Laurel Quotes

We've searched our database for all the quotes and captions related to Laurel. Here they are! All 100 of them:

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Well-behaved women seldom make history.
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Laurel Thatcher Ulrich (Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History)
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There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Mistral's Kiss (Merry Gentry, #5))
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There comes a point when you either embrace who and what you are, or condemn yourself to be miserable all your days. Other people will try to make you miserable; don't help them by doing the job yourself.
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Laurell K. Hamilton
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Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it's just another way to bleed.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Blue Moon (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #8))
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Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Burnt Offerings (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #7))
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Stupidity isn't punishable by death. If it was, there would be a hell of a population drop.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (The Laughing Corpse (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #2))
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I will love you always. When this red hair is white, I will still love you. When the smooth softness of youth is replaced by the delicate softness of age, I will still want to touch your skin. When your face is full of the lines of every smile you have ever smiled, of every surprise I have seen flash through your eyes, when every tear you have ever cried has left its mark upon your face,I will treasure you all the more, because I was there to see it all. I will share your life with you, Meredith, and I will love you until the last breath leaves your body or mine.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (A Lick of Frost (Merry Gentry, #6))
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Before I knew you, I thought brave was not being afraid. You've taught me that bravery is being terrified and doing it anyway.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Blood Noir (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #16))
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My father had taught me to be nice first, because you can always be mean later, but once you've been mean to someone, they won't believe the nice anymore. So be nice, be nice, until it's time to stop being nice, then destroy them.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (A Stroke of Midnight (Merry Gentry, #4))
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There comes a point when you just love someone. Not because they're good, or bad, or anything really. You just love them. It doesn't mean you'll be together forever. It doesn't mean you won't hurt each other. It just mean you love them. Sometimes in spite of who they are, and sometimes because of who they are. And you know that they love you, sometimes because of who you are, and sometimes in spite of it.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Incubus Dreams (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #12))
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Neither love nor evil conquers all, but evil cheats more.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Cerulean Sins (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #11))
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When in doubt, ignore and be horribly unimpressed
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Laurell K. Hamilton
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Only love of a good woman will make a man question every choice, every action. Only love makes a warrior hesitate for fear that his lady will find him cruel. Only love makes a man both the best he will ever be, and the weakest. Sometimes all in the same moment. -Wicked
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Laurell K. Hamilton
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Can the sarcasm,' he said. 'Please, I always use fresh sarcasm, never canned.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Circus of the Damned (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #3))
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Love is too precious to be ashamed of.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (A Stroke of Midnight (Merry Gentry, #4))
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People are supposed to fear the unknown, but ignorance is bliss when knowledge is so damn frightening.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (The Laughing Corpse (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #2))
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Maybe they know what I know, that the true way to a man's heart is six inches of metal between his ribs. Sometimes four inches will do the job, but to be really sure, I like to have six.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Narcissus in Chains (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #10))
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I talk to myself everyone once in a while. Give myself very good advice. Sometimes I even take it.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Guilty Pleasures (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #1))
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Accidental sex. He made it sound like I fell down, and there just happened to be an erection in the way.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Incubus Dreams (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #12))
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So there's magic? Real magic? It's not just all scientific like David says?" Tamani rolled his eyes. "David again?" Laurel bristled. "He's my friend. My best friend." "Not your boyfriend?" "No. I mean...no." Tamani stared at her for several seconds. "So the position's still open?" Laurel rolled her eyes. "We are so not having this conversation.
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Aprilynne Pike (Wings (Wings, #1))
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Most hatred is based on fear, one way or another. Yeah. I wrapped myself in anger, with a dash of hate, and at the bottom of it all was an icy center of pure terror.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Guilty Pleasures (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #1))
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And do you really think someone's going to look at you and say, 'Hmm, I think that girl's a plant'?
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Aprilynne Pike (Wings (Wings, #1))
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Why is everything always my decision?" I asked. Because you will not tolerate anything else." Oh, I remembered now. "Great", I whispered. - Anita to Jean-Claude
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Cerulean Sins (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #11))
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Zebrowski says that if you killed someone else just hide the body, he's not starting over on the paperwork.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Incubus Dreams (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #12))
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His eyes widened just a bit, his lips flexed. I realized he was trying not to laugh. I hate it when people find my threats amusing.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (The Laughing Corpse (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #2))
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As far as her mom was concerned, tea fixed everything. Have a cold? Have some tea. Broken bones? There's a tea for that too. Somewhere in her mother's pantry, Laurel suspected, was a box of tea that said, 'In case of Armageddon, steep three to five minutes'.
