Jonas Jonasson Quotes

Things are what they are, and whatever will be, will be.

People could behave how they liked, but Allan considered that in general it was quite unnecessary to be grumpy if you had the chance not to.

Never try to out-drink a Swede, unless you happen to be a Finn or at least a Russian.

Revenge is like politics, one thing always leads to another until bad has become worse, and worse has become worst.

Allan woke up and wondered whether it wouldn't soon be time to go to bed.

...you'll see that things will turn out like they do, because that is what usually happens - almost always, in fact

You should beware of priests, my son. And people who don’t drink vodka. Worst of all are priests who don’t drink vodka.

But as long as we think positively, I’m sure a solution will appear.

There are only two things I can do better than most people. One of them is to make vodka from goats’ milk, and the other is to put together an atom bomb.

Allan thought it sounded unnecessary for the people in the seventeenth century to kill each other. If they had only been a little patient they would all have died in the end anyway. Julius said that you could say the same of all epochs.

Life, here I come!' he said. And was immediately and fatally run over by a bus.

Allan had always reasoned about religion that if you couldn't know for sure then there was no point in going around guessing.

Allan Emmanuelle Karlsson closed his eyes and felt perfectly convinced that he would now pass away for ever. It had been exciting, the entire journey, but nothing lasts for ever, except possibly general stupidity.

Imagine that, death was just like being asleep. Would he have time to think before it was all over? And would he have time to think that he had thought it? But wait, how much do you have to think before you have finished thinking?

Politics was often not only unnecessary, but sometimes also unnecessarily complicated.

Allan admitted that the difference between madness and genius was subtle, and that he couldn’t with certainty say which it was in this case, but that he had his suspicions.

When life has gone into overtime it's easy to take liberties,

There are undoubtedly advantages to being dead, said Julius.

Benny gave her an admiring look. He had never heard a woman swear so much in such a short time. He thought it sounded delightful.

I shall destroy capitalism! Do you hear! I shall destroy every single capitalist! And I shall start with you, you dog, if you don't help us with the bomb!' Allan noted that the had managed to be both a rat and a dog in the course of a minute or so. And that Stalin was being rather inconsistent, because now he wanted to use Allan's services after all. But Allan wasn't going to sit there and listen to this abuse any longer. He had come to Moscow to help them out, not to be shouted at. Stalin would have to manage on his own. 'I've been thinking,' said Allan. 'What,' said Stalin angrily. 'Why don't you shave off that moustache?' With that the dinner was over, because the interpreter fainted.

Hi Allan, it's Harry' 'Which Harry?' 'Truman, Allan. Harry S. Truman, the president, damn it!' 'How nice! That was a good meal we had Mr President, thank you. I hope you weren't required to fly the plane home?

But God answered with silence. He did that sometimes, and Father Ferguson always interpreted it to mean that he should think for himself. Admittedly, it didn't always work out well when the pastor thought for himself, but you couldn't just give up.

Life worked in such a way that right was not necessarily right, but rather what the person in charge said was right.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. – Unknown

It had been exciting, the entire journey, but nothing lasts forever, except possibly general stupidity.

If the person you are talking to doesn’t appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear. Winnie-the-Pooh

For Benny and The Beauty, the sun was always shining whatever the weather, and if they hadn't been on the run from the law, they would probably have gotten married right away. Once you've reached a certain age, it is easier to sense when everything feels exactly right.

Allan interrupted the two brothers by saying that he had been out and about in the world and if there was one thing he had learned it was that the very biggest and apparently most impossible conflicts on earth were based on the dialogue: “You are stupid, no, it’s you who are stupid, no, it’s you who are stupid.” The solution, said Allan, was often to down a bottle of vodka together and then look ahead.

The more I see of men, the more I like my dog. MADAME DE STAËL

In certain situations it was best not to know or at least best not to leave any way of proving that you knew what you knew.

