Models Mark Manson Quotes

You cannot be a powerful and life-changing presence to some people without being a joke or an embarrassment to others.

Challenge yourself to find the good and beautiful thing inside of everyone. It’s there. It’s your job to find it. Not their job to show you.

Rejection exists for a reason — it’s a means to keep people apart who are not good for each other.

The less you talk about your shame, the more of it you have.

Life shrinks and expands in proportion to one’s courage.” - Anais Nin

Humans are attracted to each other’s rough edges.

intentions are always speaking ten times louder than your actual words. What are they saying?

Get out there and expose yourself. Open yourself up and find what makes you happy. Yes, that will mean you’ll probably get hurt. But so what? The best things in life don’t come easily.

The first step to being more attractive is to see rejection as a means to eliminate women who won't make you happy from your life. It's a blessing, not a curse.

Man sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices his money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.” - The Dalai Lama

every second I spend sitting around feeling distant from my true desires, avoiding the world and being afraid to engage it, is a second that I’m forfeiting the biggest gift of all: my time here in this life.

the catch is that everything you say must be as authentic as possible. There’s no shortcut. There are no tricks. You say it because you mean it and mean it because you say it. The more nervous it makes you, the better, because it means you’re being authentic and making yourself vulnerable.

And ultimately, that’s what women want, a strong, independent, high status male — a “doesn’t take shit from anybody” bad boy — but they want this bad boy to have a depth and a sensitivity that they only open up and show when they’re around her.

Everybody on this planet shares a handful of universal emotional realities: ambition, shame, alienation, loneliness, achievement, regret, hardship, friendship, love, heartbreak. We’ve all experienced it. The facts change, the feelings are the same.

Instead of thinking, “I wonder if she’ll like me,” think, “I wonder what she’s like?

I see every rejection simply as some form of incompatibility. Whether she thinks I’m a total creep, or she’s crazy about me but we live on different continents, or she’s in a horrible mood when I ask her out, or she thinks I’m cute but has different values and interests than me — whatever the reason, if a woman ever rejects me, it’s because she’s not compatible with me. It may be a permanent incompatibility. It may be a temporary incompatibility. But the point is that if she liked me enough, she’d be willing to work at making it happen with me. And if she doesn’t, then that just means it’s wrong person — or right person, wrong time. And that’s fine.

And again, for the love of god, if you don’t find her attractive, don’t pursue her.

Ask yourself this: why would you want to be intimate with someone who doesn't appreciate you? Why would you ever settle for such a person? Because she's hot? Come on, have a little more self-respect. Have some higher standards.

There are three ways in which we are honest. And those three ways will make up the bulk of this book. The three ways are 1) living based on our values (lifestyle); 2) becoming comfortable with our intentions (boldness); and 3) by expressing our sexuality freely (communication).

And when it is a gift, when it is honest, she recognizes and appreciates a man who genuinely appreciates her. These men are rare. Women are people too (radical idea, I know). And as people, we all value those who genuinely value us, not expecting something in return.

The two go together. You cannot be an attractive and life-changing presence to some women without being a joke or an embarrassment to others. You simply can’t. You have to be controversial. You have to polarize. It’s the name of the game. And getting good at the game is learning to open yourself up enough emotionally, learning

How attractive a man is is inversely proportional to how needy he is. The more needy in his life, the less attractive and vice-versa.

That my most important values are honesty, empathy, and intellectual curiosity. That I’m unwilling to tolerate women who don’t make me happy, no matter how hot they are.

will be determined by how fearless and bold you are when it comes to meeting women.

Putting yourself in a position where you can be rejected, saying a joke that may not be funny, asserting an opinion that may offend others, joining a table of people you don’t know, telling a woman that you like her and want to date her. All of these things require you to stick your neck out on the line emotionally in some way. You’re making yourself vulnerable when you do them. In this way, vulnerability represents a form of power, a deep and subtle form of power.

The percentage of women who are Receptive to you will increase proportionally to the quality of your lifestyle, your social status and your looks. The percentage of women that you’re able to move from Neutral to Receptive will be proportional to how good your “game” is, or how well you’re able to communicate and express yourself with women. And your ability to sort through each type of women and meet as many as possible will be determined by how fearless and bold you are when it comes to meeting women.