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Aprilynne Pike (Illusions (Wings, #3))
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Men don't settle down because of the right woman. They settle down because they are finally ready for it. Whatever woman they're dating when they get ready is the one they settle down with, not necessarily the best one or the prettiest, just the one who happened to be on hand when the time got to be right. Unromantic, but still true.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (A Kiss of Shadows (Merry Gentry, #1))
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Friends don't count the cost of favors.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Danse Macabre (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #14))
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The truth may not set you free, but used carefully, it can confuse the hell out of your enemies.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Micah (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #13))
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Jesus, are all vampires over two hundred perverts?" "I am over two hundred," Jean-Claude said. "I rest my case.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Circus of the Damned (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #3))
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I knew from the moment I heard you, the moment I saw the gun and realized that this lovely, petit woman was the executioner, that you would never die waiting for me to save you - that you would save yourself.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Narcissus in Chains (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #10))
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Never argue when you're winning.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Cerulean Sins (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #11))
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Still it might be nice, once in a while, not to have to choose between evils. Just once, couldn't I choose the lesser good?
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Danse Macabre (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #14))
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Tamani has generously agreed to donate his body to my research." The words were out of Laurel's mouth before she realized how bad they sounded. "I mean he's helping me.
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Aprilynne Pike (Illusions (Wings, #3))
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I gotta say"β€”Apollo broke the silenceβ€”"these kids did okay." He cleared his throat and began to recite: "Heroes win laurelsβ€”" Um, yes, first class," Hermes interrupted, like he was anxious to avoid Apollo's poetry.
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Rick Riordan (The Titan’s Curse (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, #3))
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If I let you get killed, the other body guards will make fun of me.
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Laurell K. Hamilton
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I enjoy my anger, it’s the only hobby I have.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Cerulean Sins (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #11))
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One thing I've learned about vampires--they keep pulling new rabbits out of their cloaks. Big, fanged, carnivorous bunnies that'll eat your eyeballs if you're not paying attention.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Bloody Bones (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #5))
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Sticks and stones will break your bones, but failure will get you killed.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Narcissus in Chains (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #10))
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Life's a bitch,” I said. β€œAnd then you die,” Larry finished for me.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Burnt Offerings (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #7))
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Everyone has their weaknesses. Some people smoke. I collect stuffed penguins. If you won't tell, I won't.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Guilty Pleasures (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #1))
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Every relationship is messed up. What makes it really perfect is if you still want to be there when things suck.
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Laurell K. Hamilton
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I miss your smile… but I miss mine more.
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Laurel House
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Sometimes it's not the optimist you need, but another pessimist to walk beside you and know, absolutely know, that the sound in the dark is a monster, and it really is as bad as you think. Did that sound hopeless? It didn't feel hopeless. It felt reassuring. It felt - real.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Blood Noir (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #16))
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If you fear nothing, then you are not brave. You are merely too foolish to be afraid.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Skin Trade (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #17))
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A flower may be beautiful all on its own, but a person is never truly beautiful unless someone's eyes show him that he is beautiful.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (A Stroke of Midnight (Merry Gentry, #4))
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I'd never met coffee that wasn't wonderful. It was just a matter of how wonderful it was.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (The Killing Dance (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #6))
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The ratman froze, staring at me. "Why are you laughing?" His voice held just a hint of unease. Good. I was hoping that the vampires would come for me soon and save me. You've got to admit that's funny.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Guilty Pleasures (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #1))
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You can not die of grief, though it feels as if you can. A heart does not actually break, though sometimes your chest aches as if it is breaking. Grief dims with time. It is the way of things. There comes a day when you smile again, and you feel like a traitor. How dare I feel happy. How dare I be glad in a world where my father is no more. And then you cry fresh tears, because you do not miss him as much as you once did, and giving up your grief is another kind of death.
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Laurell K. Hamilton
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I was just offered a contract on your life, for enough money to make it worth my while." It was my turn to be quiet. Did you take it?" Would I be calling you if I had?" Maybe," I said. He laughed. True, but I'm not going to take it." Why not?" Friendship." Try again," I said. I figure I'll get to kill more people guarding you. If I take the contract, I only get to kill you." Comforting...
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Laurell K. Hamilton (The Killing Dance (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #6))
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I didn't know what to say to that, so i kept my mouth shut. When in doubt,shut the fuck up.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Skin Trade (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #17))
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I am sincere, ma petite, even when I lie.