It sure was an unjust world when certain people received an excess of certain things, while others got nothing.

You can’t imagine what the Russian alphabet looks like. It’s no wonder people are illiterate.

Present—that part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope. AMBROSE BIERCE

George W. Bush in Washington decided that Nobel Peace Prize winner and ex-president Nelson Mandela could probably be taken off the U.S. list of terrorists).

I've been thinking,' said Allan. 'What,' said Stalin angrily. 'Why don't you shave off that moustache?' With that the dinner was over, because the interpreter fainted.

Those who only says what is the truth, they're not worth listening to.

The world went on revolving around its sun at the constant speed and with the inconstant temper it always had.

Allan said that they would all turn up soon. And then he ended with some encouraging words about how he thought that there wasn’t a single person in the world who had gone so far with such a limited intelligence as Amanda had done. And Amanda thought that was so beautifully said, that tears came to her eyes.

Allan looked at the bus and then at the suitcase, then again at the bus and then again at the suitcase. It has wheels, he said to himself. And there's a strap to pull it by too. And then Allan surprised himself by making what - you have to admit - was decision to say 'yes' to life. p.12.

Allan lurte på hva den lille mannen gjorde i luken hvis han ikke solgte billetter, men sa ingenting. Den lille mannen satt jo kanskje og lurte på det samme.

All that’s left is the rest,

It was tough to think in new ways and equally tough to remember the old.

People could do what they wanted, but Allan considered that in general it was quite unnecessary to be grumpy if you had the chance not to.

Allan didn't even know if the Prime Minister was Left or Right. He must certainly be one of them, because if there was one thing life had taugh Allan, it was that people insisted on being one or the other.

His experience was that Justice was rarely as just as it ought to be. The others agreed.

Well, now you can see how sensible it is not to start your day by guessing what might happen... After all, how long would I have had to go on guessing before I guessed this?

The priest and the receptionist joyfully and contentedly shared their genuine dislike of the world, including the entirety of the Earth's population. The burden was now only half as great, since each of them could take on three and a half billion people rather than seven billion alone.

And not only that, Mr Stalin. I have been in China for the purpose of making war against Mao Tse-tung, before I went to Iran and prevented an attempt to assassinate Churchill.’ ‘Churchill? That fat pig!’ Stalin shouted. Stalin recovered for a moment before downing a whole glass of vodka. Allan watched enviously. He too would like to have his glass filled, but didn’t think it was the right moment for such a request.

Mensen mochten zich gedragen zoals ze wilden, maar hij vond dat het over het algemeen onnodig was om chagrijnig te zijn als je de mogelijkheid hebt om dat niet te zijn.

Bücher hatten einfach etwas Sympathisches, ihre bloße Existenz war erfreulich.

have never once in my life seen a fanatic with a sense of humor. AMOS OZ

The overworked man was tired of everything, and he only kept going because he had long since forgotten that life could consist of anything else.

If only children could be free of all that crap previous generations had gathered up for them, he said, perhaps it would bring some clarity to their lives.

We’ll just change your name – I’m sure the assistant can’t tell one black from the next.’ Said the fourteen-year-old who looked twelve.

I think that if you've ever asked yourself "Should I?" Then the answer should be "Yes!" Otherwise how would you ever know that you shouldn't

We all need someone to share our innermost thoughts with,

Revenge is like politics: one thing always leads to another until bad has become worse, and worse has become worst.

Никога не се опитвай да надпиеш един швед, освен ако не си финландец или поне руснак.

Above all, Suharto had been hunting down communists, presumed communists, suspected communists, possible communists, highly unlikely communists, and the odd innocent person.

You speak Russian . . . ?’ ‘Yes, I went on a five-year course in your country’s language shortly after we last met,’ said Allan. ‘The school was called Gulag. What about that vodka?

Les choses sont ce qu'elles sont et elles seront ce qu'elles seront.

