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Responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and naming for you...it means that you do not treat your body as a commodity with which to purchase superficial intimacy or economic security; for our bodies to be treated as objects, our minds are in mortal danger. It means insisting that those to whom you give your friendship and love are able to respect your mind. It means being able to say, with Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre: "I have an inward treasure born with me, which can keep me alive if all the extraneous delights should be withheld or offered only at a price I cannot afford to give.
Responsibility to yourself means that you don't fall for shallow and easy solutions--predigested books and ideas...marrying early as an escape from real decisions, getting pregnant as an evasion of already existing problems. It means that you refuse to sell your talents and aspirations short...and this, in turn, means resisting the forces in society which say that women should be nice, play safe, have low professional expectations, drown in love and forget about work, live through others, and stay in the places assigned to us. It means that we insist on a life of meaningful work, insist that work be as meaningful as love and friendship in our lives. It means, therefore, the courage to be "different"...The difference between a life lived actively, and a life of passive drifting and dispersal of energies, is an immense difference. Once we begin to feel committed to our lives, responsible to ourselves, we can never again be satisfied with the old, passive way.
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Adrienne Rich
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Meeting a stranger can be totally fleeting and meaningless, for example, unless you enter the individual’s world by finding out at least one thing that is meaningful to his or her life and exchange at lest one genuine feeling. Tuning in to others is a circular flow: you send yourself out toward people; you receive them as they respond to you.
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Deepak Chopra (The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life)
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I dislike the phrase 'Internet friends,' because it implies that people you know online aren't really your friends, that somehow the friendship is less real or meaningful to you because it happens through Skype or text messages. The measure of a friendship is not its physicality but its significance.
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John Green (This Star Won't Go Out: The Life and Words of Esther Grace Earl)
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As an introvert, you crave intimate moments and deep connections--and those usually aren't found in a crowd.
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Jenn Granneman (The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World)
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Never invest in any kind of relationship with anyone who is not willing to work on themselves just a little every day. A person who takes no interest in any form of self-improvement, personal development or spiritual growth will also not be inclined to make much of an effort building a truly meaningful connection with you. A relationship with only one partner willing to do the work ceases to be a relationship. And as anyone who has been there will tell you - it's pointless to try and dance the tango solo.
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Anthon St. Maarten
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It is through the strength of what is genuine that meaningful connections build into relationships.
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Michelle Tillis Lederman (11 Laws of Likability)
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I know my life's meaningful because"- and here he stopped, and looked shy, and was silent for a moment before he continued- "because I'm a good friend. i love my friends, and I care about them, and I think I make them happy.
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Hanya Yanagihara (A Little Life)
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I dislike the phrase “Internet friends,” because it implies that people you know online aren’t really your friends, that somehow the friendship is less real or meaningful to you because it happens through Skype or text messages. The measure of a friendship is not its physicality but its significance. Good friendships, online or off, urge us toward empathy; they give us comfort and also pull us out of the prisons of our selves.
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John Green
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I have now been an officer in this Church for a very long time. I am an old man who cannot deny the calendar. I have lived long enough and served in enough different capacities to have removed from my mind, if such were necessary, any doubt of the divinity of this, the work of God. We respect those of other churches. We desire their friendship and hope to render meaningful service with them. We know they all do good, but we unabashedly state—and this frequently brings criticism upon us—that this is the true and living Church of our Father in Heaven and His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ.
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Gordon B. Hinckley
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Relationships are like countries. Friendships, families, marriages. Any deep, meaningful relationship tends to form its own customs. Its own language.
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Elissa Sussman (Funny You Should Ask)
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My dreams about finding a place to create true, meaningful friendships around my fake video game world had come true.
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Felicia Day (You're Never Weird on the Internet (Almost))
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There are more benefits to happiness. The power of happiness enables more success in marriages, added friendships, higher incomes, and better work performance. With more friends, happy people have a superior support system. They have an easier time navigating through life because their optimistic outlook eases pain, sadness, and grief. They smile more and engage in more in-depth and more meaningful conversations.
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Robert Gill Jr. (Happiness Power: How to Unleash Your Power and Live a More Joyful Life)
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We created a coterie of lunatics. All supporting one another. It felt good and meaningful. But you see, having such friends is both a blessing and a curse. While it is good as a support system, we are prone to inductive effects. Ever seen people yawning one after another? We automatically mimic what the other person is doing. It’s like the transference of an electric charge. No wonder why people say, ‘stay away from negative people.
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Abhaidev (The World's Most Frustrated Man)
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Stop wearing that mask that is trying to be a match for everybody, and realise that you have to have more of a 1s and 10s model. A 1s and 10s model means that if you want to be a 10 for somebody you have to risk being a 1 for somebody else. [...] You wanna express who you really are.
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Steve Pavlina
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Kip had tasted honey that few in the history of the world had tasted: he’d had meaningful work, and friendship with titans; a great marriage to a strong, good, beautiful woman; and a father who’d been willing to die for him.
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Brent Weeks (The Burning White (Lightbringer #5))
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A few years ago I heard Jerome Kagan, a distinguished emeritus professor of child psychology at Harvard, say to the Dalai Lama that for every act of cruelty in this world there are hundreds of small acts of kindness and connection. His conclusion: "To be benevolent rather than malevolent is probably a true feature of our species." Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives. Numerous studies of disaster response around the globe have shown that social support is the most powerful protection against becoming overwhelmed by stress and trauma.
Social support is not the same as merely being in the presence of others. The critical issue is reciprocity: being truly heard and seen by the people around us, feeling that we are held in someone else's mind and heart. For our physiology to calm down, heal, and grow we need a visceral feeling of safety. No doctor can write a prescription for friendship and love: These are complex and hard-earned capacities. You don't need a history of trauma to feel self-conscious and even panicked at a party with strangers - but trauma can turn the whole world into a gathering of aliens.