YOUR values determine your behavior, not what you think she wants, not what you think others want, but what is best for you and best for the relationship.

Emerson once wrote, “What you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say.

Napoleon Hill wrote a famous section in his classic work Think and Grow Rich called “Sexual Transfiguration.” Hill noticed and theorized that extremely successful men also had extremely high sex drives. And not only did they have very high sex drives, but they also channeled this sexual energy into their work and their accomplishments. Often they would abstain from sex or masturbation for long periods of time and would, therefore, feel more energized.

You say it because you mean it and mean it because you say it. The more nervous it makes you feel, the better, because it means you're being authentic and making yourself vulnerable.

That means everything you say and do must be done without any ulterior motive. You are simply expressing your thoughts and feelings as they come to you, without inhibition, without shame.

Friction is when a woman finds you to be an attractive man, but there are value differences or external circumstances that prevent her from acting on that attraction or being interested in you.

Being slapped also taught me that you can’t always control how people react to you. Some people are completely out of their minds or they behave very inappropriately. You can’t help this. You cannot control what happens in every interaction. The sooner you accept this, the better off you will be.

Words and appearances are merely a symptom of a greater internal problem.

Romance novels are basically pornography for women.

A needy man’s actions and words will therefore be primarily motivated by impressing and winning approval from others.

Non-neediness means you respect yourself AND others. Narcissism means you only respect yourself. Neediness means you only respect others.

are not held back by the love we did not receive in the past; but by the love we do not extend in the present.” - Marianne Williamson

Highly needy men will end up in relationships sometimes, but only with highly needy women. The highly needy man is constantly working to earn a woman’s approval, and a highly needy woman is constantly in need of a man’s approval. So the two conspire together, usually with one creating drama/emotional meltdowns and the other one endlessly fixing it. This relationship is toxic and can harm each person’s self-worth.

But I’ll say this: if you consistently find it difficult to keep a woman interested in conversation; if you suffer from large amounts of anxiety around women; if you constantly feel a need to prove something to others or yourself, then there’s something there. Trust me, there’s something there. And there’s something you’re not expressing or some emotion you’re not in touch with. And that’s fine. We all go through it.

That said, I dare to hope that one day the online advertising business model will die in a fucking dumpster fire; that the news media will no longer have incentives to optimize content for emotional impact but, rather, for informational utility; that technology will seek not to exploit our psychological fragility but, rather, to counterbalance it; that information will be worth something again; that anything will be worth something again.

The uncomfortable truth is that the majority of women are going to have high degrees of friction and projection when you meet them. With most of the women you meet, things are simply not going to work no matter what you do or say. This is to be expected. And this is fine. You are going to be incompatible with most of the women in the world and to hold any hopes of being highly compatible with most is an illusion of grandeur and a figment of your own narcissistic tendency.

By investment, I mean the degree to which you sacrifice/alter your own thoughts, feelings, and motivations for someone else. By less I mean that as a man, you should not be willing to sacrifice your thoughts, feelings, and motivations for someone else more than they sacrifice theirs for you.

Hopefully by now you’re getting a clearer idea of what demographic of women you’re currently attracting and which demographic of women you’d like to attract. In the next chapter, we will get into specifics on how to pursue the correct demographic for you and become as attractive as you possibly can be.

James is a nice guy. But he tends to be needy in his relationships and has what we would call a high level of investment with any woman that he meets. Whenever he dates a woman, he will rearrange his entire schedule at her whim. He will buy her gifts and spend most of his paycheck on the nicest dinners for her. He’ll forgo plans with his guy friends and if the woman he dates gets angry, he’ll sit patiently and listen to her vent all of her frustrations to him, agreeing with her constantly in a futile desperation that she may feel better. Even when he feels that she’s being irrational or treating him unfairly, he won’t say anything because he doesn’t want her to be upset with him. As a result, despite caring for him, James’s girlfriends rarely respect him. And sooner or later — usually sooner — they dump him. When James gets dumped, he becomes distraught and depressed. He’s often inconsolable and drinks too much. Usually, he doesn’t feel better again until he meets another woman and the entire cycle repeats itself.

