Lysa Terkeurst Forgiveness Quotes

Forgiveness is mandatory; reconciliation is optional.

My ability to heal cannot be conditional on them wanting my forgiveness but only on my willingness to give it.

I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess.

Hope is the melody of the future. Faith is dancing to that melody right now.

I am a soul who likes the concept of forgiveness . . . until I am a hurting soul who doesn’t.

It is necessary for you not to let pain rewrite your memories. And it’s absolutely necessary not to let pain ruin your future.

Forgiveness is the weapon. Our choices moving forward are the battlefield. Moving on is the journey.

My ability to heal cannot depend on anyone’s choices but my own.

Bitterness isn’t usually found most deeply in those whose hearts are hard but rather in those who are most tender. It’s not that they are cold; it’s that they’ve been made to feel unsafe.

Staying here, blaming them, and forever defining your life by what they did will only increase the pain. Worse, it will keep projecting out onto others. The more our pain consumes us, the more it will control us. And sadly, it’s those who least deserve to be hurt whom our unresolved pain will hurt the most.

I forgive this person for how their actions back then are still impacting me now. And whatever my feelings don’t yet allow for, the blood of Jesus will surely cover.

In the meantime, we must hold fast to the truth of who God is and His unchanging nature: God is good. His plans are good. His requirements are good. His salvation is good. His grace is good. His forgiveness is good. His restoration is good.

You can’t fake yourself into being okay with what happened. But you can decide that the one who hurt you doesn’t get to decide what you do with your memories. Your life can be a graceful combination of beautiful and painful.

Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.”1

We can’t live in an alternate reality and expect what’s right in front of us to get better.

Forgiveness releases to the Lord your need for them to be punished or corrected, giving it to the only One who can do this with right measures of justice and mercy.

But weeping with them and rejoicing with them does not mean trying to take control of their out-of-control choices and behaviors. We can forgive them. But we cannot control them. And we should not enable them.

At some point we must stop: 1. Replaying what happened over and over. 2. Taking what was actually terrible in the past and tricking ourselves into thinking it was better than it was. 3. Imagining the ways things should be so much that we can't acknowledge what is.

Relationships were reduced to attempts at managing what I feared about them rather than enjoying what I loved about them.

I only needed to bring my willingness to forgive, not the fullness of all my restored feelings.

As soon as sin was their choice, the cover of darkness was their preference.

My broken perspective is not proof of His broken promises.

My counselor says, “Adults inform, children explain.” I will state my boundaries with compassion and clarity. But I will not negotiate excuses or navigate exceptions with lengthy explanations that wear me down emotionally.

Cynicism dressed like a security guard, making me believe that if I hoped for less, it would protect me and prevent more pain.

What we look for is what we will see, what we see determines our perspective, and our perspective determines our reality.

It's necessary for you to not let pain rewrite your memories, and it's absolutely necessary not to let pain ruin your future.

And that’s when I just want to lie down on the floor in a very dramatic way and loudly declare, “BUT I AM NOT JESUS!!” Ugh. However, as hard as this seems, I think it’s harder to keep letting circumstances and complicated people kidnap my peace.

ever validated that what I went through was wrong. Forgiveness feels like it trivializes, minimizes, or, worse yet, makes what happened no big deal. I can’t possibly forgive when I still feel so hostile toward the one who hurt me. I’m not ready to forgive. I still feel hurt. They haven’t apologized or even acknowledged that what they did was wrong. Being back in relationship with this person isn’t possible or safe. Furthermore, it’s not even reasonable for me to have a conversation with the person who hurt me. I’m still in the middle of a long, hard situation with no resolution yet. I’m afraid forgiveness will give them false hope that I want to reestablish the relationship, but I don’t. It’s easier to ignore this person altogether than to try and figure out boundaries so they don’t keep hurting me. What they did is unchangeable; therefore, forgiveness won’t help anything. The person who hurt me is no longer here. I can’t forgive someone I can’t talk to. I don’t think any good will come from forgiveness now. When your heart has been shattered and reshaped into something that doesn’t quite feel normal inside your own chest yet, forgiveness feels a bit unrealistic.

Have you ever had a “worst mom ever” day? Take heart, so have we all. Take my friend’s advice. Apologize to your children. Ask God for forgiveness. Get over it and stop letting Satan drag you down. Spend time with the Lord getting a new attitude, and He’ll help you leave the dams to the beavers!

