills from hatred. Make it known (he wrote it down). He waited. He listened. A sparrow perched on the railing opposite chirped Septimus, Septimus, four or five times over and went on, drawing its notes out, to sing freshly and piercingly in Greek words how there is no crime and, joined by another sparrow, they sang in voices prolonged and piercing in Greek words, from trees in the meadow of life beyond a river where the dead walk, how there is no death.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Do you remember the lake?' she said, in an abrupt voice, under the pressure of an emotion which caught her heart, made the muscles of her throat stiff, and contracted her lips in a spasm as she said 'lake.' For she was a child, throwing bread to the ducks, between her parents, and at the same time a grown woman coming to her parents who stood by the lake, holding her life in her arms which, as she neared them grew larger and larger in her arms until it became a whole life, a complete life, which she put down by them and said, 'This is what I have made of it! This!' And what had she made of it? What indeed? sitting there sewing this morning with Peter.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
What a lark! What a plunge! For so it had always seemed to her, when, with a little squeak of the hinges, which she could hear now, she had burst open the French windows and plunged at Bourton into the open air. How fresh, how calm, stiller than this of course, the air was in the early morning; like the flap of a wave; the kiss of a wave; chill and sharp and yet (for a girl of eighteen as she then was) solemn, feeling as she did, standing there at the open window, that something awful was about to happen; looking at the flowers, at the trees with the smoke winding off them and the rooks rising, falling; standing and looking until Peter Walsh said, "Musing among the vegetables?"βwas that it?β"I prefer men to cauliflowers"βwas that it? He must have said it at breakfast one morning when she had gone out on to the terraceβPeter Walsh. He would be back from India one of these days, June or July, she forgot which, for his letters were awfully dull; it was his sayings one remembered; his eyes, his pocket-knife, his smile, his grumpiness and, when millions of things had utterly vanishedβhow strange it was!βa few sayings like this about cabbages.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
There was nobody. Her words faded. So a rocket fades. Its sparks, having grazed their way into the night, surrender to it, dark descends, pours over the outlines of houses and towers; bleak hillsides soften and fall in. But though they are gone, the night is full of them; robbed of colour, blank of windows, they exist more ponderously, give out what the frank daylight fails to transmitβthe trouble and suspense of things conglomerated there in the darkness; huddled together in the darkness; reft of the relief which dawn brings when, washing the walls white and grey, spotting each windowpane, lifting the mist from the fields, showing the red brown cows peacefully grazing, all is once more decked out to the eye; exists again. I am alone; I am alone!
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Such are the visions which ceaselessly float up, pace beside, put their faces in front of, the actual thing; often overpowering the solitary traveller and taking away from him the sense of the earth, the wish to return, and giving him for substitute a general peace, as if (so he thinks as he advances down the forest ride) all this fever of living were simplicity itself; and myriads of things merged in one thing; and this figure, made of sky and branches as it is, had risen from the troubled sea (he is elderly, past fifty now) as a shape might be sucked up out of the waves to shower down from her magnificent hands, compassion, comprehension, absolution. So, he thinks, may I never go back to the lamplight; to the sitting-room; never finish my book; never knock out my pipe; never ring for Mrs. Turner to clear away; rather let me walk on to this great figure, who will, with a toss of her head, mount me on her streamers and let me blow to nothingness with the rest.
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)
β
Big Ben struck the half hour.
How extraordinary it was, strange, yes, touching, to see the old lady (they had been neighbors ever so many years) move away from the window, as if she were attached to that sound, that string. Gigantic as it was, it had something to do with her. Down, down, into the midst of ordinary things the finger fell making the moment solemn. She was forced, so Clarissa imagined, by that sound, to move, to go - but where? Clarissa tried to follow her as she turned and disappeared, and could still just see her white cap moving at the back of the bedroom. She was still there moving about at the other end of the room. Why creeds and prayers and mackintoshes? when, thought Clarissa, that's the miracle, that's the mystery; that old lady, she meant, whom she could see going from chest of drawers to dressing table. She could still see her. And the supreme mystery, which Kilman might say she had solved, or Peter might say he had solved, but Clarissa didn't believe either of them had the ghost of an idea of solving, was simply this: here was one room, there another. Did religion solve that, or love?
β
β
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)