Karma Funny Quotes

I must have killed a lot of cows in a past life for Karma to hate me this much.

The first sign that Karma was now in cahoots with the Devil Incarnate to ruin her existance should've been before sunrise and pre-coffee.

 It’s like you had a coming-out party,” Andrea said. “You’ve been presented to polite society, except now everybody wants to kill you.” “Spare me.” “Kate Daniels, a debutante.” Andrea grinned. “It’s not funny.” “It’s hilarious.” The smile slid off Andrea’s face and she vomited on the snow. “Karma,” I told her.

Oh, yeah, this girl was going down. She had no idea who she was messing with. And, sadly, she didn’t seem to care. I hoped her drawer came up short at the end of her shift. Karma’s a bitch.

Zee replies grimly, 'I understand that problem...Buns is a force of nature.' 'She is,' I say with a reluctant smile, 'you're kind of screwed, dude. She's definitely got her own ideas.' Zee grins too. 'Do not laugh too hard, playa, yours is a Throne..karma...' he says, noddin' his head before grimacin' and addin', 'ouch'. My smile broadens involuntarily. 'Zee, when did you become funny?' I ask. 'It is difficult to be funny in Human,' he says, before lookin' at his watch and than graspin' the cover of the portal computer. 'Learn my language and you will think I am hysterical.

Don't bite the hand that feeds you; especially if you're dining alone.

Sometimes I feel that the only concept of fairness in our society is creams like fair & lovely or fair & handsome.

Whenever He answers prayers, God usually prioritizes those by people who, instead of their mouths, have prayed with their hands and/or feet.

The most effective cross-examination of Linda Kasabian was surprisingly that of Ronald Hughes. Though this was his first trial, and he frequently made procedural mistakes, Hughes was familiar with the hippie subculture, having been a part of it. He knew about drugs, mysticism, karma, auras, vibrations, and when he questioned Linda about these things, he made her look just a little odd, just a wee bit zingy. He had her admitting that she believed in ESP, that there were times at Spahn when she actually felt she was a witch. Q. "Do you feel that you are controlled by Mr. Manson's vibrations?" A. "Possibly." Q. "Did he put off a lot of vibes?" A. "Sure, he's doing it right now." Hughes "May the record reflect, Your Honor, that Mr. Manson is merely sitting here." Kanarek "He doesn't seem to be vibrating.

As with Jakobson, I queried Poston as to the source of Manson's philosophy. Scientology, the Bible, and the Beatles. These three were the only ones he knew. A peculiar triumvirate. Yet by now I was beginning to suspect the existence of at least a fourth influence. The old magazines I'd found at Barker, Gregg's mention that Charlie claimed to have read Nietzsche and that he believed in a master race, pus the emergence of a startling number of disturbing parallels between Manson and the leader of the Third Reich, led me to ask Poston: "Did Manson ever say anything about Hitler?" Poston's reply was short and incredibly chilling. A. "He said that Hitler was a tuned-in guy who had leveled the karma of the Jews.

We can give her a lift, can't we?' He said. 'Mum always gives people lifts. She says it's good karma'.

If retribution was a date on a calendar, then Karma had today circled and highlighted.

If you are the drama, I would like to be your script for life.

People who live in rubber houses should not throw stones either!

I thought we were on the same page." When I shake my head no, we are not on the same page, Luka rubs at that little line with his thumb. Clearly we aren't even reading the same book.

On the cross Jesus paid our debt in full. There is no karma to face—Christ's work is sufficient. Christians have this message of joy and hope for our Hindu friends, who would agree: there's absolutely nothing funny about karma.

Neptune’s Lost Banana by Stewart Stafford O lost banana of Neptune, Do you wonder why you’ve washed ashore? Do people see a yellow fruit in the water? Or a Portuguese Man O’War? You were so near the fingertips of power, Did fortune peel away your chances too quick? Or do you see yourself in an ivory tower? Of a split-away banana republic? You could have been top banana, Now you’re potential poetic justice, For someone with bad karma to slip on, And go skidding as you go squish. © Stewart Stafford, 2021. All rights reserved.

Marcus Graham didn’t need a college degree for his career of choice, nor did he need one to know he’d just royally screwed up. He'd done his homework—no one could say he hadn’t—and still, karma was biting him in the ass. An hour ago he thought the gods were smiling down on his beautiful bald head. Who’d have guessed just how wrong he was?