With the new antiterrorism laws, the government could call anyone a terrorist and lock him or her up for as long as they liked, for any reason they liked. Or for no reason at all.

The corpse fell forward and hit its forehead on the iron handle. - That would have been really painful if the circumstances had been a little different, said Allan

Nombeko said that she was South African, and that she thought it sounded laborious to hate all Americans, given how many of them there were.

it wasn’t hard to play stupid when you are stupid. Allan

Sometimes you know things you shouldn't, and sometimes it's the other way round.

You see, Mr Prosecutor, I haven’t always been a hundred years old. No, that’s recent.

Indonesia is the country where everything is possible.

Priests and politicians were equally bad, Allan thought, and it didn’t make the slightest difference if they were communists, fascists, capitalists or any other political persuasion.

Dr. Eklund was utterly dumbfounded. Did the prime minister think that a waiter who had dropped out of school before he was ten years old could be put to use to build atom bombs for Sweden?

Allan supporta la privation pendant exactement cinq ans et trois semaines. Et puis un jour il annonça: maintenant j'ai envie de boire un coup. Et ici il n'y a rien à boire. Alors on s'en va.

Humanity, in general, is a potpourri of many traits. For example: stinginess, self-involvedness, jealousy, ignorance, stupidity, and fearfulness. But also: kindness, cleverness, friendliness, forgiveness, considerateness -- and generosity. Not all of these traits find room in every soul.

He had certain similarities to Trump in Washington in that he was reluctant to delegate tasks in his administration. With the possible difference that Trump drew conclusions without doing the actual reading.

there was one thing he had learned it was that the very biggest and apparently most impossible conflicts on earth were based on the dialogue: “You are stupid, no, it’s you who are stupid, no, it’s you who are stupid.

When Julius was twenty-five, his mother died of cancer—which Julius grieved over—and shortly afterward his father was swallowed by the bog when he tried to rescue a heifer. Julius grieved over that too—because he was fond of the heifer.

And there Allan could see an opening. In a prison camp you couldn't just hang around, because if you did then the guards would shoot you. Herbert liked the idea, but it gave him the creeps at the same time. A load of bullets, wouldn't that be dreadfully painful?

In the end, they could think of no better solution than to put a bullet between his eyes, so they could go about their task in peace.

Immer wieder erstaunlich, was so ein paar Flaschen Tequila für die Völkerfreundschaft tun können.

Eine Witzfigur und ein Parasit im Kampf gegen einen Trottel und Versager mit der Intelligenz einer Kuh. Und zwischen ihnen eine Schlange, die sich mit grünem Bananenlikör betrank.

—I’m no longer ninety, he said.

Revenge is not a good thing, Allan warned him. Revenge is like politics: one thing always leads to another until bad has become worse, and worse has become worst.

Allan had never imagined it would be easy to cross the Himalayas. But later he had realised just how lucky he had been to bump into those kind Iranian communists. It

To think that Allan was going to enjoy one more breakfast in his life without porridge! That was good news indeed.

Julius turned the fan off and left the door open. The young man was dead, but he didn’t have to be frozen solid.

The closer the trolley got to the local steel works, the more worried Julius got. He had thought they might pass a lake on the way and that they’d be able to dump the corpse in it. But they didn’t. And before Julius had time to worry any further, the trolley rolled into the foundry yard. Julius applied the brakes just in time. The corpse fell forwards and hit his forehead on an iron handle. ‘That would have been really painful if the circumstances had been a little different,’ said Allan. ‘There are undoubtedly advantages to being dead,’ said Julius.

O centenário saiu andando nos seus xixinelos (assim chamados porque homens de idade avançada raramente conseguem fazer seu jato de urina chegar a uma distância que ultrapasse os próprios sapatos).

