M.a.s.h. Quotes

We act insane, because if we didn't, we would most surely become insane. - Hawkeye

War is war and Hell is hell, and if you ask me, War is a lot worse.

When Radar O'Reilly, just out of high school, left Ottumwa, Iowa, and enlisted in the United States Army it was with the express purpose of making a career of the Signal Corps.

Do you really understand all this army stuff? It helps not to be too bright, sir.

War isn't hell. War is war, and Hell is hell, and of the two, war is a lot worse.

You don't have to hurt somebody just to make sure they don't hurt you first." Hawkeye, in one of his less cynical moments.

John Anthony West speaks just like Allan Franklin Arbus when he was playing the role of Dr. Sidney Freedman on M*A*S*H. Richard Cassaro has even confirmed this observation of mine!

I blame the SJW gatekeepers for killing genre and suppressing M*A*S*H parodies.

Insanity is just a state of mind.

Normal people go crazy in this place.

My kidneys were expecting orange juice. Silly kidneys.

She was humming something melancholy and familiar. I strained to make it out—a folk song? a lullabye?—and then realized it was the theme to M*A*S*H. Suicide is painless. I went downstairs.

Hawkeye: War isn’t Hell. War is war, and Hell is Hell. And of the two, war is a lot worse. Father Mulcahy: How do you figure, Hawkeye? Hawkeye: Easy, Father. Tell me. Who goes to Hell? Father Mulcahy: Sinners, I believe. Hawkeye: Exactly. There are no innocent bystanders in Hell. War is chock full of them—little kids, cripples, old ladies. In fact, except for some of the brass, almost everybody is an innocent bystander. ~ Conversation between Hawkeye Pierce and Father Mulcahy on television series M*A*S*H

Look!" Hawkeye said. Duke looked where Hawkeye was pointing. In one corner, kneeling on the dirt floor with his elbows on his cot, a Bible in front of him, his lips moving slowly, and oblivious to all about him, was Major Jonathan Hobson. "Jesus," Hawkeye said. "It don't look like Him," Duke said.

Radar was our other best friend. We called him Radar because he looked like a little bespectacled guy called Radar on this old TV show M*A*S*H, except 1. The TV Radar wasn’t black, and 2. At some point after the nicknaming, our Radar grew about six inches and started wearing contacts, so I suppose that 3. He actually didn’t look like the guy on M*A*S*H at all, but 4. With three and a half weeks left of high school, we weren’t very well going to renickname him.

But Catch’s tone of outraged bewilderment in the face of carnage and a deranged military mentality set the tone for the satires against the arms race and Vietnam. Dr. Strangelove appeared in 1964. Robert Altman’s 1970 film M*A*S*H, with its Osterizer blend of black humor and stark horror, is a direct descendant of Catch-22. Ironically, that movie appeared the same year as Mike Nichols’s film version of Catch. M*A*S*H is the better movie by far, but in a nice bit of irony, it propelled the novel—finally!—onto American bestseller

I would dance all day in my basement listening to Off the Wall. You young people really don’t understand how magical Michael Jackson was. No one thought he was strange. No one was laughing. We were all sitting in front of our TVs watching the “Thriller” video every hour on the hour. We were all staring, openmouthed, as he moonwalked for the first time on the Motown twenty-fifth anniversary show. When he floated backward like a funky astronaut, I screamed out loud. There was no rewinding or rewatching. No next-day memes or trends on Twitter or Facebook posts. We would call each other on our dial phones and stretch the cord down the hall, lying on our stomachs and discussing Michael Jackson’s moves, George Michael’s facial hair, and that scene in Purple Rain when Prince fingers Apollonia from behind. Moments came and went, and if you missed them, you were shit out of luck. That’s why my parents went to a M*A*S*H party and watched the last episode in real time. There was no next-day M*A*S*H cast Google hangout. That’s why my family all squeezed onto one couch and watched the USA hockey team win the gold against evil Russia! We all wept as my mother pointed out every team member from Boston. (Everyone from Boston likes to point out everyone from Boston. Same with Canadians.) We all chanted “USA!” and screamed “YES!” when Al Michaels asked us if we believed in miracles. Things happened in real time and you watched them together. There was no rewind. HBO arrived in our house that same year. We had

Hawkeye: I brought a book over. Roberts: What book? Hawkeye: The dictionary. I figure it's got all the other books in it.

War isn't hell. War is war, and Hell is hell, and not the two, war is a lot worse.

The old man is by this time pretty much unable to converse about anything except the television program “M*A*S*H.” The theory of the theme of this Burns-slash-Burning apocalypse now sort of spreads out to become huge and complex theories about wide-ranging and deeply hidden themes having to do with death and time, on the show. Like evidence of some sort of coded communication to certain viewers about an end to our familiar type of world-time and the advent of a whole different order of world-time.

Are you dedicated to your patient or your ego?

If you had the guts to serve your country like the rest of us, you wouldn't have to work so hard to prove you're crazy.

I have too much homework to watch M*A*S*H yet, so I settle down at the kitchen table and I face it.

