Listener Funniest Quotes

He teased relentlessly and was the funniest person I’d ever met, yet I knew for a fact that he listened to Conan Gray and Gracie Abrams on repeat all the time (I had his Spotify password).

Call listened with amusement--not that the incident hadn't been terrible. Being decapitated was a grisly fate, whether you were a Yankee or not. But then, amusing things happened in battle, as they did in the rest of life. Some of the funniest things he had ever witnessed had occurred during battles. He had always found it more satisfying to laugh on a battlefield than anywhere else, for if you lived to laugh on a battlefield, you could feel you had earned the laugh. But if you just laughed in a saloon, or at a social, the laugh didn't reach deep.

His reputation rests on his standing as the wit of his day, though his shows are seldom cited as the funniest in radio. His humor has paled, and today he plays to a tougher audience than he ever faced in life. This is a crowd reared on comedy that censors nothing. It has no hook, but it is harsh, impatient, and unforgiving. In some quarters he is found lacking, but others see him as a humorist in the truest sense. “Fred will last,” predicted comic Steve Allen, no relation. Listening to an old Town Hall Tonight, a modern listener might wonder, where is the humor? Some of these sound as dusty as the museum pieces that he himself found them to be in later life: as dead as yesterday’s newspaper. Perhaps this is the answer. When Allen went into topical humor, at the beginning of his career, he may have forfeited his only opportunity to be the Mark Twain of his century. He had flashes of undeniable brilliance. But the main body of his work deals with the day-to-day fodder of another time, and sons have seldom been amused by the embarrassments or tragedies of their fathers.

First, there’s no princess and then even mushrooms don’t want to listen to him talk. Hooray, he’s finally a number one Luigi is taking his date to hell Nothing interesting ever happens to Luigi Good luck with that Luigi But, you have to admit, this is a good way to get rid of ghosts and clean the mansion since Daisy probably doesn’t vacuum. This is why people usually play with Mario Luigi’s therapy is showing signs of progress Luigi doing Mario’s work (again)

My mom was repainting our bathroom. My dad was standing behind her, frowning slightly. I stood by and listened to them squabble like two clucking hens. "You said yellow," my dad remarked. "I thought you meant a deep, dark yellow. This . . . this color . . . it's . . ." "It's called canary yellow," my mom answered. "Canary yellow?!" my dad repeated in disbelief. "What? Were they all out of banana yellow?" "Don't get wise," my mom replied sharply, her back to the doorway. Still, I could hear the smile in her voice. She enjoyed these little duels with my father. "It's too bright!" my dad said. "We'll all go blind! Think of the children, my darling. We'll need sunglasses just to go to the bathroom," my dad protested. "Oh, hush," my mom replied. And with a neat little twirl, she swiftly turned and dabbed paint on my father's nose. They both laughed like it was the funniest thing ever. Parents are so weird sometimes. Still, ya gotta love 'em, I guess. "Jigsaw!" my dad exclaimed. "How long have you been standing there?" "Long enough," I answered. "Maybe too long.

Call listened with some amusement—not that the incident hadn’t been terrible. Being decapitated was a grisly fate, whether you were a Yankee or not. But then, amusing things happened in battle, as they did in the rest of life. Some of the funniest things he had ever witnessed had occurred during battles. He had always found it more satisfying to laugh on a battlefield than anywhere else, for if you lived to laugh on a battlefield, you could feel you had earned the laugh. But if you just laughed in a saloon, or at a social, the laugh didn’t reach deep.

I have never understood why women love cats.  Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come when you call, they like to stay out all night and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep.  Every quality that women hate in men.

Yo mama’s so dumb, she put two M&m’s in her ears and thought she was listening go Eminen.

The Telepathic Watch A man walks into a bar and sits down beside an attractive woman, but barely glances her direction. Instead, he looks at his watch and gets an expression on his face as if he were listening to something. “Are you expecting someone?” the woman asked. “Is your date late?” “Oh, no, I’m not expecting anyone,” the man said, “but I just bought this watch and I’m testing it. You see, it’s a telepathic watch that not only tells the time but also tells me things about people nearby. For example, it’s telling me now that you’re not wearing any panties.” The woman giggled and said, “Well, your watch is broken, I think, because I am indeed wearing panties.” “Just as I thought,” the man said. “It’s running an hour fast.

one of the funniest mockeries of psychology he'd ever seen. He'd wanted to share the joke with her so badly, he ached with the need. The phone rings… Click… Recording: Hello, welcome to the psychiatric hotline. --If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. --If you are co-dependent, please ask for someone to press 2. --If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call. --If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. --If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

Jim Jordan’s assertion in interviews recorded in his later years that the episode with Gildersleeve acting as butler (December 26, 1939) was the funniest in the series is questioned when an actual listening to that show reveals it to be just fair Fibber McGee and Molly fare.