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Laurell K. Hamilton
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What is love? Sometimes it's just letting yourself be who and what you are, and letting the person you're supposed to love be who and what he is too. Or maybe what and who they are.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Incubus Dreams (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #12))
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You can't save everybody. In fact, there are days when I think you can't save anyone. Each person has to save himself first, then you can move in and help. I have found this philosophy does not work during a gun battle, or a knife fight either. Outside of that it works just fine.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Guilty Pleasures (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #1))
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Sometimes you fight what you are, and sometimes you give in to it. And some nights you just don’t want to fight yourself anymore, so you pick someone else to fight.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Incubus Dreams (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #12))
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It didn't matter to her that Tamani only had weak magic, he was magic.
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Aprilynne Pike (Wings (Wings, #1))
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one of the good things about being a woman is that my level of testosterone poisoning is lower than most men's.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Obsidian Butterfly (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #9))
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Death didn't bother me much. Strong Christian and all that. Method of death did. Being eaten alive. One of my top three ways not to go out.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (The Laughing Corpse (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #2))
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He was twenty. I remembered twenty. I'd known everything at twenty. It took me another year to realize I knew nothing. I was still hoping to learn something before I hit thirty, but I wasn't holding my breath.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Circus of the Damned (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #3))
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I'd been willing to kill for the people I loved for a very long time; now I had to start living for them.
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Laurell K. Hamilton
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You look wonderful", Jason said. "No compliments, Jason. I'm uncomfortable enough in the lingerie." "Then by all means take it off.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Narcissus in Chains (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #10))
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They say there is no light without dark, no good without evil, no male without female, no right without wrong. That nothing can exist if it's direct opposite does not also exist.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Incubus Dreams (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #12))
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No name-calling truly bites deep unless, in some dark part of us, we believe it. If we are confident enough then it is just noise.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (A Stroke of Midnight (Merry Gentry, #4))
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Are you free to be anything more than a friend to me? If," and she stressed the if heavily, "I ever decided to live in Avalon and wanted to be with you, would you be free enough to do that?" He looked away, and Laurel could tell he'd been avoiding a conversation like this. "Well?" she insisted. "If you wanted it," he finally said. "If I wanted it?" He nodded. "I'm not allowed to ask. You would have to ask me." Her breath caught in her chest, and Tamani looked at her. "Why do you think David bothers me so much?" Laurel looked down at her lap. "I can't just storm in and proclaim my intentions. I can't 'steal' you away. I just have to wait and hope that, someday, you'll ask." "And if I don't?" Laurel said, her voice barley above a whisper. "Then I guess I'll wait forever.
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Aprilynne Pike (Spells (Wings, #2))
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What is it about her that is so goddamned special?
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Obsidian Butterfly (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #9))
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Tamani paused and mulled this over for a few seconds. "If I say no, are you going to follow me anyway?" "Of course.
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Aprilynne Pike (Wings (Wings, #1))
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Never criticize, unless you can do a better job.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Guilty Pleasures (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #1))
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I wondered if I had offended him. I wondered if I cared.
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Laurell K. Hamilton
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Laurel, David? Would you like to share the joke with the rest of the class?" he asked, one hand on his skinny hip. "No, sir," David said. "But thank you for asking." The students around them laughed, but Mr. james didn't look pleased. Laurel leaned back and grinned. David, one. Teacher who wishes he was as smart as David? Zero
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Aprilynne Pike (Wings (Wings, #1))
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A girl could never have too much jewelry or too much weaponry.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (A Kiss of Shadows (Merry Gentry, #1))
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He had this old southern idea of what a lady should be. A lady should not carry a gun and spend most of her time covered in blood and corpses. I had two words for that attitude. Yeah, those are the words.
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Laurell K. Hamilton
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I would rather you love me, but if not love, fear will do.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Skin Trade (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #17))
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I will bathe in your warmth ma petite. Roll you around me until my heart beats only for you. My breath will grow warm from your kiss.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Burnt Offerings (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #7))
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I loved him, but love isn't enough. All the fairy tales, the romance novels, the soap operas; they're all lies. Love does not conquer all.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (The Lunatic Cafe (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #4))
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Oh my gosh, is that an iPhone?!" Laurel asked, her voice unconsciously rising in pitch and volume. Tamani looked up at her, his expression blank."Yeah?" "He has an iPhone," Laurel said to David. "My faerie sentry who generally lives without running water has an iPhone. That's. Just. Great. Everyone in the whole world has a cell phone except me. That's awesome.