Has Stalin understood correctly?’ asked Stalin. ‘You were on Franco’s side, you have fought against Comrade Mao, you have… saved the life of the pig in London and you have put the deadliest weapon in the world in the hands of the arch-capitalists in the USA. ‘I might have known,’ Stalin mumbled and in his anger forgot to talk in the third person. ‘And now you are here to sell yourself to Soviet socialism? One hundred thousand dollars, is that the price for your soul? Or has the price gone up during the course of the evening?’ Allan no longer wanted to help. Of course, Yury was still a good man and he was the one who actually needed the help. But you couldn’t get away from the fact that the results of Yury’s work would end up in the hands of Comrade Stalin, and he was not exactly Allan’s idea of a real comrade. On the contrary, he seemed unstable, and it would probably be best for all concerned if he didn’t get the bomb to play with. ‘Not exactly,’ said Allan. ‘This was never about money…’ He didn’t get any further before Stalin exploded again. ‘Who do you think you are, you damned rat? Do you think that you, a representative of fascism, of horrid American capitalism, of everything on this Earth that Stalin despises, that you, you, can come to the Kremlin, to the Kremlin, and bargain with Stalin, and bargain with Stalin?’ ‘Why do you say everything twice?’ Allan wondered, while Stalin went on: ‘The Soviet Union is prepared to go to war again, I’ll tell you that! There will be war, there will inevitably be war until American imperialism is wiped out.’ ‘Is that what you think?’ asked Allan. ‘To do battle and to win, we don’t need your damned atom bomb! What we need is socialist souls and hearts! He who knows he can never be defeated, can never be defeated!’ ‘Unless of course somebody drops an atom bomb on him,’ said Allan. ‘I shall destroy capitalism! Do you hear! I shall destroy every single capitalist! And I shall start with you, you dog, if you don’t help us with the bomb!’ Allan noted that he had managed to be both a rat and a dog in the course of a minute or so. And that Stalin was being rather inconsistent, because now he wanted to use Allan’s services after all. But Allan wasn’t going to sit there and listen to this abuse any longer. He had come to Moscow to help them out, not to be shouted at. Stalin would have to manage on his own. ‘I’ve been thinking,’ said Allan. ‘What,’ said Stalin angrily. ‘Why don’t you shave off that moustache?’ With that the dinner was over, because the interpreter fainted

He turned to take one last look at the Old People’s Home that – until a few moments ago – he had thought would be his last residence on Earth, and then he told himself that he could die some other time, in some other place. The hundred-year-old man set off in his pee-slippers (so called because men of an advanced age rarely pee further than their shoes), first through a park and then alongside an open field where a market was occasionally held in the otherwise quiet provincial town.

Allan onderbrak de broers op dat punt met de opmerking dat hij de wereld had gezien en als hij daar iets van had geleerd, dan was het dat de allergrootste en ogenschijnlijk onmogelijkste conflicten op aarde gemakkelijk voorkomen hadden kunnen worden: 'Jij bent dom, nee, jij bent dom, nee, jij bent dom.

Für Benny und die Schöne Frau herrschte ständig eitel Sonnenschein, und das ganz wetterunabhängig. Wären sie nicht so dermaßen zur Fahnung ausgeschrieben gewesen, hätten sie vom Fleck weg Hochzeit gefeiert. Wenn man erst mal ein reiferes Alter erreicht hat, erkennt man viel leichter, was richtig für einen ist.

Allan pochválil Herberta za dobre vykonanú prácu a skvelý herecký výkon. Herbert sa začervenal, chválu odbil mávnutím ruky a pridal komentár, že nie je ťažké hrať hlupáka, keď ním je. Allan povedal, že nevie, aké ťažké to môže byť, pretože tí hlupáci, ktorých doteraz v živote stretol, sa všetci pokúšali hrať opak.

Julius didn’t want to use the freezer unnecessarily because it used a hell of a lot of electricity. Julius had of course hot-wired it, and it was Gösta at Forest Cottage farm who unknowingly paid, but it was important to steal electricity in moderation if you wanted to keep taking advantage of the perk for a long time.

