“
Sir, I need bathroom, make urination now. Emergency.” I pleaded in Mandarin.
“Okay, letmesee…sir.”
Holding up the walkie-talkie he chattered away in a strange dialect. I didn’t hear a reply, but he turned around. “Follow.”.
Instead of going up the red stairs, I was led back outside the house walls, past the car which was getting a thorough cleaning by the driver, and back out through the front gate. I followed them into the bushes past the wall and down a narrow rocky trail. Two minutes later we were at a crumbly stone hut. Evidently the gardener’s house, from the hoes, rakes, and shovels leaned up against the wall. As I entered a thick ammonious stench of feline urine burned my nose.
I nearly vomited when I saw the bed in the corner, filthy and greasy with age, a hideous floral-print stained mattress devoid of sheets. The pillow had a greasy stain in the center, which caused me to gag and look away.
In the corner sat a raised tile squat-toilet flecked with old bits of feces and what appeared to be blood specked vomitus. The toilet was disgusting, but did not fill me with woozy nausea like the bed had.
The guard sighed and pointed at the toilet, stepping out and leaving me alone in the hut.
I stood in front of the squat toilet, standing on stale urine and bits of shit. I unzipped and pissed on a large plump unflushed turd. Buzzing flies flew off the turd as I did my best not to think about that nasty bed in the corner.
It was one of those pisses you remember for years. I groaned a sigh of pleasure, as my manhood unleashed its furious stream, and I counted the seconds while I urinated. Seventy-four full seconds. It was like a non-sexual orgasm. I was dizzy with relief from the greatest piss ever pissed. As I turned to exit, ignoring the bed, I noticed a shoddy wooden table, with a small glass bottle of Chinese snuff, an overfilled plastic ashtray, and a pair of old round brass spectacles.
Then I saw a cat under the table. A dead cat. A dead cat with a large gaping wound in its side. The cat was orange and white, clumps of dried blood on its fur, its mouth open in a frozen scream. Oddly, there was no smell of death. The cat was mummified from the arid climate, its tongue lolled out like a dried chicken gizzard. It had been there for months. Who would leave a dead cat under their table?
I reminded myself of my Beijing host’s farewell advice; “Things are very difference in that part of China, not like here, much old style. No many civilization.”
As I stepped out of the gardener’s hut, the two guards were waiting for me. The quiet one was smoking a cigarette and threw it away. He turned like a guilty teenager and discreetly exhaled his smoke. The other guard demanded my passport, again.
”
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