Lysa Terkeurst Forgiveness Quotes

Forgiveness is mandatory; reconciliation is optional.

My ability to heal cannot be conditional on them wanting my forgiveness but only on my willingness to give it.

I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess.

Hope is the melody of the future. Faith is dancing to that melody right now.

I am a soul who likes the concept of forgiveness . . . until I am a hurting soul who doesn’t.

It is necessary for you not to let pain rewrite your memories. And it’s absolutely necessary not to let pain ruin your future.

My ability to heal cannot depend on anyone’s choices but my own.

Bitterness isn’t usually found most deeply in those whose hearts are hard but rather in those who are most tender. It’s not that they are cold; it’s that they’ve been made to feel unsafe.

Staying here, blaming them, and forever defining your life by what they did will only increase the pain. Worse, it will keep projecting out onto others. The more our pain consumes us, the more it will control us. And sadly, it’s those who least deserve to be hurt whom our unresolved pain will hurt the most.

I forgive this person for how their actions back then are still impacting me now. And whatever my feelings don’t yet allow for, the blood of Jesus will surely cover.

Forgiveness releases to the Lord your need for them to be punished or corrected, giving it to the only One who can do this with right measures of justice and mercy.

Forgiveness is the weapon. Our choices moving forward are the battlefield. Moving on is the journey.

In the meantime, we must hold fast to the truth of who God is and His unchanging nature: God is good. His plans are good. His requirements are good. His salvation is good. His grace is good. His forgiveness is good. His restoration is good.

We can’t live in an alternate reality and expect what’s right in front of us to get better.

But weeping with them and rejoicing with them does not mean trying to take control of their out-of-control choices and behaviors. We can forgive them. But we cannot control them. And we should not enable them.

You can’t fake yourself into being okay with what happened. But you can decide that the one who hurt you doesn’t get to decide what you do with your memories. Your life can be a graceful combination of beautiful and painful.

At some point we must stop: 1. Replaying what happened over and over. 2. Taking what was actually terrible in the past and tricking ourselves into thinking it was better than it was. 3. Imagining the ways things should be so much that we can't acknowledge what is.

I only needed to bring my willingness to forgive, not the fullness of all my restored feelings.

As soon as sin was their choice, the cover of darkness was their preference.

My broken perspective is not proof of His broken promises.

Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.”1

Relationships were reduced to attempts at managing what I feared about them rather than enjoying what I loved about them.

My counselor says, “Adults inform, children explain.” I will state my boundaries with compassion and clarity. But I will not negotiate excuses or navigate exceptions with lengthy explanations that wear me down emotionally.

What we look for is what we will see, what we see determines our perspective, and our perspective determines our reality.

It's necessary for you to not let pain rewrite your memories, and it's absolutely necessary not to let pain ruin your future.

Cynicism dressed like a security guard, making me believe that if I hoped for less, it would protect me and prevent more pain.

And that’s when I just want to lie down on the floor in a very dramatic way and loudly declare, “BUT I AM NOT JESUS!!” Ugh. However, as hard as this seems, I think it’s harder to keep letting circumstances and complicated people kidnap my peace.

ever validated that what I went through was wrong. Forgiveness feels like it trivializes, minimizes, or, worse yet, makes what happened no big deal. I can’t possibly forgive when I still feel so hostile toward the one who hurt me. I’m not ready to forgive. I still feel hurt. They haven’t apologized or even acknowledged that what they did was wrong. Being back in relationship with this person isn’t possible or safe. Furthermore, it’s not even reasonable for me to have a conversation with the person who hurt me. I’m still in the middle of a long, hard situation with no resolution yet. I’m afraid forgiveness will give them false hope that I want to reestablish the relationship, but I don’t. It’s easier to ignore this person altogether than to try and figure out boundaries so they don’t keep hurting me. What they did is unchangeable; therefore, forgiveness won’t help anything. The person who hurt me is no longer here. I can’t forgive someone I can’t talk to. I don’t think any good will come from forgiveness now. When your heart has been shattered and reshaped into something that doesn’t quite feel normal inside your own chest yet, forgiveness feels a bit unrealistic.

