Jim Norton Quotes

While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.

The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.

I'm sorry, but why does Claire know how to take a punch? I'm not sure I like where this is going," Carter said nervously. "Well, last year Jim made us watch Fight Club for like, the ten- thousandth time. And while I’m all for a little shirtless Brad Pitt action, Claire and I decided to take a shot every time Edward Norton talked in third person. By about twenty minutes in, we were trashed. I don't know whose idea it was, but Claire and I started our own fight club in the living room," Liz explained. "It was your idea, Liz. You stood up in front of me, lifted your shirt and said "Punch me in the stomach as hard as you can, fucker.

Even a guy like Jim Norton is clinging to his one empty tradition like anyone gives a care. My prayers for his death, as always, went unanswered.

A man like Jim Norton would want to walk cautiously around there. He might get snatched up off the side of a mountain after being mistaken for a baby goat. Watching his flailing legs as he’s carted off to become lunch for a family of eagles would probably be visually hilarious, but it’s pretty horrible when you think about it.

Like I would like to die onstage at the Comedy Cellar and then have Jim Norton have to follow me. And I’ll be on a cloud watching him bomb as he tries to make some “edgy” joke about my death and the crowd just stares at him.

She was older, around forty-five and described herself as a MILF. And she was a MILF all right; a Monolith I’d Like to Forget.

But once you start taking money out of my pocket, I got to say something.” He spits deliberately. “Your land sets right in the middle of where they need to run them wells. I’m getting wells, Richard here is getting wells. Hell, even Jim Norton is getting wells, with the little spread he has. But until you sign that paper, none of us are going to see a dime.” Mack