Sin didn’t, and doesn’t, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it’s sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. (MSG)

It’s easier to construct a more palatable life story—where I can draw straight lines from each hurt of the past to the healing I later experienced—than to face the raw truth. I prefer to neatly match each hard part of my testimony with the soft place I landed in the middle of God’s grace, forgiveness, and restoration as proof I am walking in freedom.

...I can't expect a perfection in others I'm not even capable of living out myself.

A heaviness settled in that I couldn’t explain or pinpoint exactly. I’m not sure how to properly describe it, except to say on different days it crept up with varying personas that seemed to hold me together and rip me apart simultaneously. Cynicism dressed like a security guard, making me believe that if I hoped for less, it would protect me and prevent more pain. In reality, though, it was a thief in disguise, out to steal every bit of closeness between me and those I love.

your

your phone randomly sends those memory movies of what happened on this same day four years ago, it stops you from breathing.

Another act of forgiveness means even more healing and clarity. Another intentional brushstroke of beauty slowly replacing the darkness with hues of healing light.

But then we also must walk through the much longer process of forgiving and healing from the impact another person's actions have had on us. Forgiveness is a command by God, but reconciliation should be very conditional on many factors—most of all whether all parties involved can stay safe ad healthy if they stay together.

You can’t edit reality to try and force healing. You can’t fake yourself into being okay with what happened. But you can decide that the one who hurt you doesn’t get to decide what you do with your memories. Your life can be a graceful combination of beautiful and painful.

If our reaction is hysterical, it is historical.” We can

The things marking us from yesterday are still part of the making of us today.

Love needs depth to live. Love needs honesty to grow. Love needs trust to survive.

The best time to forgive is before we are ever offended. The next best time to forgive is right now.” —Lysa TerKeurst, Forgiving What You Can't Forget

God gives it to us because He knows what our hearts and souls really need. It is His truth that sets us free.

WHAT YOU GIVE UP: the right to demand that the one who hurt you pay you back or be made to suffer for what they’ve done. God will handle this. And even if you never see how God handles it, you know He will. WHAT YOU GET: the freedom to move on.

Boundaries aren’t to push others away. They are to hold me together. Otherwise, I will downgrade my gentleness to hastily spoken words of anger and resentment. I will downgrade my progress with forgiveness to bitterness. I will downgrade my words of sincerity to frustrated words of anger, aggression, or rude remarks. I will downgrade my attitude for reconciliation to acts of retaliation . . . not because I’m not a good person but because I’m not a person keeping appropriate boundaries. And boundaries are 100 percent my choice, not theirs. Therefore, a much healthier place to exert my energy is with choices I can make to stay healthy while still staying available to offer as much compassion as my spiritual capacity will allow. And staying humble before the Lord, asking Him to grow me and mature me so my spiritual capacity will stay ever-increasing. So, how do we apply this practically? Remember,

It took time to get to this place. It will take time to heal and find these healthy perspectives. None of this could be rushed for me, and none of it should be rushed for you. We need to feel what we feel. We need to think through what we need to think through. We need to get it all out and sort it all out. And, most of all, we need to stay put and be present for it all. Here is what I challenged myself with throughout this process whenever I felt ready to return to old patterns and give up. I want you to read this next part aloud as a personal declaration: I DON’T NEED TO RUN AWAY. What I’m looking for will never be found somewhere out there.

Forgiveness isn’t an act of my determination. Forgiveness is only made possible by my cooperation.

which also makes me feel powerless to change.

Confession breaks the cycle of chaos inside of me. Forgiveness breaks the cycle of chaos between us.

I forgive ____ for ____, and whatever my feelings don't yet allow for the blood of Jesus will surely cover.

Jesus didn't make healing contingent on other people doing or owning anything.

The hurt was caused by someone else, but the resulting feelings are mine to manage.

At first we say it's too soon, then years go by and we say it's too late.

Those who cooperate most fully with forgiveness are those who dance most freely in the beauty of redemption.

God will handle this, and even if you never see how God handles it, you know He will.

You're giving yourself too much credit, the only reason you have any grace (to give or receive) is through Christ.

We don't need to understand God to trust Him.

I forgive Art for betraying my trust. And whatever my feelings don’t yet allow for, the blood of Jesus will surely cover.

had been massively damaged. There was repentance. There was forgiveness. There was an acceptance that, just because something wasn’t right for a long time, it doesn’t mean it can’t be made right over time. There was some healing we both did individually. And then there was the decision that it was time to heal together. There was a beautiful vow renewal.

but repentance is faith’s fruit, and there is no more reality in a profession of faith than there is reality of repentance accompanying it.

Just because we extend forgiveness doesn’t mean we keep that person in our close-knit circle.