Bucket had started his criminal career in Braas, not far from when Allan and his new friends now found themselves. There he had gotten together with some like-minded peers and started the motorcycle club called The Violence. Bucket was the leader; he decided which newsstand was to be robbed of cigarettes next. He was the one who has chosen the name- The Violence, in English, not swedish. And he was the one who unfortunately asked his girlfriend Isabella to sew the name of the motorcycle club onto ten newly stolen leather jackets. Isabella had never really learned to spell properly at school, not in Swedish, and certainly not in English. The result was that Isabella sewed The Violins on the jackets instead. As the rest of the club members had had similar academic success, nobody in the group noticed the mistake. So everyone was very surprised when one day a letter arrived for The Violins in Braas from the people in charge of the concert hall in Vaxjo. The letter suggested that, since the club obviously concerned itself with classical music, they might like to put in am appearance at a concert with the city’s prestigious chamber orchestra, Musica Viate. Bucket felt provoked; somebody was clearly making fun of him. One night he skipped the newsstand, and instead went into Vaxjo to throw a brick through the glass door of the concert hall. This was intended to teach the people responsible lesson in respect. It all went well, except that Bucket’s leather glove happened to follow the stone into the lobby. Since the alarm went off immediately, Bucket felt it would be unwise to try to retrieve the personal item in question. Losing the glove was not good. Bucket had traveled to Vaxjo by motorbike and one hand was extremely cold all the way home to Braas that night. Even worse was the fact that Bucket’s luckless girlfriend had written Bucket’s name and adress inside the glove, in case he lost it." For more quotes from the novel visit my blog: frommybooks.wordpress.com

Ta bare en slik ting som at syv av ti bolsjeviker ikke kan lese, hadde Fabbe fnyst. Vi kan vel ikke overgi makten til en masse analfabeter. I brevene hjem til familien i Yxhult hadde Allans far likevel forsvart bolsjevikene på dette punktet, for familien skulle bare vite hvordan det russiske alfabetet så ut. Det var ikke noe rart om folk ble analfabeter.

The container had been packed half-full of steel cylinders of some sort, each one of them in a protective wooden box with a lid. Allan was totally exhausted once the heavy corpse was finally in place inside one of the two innermost cylinders. But when he closed the wooden lid and saw the address label, he livened up. Addis Ababa. ‘He’s going to see the world if he keeps his peepers open,’ said Allan.

Det tog tre månader genom Europa och på vägen fick han möta fler negrer än han någonsin kunnat drömma om. Men redan efter den första hade han tappat intresset. Det visade sig ju inte vara någon annan skillnad än just färgen på huden, förutom att de pratade konstigt språk allihop, men det gjorde ju vitingarna också, från Småland och söderut. Den där Lundborg måste ha blivit skrämd av en neger som barn, trodde Allan.

The Korean Peninsula was kind of left over when the Second World War ended. Stalin and Truman each occupied a bit in brotherly agreement, and decided that the 38th parallel would separate north from south. This was then followed by negotiations lasting forever about how Korea should be able to govern itself, but since Stalin and Truman didn’t really have the same political views (not at all, in fact) it all ended up like in Germany. First, the United States established a South Korea, upon which the Soviet Union retaliated with a North Korea. And then the Americans and the Russians left the Koreans to get on with it. But it hadn’t worked out so well. Kim Il Sung in the north and Syngman Rhee in the south, each thought that he was best suited to govern the entire peninsula. And then they had started a war. But after three years, and perhaps four million dead, absolutely nothing had changed. The north was still the north, and the south was still the south. And the 38th parallel still kept them apart.

This passenger was wondering why he had stolen a big grey suitcase on four wheels. Was it because he could and because the owner was a lout, or because the suitcase might contain a pair of shoes and even a hat? Or was it because the old man didn’t have anything to lose? Allan really couldn’t say why he did it. When life has gone into overtime it’s easy to take liberties, he thought, and he made himself comfortable in the seat. So far, Allan was satisfied with the way the day had developed. Then he closed his eyes for his afternoon nap.