Because sharing yourself with someone doesn’t mean just physically occupying the same area. It doesn’t mean exchanging facts with one another. It means opening up about your values, desires, feelings, and dreams. It means exposing your shame and insecurities and doubts and fears. It means living with somebody on an emotional plane, inhabiting that same heart-space together because that’s the one thing we can’t ever achieve by ourselves.

Challenge yourself to find the good and beautiful thing inside of everyone. It's there. It's your job to find it. Not their job to show you. p149

Only making time for people who make time for you. Only being interested in dating people who are interested in dating you.

Narcissism is also often promoted to men by other men growing up, especially in highly “macho” cultures (Latin America, the Middle East, East Asian, etc.). Men are often raised by other narcissistic men who only found their way through relationships through self-aggrandizement and selfishness, and so they seek to pass these traits onto their sons.

focusing on your own wants and desires to the point of imposing them onto others. Exaggerate your dominance and boast of your strength. Accept no wrongdoing. Admit no faults. Blame others for your problems. Go out of your way to make others feel smaller so that you appear bigger.

For instance, making yourself vulnerable doesn’t just mean being willing to share your fears or insecurities. It can mean putting yourself in a position where you can be rejected, saying a joke that may not be funny, asserting an opinion that may offend others, introducing yourself to a group of people you don’t know, telling a woman that you like her and want to date her. All of these things require you to stick your neck out on the line emotionally in some way. You’re making yourself vulnerable when you do them.

A non-needy man doesn’t try to control what women feel about him. Rather he tries to control what he feels about certain women. He understands that the world isn’t about him and that all he can control is himself and his own actions. He’s not bothered when things don’t go his way or when people don’t recognize him as being amazing because he already feels amazing himself. He doesn’t need their approval and their disapproval doesn’t faze him from his mission.

I was embarrassed. Yes, it sucked. Yes, I have issues. No, I’m not perfect.” The implication being the whole time that I’m fine with it. I’m not looking for sympathy or validation. I don’t need anything from her. It’s just who I am, rough edges and all.

Think of it this way, there are two men. One stands tall, looks straight ahead. Looks people in the eye when he speaks to them. Says what he thinks and is comfortable if some people disagree with him. When he makes a mistake, he shrugs it off and apologizes if necessary. When he sucks at something, he admits it. He’s unafraid to express his emotions, even if that means he gets rejected because of them sometimes. He has no problem moving on to people who don’t reject him, but instead like him for who he is.

The second man hunches over, his eyes dart around and he is unable to look someone in the eye without getting uncomfortable. He puts on a cool persona that is always aloof. He performs. He avoids saying things that may upset others, and sometimes even lies to avoid conflict. He’s always trying to impress people. When he makes a mistake, he tries to blame others or pretend like it didn’t happen. He hides his emotions and will smile and tell everyone he’s fine even when he’s not. He’s scared to death of rejection. And when he is rejected, it sends him reeling, angry, and desperate to find a way to win back the affection of the person who doesn’t like him.

I was the same way. For my entire young life, I was terrified of anyone not liking me. The mere thought of someone hating me, girl or guy, would literally keep me up at night. As a result, every aspect of my life revolved around people-pleasing, hiding my faults, covering my tracks, and blaming others. And needless to say, I barely had any success with women. And when I did finally get a girlfriend, she left my ass for a man who could actually express himself.

Few men ever stop and actually think critically about why they like certain things, why certain forms of pop culture are popular and others are not. Few have the curiosity to look into new art forms or hobbies and figure out how they feel about them. Here are some concepts to keep in mind as you go through your life experiencing art and media: 1. Assume everything has a form of value; it's your job to find it. Nothing is stupider than to be prejudiced against a genre of music or type of movie for no other reason than because of some stereotype or preconceived notion about it. Drop all of this prejudice and adopt this mentality immediately: "there has to be something to this form of art, otherwise it wouldn't have a following, so I should find out what that something is." Once you find it, then decide if you like it or not. Whether you like something or not, you should always be able to appreciate it.

Our culture has become stationary. We spend our time sitting behind desks, behind screens, and in cars. We don’t move like we used to and we don’t feel like we used to.

Non-neediness is when a man places a higher priority on his own perception of himself than the perceptions of others. A non-needy man’s actions and words will therefore be primarily motivated by embodying his own values and desires.