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Bessel van der Kolk (The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma)
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Harry’s letter to his daughter:
If I could give you just one thing, I’d want it to be a simple truth that took me many years to learn. If you learn it now, it may enrich your life in hundreds of ways. And it may prevent you from facing many problems that have hurt people who have never learned it.
The truth is simply this: No one owes you anything.
Significance
How could such a simple statement be important? It may not seem so, but understanding it can bless your entire life.
No one owes you anything.
It means that no one else is living for you, my child. Because no one is you. Each person is living for himself; his own happiness is all he can ever personally feel.
When you realize that no one owes you happiness or anything else, you’ll be freed from expecting what isn’t likely to be.
It means no one has to love you. If someone loves you, it’s because there’s something special about you that gives him happiness. Find out what that something special is and try to make it stronger in you, so that you’ll be loved even more.
When people do things for you, it’s because they want to — because you, in some way, give them something meaningful that makes them want to please you, not because anyone owes you anything.
No one has to like you. If your friends want to be with you, it’s not out of duty. Find out what makes others happy so they’ll want to be near you.
No one has to respect you. Some people may even be unkind to you. But once you realize that people don’t have to be good to you, and may not be good to you, you’ll learn to avoid those who would harm you. For you don’t owe them anything either.
Living your Life
No one owes you anything.
You owe it to yourself to be the best person possible. Because if you are, others will want to be with you, want to provide you with the things you want in exchange for what you’re giving to them.
Some people will choose not to be with you for reasons that have nothing to do with you. When that happens, look elsewhere for the relationships you want. Don’t make someone else’s problem your problem.
Once you learn that you must earn the love and respect of others, you’ll never expect the impossible and you won’t be disappointed. Others don’t have to share their property with you, nor their feelings or thoughts.
If they do, it’s because you’ve earned these things. And you have every reason to be proud of the love you receive, your friends’ respect, the property you’ve earned. But don’t ever take them for granted. If you do, you could lose them. They’re not yours by right; you must always earn them.
My Experience
A great burden was lifted from my shoulders the day I realized that no one owes me anything. For so long as I’d thought there were things I was entitled to, I’d been wearing myself out —physically and emotionally — trying to collect them.
No one owes me moral conduct, respect, friendship, love, courtesy, or intelligence. And once I recognized that, all my relationships became far more satisfying. I’ve focused on being with people who want to do the things I want them to do.
That understanding has served me well with friends, business associates, lovers, sales prospects, and strangers. It constantly reminds me that I can get what I want only if I can enter the other person’s world. I must try to understand how he thinks, what he believes to be important, what he wants. Only then can I appeal to someone in ways that will bring me what I want.
And only then can I tell whether I really want to be involved with someone. And I can save the important relationships for th
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Harry Browne
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At the heart of loneliness is the absence of meaningful social interaction—an intimate relationship, friendships, family gatherings, or even community or work group connections.
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Brené Brown (Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience)
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25. Whenever two human beings spend time together, sooner or later they will probably irritate one another. This is true of best friends, married couples, parents and children, or teachers and students. The question is: How do they respond when friction occurs? There are four basic ways they can react:
• They can internalize the anger and send it downward into a memory bank that never forgets. This creates great pressure within and can even result in disease and other problems.
• They can pout and be rude without discussing the issues. This further irritates the other person and leaves him or her to draw his or her own conclusions about what the problem may be.
• They can blow up and try to hurt the other person. This causes the death of friendships, marriages, homes, and businesses.
• Or they can talk to one another about their feelings, being very careful not to attack the dignity and worth of the other person. This approach often leads to permanent and healthy relationships.
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James C. Dobson (Life on the Edge: The Next Generation's Guide to a Meaningful Future)
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Giving Gratitude is like giving True Friendship… In order to be meaningful, both must be Given Unconditionally.
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Raymond D. Longoria Jr.
“
Some friendships need to die. Sometimes we’re so trapped in old patterns or comforts that we don’t offer anything meaningful to each other except history.
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Vivek Shraya (People Change)
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But I think we both knew, even then, that what we had was something even more rare, and even more meaningful. I was going to be his friend and was going to show him possibilities.
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David Levithan (Boy Meets Boy: A YA story of friendship and love)
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2. Overcommitment and time pressure are the greatest destroyers of marriages. It takes time to develop any friendship...whether with a loved one or with God Himself.
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James C. Dobson (Life on the Edge: The Next Generation's Guide to a Meaningful Future)
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If you value your relationship or friendship, your ego won't stand in the way of a meaningful apology.
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Unarine Ramaru
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the kinds of connections that are just close enough to what you want, while also being exactly what you currently need.
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Lane Moore (You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult)
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An airport cannot choose to only accept arrivals and not departures; there are valid times for travel in both directions. I cannot force people to stay here longer, any more than I can force time to stand still.
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Shasta Nelson (Friendships Don't Just Happen!: The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends)
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And not because surviving trauma makes you better or worse, but because trauma can make you feel like you’re weird, unlike anyone else, and no one could possibly relate to you or see you and give you what you need.
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Lane Moore (You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult)
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It’s important to cultivate friendships. Whether you are an extrovert or an introvert, as a human you are a social being. For the sake of your mental and emotional health, it’s important to be honest about and honor your need for meaningful connections.
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Susan Barbara Apollon (An Inside Job)
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Being authentic will get you where you need and want to go, and it will be your path to building the most meaningful and enriching connections with others.
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Michelle Tillis Lederman (11 Laws of Likability)
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How I respond to you says more about me than it does about you.
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Shasta Nelson (Friendships Don't Just Happen!: The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends)
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Then she elaborated: I don't think friendship or love need any reason. What matters is how long we are committed to the relationship. This is more important than any reason.
