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Redneck Rules of Etiquette
• To avoid bruising wine as you decant it, make sure to tilt the paper cup.
• Your centerpiece should never be prepared by a taxidermist.
• When dating (outside the family), always offer to bait your lady’s hook, especially on the first date.
• Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 P.M.; others might say Monday. If the latter, it is the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time.
• When attending the theater, refrain from talking to the characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can’t hear you.
• Never take a beer to a job interview.
• Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
• Convenient though it may be, it’s considered tacky to bring a cooler to church.
• If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
• Even if you’re certain you’re in the will, don’t drive a U-haul to the funeral home.
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