Midsomer Murders Quotes

I've watched every episode of Poirot and Midsomer Murders on TV. I never guess the ending and I can't wait for the moment when the detective gathers all the suspects in the room and, like a magician conjuring silk scarves out of the air, makes the whole thing make sense.

Medical conditions: (1) Sleep problems, possibly inherited from grandfather. (2) Hospital phobia. (3) Bookworm disease. (4) Possible addiction to watching old Columbo, Midsomer Murders, and Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries episodes. Personality traits: Shy but curious. Occasionally cowardly. Excellent with details. Good observer.

The cafe was empty, but the cook was unscrewing the outlet plate above my seat. I took my book into the bathroom and read while he finished. When I emerged, the cook was gone and a woman was ready to sit in my seat. - Excuse me, this is my table. - Did you reserve it? - Well, no, but it's my table. - Did you actually sit here? There's nothing on the table and you have your coat on. I stood there mutely. If this were an episode of Midsomer Murders she would surely be found strangled in a wild ravine behind an abandoned vicarage.

The road climbed steeply and then they were looking down at the village of Lovacott: a group of houses clustered around a small square, which was hardly more than the main street widened. A shop that seemed to sell everything, a pub. There was nothing picturesque here. No thatch. It would never have featured in an episode of Midsomer Murders.

We watch TV together all the time. Just going through Midsomer Murders is going to take another decade.

Somehow, Midsomer Murders is our best-rated TV import,’ admits Adrian, reluctantly. ‘It’s been getting a 30–40 per cent audience share for the past thirteen years – as long as it’s been around.’ The show is so popular in Denmark that to celebrate the anniversary of the ITV crime drama, bosses teamed up with Danish producers and stars from The Killing and Borgen for a special episode. ‘I think it’s because people find it soothing or something,’ says Adrian. I tell him that The Viking compared the experience of watching Midsomer Murders with eating soup: ‘It’s not the most exciting thing out there but it does make you feel all warm and hygge.

I contemplated the task that lay ahead. It felt like I was in the middle of a Midsomer Murders case in many respects, since our village location was similarly quaint and rustic and teeming with a cast of colorful characters. The central theme of this particular episode was abundantly clear, and of course: where on earth is Simba? Had he wandered off and got lost? Was he trapped in an outbuilding? Had he been kidnapped by a local? Was he still alive, even? Fortunately, I had my problem-solving pooch waiting in the wings, who’d no doubt help me to get to the bottom of it.

I fear for the custard. It is as old-fashioned as a slice of Hovis or a clothes brush. It belongs to a world of fire-tongs, antimacassars and black-and-white television. The appreciation of sinking your teeth into the soft, almost damp pastry of a custard tart and feeling the filling quiver against your lip is not for the young. The true enjoyment of a custard (as opposed to the pleasures of custard) is something that only comes with age, like rheumatism, bus passes and a liking for Midsomer Murders. I am probably the only person in England to regularly buy a couple of custards from Marks who is still in possession of his own teeth.

There was nothing picturesque here. No thatch. It would never have featured in an episode of Midsomer Murders.