When morning came, I decided to peek out from behind the bank and noticed what looked like fire moving through the trees. I then realized it was a zombie and he was burning up in the sun! Thank goodness, sunlight kills them. I thought it was quite funny when he disappeared in a cloud of smoke. I wandered over and discovered he had left behind some of his stinky rotten flesh. It serves him right for trying to kill me. Karma is a wonderful thing.   So,

People in elastic houses shouldn't throw stones.

I have been to the pits of hell, and I have seen what demons are capable of doing to the human body, mind, and soul. It’s funny how the wrong person will come into our lives and distract us from who we are; yet the right person will motivate us to move forward.

I’ve blown my cover,” I told him. “Now every weirdo with a drop of power will be coming over to investigate.” “It’s like you had a coming-out party,” Andrea said. “You’ve been presented to polite society, except now everybody wants to kill you.” “Spare me.” “Kate Daniels, a debutante.” Andrea grinned. “It’s not funny.” “It’s hilarious.” The smile slid off Andrea’s face and she vomited on the snow. “Karma,” I told her.

Telemarketers I love messing with Telemarketers, especially when I am registered with the National No Call list and I still get calls. So the other night I get a call and it is for me, right.  I know some of you might think this is bad karma, but I decide to have a little fun with the man on the other end.  “I tell him the person he is looking for does not live here any longer.  “But,” I explain, “I do have a forwarding number.” The telemarketer is anxious to get the new number. When he calls the number he will be surprised to find it is for the local cemetery.

Dad shakes his head. “Nope. His name start with an F.” He snaps his fingers. “Floyd. That’s it. When I picked you up from school, I overheard you say how much you like him, and miss him, and . . .” Then my brother and I start laughing so hard we practically hyperventilate. Dad shrugs. “What? I know I’m clueless, but you’ve got to tell me what’s so funny.” “Floyd is Karma’s phone,” says Toby, who’s clutching his stomach because he’s laughing so hard. My

People who say 'everything happens for a reason' have never puked on their fiancé's grandmother during Easter dinner.

At present, the ottoman was occupied by a pair of cats who eyed Alex with blasé effeteness. He stuck his hands in his pockets and eyed them back. "Romeo and Juliet," she told him. "They used to be lovers, but since that visit to the vet they're just friends." "Are they friendly?" he asked, stretching out a hand at Romeo's funny pushed-in face. "They're cats," she said, grinning as Romeo turned up his nose at the outstretched hand. Juliet wasn't interested, either. They poured themselves off the furniture, then minced away. "I think they've been talking to your friends at the restaurant," Alex said. "They don't talk to anyone." She saw him glance at the terrarium on the windowsill. "The turtles are Tristan and Isolde, and their offspring are Heloise and Abelard." "So where are Cleopatra and Mark Antony?" he asked. "In a tomb in Egypt, I imagine. But you can look in the fish tank and see Bonnie and Clyde, Napoleon and Josephine, and Jane and Guildford." He bent and peered into the lighted tank. "Fun couples. Is it a coincidence that they all ended tragically?" "Not a coincidence, just poor judgment." "Isn't it bad karma, naming your pets after doomed lovers?" "I don't think they care.

Technically, I could do that. I generally tried to avoid any spells, though, that took over someone’s free will. Karma has a funny sense of humor.

If dogs don't go to heaven, well then, from the yardstick of karma, so too did not your dear revered ancestors. And of course, dog damn it, you certainly won't.

What were you saying, Agnes?" Taylor said, his smile widening. "I was saying you're an evil moron whom fate and karma are going to take care of," Agnes said. "Now your line is 'Who's Fate and Karma, and what did I ever do to them?'" "That's not funny," Taylor said. Agnes looked at Mr. Harrison. "I thought it was a little funny, didn't you?" "A little," he said, smiling. Taylor glared at him and he shrugged.

Dear dreams, don't disturb, delightfully disturb.

Funny how life pays you back for hurting other people. You may get what you want, but then you have to live with it. Some choices carry their own punishment.

I've been thinking about kissing you all week," I feel him say against my lips. That's nice. I've been thinking about kissing him since I was twenty-three.

Strangely enough, there's a market for lonely-looking Christmas trees. But these don't fall into that category. These are unsalvageable. I went out the other day and I swear one of them crumbled when I looked at it.

People who live in rubber houses should not throw stones either.

People who live in rubber houses should also not throw stones.