Koala Man Quotes

Golf is probably a CIA psyop. Think about it. Golf is the only thing that tames the wild FloridaMan. It turns even the hilariously hostile into the docile.

Golfers flexing on other golfers for having Androids will never not be inadvertently hilarious. iPhones are also owned by Janitors, the job that's at the bottom of the perceived status pile, and I'd rather golf with a man who spends his time cleaning than a dirty pseudo snob.

Manly snores rumble from my big-ass koala, and I think he’s drooling on me. I grin because he’s cute when he’s not being all domineering as hell.

If they can put a man on the moon, why can’t they put a koala on the moon?

Zavier wasn’t happy about it when I told him I was headed back to work this morning. The mopey pout he sported, and koala hug he latched onto me with were pitiful. At least he has Midnight to keep him company, plus he’s a grown ass adult ... vampire ... man thing, so he’ll be fine.

Dawn, who had had the major role, was particularly affected. She later told us, “I was really angry that I was having to do this koala thing and do all these other things to try to coax this man into reaching out to my family, because we thought that was the only way he would be caught. And so, while it was so upsetting on the inside, you wouldn’t have seen it on the outside because that was my job. But then, of course, once those little assignments were done, we fell apart. My family fell apart when nobody was watching. I would go upstairs into my bedroom and just sob. But we had amazing friends and family, and people there to support us, to help us so we didn’t go through it alone.