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Avijeet Das (Why the Silhouette?)
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The most important parts of building a family are "God's Love" and "Meaningful Friendships.
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Phil Mitchell (A Bright New Morning: An American Story)
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Meaningful friendships:
No Gossip
No trust issues
Tells you when your wrong
Give good advice
Helps when you need help
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Hopal Green
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It was a gusty day, and from the windows of Caroline's top-floor flat, only the sky was visible with its little hurrying clouds. It was a day when being indoors was meaningful, wasting an afternoon in superior confidences with a friend before the two-barred electric heater.
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Muriel Spark (The Comforters)
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[D]id you ever notice how friendships are a lot like pop songs? They are for girls, anyway. First there's the newness of it, the melody that streams into your head and makes you wonder ― will I like this song? Then come the vocals, what the song's heart truly sounds like, and with it the song's purpose, it's lyrics ― will they say something meaningful about my life? Will these words help me through a difficult time, or create a memory that will make me smile whenever I hear this song again?
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Brando Skyhorse (The Madonnas of Echo Park)
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That time in my life was so full of horrible people and just the worst luck, it was nearly impossible for me to trust anyone. I kept worrying, What if I’m making the wrong decisions again? But sometimes life allows you to form
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Lane Moore (You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult)
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you’re allowed to want a friendship to be able to give you everything you need, even if they don’t understand those needs because their needs are different. You’re allowed to hold out for someone who can meet you where you’re at.
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Lane Moore (You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult)
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One of my favorite prayers is God, how can I love on you today? As I sit in silence of those words, sometimes I'll feel compelled to sing or read a passage of Scripture, or I'll be reminded of someone with a need I can meet; but on some of the most meaningful days, God simply says, just be with me. I sit in the silence and enjoy stillness with God. No agenda. No words. No words. No challenge. No correction or instruction. Just being together. In those moments, I'm reminded that the heart of faith is simply being with God. I sense God's love. Some of my best friendships reach a level at which we can sit together without having to say anything and still enjoy each other's presence. The same is true for God, and I love to experience that depth of love in my relationship with Christ." -Hungry for God
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Margaret Feinberg (Hungry for God: Hearing God's Voice in the Ordinary and the Everyday)
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And it’s often in those battles that we are most alive: it’s on the frontlines of our lives that we earn wisdom, create joy, forge friendships, discover happiness, find love, and do purposeful work. If you want to win any meaningful kind of victory, you’ll have to fight for it.
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Eric Greitens (Resilience: Hard-Won Wisdom for Living a Better Life)
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Because sometimes people come into our lives just to show us what we don’t want, and those people have given us the gift of being a mirror. And that mirror shows us who we really are and all that we’ve buried, all the needs we’ve pushed underground because they seemed unsightly. And if we’re lucky, another friend comes into the picture soon after, to confirm that the needs we’ve buried can be met, can rise from the earth like buds, to be watered, and nurtured by the people around us, until we see that our needs were not burdens, not unsightly flaws to be worked on, but instead, vital parts of us that deserve to bloom.
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Lane Moore (You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult)
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A mental illness diagnosis does not automatically sentence you to a bleak and painful life, devoid of pleasure or joy or accomplishment. I also wanted to dispel the myths held by many mental-health professionals themselves—that people with a significant thought disorder cannot live independently, cannot work at challenging jobs, cannot have true friendships, cannot be in meaningful, sexually satisfying love relationships, cannot lead lives of intellectual, spiritual, or emotional richness.
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Elyn R. Saks (The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness)
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Empathy is the currency of people who’ve been there, and wish things had gone differently. And yet many times, there are people who’ve been to hell and back and have somehow returned with very little empathy for others who struggle in that way or, in Seth’s case, they have actively developed it because they cared enough to do so.
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Lane Moore (You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult)
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Work is not all there is to life. You will not have a meaningful life without work, but you cannot say that your work is the meaning of your life. If you make any work the purpose of your life—even if that work is church ministry—you create an idol that rivals God. Your relationship with God is the most important foundation for your life, and indeed it keeps all the other factors—work, friendships and family, leisure and pleasure—from becoming so important to you that they become addicting and distorted.
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Timothy J. Keller (Every Good Endeavor: Connecting Your Work to God's Work)
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I know I'll miss her every single day, but the memories she left won't haunt me anymore. I'll remember the girl who never wore shoes, and our blood promise to always be friends. I'll remember girls who loved and trusted each other, protected each other, and sometimes even hurt each other.
I'll remember a friendship that will never go away.
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Jennifer Shaw Wolf (Dead Girls Don't Lie)
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Let friendship with you become meaningful by solving a problem for your friends.
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John Arthur (Who Is Your Friend?: The School Of Friendship)
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Whoever doesn't love you doesn't know you.
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Shasta Nelson (Friendships Don't Just Happen!: The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends)
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I refuse to let past rejection, fears, insecurities, and previous losses stop me from being ready to receive this time.
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Shasta Nelson (Friendships Don't Just Happen!: The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends)
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You know a bond is truly deep when you can laugh together, cry together, and be there for each other.
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Avijeet Das
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For most of us, Facebook friends and Instagram followers are supplements to -- not surrogates for -- our social lives. As meaningful as the friendships we establish online can be, most of us are unsatisfied with virtual ties that never develop into face-to-face relationships. Building real connections requires a shared physical environment -- a social infrastructure.
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Eric Klinenberg (Palaces for the People: How Social Infrastructure Can Help Fight Inequality, Polarization, and the Decline of Civic Life)
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Work is as much a basic human need as food, beauty, rest, friendship, prayer, and sexuality; it is not simply medicine but food for our soul. Without meaningful work we sense significant inner loss and emptiness. People who are cut off from work because of physical or other reasons quickly discover how much they need work to thrive emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
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Timothy J. Keller (Every Good Endeavor: Connecting Your Work to God's Work)
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To be happy, I’ve discovered, you’ve got to run toward something: meaningful work; a hopeful, inspiring vision of your future; and good relationships with the people you work with every day.
