Jeff Kinney Quotes

I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons." - Greg Heffley,

If there's one thing I learned from Rodrick, it's to set people's expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.

You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you.

The best person I know is Myself.

Monkeys can't talk, stupid!

So if you want to find somebody to blame for the way i am, I guess you'd have to start with the public education system.

Dear Aunt Loretta, Thank you so much for the awesome pants! How did you know I wanted that for Christmas? I love the way the pants look on my legs! All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants. Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever! Sincerely, Greg

Zoo-Wee Mama!

I didn't really know what to expect from detention but when I waked into the room, the first thought I had was, I don't belong in here with these future criminals.

See, when you're a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you've got an expiration date. One day you're hot stuff and the next day you're a dirt sandwich.

Well, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm pretty much one of the best people I know.

For the record, I think it should be illegal for a boy to have to fold his mother's underwear.

YO MOMMA

I'm not really sure what makes a book a 'classic' to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end.

So I've started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don't need Santa seeing me in my underwear.

You and your group of nerds fall into a pit and it's full of dynamite and you blow up. The End.

I don't know if this makes me a bad person or whatever, but it's hard for me to get interested in other people's vacations.

It's not easy to writing thank-you notes for the stuff you didn't want in the first place.

But the thing I’m finding out is some people don’t really appreciate it when you’r trying to be helpful.

First of all, let me get this straight: This is a JOURNAL, not a diary. I know what it says on the cover, but when Mom went out to buy this thing I SPECIFICALLY told her to get one that didn't say 'diary' on it.

I'm basically one of the best people I know.

Youre gonna grow up and marry some ice cream! Haha!

I've seen a lot of movies where a kid my age finds out he's got magical powers and then gets invited to go away to some special school. Well, if I've got an invitation coming, now would be the perfect time to get it

I realised all the good ideas were taken before I was even born.

that if you don't read nobody does

Then one day, this kid named Darren Walsh touched the Cheese with his finger, and that's what started this thing called the Cheese Touch. It's basically like the Cooties. If you get the Cheese Touch, you're stuck with it until you pass it on to someone else. The only way to protect yourself from the Cheese Touch is to cross your fingers.

Holly is the fourth-prettiest girl in the class, but the top 3 all have boyfriends. So a lot of guys like me are doing everything they can to get in good with her.

Loded Diaper

Chirag: Rowley, do you think I exist? Rowley: Nope! I can't even hear you or see you!

The only reason I get out of bed at all on weekends is because eventually I can't stand the taste of my own breath any more.

There was this book Dad used to read to me every night called "The Giving Tree." It was a really good book, but the back of it had a picture of the author, this guy named Shel Silverstein. But Shel Silverstein looks more like a burglar or a pirate than a guy who should be writing books for kids. Dad must have known that picture kind of freaked me out, because one night after I got out of bed, Dad said: "IF YOU GET OUT OF BED AGAIN TONIGHT, YOU'LL PROBABLY RUN INTO SHEL SILVERSTEIN IN THE HALLWAY." That really did the trick, Ever since then, I STILL don't get out of bed at night, even if I really need to use the bathroom.

Be yourself and people will like you.

When you're used to having electricity and then all of a sudden it's taken away, you're basically just one step from being a wild animal.

hot pink looks cute on only janet which is MEEEEEEE!!!

Mom is always saying I'm a smart kid, but that I just don't apply myself.

Greg starts a middle school and asks: Why is "bullies" such a big PROBLEM? And says people need to shave twice a day.

... no matter how nice you are to some people, they'll turn their back on you the second they get the chance.

And if you don't spend every second outdoors, people think there's someting wrong with you.

I'm having a seriously hard time getting used to the fact that summer is over and I have to get out of bed every morning to go to school.

I like turtles!!!!

fish and visitors stink in 3 days.

I got to give mom credit for how she handled it.She didn't try to pry and get all the details. All she said was that I should try to do "the right thing" because it's our choices that make us who we are. I figure that's pretty decent advice. But I'm still not 100% sure what I'm going to do tomorrow.

I'm probably something like 95% chicken nugget

Because it's our choices that makes us who we are...

I don't know what a guy needs to do to impress a girl these days.

He got the crib, so for the first few months of my life I had to sleep in the top dresser drawer, which I'm pretty sure isn't even legal.

I just hope someone doesn't start the Cheese Touch up again, because I don't need that kind of stress in my life any more.