Need to Be Honest about My Issues Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (PSALM 139:23 – 24) Thought for the Day: Avoiding reality never changes reality. Mostly I’m a good person with good motives, but not always. Not when I just want life to be a little more about me or about making sure I look good. That’s when my motives get corrupted. The Bible is pretty blunt in naming the real issue here: evil desires. Yikes. I don’t like that term at all. And it seems a bit severe to call my unglued issues evil desires, doesn’t it? But in the depths of my heart I know the truth. Avoiding reality never changes reality. Sigh. I think I should say that again: Avoiding reality never changes reality. And change is what I really want. So upon the table I now place my honesty: I have evil desires. I do. Maybe not the kind that will land me on a 48 Hours Mystery episode, but the kind that pull me away from the woman I want to be. One with a calm spirit and divine nature. I want it to be evident that I know Jesus, love Jesus, and spend time with Jesus each day. So why do other things bubble to the surface when my life gets stressful and my relationships get strained? Things like … Selfishness: I want things my way. Pride: I see things only from my vantage point. Impatience: I rush things without proper consideration. Anger: I let simmering frustrations erupt. Bitterness: I swallow eruptions and let them fester. It’s easier to avoid these realities than to deal with them. I’d much rather tidy my closet than tidy my heart. I’d much rather run to the mall and get a new shirt than run to God and get a new attitude. I’d much rather dig into a brownie than dig into my heart. I’d much rather point the finger at other people’s issues than take a peek at my own. Plus, it’s just a whole lot easier to tidy my closet, run to the store, eat a brownie, and look at other people’s issues. A whole lot easier. I rationalize that I don’t have time to get all psychological and examine my selfishness, pride, impatience, anger, and bitterness. And honestly, I’m tired of knowing I have issues but having no clue how to practically rein them in on a given day. I need something simple. A quick reality check I can remember in the midst of the everyday messies. And I think the following prayer is just the thing: God, even when I choose to ignore what my heart is saying to me, You know my heart. I bring to You this [and here I name whatever feeling or thoughts I have been reluctant to acknowledge]. Forgive me. Soften my heart. Make it pure. Might that quick prayer help you as well? If so, stop what you are doing —just for five minutes — and pray these or similar words. When I’ve prayed for the Lord to interrupt my feelings and soften my heart, it’s amazing how this changes me. Dear Lord, help me to remember to actually bring my emotions and reactions to You. I want my heart reaction to be godly. Thank You for grace and for always forgiving me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

I forgive ____ for ____, and whatever my feelings don't yet allow for the blood of Jesus will surely cover.

Jesus didn't make healing contingent on other people doing or owning anything.

The hurt was caused by someone else, but the resulting feelings are mine to manage.

At first we say it's too soon, then years go by and we say it's too late.

Those who cooperate most fully with forgiveness are those who dance most freely in the beauty of redemption.

God will handle this, and even if you never see how God handles it, you know He will.

You're giving yourself too much credit, the only reason you have any grace (to give or receive) is through Christ.

We don't need to understand God to trust Him.

I forgive Art for betraying my trust. And whatever my feelings don’t yet allow for, the blood of Jesus will surely cover.

You can’t edit reality to try and force healing. You can’t fake yourself into being okay with what happened. But you can decide that the one who hurt you doesn’t get to decide what you do with your memories. Your life can be a graceful combination of beautiful and painful.

But then we also must walk through the much longer process of forgiving and healing from the impact another person's actions have had on us. Forgiveness is a command by God, but reconciliation should be very conditional on many factors—most of all whether all parties involved can stay safe ad healthy if they stay together.

had been massively damaged. There was repentance. There was forgiveness. There was an acceptance that, just because something wasn’t right for a long time, it doesn’t mean it can’t be made right over time. There was some healing we both did individually. And then there was the decision that it was time to heal together. There was a beautiful vow renewal.

but repentance is faith’s fruit, and there is no more reality in a profession of faith than there is reality of repentance accompanying it.

What we look for is what we will see. What we see determines our perspective. And our perspective becomes our reality. I want

What do I now believe about the person who hurt me or people with whom I’m in a similar type relationship? What do I now believe about myself? What do I now believe about other people who witnessed or knew about what happened? What do I now believe about the world at large because of this situation? And what do I now believe about God as a result of this whole experience?