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Annie McKee (How to Be Happy at Work: The Power of Purpose, Hope, and Friendship)
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The blessing of extending unconditional friendship to another or cultivating meaningful, loving relationships with your friends is that as you nourish another in friendship, you also are nourished.
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Tara Bianca (The Flower of Heaven: Opening the Divine Heart Through Conscious Friendship & Love Activism)
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you ask me whether you are making inroads into my space and time. you ask me whether you are imposing yourself on me.
and I smile and reflect that the moon knows how alone I have been all these years...
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Avijeet Das
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To make meaningful connections in an authentic way, you have to project the best parts of your true self. In other words, before you expect others to like you, you have to like you--that is the law of self-image.
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Michelle Tillis Lederman (11 Laws of Likability)
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Don't let your focus be so much on how many times you go on a date but how you can build into one another, share and carry each other's vision, complement each other, develop a deeper level of friendship; grow spiritually together and make the little things meaningful. It's beyond the 100% but more about how committed and dedicated you are daily. Love can only truly exist, when you become selfless and focus less on what is in it for you.
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Kemi Sogunle (Being Single: A State For The Fragile Heart: A Guide to Self-Love, Finding You and Purposeful Living)
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When you get to be my age, you gain a heightened awareness of time . . . how limited it is, and you tend to move toward social interactions that are meaningful and away from negative, trivial people who are downright toxic.
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Sarah Jo Smith (The Other Side of Heartache)
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• The stronger the signal you send yourself of your highest purpose, the more likely you are to notice ways to serve it
• Your specificity boosts your clarity, credibility and memorability.
• The specific detail proves the general conclusion, not the reverse yet we are most likely to write and speak first in generalizations.
• Your focus on interconnectedness increases your frequency of serendipitous encounters, unexpected insights and deeper friendships.
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Kare Anderson (Mutuality Matters More Living a Happy, Meaningful and Satisfying Life With Others)
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You don’t want too many things. You want what you damn well want, which everyone is allowed. There is so much rhetoric I see, saying that you shouldn’t “expect you from other people.” That people are limited, and they can’t be expected to give you as much as you give them. But it is so important to remember that you are very much allowed to require you from other people if that’s what you need. If you give a lot emotionally, you are absolutely allowed to hold out for someone who can give the same amount of emotional resonance, the same amount of compassion, when they are able. And if someone sees those needs and knows they can’t provide them, that’s OK, too, but you’re allowed to have them just the same.
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Lane Moore (You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult)
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Life will become beautiful when you will find a few people who love and care for you. Many years may pass but you will still be in touch, sharing your joys and sorrows with each other. Your heart will forever hold a place for them, as their heart carries a place for you.
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Avijeet Das
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We spend so much time in our childhoods learning about practicing fairness, but the world itself is not fair, as much as we’d like it to be. We’re not all walking the same path, with the same resources and the exact same timing. Ideally, we’d all get the support systems we were promised, but then some of us don’t, and no one taught us how to fill in those cracks. No one teaches us how to find power in vulnerability, how to build intimacy, how to grow as a person, or how to grieve when you’ve outgrown the people you once loved. Or when they outgrow you.
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Lane Moore (You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult)
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If someone asked you what the greatest good on this earth is, what would you say? An epic surf session? Financial security? Health? Meaningful, trusting friendships? Intimacy with your spouse? Knowing that you belong? The greatest good on this earth is God. Period. God’s one goal for us is Himself.
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Francis Chan (Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God)
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I looked down the line of the wonderfully successful people on either side of me and wondered if each of them had a Coach Wooden who, to quote President Obama, “helped make me who I am.” I hoped so, because without Coach, my life would have been so much less. Less joyous. Less meaningful. Less filled with love. Later,
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Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (Coach Wooden and Me: Our 50-Year Friendship On and Off the Court)
“
We began before words, and we will end beyond them.
It sometimes seems to me that our days are poisoned with too many words. Words said and not meant. Words said ‘and’ meant. Words divorced from feeling. Wounding words. Words that conceal. Words that reduce. Dead words.
If only words were a kind of fluid that collects in the ears, if only they turned into the visible chemical equivalent of their true value, an acid, or something curative – then we might be more careful. Words do collect in us anyway. They collect in the blood, in the soul, and either transform or poison people’s lives. Bitter or thoughtless words poured into the ears of the young have blighted many lives in advance. We all know people whose unhappy lives twist on a set of words uttered to them on a certain unforgotten day at school, in childhood, or at university.
We seem to think that words aren’t things. A bump on the head may pass away, but a cutting remark grows with the mind. But then it is possible that we know all too well the awesome power of words – which is why we use them with such deadly and accurate cruelty.
We are all wounded inside one way or other. We all carry unhappiness within us for some reason or other. Which is why we need a little gentleness and healing from one another. Healing in words, and healing beyond words. Like gestures. Warm gestures. Like friendship, which will always be a mystery. Like a smile, which someone described as the shortest distance between two people.
Yes, the highest things are beyond words.
That is probably why all art aspires to the condition of wordlessness. When literature works on you, it does so in silence, in your dreams, in your wordless moments. Good words enter you and become moods, become the quiet fabric of your being. Like music, like painting, literature too wants to transcend its primary condition and become something higher. Art wants to move into silence, into the emotional and spiritual conditions of the world. Statues become melodies, melodies become yearnings, yearnings become actions.