Inside that Colonel, there's a private that needs to be cuddled and held just like the rest of us." Hawkeye

No other supporting player won three Academy Awards, and you would be hard-pressed to name another character actor whose performances frequently overwhelmed those of ostensible leads like Joel McCrea and Barbara Stanwyck in Banjo on My Knee. “We’re supporting you. Be nice to us,” McCrea and Stanwyck joked with Brennan. Those stars had the fights of their lives trying to stay on equal terms with old Walter. Sure, other character actors have had their star turns—especially in television, which gave Ward Bond in Wagon Train, Raymond Burr in Perry Mason, and Harry Morgan in M.A.S.H. their respective moments of fame—but no character actor other than Brennan dominated the Hollywood century of popular entertainment, or attained the iconic status he achieved. To follow Brennan—beginning with his career as a seven-dollar-a-day extra—is to learn all you need to know about Hollywood and its mythologizing of the American dream. Walter Brennan became an archetype, not a stereotype.

What's a man worth without love ? $.89 worth of chemicals." Hawkeye Pierce

It's one thing to admire a man's work. It's another to get your picture in the paper doing it." General Clayton

Shaving was invented to kill time before a date.

Colonel Henry Blake, a surgeon: "I can paint a barn with someone else's blood. I just can't stand to see my own.

When they awakened at four o'clock in the afternoon, all was quiet. Duke peeked out the door and closed it quickly. 'What do the initials M.P. stand for?' he inquired. 'Shore Patrol,' answered Trapper John.

The modern sitcom, in particular, is almost wholly dependent for laughs and tone on the M*A*S*H0inspired savaging of some buffoonish spokesman for hypocritical, pre-hip values at the hands of bitingly witty insurgents. [. . .] Its promulgation of cynicism about authority works to the general advantage of television on a number of levels. First, to the extent that TV can ridicule old-fashioned conventions right off the map, it can create an authority vacuum. And then guess what fills it. The real authority on a world we now view as constructed and not depicted becomes the medium that constructs our world-view. Second, to the extent that TV can refer exclusively to itself and debunk conventional standards as hollow, it is invulnerable to critics' changes that what's on is shallow or crass or bad, since and such judgments appeal to conventional, extra-televisual standards about depth, taste, quality. Too, the ironic tone of TV's self-reference means that no one can accuse TV of trying to put anything over on anybody. As essayist Lewis Hyde points out, self-mocking irony is always 'Sincerity, with a motive.' [. . .] If television can invite Joe Briefcase into itself via in-gags and irony, it can ease that painful tension between Joe's need to transcend the crowd and his inescapable status as Audience-member. For to the extent that TV can flatter Joe about 'seeing through' the pretentiousness and hypocrisy of outdated values, it can induce in him precisely the feeling of canny superiority it's taught him to crave, and can keep him dependent on the cynical TV-watching that alone affords this feeling. [. . .] Television can reinforce its on queer ontology of appearance: the most frightening prospect, for the well-conditioned viewer, becomes leaving oneself open to others' ridicule by betraying passé expressions of value, emotion, or vulnerability.

Sonnet 1147 Only way to grow together as a couple, is to nourish each other's individual growth. Only way to grow together as a society, is to empower each other's personal growth. Learn from Manu, Majnun, Vyas and M.A.S.H, Absorb all good like an eager sponge. Tradition of tribe has outstayed its welcome, Now outgrow the fences across fearful hunch. Na desi, na videsi, Banna hai to bano visvadesi. Bohot aye despar marnevaale, Des ke par chalo sudhare insani zindagi. Ni local, ni extranjero, Simplemente seamos humano. Más allá de la patria, más allá de la muerte, Vivamos como un planeta pueblo. Ni obediente, ni opresivo - Luchando por igualdad seremos humano.

For about two minutes, Ingo and I weighed the idea of transferring M*A*S*H from Korea to Vietnam. But the current war was just too close for us to be funny or properly irreverent about it. By keeping our story at a safe distance in years and miles, we could safely look askance at an American military adventure in Asia, and let people draw their own parallels.

Don Simpson was right about Robert Altman. Screenwriter, Ring Lardner wrote M*A*S*H (1970) and director Altman praised his script in early interviews. After the movie was a hit, Altman said that he had tossed out Lardner’s script and written it himself. The movie’s producer, George Litto, said, “Bob was never one to acknowledge a writer’s contribution. The movie was ninety percent Ring Lardner’s script, but Bob started saying he improvised the movie. I said,* ‘Bob, Ring Lardner gave you the best opportunity you had in your whole life. Ring was blacklisted for years. What you’re doing is very unfair to him and you ought to stop it.’

Program/ Year/ Viewers (in millions)/ Share of audience for finale: M*A*S*H/ 1983/ 106/ 45.5 Cheers/ 1994/ 80.4/ 30.9 Seinfeld/ 1998/ 76/ 27.5 Friends/ 2004/ 52.5/ 17.9 Big Bang Theory/ 2019/ 18/ 5.4