And though it’s been excruciatingly painful to learn this kind of vulnerability, it’s been the most life-giving part of our healing. Isn’t it strange that sometimes it’s the very thing we fear the most that winds up paving a road to freedom?

While the truth is sometimes hard to hear, God gives it to us because He knows what our hearts and souls really need. It is His truth that sets us free.

forgiveness is the greatest evidence that the Truth of God lives in us.

One of the people who hurt me most appeared to have had a perfect life.

Forgiveness doesn’t always fix relationships, but it does help mend the hurting heart.

Boundaries aren’t to push others away. They are to hold me together. Otherwise, I will downgrade my gentleness to hastily spoken words of anger and resentment. I will downgrade my progress with forgiveness to bitterness. I will downgrade my words of sincerity to frustrated words of anger, aggression, or rude remarks. I will downgrade my attitude for reconciliation to acts of retaliation . . . not because I’m not a good person but because I’m not a person keeping appropriate boundaries.

I can mute someone’s social media account that triggers unhealthy reactions when I see them. This may be a better first step than unfollowing them . . . but if unfollowing is more appropriate, then I can make that choice.

For many of the wrong things that were done to us we didn’t have a say in what happened. But we do have a say in how we move forward.

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.

It truly is one of the most heartbreaking moments of anyone’s life when they have to release a loved one to the consequences of their own choices.

If your heart is more committed to change than theirs is, you may delay the train wreck but you will not be able to save them from it. And from what I’ve experienced, the more you keep jumping onto the tracks to try and rescue them, the more likely it is that the train will run over you both.

assessing this with a trusted advisor will help this be a practical decision based on health and bathed in prayer, not an emotional response too easily rushed into.

Adults inform, children explain.

Processing with anyone who only wants the juicy details is slander and will take me into the pit of gossip.

We see destruction. God sees construction.

Revenge is paying twice for a hurt that someone else did to you. You pay a price when they hurt you. You pay double when you carry that pain inside your heart and it causes you to say and do things you wouldn’t otherwise say and do.

When I sense their actions are constantly having a negative impact on my mood and reactions, I can reduce their access to my most vulnerable emotions and limited resources.

But I do know His silence is not proof of His absence. And my broken perception is not evidence of His broken promise.

The decision to forgive doesn’t fix all the damaged emotions. It doesn’t automatically remove the anger, frustration, doubt, damaged trust, or fear.

Just because we extend forgiveness doesn’t mean we keep that person in our close-knit circle.

It’s easier to construct a more palatable life story—where I can draw straight lines from each hurt of the past to the healing I later experienced—than to face the raw truth. I prefer to neatly match each hard part of my testimony with the soft place I landed in the middle of God’s grace, forgiveness, and restoration as proof I am walking in freedom.

Have you ever had a “worst mom ever” day? Take heart, so have we all. Take my friend’s advice. Apologize to your children. Ask God for forgiveness. Get over it and stop letting Satan drag you down. Spend time with the Lord getting a new attitude, and He’ll help you leave the dams to the beavers!

Sin didn’t, and doesn’t, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it’s sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. (MSG)

What we look for is what we will see. What we see determines our perspective. And our perspective becomes our reality.

But what if, instead of fearing what might be taken from us, we decided that everything lost makes us more complete, not less?

is necessary for you not to let pain rewrite your memories. And it’s absolutely necessary not to let pain ruin your future.

Even when I do everything I know to do to make things better . . . sometimes things don’t get better. Some relationships don’t survive in the long run. Sometimes we never really know why.

C. S. Lewis wrote, “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.

Unresolved pain triggers unrestrained chaos.

For a while, you may still have tears that come and go. That’s okay. Freedom from unforgiveness doesn’t mean instant healing for all the emotions involved. But it does mean those emotions will turn into eventual compassion rather than bitterness.

Coping mechanisms, like being overly positive or hyperspiritual or using substances to numb out, may get us through the short term. But in the long run they don’t help us cope;

I try not to personalize what other people say or do, but it’s really hard when I’m a deep feeler. I get hurt.