When things fall into words they usually descend. Words have an earthly gravity. But the best things in us are those that escape the gravity of our deaths. Art wants to pass into life, to lift it; art wants to enchant, to transform, to make life more meaningful or bearable in its own small and mysterious way. The greatest art was probably born from a profound and terrible silence – a silence out of which the greatest enigmas of our life cry: Why are we here? What is the point of it all? How can we know peace and live in joy? Why be born in order to die? Why this difficult one-way journey between the two mysteries?
Out of the wonder and agony of being come these cries and questions and the endless stream of words with which to order human life and quieten the human heart in the midst of our living and our distress.
The ages have been inundated with vast oceans of words. We have been virtually drowned in them. Words pour at us from every angle and corner. They have not brought understanding, or peace, or healing, or a sense of self-mastery, nor has the ocean of words given us the feeling that, at least in terms of tranquility, the human spirit is getting better.
At best our cry for meaning, for serenity, is answered by a greater silence, the silence that makes us seek higher reconciliation.
I think we need more of the wordless in our lives. We need more stillness, more of a sense of wonder, a feeling for the mystery of life. We need more love, more silence, more deep listening, more deep giving.
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Ben Okri (Birds of Heaven)
“
The writer Wesley Morris calls this experience the trapdoor of racism. “For people of color, some aspect of friendship with white people involves an awareness that you could be dropped through a trapdoor of racism at any moment, by a slip of the tongue, or at a campus party, or in a legislative campaign,” he wrote in 2015. “But it’s not always anticipated.” The trapdoor describes the limited level of comfort that Black people can feel around white people who are part of their lives in a meaningful way. Even if these white people decide they will confront racism every day, it’s guaranteed they will sometimes screw up and disappoint the Black people they know.
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Aminatou Sow (Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close)
“
Responsibility to yourself… means that you refuse to sell your talents and aspirations short, simply to avoid conflict and confrontation. And this, in turn, means resisting the forces in society which say that women should be nice, play safe, have low professional expectations, drown in love and forget about work, live through others, and stay in the places assigned to us. It means that we insist on a life of meaningful work, insist that work be as meaningful as love and friendship in our lives. It means, therefore, the courage to be 'different'; not to be continuously available to others when we need time for ourselves and our work; to be able to demand of others that they respect our sense of purpose and our integrity as persons… The difference between a life lived actively, and a life of passive drifting and dispersal of energies, is an immense difference. Once we begin to feel committed to our lives, responsible to ourselves, we can never again be satisfied with the old, passive way.
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Adrienne Rich
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So often it can seem like life would be so much easier if people didn’t need each other, or if everyone could just ask for what they need in a way we can hear, or if everyone could just intuit what we need so we don’t have to say it. It’s so easy to think people are islands, and anyone who gets stranded on another island did something wrong, or they should reach out to the other support systems they may or may not have, because we “shouldn’t have to” take care of them. And that is all the more reason we should choose the friendships we cultivate carefully, so that if someone we’ve chosen, someone we love, is more isolated than we knew and doesn’t have anyone but us, we will see this as a gift, an opportunity to be the person who finally shows up. To see their SOS and finally answer the call, ideally, before they even have to make it.
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Lane Moore (You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult)
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The whole point here is you have to do what’s right for you. Just as they are doing what is right for them. Everyone’s allowed to change and grow, absolutely. In the same vein, you’re allowed to say, or simply feel, “What you can give me is less than what I need from you right now, so let’s change how we interact, and here’s how I need to do that in a way that feels right to me.” Being a good friend doesn’t mean simply going along for the ride while the other person guides the friendship wherever they want to take it. You are allowed to say that you’d like this person to be X type of friend, and if they see it differently, they are allowed to say so as well. And then it is absolutely within your rights, and theirs, to either be OK with that difference or to part ways, no harm, no foul. The most important thing to remember is that you were not made to endure your friendships. You were made to enjoy them. Adjust the levels as necessary.
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Lane Moore (You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult)
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Like all human beings I want to be changed, transformed - made more whole, more loving, more free. I want to live with a sense of meaningful purpose. I want to coax forth the angel of my better nature. But like all human beings I can't make this happen by force of will... I need others. I need friends, companions, wise teachers who know the struggle and who can be trusted to remind me what I'm doing here. I need others...to make my life into a source of redemption, wisdom, friendship, and hope.
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Mark Yaconelli (Between the Listening and the Telling: How Stories Can Save Us)
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With each birthday, we change. With each death, we change. With each great love and each bitter heartbreak, we change. With each hurtful word and each cut of betrayal, we change. With each burst of happiness and each tear-inducing laugh, we change. With each good story, great friendship, and meaningful conversation, we change. Our lives are in a constant state of change, moving fluidly between the past, the present, and the future. And so it is until the day we die. We can’t stop change or do much to control it, but we can control the way we react to what happens to us along the way. With God’s help, we can overcome our past, transform our present, and embrace our future.
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Kasey Van Norman (Named by God: Overcoming Your Past, Transforming Your Present, Embracing Your Future)
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If there are so many references in the Mass to poverty, sadness, failure and loss, it is because the Church views the ill, the frail of mind, the desperate and the elderly as representing aspects of humanity and (even more meaningfully) of ourselves which we are tempted to deny, but which bring us, when we can acknowledge them, closer to our need for one another. In our more arrogant moments, the sin of pride – or superbia, in Augustine’s Latin formulation – takes over our personalities and shuts us off from those around us. We become dull to others when all we seek to do is assert how well things are going for us, just as friendship has a chance to grow only when we dare to share what we are afraid of and regret. The rest is merely showmanship. The Mass encourages this sloughing off of pride. The flaws whose exposure we so dread, the indiscretions we know we would be mocked for, the secrets that keep our conversations with our so-called friends superficial and inert – all of these emerge as simply part of the human condition. We have no reason left to dissemble or lie in a building dedicated to honouring the terror and weakness of a man who was nothing like the usual heroes of antiquity, nothing like the fierce soldiers of Rome’s army or the plutocrats of its Senate, and yet who was nevertheless worthy of being crowned the highest of men, the king of kings.