A man’s comfort and acceptance of the possibility that some people will not like him makes people like him even more. A man’s respect for differing opinions makes those around him want to agree with him more.

he believes he must do this to be liked and loved. He is buying a fancy watch and season tickets to the local sports team so that he will be admired and loved. He is coming up with fake compliments or pretending to be a bad ass because he thinks it will get him attention and love.

Whereas a needy man says and does these things for approval, the non-needy man does them simply for the pleasure of doing. The needy man tries to control what others think and feel more than what he thinks and feels himself. The non-needy man is more concerned with controlling his own thoughts and feelings rather than the thoughts and feelings of others.

It’s why women can often become turned off at the most innocuous moment or by the most unimportant statement. Consciously, the action or statement may seem harmless, but unconsciously, it conveyed everything they need to know about your status and that is this: you base your actions on a constant need for approval.

Seduction is the process by which a man induces a woman to become as invested in him as he is in her.

When it comes to making yourself more vulnerable, the first step is often to begin establishing your own boundaries. Learn how to say no to people, particularly women. Start having opinions on what you like and don’t like, what you’ll tolerate and won’t tolerate. Be honest with yourself, painfully honest. And then be painfully honest with her.

Projection is completely different. There are a lot of women who, for whatever reason, are afraid of their own sexuality and/or openly sexual men. They harbor trust issues and resentment with men. Usually, this is because they have a history of some sort of emotional/sexual abuse and/or they’ve experienced a long string of disappointments with the men in their life. When confronted with a non-needy man — a man without these similar emotional hang-ups and distrust — these women will usually be untrusting and lash out in response. They are not lashing out for lack of attraction, but they are lashing out because they are attracted and that strong sexual attraction scares them, particularly if you’re a man who feels threatening to them. Their view of male sexuality is negative and when they are confronted with an honest and attractive man they’ll often attack you and try to tear you down for it.

The world is what it is, it’s our job to simply present ourselves as boldly and clearly to it as possible, accept the reactions and move on the opportunities. Any attempt to control the reactions of others or take some kind of power over the reactions you receive is both foolish and illusory.

Women who are Unreceptive are just that: they’re unavailable and/or uninterested in having a sexual/romantic relationship with you. The most common reasons that put women in this category are the

The world is what it is, it’s our job to simply present ourselves as boldly and clearly to it as possible, accept the reactions and move on the opportunities. Any attempt to control the reactions of others or take some kind of power over the reactions you receive is both foolish and illusory.  

As far as what to talk about, your conversations should be getting deeper and more personal. There should be less teasing and playful banter and more conversations about your lives and what’s important to you. Learn about her past, her passions, her dreams, what her favorite things are. At the same time, you don’t want to turn this into a job interview (which too many dinner dates turn into), but elicit these topics by sharing them yourself.

pay unless she physically pulls out her wallet/credit card and stops you. Until she physically does that, just pay. Yes, once in a while you can get women buying you drinks and stuff — there are even ways to influence them to do this — but at the end of the day, unless you’re broke, take care of them. It’s a no-lose move and it will win you points with many of them.

Level 3: Getting to Know Women (Complete 2 of 3) Hold at least three 30-minute conversations with women you just met: Can be anywhere. Get three phone numbers from women you just met: Just ask, you’ll be surprised how many women will give them to you. Go on two dates: They can come from women you met anywhere.

Level 4: Getting Intimate (Complete 2 of 3) Kiss two women: Make sure they’re women you’ve met since reading this book. Go on a second date with the same woman: Self-explanatory. Successfully get a woman back to your place: Usually can be done on the second date.

Level 5: Getting Sexual (Complete 2 of 2) Have sex with a woman you’ve never had sex with before: Self explanatory Go on three first dates with new women: Self-explanatory.

Level 6: Oh, You Mack Daddy, You (Optional) Have sex with a woman you met that same day/night: Again, recommended you do this with a woman you meet in a bar or nightclub. Bringing a woman home you meet during the day is more difficult, but not impossible. Have sex with a woman on the first date: Make sure it’s a damn good date. Kiss three women the day/night you meet them: Can be done on separate nights. Also recommended to do this at a bar or nightclub.