Allan realised it was only a matter of time before he and Herbert were stopped along the road and checked out properly. Not even a marshal would be allowed just to roll into the capital of a country at war without somebody at least asking a question or two. So Allan spent a couple of hours instructing Herbert as to what he should say – just one sentence in Russian, but a very important one: ‘I am Marshal Meretskov from the Soviet Union – take me to your leader!’ Pyongyang was protected at this time by an outer and an inner military ring. The outer one, twenty kilometres from the city, consisted of anti-aircraft guns and double checkpoints on roads, while the inner ring was virtually a barricade, a front line for defence against land attack. Allan and Herbert got caught in one of the outer checkpoints first and were met by a very drunk North Korean soldier, with a cocked machine gun across his chest. Marshal Herbert had rehearsed his single sentence endlessly, and now he said: ‘I am your leader, take me to… the Soviet Union.

Then one evening he reached the last chapter, and then the last page, the last verse. And there it was! That unforgivable and unfathomable misprint that had caused the owner of the books to order them to be pulped. Now Bosse handed a copy to each of them sitting round the table, and they thumbed through to the very last verse, and one by one burst out laughing. Bosse was happy enough to find the misprint. He had no interest in finding out how it got there. He had satisfied his curiosity, and in the process had read his first book since his schooldays, and even got a bit religious while he was at it. Not that Bosse allowed God to have any opinion about Bellringer Farm’s business enterprise, nor did he allow the Lord to be present when he filed his tax return, but – in other respects – Bosse now placed his life in the hands of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. And surely none of them would worry about the fact that he set up his stall at markets on Saturdays and sold bibles with a tiny misprint in them? (‘Only ninety-nine crowns each! Jesus! What a bargain!’) But if Bosse had cared, and if, against all odds, he had managed to get to the bottom of it, then after what he had told his friends, he would have continued: A typesetter in a Rotterdam suburb had been through a personal crisis. Several years earlier, he had been recruited by Jehovah’s Witnesses but they had thrown him out when he discovered, and questioned rather too loudly, the fact that the congregation had predicted the return of Jesus on no less than fourteen occasions between 1799 and 1980 – and sensationally managed to get it wrong all fourteen times. Upon which, the typesetter had joined the Pentecostal Church; he liked their teachings about the Last Judgment, he could embrace the idea of God’s final victory over evil, the return of Jesus (without their actually naming a date) and how most of the people from the typesetter’s childhood including his own father, would burn in hell. But this new congregation sent him packing too. A whole month’s collections had gone astray while in the care of the typesetter. He had sworn by all that was holy that the disappearance had nothing to do with him. Besides, shouldn’t Christians forgive? And what choice did he have when his car broke down and he needed a new one to keep his job? As bitter as bile, the typesetter started the layout for that day’s jobs, which ironically happened to consist of printing two thousand bibles! And besides, it was an order from Sweden where as far as the typesetter knew, his father still lived after having abandoned his family when the typesetter was six years old. With tears in his eyes, the typesetter set the text of chapter upon chapter. When he came to the very last chapter – the Book of Revelation – he just lost it. How could Jesus ever want to come back to Earth? Here where Evil had once and for all conquered Good, so what was the point of anything? And the Bible… It was just a joke! So it came about that the typesetter with the shattered nerves made a little addition to the very last verse in the very last chapter in the Swedish bible that was just about to be printed. The typesetter didn’t remember much of his father’s tongue, but he could at least recall a nursery rhyme that was well suited in the context. Thus the bible’s last two verses plus the typesetter’s extra verse were printed as: 20. He who testifies to these things says, Surely I am coming quickly. Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus!21. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.22. And they all lived happily ever after.