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Alain de Botton (Religion for Atheists: A Non-Believer's Guide to the Uses of Religion)
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Early on it is clear that Addie has a rebellious streak, joining the library group and running away to Rockport Lodge. Is Addie right to disobey her parents? Where does she get her courage? 2. Addie’s mother refuses to see Celia’s death as anything but an accident, and Addie comments that “whenever I heard my mother’s version of what happened, I felt sick to my stomach.” Did Celia commit suicide? How might the guilt that Addie feels differ from the guilt her mother feels? 3. When Addie tries on pants for the first time, she feels emotionally as well as physically liberated, and confesses that she would like to go to college (page 108). How does the social significance of clothing and hairstyle differ for Addie, Gussie, and Filomena in the book? 4. Diamant fills her narrative with a number of historical events and figures, from the psychological effects of World War I and the pandemic outbreak of influenza in 1918 to child labor laws to the cultural impact of Betty Friedan. How do real-life people and events affect how we read Addie’s fictional story? 5. Gussie is one of the most forward-thinking characters in the novel; however, despite her law degree she has trouble finding a job as an attorney because “no one would hire a lady lawyer.” What other limitations do Addie and her friends face in the workforce? What limitations do women and minorities face today? 6. After distancing herself from Ernie when he suffers a nervous episode brought on by combat stress, Addie sees a community of war veterans come forward to assist him (page 155). What does the remorse that Addie later feels suggest about the challenges American soldiers face as they reintegrate into society? Do you think soldiers today face similar challenges? 7. Addie notices that the Rockport locals seem related to one another, and the cook Mrs. Morse confides in her sister that, although she is usually suspicious of immigrant boarders, “some of them are nicer than Americans.” How does tolerance of the immigrant population vary between city and town in the novel? For whom might Mrs. Morse reserve the term Americans? 8. Addie is initially drawn to Tessa Thorndike because she is a Boston Brahmin who isn’t afraid to poke fun at her own class on the women’s page of the newspaper. What strengths and weaknesses does Tessa’s character represent for educated women of the time? How does Addie’s description of Tessa bring her reliability into question? 9. Addie’s parents frequently admonish her for being ungrateful, but Addie feels she has earned her freedom to move into a boardinghouse when her parents move to Roxbury, in part because she contributed to the family income (page 185). How does the Baum family’s move to Roxbury show the ways Betty and Addie think differently from their parents about household roles? Why does their father take such offense at Herman Levine’s offer to house the family? 10. The last meaningful conversation between Addie and her mother turns out to be an apology her mother meant for Celia, and for a moment during her mother’s funeral Addie thinks, “She won’t be able to make me feel like there’s something wrong with me anymore.” Does Addie find any closure from her mother’s death? 11. Filomena draws a distinction between love and marriage when she spends time catching up with Addie before her wedding, but Addie disagrees with the assertion that “you only get one great love in a lifetime.” In what ways do the different romantic experiences of each woman inform the ideas each has about love? 12. Filomena and Addie share a deep friendship. Addie tells Ada that “sometimes friends grow apart. . . . But sometimes, it doesn’t matter how far apart you live or how little you talk—it’s still there.” What qualities do you think friends must share in order to have that kind of connection? Discuss your relationship with a best friend. Enhance
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Anita Diamant (The Boston Girl)
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Nate had written this long essay. I’ll be honest, I don’t remember all the words and he even admitted in his paper he needed some help from his girlfriend to fully express how he felt about us, but the conclusion remains with me to this day. He said our friendship had taught him how to live, love and matter. He was this star athlete who stood six foot five inches tall—a beefy guy with more muscle mass than any champion MMA fighter—and he was describing our friendship with such depth. Jasmine asked me to honor her son’s memory by living, loving and by only doing meaningful things. Those three simple wishes I took to heart and I’ve been on a crusade ever since to make good on my promise to her. Even though she died two years ago, I’ve still kept my word to her.
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Scarlett Avery (Curvy Girls Do It Better (Curves Envy, #2))
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Living in the moment is not an excuse to be a ne'er-do-well. A person can give up on life or immerse themselves in all matters that are essential to express our humanity. I will accept both the joy and the responsibility of living a meaningful existence. A person’s ultimate expression of his or her being will exhibit itself in their passionate activities including those involving work, art, nature, friendship, and love.
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Kilroy J. Oldster (Dead Toad Scrolls)
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Love strengthens soul connection and is the key to the success of all meaningful relationships.
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Nozer Kanga (Living with Consciousness: Everyday Inspirations for Spiritual Growth and Personal Fulfillment)
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Making meaningful connections and growing relationships happens before you even meet someone.
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Michelle Lederman, 11 Laws of Likability
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After Arvid had learned in fall 2018 the cancer had returned, he devoted two months crafting letters to each of his children that he instructed be read on their twenty-first, twenty-eighth, thirty-fifth, and forty-fifth birthdays. He chose each year because those years were significant in his own life: official adulthood, the age he got married, the age he became vice principal, and the age he learned the cancer had returned. The letters were personalized to each Shastri-Persson for each milestone. The twenty-first-birthday letter was an assortment of memories and anecdotes about each child; the twenty-eighth letter was advice on love, friendships, and relationships; the thirty-fifth letter was Arvid's thoughts on the importance of kindness and generosity, on both a grand scale and small; and the forty-fifth was simply a list of songs Arvid asked that they listen to on their birthdays at a location of great significance to them. He signed off with the same sentence in all four letters: "Celebrate each remaining birthday in a way that is meaningful to you. Each one is precious and extraordinary, and so you are to me. I love you, and I am with you always. Take care of each other. Love, Dad.