Need to Be Honest about My Issues Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (PSALM 139:23 – 24) Thought for the Day: Avoiding reality never changes reality. Mostly I’m a good person with good motives, but not always. Not when I just want life to be a little more about me or about making sure I look good. That’s when my motives get corrupted. The Bible is pretty blunt in naming the real issue here: evil desires. Yikes. I don’t like that term at all. And it seems a bit severe to call my unglued issues evil desires, doesn’t it? But in the depths of my heart I know the truth. Avoiding reality never changes reality. Sigh. I think I should say that again: Avoiding reality never changes reality. And change is what I really want. So upon the table I now place my honesty: I have evil desires. I do. Maybe not the kind that will land me on a 48 Hours Mystery episode, but the kind that pull me away from the woman I want to be. One with a calm spirit and divine nature. I want it to be evident that I know Jesus, love Jesus, and spend time with Jesus each day. So why do other things bubble to the surface when my life gets stressful and my relationships get strained? Things like … Selfishness: I want things my way. Pride: I see things only from my vantage point. Impatience: I rush things without proper consideration. Anger: I let simmering frustrations erupt. Bitterness: I swallow eruptions and let them fester. It’s easier to avoid these realities than to deal with them. I’d much rather tidy my closet than tidy my heart. I’d much rather run to the mall and get a new shirt than run to God and get a new attitude. I’d much rather dig into a brownie than dig into my heart. I’d much rather point the finger at other people’s issues than take a peek at my own. Plus, it’s just a whole lot easier to tidy my closet, run to the store, eat a brownie, and look at other people’s issues. A whole lot easier. I rationalize that I don’t have time to get all psychological and examine my selfishness, pride, impatience, anger, and bitterness. And honestly, I’m tired of knowing I have issues but having no clue how to practically rein them in on a given day. I need something simple. A quick reality check I can remember in the midst of the everyday messies. And I think the following prayer is just the thing: God, even when I choose to ignore what my heart is saying to me, You know my heart. I bring to You this [and here I name whatever feeling or thoughts I have been reluctant to acknowledge]. Forgive me. Soften my heart. Make it pure. Might that quick prayer help you as well? If so, stop what you are doing —just for five minutes — and pray these or similar words. When I’ve prayed for the Lord to interrupt my feelings and soften my heart, it’s amazing how this changes me. Dear Lord, help me to remember to actually bring my emotions and reactions to You. I want my heart reaction to be godly. Thank You for grace and for always forgiving me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

What we look for is what we will see. What we see determines our perspective. And our perspective becomes our reality. I want

And whatever my feelings don’t yet allow for, the blood of Jesus will surely cover. Amen.

For me to move forward, for me to see beyond this current darkness, is between me and the Lord. I don’t need to wait on others to do anything or place blame or shame that won’t do anyone any good. I simply must obey whatever God is asking of me right now. God has given me a new way to walk. And God has given me a new way to see. It’s forgiveness. And it is beautiful.

What do I now believe about the person who hurt me or people with whom I’m in a similar type relationship? What do I now believe about myself? What do I now believe about other people who witnessed or knew about what happened? What do I now believe about the world at large because of this situation? And what do I now believe about God as a result of this whole experience?

Forgiveness isn’t something hard we have the option to do or not do. Forgiveness is something hard won that we have the opportunity to participate in.

We can only heal what we’re willing to acknowledge is real.

While the truth is sometimes hard to hear, God gives it to us because He knows what our hearts and souls really need. It is His truth that sets us free.

forgiveness is the greatest evidence that the Truth of God lives in us.

And walking confidently with the Lord from hurt to healing is the freedom that awaits.

The cross was the most holy act of forgiveness that ever took place. And it was His blood shed for our sins that was the redemptive ingredient that accomplished a forgiveness we could never have obtained or earned for ourselves.

The greatest hell a human can experience here on earth is not suffering. It’s feeling like the suffering is pointless and it will never get any better. The playground never felt safe again after that. I didn’t blame the teacher. She was actually a lovely woman. But there were things going on she never saw. The rules were different out on the playground. Instead of be nice and play fair, it was a game of survival. People who said or did mean things were protected by the others in the popular group. It seemed they could get away with anything. They were the cool ones, the strong ones, the ones in charge. No one said they were sorry. And the only

And though it’s been excruciatingly painful to learn this kind of vulnerability, it’s been the most life-giving part of our healing. Isn’t it strange that sometimes it’s the very thing we fear the most that winds up paving a road to freedom?

I just want peace. The peace from forgiveness is more satisfying than revenge.