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Aprilynne Pike (Illusions (Wings, #3))
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It is a very natural human trait to destroy that which frightens us.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Guilty Pleasures (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #1))
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Some moments are perfect, and then someone comes along and f*cks it up. Ain't it always the way.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Bullet (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #19))
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I closed my eyes," he repeated after a few shallow breahts, "and imagined she was you.
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Aprilynne Pike (Illusions (Wings, #3))
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Regrets are about decisions that you know you should have done different.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Bullet (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #19))
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The rich and powerful always seem to prefer the tops of buildings. Hasn't anyone ever explained to them that higher just means you have farther to fall? -- Anita Blake
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Laurell K. Hamilton
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Questions are great, but only if you know the answers. If you ask questions and the answers surprise you, you look silly.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Burnt Offerings (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #7))
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What did they think I was going to do, steal a body? If I wanted to, I could empty the damn place and get every corpse to play follow the leader. Perhaps that was why I needed watching. Perhaps." --Anita Blake
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Laurell K. Hamilton
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You take insult where none is intended, but if you will find insult where none is meant, then perhaps I should try harder to insult on purpose.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (The Harlequin (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #15))
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I spend most of my waking hours confronting and destroying things that I fear. A thousand-year-old master vampire was a tall order, but a girl's got to have a goal.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Guilty Pleasures (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #1))
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Someday , Tamani told himself. Someday it'll be me.
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Aprilynne Pike (Illusions (Wings, #3))
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She should have remembered that people have given everything they own, everything they are, to be taken care of, and to have their pain gone. It's the lure of cults: the promise of a good family; it's what people think love is, but love isn't absence of pain, it's a hand to hold while you're going through it.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (The Harlequin (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #15))
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Surely being in love doesn't cause you to lose your sense of good taste. If I ever buy a gown with sequins on it, someone just shoot me.
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Laurell K. Hamilton
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I try to be a good cop. I try to be a good little soldier and follow orders up to a point. But in the end I’m not really a cop, or a soldier. I am a legally sanctioned murderer. I am the Executioner.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Skin Trade (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #17))
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It's your call," he said softly, "but whatever you decide, I'll help you." He placed a soft, warm hand at the back of her neck and Laurel's breath caught in her chest. "Whatever you need, I'll be. If you need the science geek to give you answers from a textbook, I'm your guy; if you just want a friend to sit by you in bio and help you feel better when you're sad, I'm still your guy." His thumb slowly stroked across her earlobe and down her cheek. "And if you need someone to hold you and protect you from anyone in the world who might want to hurt you, then I am definitely your guy." His pale-blue eyes bore into hers, and for a second she couldn't breath. "But it's all up to you," he whispered.
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Aprilynne Pike (Wings (Wings, #1))
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Maybe they know what I know, that the true way to a man's heart is six inches of metal between his ribs. Sometimes four inches will do the job, but to be really sure, I like to have six. Funny how phallic objects are always more useful the bigger they are. Anyone who tells you size doesn't matter has been seeing too many small knives.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Narcissus in Chains (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #10))
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Dirge Without Music I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground. So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind: Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned. Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you. Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust. A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew, A formula, a phrase remains,β€”but the best is lost. The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,β€” They are gone. They are gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve. More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world. Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind; Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave. I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.
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Edna St. Vincent Millay (Collected Poems)
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You could be David's friend too". She glanced at Tamani when he said nothing. He was frowning. "The two of you really have a lot in common, and we're all in this together". He shook his head. "It wouldn't work". "Why not? He's a nice guy. And it would do you good to have some human friends", she said hinting at what she suspected was the root of the problem. "It's not that", Tamani said, gesturing vaguely with one hand. "Then why?" Laurel asked, exasperated. "I just don't want to cosy up to the guy whose girl I have every intention of stealing
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Aprilynne Pike (Illusions (Wings, #3))
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I sat on the bed. Neither of us said anything. I wasn't slick and sophisticated enough for this. What do you say to boyfriend A when he finds you naked in the bed of boyfriend B? Especially if boyfriend A turned into a monster the night before and ate someone. I bet Miss Manners didn't cover this at all.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (The Killing Dance (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #6))
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I lay and cried, and began to feel again, to admit I was human, vulnerable, sensitive. I began to remember how it had been before; how there was that germ of positive creativeness. Character is fate; and damn, I'd better work on my character. I had been withdrawing into a retreat of numbness: it is so much safer not to feel, not to let the world touch one. But my honest self revolted at this, hated me for doing this. Sick with conflict, destructive negative emotions, frozen into disintegration I was, refusing to articulate, to spew forth these emotions - they festered in me, growing big, distorted, like pus-bloated sores. Small problems, mentions of someone else's felicity, evidence of someone else's talents, frightened me, making me react hollowly, fighting jealousy, envy, hate. Feeling myself fall apart, decay, rot, and the laurels wither and fall away, and my past sins and omissions strike me with full punishment and import. All this, all this foul, gangrenous, sludge ate away at my insides. Silent, insidious.