His death shocked me, depressed me and scared me, but it scared me into having the courage to take risks, to express myself, to invest in my self-perception more than the perceptions of others. Because after all, sooner or later this will all disappear, and none of it will matter. So you might as well make the most of it while you’re here. And ultimately, that’s all that I can hope for you. That you make the most of your time here. That you take the tools I’ve laid out here and go out and forge a unique path for yourself and experience the love, the thrills, and the happiness that this life can reward you. Because that is what life does: it rewards you. It’s giving you gifts every day. Are you going to accept them?

Finding Your Truth — A two-part process of 1) removing behaviors which are based on receiving the approval of others rather than your own values and 2) getting in touch with emotions and desires which were previously unconscious. Finding one’s truth is based on the idea that most of our behaviors and beliefs are actually unconscious habits we picked up for the wrong reasons throughout our lives. Getting in touch with one’s real emotions and desires and discarding the unconfident habits and behaviors leads one to become more vulnerable, more confident, and, therefore, more attractive. See Also: Attractive Behavior, Non-Neediness, Vulnerability

Vulnerability — Being unguarded or undefended in expressing one’s thoughts and emotions. Most men hide the thoughts and emotions they believe will make them less attractive. This forces them to behave conditionally and base their behaviors on the beliefs and perceptions of those around them. This is unconfident behavior and ultimately makes them unattractive. Paradoxically, making oneself vulnerable and surrendering to criticism and not expecting anything in return from others causes one to build self-esteem, become more confident and more attractive.

If you look at romance novels — basically the female version of porn

The percentage of women who are Receptive to you will increase proportionally to the quality of your lifestyle, your social status, and your looks. The percentage of women that you’re able to move from Neutral to Receptive will be proportional to how good your “game” is, or how well you’re able to communicate and express yourself with women. And your ability to sort through each type of women and meet as many as possible will be determined by how fearless and bold you are when it comes to meeting women.

The only way to become more successful than most people is to be willing to do something most people aren’t willing to do. If you simply do what everyone else has already done, you will be rewarded with the same mediocre results everyone else has already gotten. The only model for success is to avoid most of the world’s models for success.

According to Kohlberg’s model of moral development, by age thirty-six, 89 percent of the population has achieved the adolescent stage of moral reasoning; only 13 percent ever achieve the adult stage.

For me, a big part of this was accepting that, actually, I had been a pretty naive and shitty boyfriend to my ex-girlfriend and I could understand why she would want to leave me. I also recognized flaws and insecurities in her that I hadn’t noticed when we were together and that she hadn’t been the perfect angel that I assumed she was.

It’s Usually Not About You As soon as you realize that 95% of this attracting women stuff has nothing to do with you, is the moment you become free to pursue what you want without hesitation or fear.

What do you value in a woman? Honesty? Beauty? Affection? Intelligence? Curiosity? Similar interests? Education? Obviously, the answer is “all of the above”, right? So let me rephrase the question: what do you value the most? What is an absolute deal-breaker in the women you date? Prioritize what you look for in a woman. This will help you decide where to look.

Dysfunctional relationships almost always crumble under the pressure of one person blaming the other for their shortcomings or transgressions. Research has shown a direct correlation between the amount of blame leveled between partners and their propensity to break up. The recipe for a healthy and happy relationship is one where both partners take responsibility for their own emotions and their choice to commit to the other.

The only important "skill" in dating is learning how to stop buying into your own bullshit, to stop believing your own stories. The resistance is constant. So you must constantly fight against it, acknowledge the stories you create for yourself, look them in the eye and say, “You know what, I don’t care if she’s on her phone and her ass says ‘PINK’ on it, I want to meet her.” And then do it. Without hesitation. Without fear. And without apology.

We always think that we’re the ones who are fine. It’s everyone else who is screwed up. But

tenacity,

A needy man is constantly investing in the perceptions others have in him. He is being extra nice and friendly when he doesn’t want to be because he believes he must do this to be liked and loved. He is buying a fancy watch and season tickets to the local sports team so that he will be admired and loved. He is coming up with fake compliments or pretending to be a bad ass because he thinks it will get him attention and love.

