Lottery Funny Quotes

Let me ask you something, in all the years that you have...undressed in front of a gentleman has he ever asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out and left? No? It's because he doesn't care! He's in a room with a naked girl, he just won the lottery. I am so tired of saying no, waking up in the morning and recalling every single thing I ate the day before, counting every calorie I consumed so I know just how much self loathing to take into the shower. I'm going for it. I have no interest in being obese, I'm just through with the guilt. So this is what I'm going to do, I'm going to finish this pizza, and then we are going to go watch the soccer game, and tomorrow we are going to go on a little date and buy ourselves some bigger jeans.

You’re obsessed with your job. Sometimes I catch you just staring at spreadsheets like they’re winning lottery tickets.

So those are your roommates, eh? What're the odds of having three gay-or-at-least-bi guys in one house, do you think?" "Who knows. Just too bad I couldn't have used those odds to win the lottery instead." "You did win the lottery. The gay roommate lottery." Rob turned his attention to his cereal. "I don't consider it a win unless I'm getting laid out of it.

It's like playing the lottery. It doesn't matter how extremely low the chances are of winning. You gotta be in it to win it. Hitting on every girl in sight is like buying a whole lot of lottery tickets. You never know, one day one of them might actually pay off.

It’s the big new bridge,” said Serge. “Takes you right across Lake What-the-Fuck.” “Is that another real name?” “No,” said Serge. “That’s what I call it. It’s really named Lake Surprise. But surprise is usually something good that provides delight, like winning the lottery or reaching in the back of the fridge and finding an unexpected jar of olives. But this lake got its name because it pissed people off.” “How’d it do that?” “Another funny story. When Henry Flagler started the Overseas Railroad down the Keys, he looked for the route with the most land, because bridges over water cost more. So he sent out surveyors, and they began laying tracks south from the mainland of Florida, across some little islands and an isthmus to Key Largo. And I can’t believe they built that far before realizing that right in the middle of a big chunk of land was this giant lake, and now they have to build an extra bridge that wasn’t in the budget.

He let out a loud laugh. I always felt like I won the lottery when he laughed at something I said, even if I didn’t mean it to be funny.

No, I suppose I never did,” he admitted. “Depression is funny that way, I guess. It saps your strength. No matter how much you want something, it’s just easier to do . . . nothing.