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Kirthana Ramisetti (Dava Shastri's Last Day)
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But as you get older, and realize who you are and what you like, you have fewer friends and those friendships are more meaningful. I’m not sure if I’ve ever had a friend that I connected with as much as I did with Holly.
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Freida McFadden (Baby City)
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Redelmeier soon returned with the widely held belief that arthritis pain was related to the weather. For thousands of years, people had imagined this connection; it could be traced back to Hippocrates, who wrote, in 400 BC, about the effect of wind and rain on disease. In the late 1980s, doctors were still suggesting to arthritis patients that they move to warmer climates. Working with Amos, Redelmeier found a large group of arthritis patients and asked them to report their pain levels. He then matched these to weather reports. Pretty quickly, he and Amos established that, despite the patients’ claims that their pain changed with the weather, there was no meaningful correlation between the two.
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Michael Lewis (The Undoing Project: A Friendship That Changed Our Minds)
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Society is against the heart, because the heart lives through love. And love cannot be controlled and conditioned. The heart is basically rebellious. The heart always lives in the moment. It never repeats the old. The heart always responds to the present moment. This is why society is against the heart. Society disciplines the head, because the head functionslike a machine. Machines are never rebellious. They simply follow orders. They are obedient. Hence the state, the church and the establishment, the status quo, are interested in the head.
Our heart is the door to allow existence to guide us – instead of being directed by our own ideas, attitudes and preconceived expectations of how life should be. The heart creates inconvenience for society and for the established order. The heart is spontaneous and never repeats the old. The head lives in the past, which is why the head is traditional and conventional.
The heart relates to unconditional love and acceptance both for ourselves and for other people. The heart relates to qualities such as empathy, joy, acceptance, trust, intuition, understanding, compassion, playfulness, healing, friendship, sincerity and a sense of oneness in love.
Love is not an exclusive relationship with another person; love is the quality that arises when we are in contact with our inner being, with our authentic self, withthe meditative quality within, with the inner silence and emptiness. This inner emptiness is experienced by others and is expressed on the outside as love. This love is not addressed to a specific person; it is a presence that surrounds a person like a fragrance.
Love is perfect as it is. Love is enough unto itself. Love has to be understood. Love is the flight of your consciousness to higher realms beyond the body. Love is the fragrance of a rising consciousness. Love is like the fragrance of a flower. The moment you are overflowing with joy, a longing arises to share it. This sharing is love. Love is not something that you can get from somebody else, who has not attained to a state of joy.
Everybody is asking to be loved, and pretending to love. You cannot love, because you don't know what consciousness is. You don't know the truth; you don't know the experience of the divine. You don't know what love is, because you have not yet gone deeper in your consciousness. In this ignorance and blindness love does not grow. If you really want to know love, forget about love and remember meditation.
Love is the defeat of all imposed rules and conditions. hence there is a struggle between the individual who follows his heart and the collective who follows the imposed order. The individual who follows his heart has to be aware of this struggle, because he is moving towards the freedom of being himself. Being himself means that he is not going to be ruled by the collective, by the crowd. It means that now he will live according to his own heart, according to his own light. When he becomes independent, he will start feeling that he is becoming one with the whole, one with the universal.
It is on the consciousness level of the heart that we begin to understand that we are not separated from life. We begin to understand that we are not small separate islands in a great ocean, but that life is one and that we all are small parts of the Whole. We begin to understand what is really important and meaningful in life. It is on the consciousness level of the heart that we begin to understand that life is about sharing, rather than hoarding. We begin to understand that life is about giving, rather than taking.
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Swami Dhyan Giten (Meditation: A Love Affair with the Whole - Thousand and One Flowers of Silence, Love, Joy, Truth, Freedom, Beauty and the Divine)
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Meaningful friendships solve problems in our lives and add value to us.
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John Arthur (Who Is Your Friend?: The School Of Friendship)
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Ruku it has been an amazing journey, and meeting you was destined.
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Avijeet Das
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Subbu, we had to meet. You are my friend and brother from another mother.
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Avijeet Das
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At some point in my interactions with new age hippies who may or may not be toxic (the good ones are so good, but the bad ones are a nightmare in yoga pants), a nightmare-in-yoga-pants person told me that we choose everything that will happen to us, before we are born, as part of our reincarnation journey. If you just said, “Wait, what?” so did I when I heard it. There’s this idea that we chose all our traumas, heartache, and struggles, because this was our best path to enlightenment in this life. This is an idea I find to be deeply flawed in so many ways, since it’s far too easy to hear this and slide into a pit called “I deserved [insert painful traumas],” that is never, ever true.
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Lane Moore (You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult)
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But the trouble is, this is one part of life we can’t simply fix by going out and choosing to, because finding friends—real, true friends—takes extreme luck and privilege, it just does. And I use the word privilege because it’s something a lot of people just aren’t lucky enough to come by, but we talk about it like everyone gets this. And the truth is, you’re more likely to get it if you had a great childhood and loving parents. And separating it from those facts and putting it squarely on the shoulders of worthiness, renders it an indictment of your character.
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Lane Moore (You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult)
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In a new friendship it can be so important to know what someone else has experienced before you assume that your experience is monolithic
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Lane Moore (You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult)
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We talk so openly, so freely, about body shame, as we rightly should, but we don’t talk about the shame that comes from constantly seeing other people having loving, consistent, reliable friendships as though everyone has that and if you don’t, that’s super weird, what’s wrong with you? That relational shame. What does it say about you that you couldn’t easily find four to five people who all understand you constantly, make you feel seen, anticipate every possible need, and try at all costs to protect you from experiencing pain? And if someone caused you to feel pain, why didn’t they swoop in and hold you while you cried for days, which is always what happens to everyone of course. Why couldn’t you find that, so easily, at the local corner store, like everyone else on earth did, you genuine freak?