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Sylvia Plath (The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath)
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He rewarded me with one of those brilliant smiles. If I had been less professional, it might have melted me into my socks. There was a tinge of evil to it, a lot of sex, but under that was a little boy peeking out, an uncertain little boy. That was it. That was the attraction. Nothing is more appealing than a handsome man who is also uncertain of himself. It appeals not only to the woman in us all, but the mother. A dangerous combination.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Guilty Pleasures (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #1))
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Theresa strode over to us in a swish of cloth. "Enough of this, animator. He can't do it, so he pays the price. Either leave now, or join us at our...feast." Are you having rare Who-roast-beast?" I asked. What are you talking about?" It's from Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas. You know the part, 'And they'd Feast! Feast! Feast! Feast! Feast! They would feast on Who-pudding and rare Who-roast-beast.'" You are crazy." So I've been told.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Guilty Pleasures (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #1))
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And your will shall decide your destiny," he said: "I offer you my hand, my heart, and a share of all my possessions." You play a farce, which I merely laugh at." I ask you to pass through life at my side--to be my second self, and best earthly companion." For that fate you have already made your choice, and must abide by it." Jane, be still a few moments: you are over-excited: I will be still too." A waft of wind came sweeping down the laurel-walk, and trembled through the boughs of the chestnut: it wandered away--away--to an indefinite distance--it died. The nightingale's song was then the only voice of the hour: in listening to it, I again wept. Mr. Rochester sat quiet, looking at me gently and seriously. Some time passed before he spoke; he at last said - Come to my side, Jane, and let us explain and understand one another." I will never again come to your side: I am torn away now, and cannot return." But, Jane, I summon you as my wife: it is you only I intend to marry." I was silent: I thought he mocked me. Come, Jane--come hither." Your bride stands between us." He rose, and with a stride reached me. My bride is here," he said, again drawing me to him, "because my equal is here, and my likeness. Jane, will you marry me?
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Charlotte BrontΓ« (Jane Eyre)
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Asher was a vampire. How much more dangerous could he be with a gun? But I couldn't do it. "Let me test my understanding. Is Asher going to ride in the car with us to the meeting?" I must to give you directions," Asher said. Then lean against the Jeep." He frowned at me in an amused, condescending sort of way. Excuse me?" I don't care if you're the second coming of the Antichrist, you can't sit behind me in my own car until I know you're not carrying a weapon." Asher smiled briliantly at both of us, flashing fang. ...I could rip you into pieces with my bare hands, and you're worried I have a gun?" He chuckled, a low, skin-prickling sound. "That is so very cute.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Burnt Offerings (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #7))
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Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse. I will keep you, Suzy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy. Tear in eye, your dress will tear. So shall I! Oh hear my prayer. Just compare heart, beard, and heard, Dies and diet, lord and word, Sword and sward, retain and Britain. (Mind the latter, how it’s written.) Now I surely will not plague you With such words as plaque and ague. But be careful how you speak: Say break and steak, but bleak and streak; Cloven, oven, how and low, Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe. Hear me say, devoid of trickery, Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore, Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles, Exiles, similes, and reviles; Scholar, vicar, and cigar, Solar, mica, war and far; One, anemone, Balmoral, Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel; Gertrude, German, wind and mind, Scene, Melpomene, mankind. Billet does not rhyme with ballet, Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet. Blood and flood are not like food, Nor is mould like should and would. Viscous, viscount, load and broad, Toward, to forward, to reward. And your pronunciation’s OK When you correctly say croquet, Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve, Friend and fiend, alive and live. Ivy, privy, famous; clamour And enamour rhyme with hammer. River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb, Doll and roll and some and home. Stranger does not rhyme with anger, Neither does devour with clangour. Souls but foul, haunt but aunt, Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant, Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger, And then singer, ginger, linger, Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge, Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age. Query does not rhyme with very, Nor does fury sound like bury. Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth. Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath. Though the differences seem little, We say actual but victual. Refer does not rhyme with deafer. Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer. Mint, pint, senate and sedate; Dull, bull, and George ate late. Scenic, Arabic, Pacific, Science, conscience, scientific. Liberty, library, heave and heaven, Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven. We say hallowed, but allowed, People, leopard, towed, but vowed. Mark the differences, moreover, Between mover, cover, clover; Leeches, breeches, wise, precise, Chalice, but police and lice; Camel, constable, unstable, Principle, disciple, label. Petal, panel, and canal, Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal. Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, Senator, spectator, mayor. Tour, but our and succour, four. Gas, alas, and Arkansas. Sea, idea, Korea, area, Psalm, Maria, but malaria. Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean. Doctrine, turpentine, marine. Compare alien with Italian, Dandelion and battalion. Sally with ally, yea, ye, Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key. Say aver, but ever, fever, Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver. Heron, granary, canary. Crevice and device and aerie. Face, but preface, not efface. Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass. Large, but target, gin, give, verging, Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging. Ear, but earn and wear and tear Do not rhyme with here but ere. Seven is right, but so is even, Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen, Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk, Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work. Pronunciation (think of Psyche!) Is a paling stout and spikey? Won’t it make you lose your wits, Writing groats and saying grits? It’s a dark abyss or tunnel: Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale, Islington and Isle of Wight, Housewife, verdict and indict. Finally, which rhymes with enough, Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough? Hiccough has the sound of cup. My advice is to give up!!!
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Gerard Nolst TrenitΓ© (Drop your Foreign Accent)
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Maria, lonely prostitute on a street of pain, You, at least, hail me and speak to me While a thousand others ignore my face. You offer me an hour of love, And your fees are not as costly as most. You are the madonna of the lonely, The first-born daughter in a world of pain. You do not turn fat men aside, Or trample on the stuttering, shy ones, You are the meadow where desperate men Can find a moment's comfort. Men have paid more to their wives To know a bit of peace And could not walk away without the guilt That masquerades as love. You do not bind them, lovely Maria, you comfort them And bid them return. Your body is more Christian than the Bishop's Whose gloved hand cannot feel the dropping of my blood. Your passion is as genuine as most, Your caring as real! But you, Maria, sacred whore on the endless pavement of pain, You, whose virginity each man may make his own Without paying ought but your fee, You who know nothing of virgin births and immaculate conceptions, You who touch man's flesh and caress a stranger, Who warm his bed to bring his aching skin alive, You make more sense than stock markets and football games Where sad men beg for virility. You offer yourself for a fee--and who offers himself for less? At times you are cruel and demanding--harsh and insensitive, At times you are shrewd and deceptive--grasping and hollow. The wonder is that at times you are gentle and concerned, Warm and loving. You deserve more respect than nuns who hide their sex for eternal love; Your fees are not so high, nor your prejudice so virtuous. You deserve more laurels than the self-pitying mother of many children, And your fee is not as costly as most. Man comes to you when his bed is filled with brass and emptiness, When liquor has dulled his sense enough To know his need of you. He will come in fantasy and despair, Maria, And leave without apologies. He will come in loneliness--and perhaps Leave in loneliness as well. But you give him more than soldiers who win medals and pensions, More than priests who offer absolution And sweet-smelling ritual, More than friends who anticipate his death Or challenge his life, And your fee is not as costly as most. You admit that your love is for a fee, Few women can be as honest. There are monuments to statesmen who gave nothing to anyone Except their hungry ego, Monuments to mothers who turned their children Into starving, anxious bodies, Monuments to Lady Liberty who makes poor men prisoners. I would erect a monument for you-- who give more than most-- And for a meager fee. Among the lonely, you are perhaps the loneliest of all, You come so close to love But it eludes you While proper women march to church and fantasize In the silence of their rooms, While lonely women take their husbands' arms To hold them on life's surface, While chattering women fill their closets with clothes and Their lips with lies, You offer love for a fee--which is not as costly as most-- And remain a lonely prostitute on a street of pain. You are not immoral, little Maria, only tired and afraid, But you are not as hollow as the police who pursue you, The politicians who jail you, the pharisees who scorn you. You give what you promise--take your paltry fee--and Wander on the endless, aching pavements of pain. You know more of universal love than the nations who thrive on war, More than the churches whose dogmas are private vendettas made sacred, More than the tall buildings and sprawling factories Where men wear chains. You are a lonely prostitute who speaks to me as I pass, And I smile at you because I am a lonely man.
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James Kavanaugh (There Are Men Too Gentle to Live Among Wolves)