Back in those days it was just me swimming around in the dark, doing back flips and taking naps whenever I want.

hope your birthday is hot hot hot

I'm not really sure what makes a book a "classic" to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end.

don't expect me to be all dear diary this and dear diary that

Whenever you go with the cheaper option, you end up regretting it

Seriously, though, in this day and age I don't know why we're still cutting open frogs to see what's inside them. If somebody tells me there's a heart and intestines inside a frog, I'm willing to take their word for it.

I’ve realized is that every time you get something cool for your birthday or for Christmas, within a week it’s being used against you. (We'll be taking this away until your English grade improves)

You know, back in the old days adults were respected because of how wise they were, and people went to them to help settle disputes. Nowadays it's a whole different world, and half the time I wonder if grown-ups should really be in charge.

Let me just say for the record that I think middle school is the dumbest idea ever invented. You got kids like me who haven't hit growth spurt yet mixed in with these gorillas who need to shave twice a day.

JEALOUS!

girls.

Most people don't seem to appreciate a person as honest as me. So don't ask me how George Washington ever got to be president.

After the presentations, we had to fill out these questionnaires. The first question was, 'Where do you see yourself in fifteen years?' I know EXACTLY where I will be in fifteen years: in my pool, at my mansion, counting my money. But there weren't any check boxes for THAT option.

Now there's a black market for toys at our school. Christopher Stangel brought in a bunch of Legos from home yesterday, and I hear a single brick will set you back fifty cents.

the

Well, for starters, Abraham Lincoln didn't write 'To Kill a Mockingbird.

Rodrick’s punishment was that he had to answer a bunch of questions Mom wrote out for him. Did owning this magazine make you a better person? No. Did it make you more popular at school? No. How do you feel about having owned this type of magazine now? I feel ashamed. Do you have anything you want to say to women for having owned this offensive magazine? I’m sorry women.

Mom always says I need to spend less time on the couch and more time being active. But the way I see it. I'm just conserving my energy for later on. When all my friends are in their eighties and their bodies are broken down, I'll just be getting started.

I started worrying that maybe you only get a certain number of prayers answered in you lifetime and I'm burning through mine too fast. I'd hate to find out later on that I used up all my chits, because I've been acting like I've got an unlimited supply.

I'll tell you who has a lot of money, and that's Manny. I mean, that kid is RICH. A few weeks ago Mom and Dad told Manny they'd give him a quarter for every time he uses the potty without being asked. So now he carries around a gallon of water with him at all times.

See, that's the problem with putting too much stock in the old days. You remember all the GOOD stuff, but you forget about the time you got spanked by your best friend's mom.

But do I have “low intelligence”?

step step step no no no plop plop plop in i go

I know I need to eat healthier, but if you take fast food out of my diet I'm in big trouble, because I'm probably something like 95% chicken nugget.

That made Dad pretty mad, so he said "NO SON OF MINE IS A QUITTER!" Which isn't really true at all. I'm a HUGE quitter, and so is Rodrick. And I think Manny is on his third of fourth preschool by now.

Seriously, though, in this day and age I don't know why we're still cutting open frogs to see what's inside them. If somebody tells me there's a heart and intestines inside a grog, I'm willing to take their word for it.

All Summer in a Day” by Ray Bradbury Because of Winn-Dixie by Kate DiCamillo Big Nate series by Lincoln Peirce The Black Cauldron (The Chronicles of Prydain) by Lloyd Alexander The Book Thief  by Markus Zusak Brian’s Hunt by Gary Paulsen Brian’s Winter by Gary Paulsen Brown Girl Dreaming by Jacqueline Woodson Bud, Not Buddy by Christopher Paul Curtis The Call of the Wild by Jack London The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss Charlotte’s Web by E. B. White The Chronicles of Narnia series by C. S. Lewis Diary of a Wimpy Kid series by Jeff Kinney Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury The Giver by Lois Lowry Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown Harry Potter series by J. K. Rowling Hatchet by Gary Paulsen The High King (The Chronicles of Prydain) by Lloyd Alexander The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien Holes by Louis Sachar The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins I Am LeBron James by Grace Norwich I Am Stephen Curry by Jon Fishman Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O’Dell Johnny Tremain by Esther Hoskins Forbes Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson LeBron’s Dream Team: How Five Friends Made History by LeBron James and Buzz Bissinger The Lightning Thief  (Percy Jackson and the Olympians) by Rick Riordan A Long Walk to Water by Linda Sue Park The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood by Howard Pyle Number the Stars by Lois Lowry The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton The River by Gary Paulsen The Sailor Dog by Margaret Wise Brown Sarah, Plain and Tall by Patricia MacLachlan Shiloh by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor “A Sound of Thunder” by Ray Bradbury Star Wars Expanded Universe novels (written by many authors) Star Wars series (written by many authors) The Swiss Family Robinson by Johann D. Wyss Tales from a Not-So-Graceful Ice Princess (Dork Diaries) by Rachel Renée Russell Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing by Judy Blume “The Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allan Poe Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt Under the Blood-Red Sun by Graham Salisbury The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle

I probably should've thought about talking to Uncle Gary a lot earlier. He's been married something like four times already, so he's an EXPERT on relationships.