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Lane Moore (You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult)
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Social networks like Facebook seem impelled by a similar aspiration. Through the statistical "discovery" of potential friends, the provision of "Like" buttons and other clickable tokens of affection, and the automated management of many of the time-consuming aspects of personal relations, they seek to streamline the messy process of affiliation. Facebook's founder, Mark Zuckerberg, celebrates all of this as "frictionless sharing"--the removal of conscious effort from socializing. But there's something repugnant about applying the bureaucratic ideals of speed, productivity, and standardization to our relations with others. The most meaningful bonds aren't forged through transactions in a marketplace or other routinized exchanges of data. People aren't notes on a network grid. The bonds require trust and courtesy and sacrifice, all of which, at least to a technocrat's mind, are sources of inefficiency and inconvenience. Removing the friction from social attachments doesn't strengthen them; it weakens them. It makes them more like the attachments between consumers and products--easily formed and just as easily broken.
Like meddlesome parents who never let their kids do anything on their own, Google, Facebook, and other makers of personal software end up demeaning and diminishing qualities of character that, at least in the past, have been seen as essential to a full and vigorous life: ingenuity, curiosity, independence, perseverance, daring. It may be that in the future we'll only experience such virtues vicariously, though the exploits of action figures like John Marston in the fantasy worlds we enter through screens.
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Nicholas Carr (The Glass Cage: How Our Computers Are Changing Us)
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Stay sought-after by enabling others to proudly use their best talents together on things that matter to them. One way is to get employees to pair up on projects, thus cutting down silos and scaling up stronger performance -- plus these benefits:
• Facilitates cross-training in a fast, natural and fun way.
• Enables individuals in different parts of your organization to get to know more people in meaningful ways, and discover each other's best talents and favorite interests.
• Prevents your organization from being hamstrung when a key expert leaves.
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Kare Anderson (Mutuality Matters How You Can Create More Opportunity, Adventure & Friendship With Others)
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we will never become the men we are called to be unless we learn the art of friendship and intentionally cultivate deep, meaningful, rowdy relationships with other men.
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Stephen Mansfield (Mansfield's Book of Manly Men: An Utterly Invigorating Guide to Being Your Most Masculine Self)
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Let’s look first at relational experiences. Most young Protestants and Catholics do not recall having a meaningful friendship with an adult through their church, and more than four out of five never had an adult mentor. This is true of enough young Christians that we must ask ourselves whether our churches and parishes are providing the rich environments that a relationally oriented generation needs to develop deep faith. I believe we need a new mind to measure the vibrancy and health of the intergenerational relationships in our faith communities.
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David Kinnaman (You Lost Me)
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I think if our new direction in all our relationships is friendship, compassion, and enjoyment, we will easily be able to break our old cycle of bad habits and develop something deeper and more meaningful
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Evan Sutter (Solitude: How Doing Nothing Can Change the World)
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In order to achieve peace, tranquility, and real friendship, we must minimize anger and cultivate kindness and a warm heart.
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Dalai Lama XIV (How To Practice: The Way to a Meaningful Life (Timeless Wisdom, Spiritual Inspiration))
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As a Navy SEAL, you understood the word “frontline” to mean the place where you met the enemy. The frontline was where battles were fought and fates decided. The frontline was a place of fear, struggle, and suffering. It was also a place where victories were won, where friendships of a lifetime were forged in hardship. It was a place where we lived with a sense of purpose. But “frontline” isn’t just a military term. You have a frontline in your life now. In fact, everyone has a place where they encounter fear, where they struggle, suffer, and face hardship. We all have battles to fight. And it’s often in those battles that we are most alive: it’s on the frontlines of our lives that we earn wisdom, create joy, forge friendships, discover happiness, find love, and do purposeful work. If you want to win any meaningful kind of victory, you’ll have to fight for it.
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Eric Greitens (Resilience: Hard-Won Wisdom for Living a Better Life)
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Shame is the fear of disconnection, the doubts about whether we're worthy of love, and the suspicion that we are never quite enough, therefore we might never quite belong.
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Shasta Nelson (Friendships Don't Just Happen!: The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends)
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Through Jiu Jitsu I have developed many of the most meaningful relationships in my life, and if that were the only benefit of my practice, Jiu Jitsu would still be the best endeavor I have ever undertaken.
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Chris Matakas (My Mastery: Continued Education Through Jiu Jitsu)
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Friendship is a wonderful thing.True friends are a treasure to hunt.Making a lot a friends does not make any sense Sincerity,,loyalty and understanding are the key factors in a meaningful friendship. Only very few possess all these qualities.And only very few are blessed with true friends
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Deepti
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Personal Goal: To maintain close and rewarding friendships with a group of people who are important to me. Key Activities Supporting This Goal: 1. Regularly take the time for meaningful connection with those who are most important to me (e.g., a long talk, a meal, joint activity). 2. Give of myself to those who are most important to me (e.g., making nontrivial sacrifices that improve their lives). Not
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Cal Newport (Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World)
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Danny the whole idea of proving that people weren’t rational felt a bit like proving that people didn’t have fur. Obviously people were not rational, in any meaningful sense of that term.
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Michael Lewis (The Undoing Project: A Friendship That Changed Our Minds)
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Without encouragement, what is the value of any meaningful relationship
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James Brown
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My success with customers on the telephone wasn’t by using pushy sales methods, but by engaging people in meaningful conversations which could lead to friendships on the phone before I ever met them. I would ask questions, listen to their stories, respond to their needs, develop rapport, and earn their business. When we would finally meet in person, it felt less like an introduction and more like a reunion. It was not only good business, we had fun in the process!
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Susan C. Young (The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact(The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, #5))