James is a nice guy. But he tends to be needy in his relationships and has what we would call a high level of investment with any woman that he meets. Whenever he dates a woman, he will rearrange his entire schedule at her whim. He will buy her gifts and spend most of his paycheck on the nicest dinners for her. He’ll forgo plans with his guy friends and if the woman he dates gets angry, he’ll sit patiently and listen to her vent all of her frustrations to him, agreeing with her constantly in a futile desperation that she may feel better. Even when he feels that she’s being irrational or treating him unfairly, he won’t say anything because he doesn’t want her to be upset with him. As a result, despite caring for him, James’s girlfriends rarely respect him. And sooner or later — usually sooner — they dump him. When James gets dumped, he becomes distraught and depressed. He’s often inconsolable and drinks too much. Usually, he doesn’t feel better again until he meets another woman and the entire cycle repeats itself.

A man's attractiveness is inversely proportional to how needy he is. The less needy he is, the more attractive he will be to women on average. The needier he is, the less attractive he will be to women on average. Neediness is when a man places a higher priority on others’ perceptions of him than his perception of himself. A needy man’s actions and words will therefore be primarily motivated by impressing and winning approval from others. Non-neediness is when a man places a higher priority on his own perception of himself than the perceptions of others. A non-needy man’s actions and words will therefore be primarily motivated by embodying his own values and desires. Neediness, therefore, infiltrates all behaviors because it is what inspires and instigates all behaviors. A lack of neediness also infiltrates all behaviors for the same reason. Because it underlies all of your actions and words, to be non-needy is to be more attractive, in every way. It defines and resonates in everything you say and do, the way you stand, the way you smile, the jokes you tell, the people you associate with, the car you drive, the wine you drink, the jacket you wear.

When people say vague things like, “I like the way he carries himself,” or “you just need to believe in yourself,” or, “he just has ‘it’, whatever ‘it’ is,” they are referring to a man’s lack of neediness. It exudes from him in everything he does. Paradoxically, a man’s lack of need for attention and admiration is itself a magnet for attention and admiration. A man’s comfort and acceptance of the possibility that some people will not like him makes people like him even more. A man’s respect for differing opinions makes those around him want to agree with him more.

What you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say.

As with any type of failure, it’s not until you’ve been rejected a certain amount that you realize how insignificant it actually is, how you spent so much time worrying about nothing, and how you’re free to act however you choose. The reason men fear rejection is because they’re operating on other peoples’ truths, not their own.

hypergamous,” how they manipulate men, how women are destined

I dare to hope for a post-hope world, where people are never treated merely as means but always as ends, where no consciousness is sacrificed for some greater religious aim, where no identity is harmed out of malice or greed or negligence, where the ability to reason and act is held in the highest regard by all, and where this is reflected not only in our hearts but also in our social institutions and business models.

The Three Fundamentals are: 1. Creating an attractive and enriching lifestyle. 2. Overcoming your fears and anxiety around socializing, intimacy and sexuality. 3. Mastering the expression of your emotions and communicating fluidly.

Social Proof The concept of social proof comes from influence psychology and is well documented in everything from salesmanship to advertising, to politics, and to attraction and relationships. The idea is that as humans when we see many other people valuing something, we will unconsciously value it ourselves. For instance, if everybody else is talking about a new movie, we are more likely to want to see it because we’ll unconsciously assume that it’s a good or important movie to see.

Level 1: Your Foundation (Complete 5 of 5) Join a gym: If you’re not already a member of a gym, join one. If you’re not familiar with how to work out properly, hire a personal trainer. Make this a weekly habit. Upgrade your wardrobe: Go out and upgrade your wardrobe based on the recommendations in Chapter 8. Challenge yourself to wear nicer clothes than you’ve ever worn before. It’ll change how you feel about yourself. Get a nice haircut: Go to a salon and drop the $50 on it. It’s worth it. It makes a difference. Job security/satisfaction: This is a complicated one, but if you’re not happy with your work situation, take some time and plan a way to fix it. If you work too much, try to find a way to work less. If you’re unemployed, stop everything else and get a job. Pursue one social hobby regularly: Pick a social hobby and pursue it regularly. You may already have one, but if not, find one. It could be dance classes, public speaking courses, language courses, cooking classes, joining a band, etc. Whatever it is, make it social. That means sitting at home and perfecting your model airplanes doesn’t count.