NAME JEFF

...the brain is like a muscle, and if you don't exercise it by reading and doing creative stuff, it'll get weak and mushy.

During the winter, me and Rowley stored up some snowballs in my freezer so we could have a snowball fight when the weather got warm.

swing attached to a big tree that went out over th

Manny has it made in church

i'm just glad i'm not in the swim team this summer

Once people know you're a CHEATER it follows you wherever you go.

Merit badges are these little patches you get for learning how to do all sorts of manly stuff.

OCTOBER Wednesday My parents are always saying the world doesn’t revolve around me, but sometimes I wonder if it actually DOES. When I was a little kid, I saw this movie about a man whose whole life is secretly being filmed for a TV show. This guy is famous all over the world, and he doesn’t KNOW it. Well, ever since I saw that movie, I’ve kind of figured the same thing is probably happening to ME. HOPE YOU CREEPS ARE ENJOYING YOURSELVES!

must’ve stepped in dog poop when I walked in the grass. And I knew EXACTLY where it happened, too. SQUISH I took my shoe off and went to the front of the room to tell Mrs. Pope about my situation. But I think Mrs. Pope thought I was trying to skip out on the pop quiz, because she gave me

with their mouth open they’ll eat an average of five spiders a night, which is kind of believable if you think about it. Another time Rodrick told me that it’s dangerous to wake someone up when they’re sleepwalking. I thought there could be a chance he was actually telling the truth, because I’m pretty sure I heard that one somewhere else. ZZZZZ

This morning he told everyone that he’s a “big boy” and he’s giving up his pacifier for good. Then he threw his favorite binkie in the trash. Clap clap Clap clap Well, that New Year’s resolution didn’t even last a full minute. suck suck suck The only person in my family who didn’t come up with a resolution is my older brother, Rodrick, and that’s a pity because his list should be about a mile and a half long.

found out I was singing, and he couldn’t resist the chance to see me embarrass myself. The play was supposed to start at 8: 00, but it got delayed because Rodney James had stage fright. You’d figure that someone whose job it was to sit on the stage and do nothing could just suck it up for one performance. But Rodney wouldn’t budge, and eventually, his mom had to carry him off. The play finally got started around 8: 30. Nobody could remember their lines, just like I predicted, but Mrs. Norton kept things

Version) (Jeff Kinney) - 您在位置 #1600 的书签 | 添加于 2015年3月13日星期五 下午6:14:45 ========== Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2 : Rodrick Rules ( Illustrated Version) (Jeff Kinney) - 您在位置 #1592 的书签 | 添加于 2015年3月13日星期五 下午6:14:53 ========== 我的剪贴 - 您在位置 #17 的笔记 | 添加于 2015年3月13日星期五 下午6:22:50 kjjjj cvgy vvcrd usedzzdRxfxzx cvv x xcx ========== 我的剪贴 - 您在位置 #17-17的标注 | 添加于 2015年3月13日星期五 下午6:22:50 #1600 的书签 | 添加于 2015年3月13日星期五 下午6:14:45 ==========

I think it's important for me to keep my childhood friends so that later on someone can appreciate how far I've come.

Bookmark at location 22 | Added on Saturday, 27 December 2014 10:59:10 ========== The Long Haul (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 9) (Kinney, Jeff) - Your Bookmark at location 25 | Added on Saturday, 27 December 2014 13:06:39 ========== The Long Haul (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 9) (Kinney, Jeff) - Your Bookmark at location 31 | Added on Saturday, 27 December 2014 13:15:48 ========== The Long Haul (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 9) (Kinney, Jeff) ========== ========== Diary of a 6th Grade Ninja (a hilarious adventure for children

You can not expect everyone to have the same dedication as you

I really wanted to be a newspaper cartoonist, but nobody liked my work. I didn't have the control or flair that was necessary to create something that didn't look childish.

And at least 95% of it was was totally outdated.

The man looks outside. The house is totally surrounded by night crawlers.

rear

jet pack.

VOLCANO.

s

If there's one thing I learned from Rodrick, it's to set people's expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all¨