The cross was the most holy act of forgiveness that ever took place. And it was His blood shed for our sins that was the redemptive ingredient that accomplished a forgiveness we could never have obtained or earned for ourselves.

After all I’ve given you . . . all the ways I’ve been patient with you, all the ways I’ve tried to help you. . . . THIS IS HOW YOU’RE GOING TO TREAT ME?!

Being taught to stuff feelings early in life can sometimes mean you never learn how to properly understand feelings later in life. Feelings serve a purpose. Feelings inform us of issues that need to be addressed. They also help us empathize with others, bond with others, and know when we need to give and receive emotional support.

Together, we’ll fight the shame threatening to bully its way into your mind. I will not add to your shame. I will speak the truth but always with the goal of helping you and helping us to stay healthy. I will not reduce you to being a sum total of your struggles. I will speak life by reminding you who you really are

Loss is never the end of the story.

There are hurts and losses we’ve experienced in our past that feed wrong beliefs and unhealthy tendencies, holding us back in the present.

Yes, loss is certainly part of what shapes us. But it doesn’t have to all be detrimental. Loss can also shape us in wonderful ways if we will let it.

In relationships we have experiences both good and bad. We develop perceptions about the world and other people that affect what we see as we move on through life. Those perceptions interpret and fill in the gaps, and that belief then informs our reality.

I’m not a victim. I am a healed woman walking in victory.

Soft hearts don’t break or beat or belittle, but broken hearts with unhealed pasts can often be found traveling wrong paths. They hurt, they sting, they say words they don’t really mean. The pain they project is just an effort to protect all that feels incredibly fragile inside of them.

Waiting for something from them holds you hostage to what the other person might not ever be willing to give. But if you want to move on? Heal? Lay down what hurts? It’s 100 percent your choice to make. The steps needed are yours to take. It’s what can be yours when you feel what you feel, think what

Remember, forgiveness shouldn’t be an open door for people to take advantage of us. Forgiveness releases our need for retaliation, not our need for boundaries.

I can be honest about what I can and cannot give. It doesn’t make me a bad person to communicate the reality of my capacity. Dysfunction diminishes my capacity in every area. Boundaries increase my ability to function with more regularity within the capacity I have.

I will not crumble if the other person accuses me of wrong intentions when I set boundaries. Instead, I can firmly say, “Please hear me speak this in love. I will respect your choices. But I need you to respect my choices. Communicating my boundaries is not being controlling or manipulative. It is bringing wisdom into a complicated situation.

I felt I was working so hard to keep my heart in a good place—a forgiving place, a hopeful place—that I almost decided it would just be easier to let the bitterness have its full way with my heart. The payoff of forgiveness didn’t seem to be there like I’d hoped.

Usually the bitter heart is the heart with the greatest ability to love deeply. But when you love deeply, you are at the greatest risk of being hurt deeply. And when that deep hurt comes, it seems to cage the love that once ran wild and free. Caged love often has a bitter cry.

Funerals have such a way of reminding us not to leave important things, kind things, unsaid.

can’t pretend that I would sometimes rather dance with dysfunction than to have the harder conversations about boundaries.

The sign of progress is to let the pain work for you instead of against you. Use it as an opportunity to let the pain drive you to the new healing habits and perspectives we’ve been discovering together

Have one better thought. Have one better reaction. Have one better way to process. Have one better conversation. Have one boundary you lovingly communicate and consistently keep. Have one better choice not to reach for that substance to numb out. Have one better heart pivot toward forgiveness instead of resentment. Have one less day when you stay mad.

Forgiveness is supposed to be as much a part of our daily lives as eating and sleeping.

I am skeptical of trusting some people, not because of what they’ve done but what’s been done to me by others.

Even if every best-case scenario played out with the people who hurt me suddenly being utterly repentant and owning every bit of all they’d done, that wouldn’t undo what happened. That wouldn’t erase the damage. That wouldn’t take away the memories. That wouldn’t instantly heal me or make any of this feel right.

Remember, the decision to forgive acknowledges the facts of what happened. But the much longer journey of forgiveness is around all the many ways these facts affected you—the impact they created.