“
So, what I am going to say now is because of this: because I do not want there to be any misunderstandings between us.” He takes a deep breath, building up to something. “I do not want to be your friend, Raphael. I do not want to watch sunrises and think of you. I do not want to close my eyes to go to sleep and see the image of your mouth when you smile. I do not want to spend a five-hour flight daydreaming about your eyes or the sound of your voice or the way you say my name. I do not want it. And yet… all of these things I have done just today.” “Jaeh…” I start but he’s not finished. “If you come to see me in New York, then I will assume—based on what you have said—that you wish for there to be something between us which is not friendship. I will also assume, even though you did not confirm it when I asked you, that you wish to fuck me.” “Ask me again,” I reply before he can say anything else. “Ask me again if I want to fuck you, Jaehyun.” I can hear his breathing change, soft and almost imperceptible, to something quicker, a little heavier. “Do you want to fuck me?” “Yes.” I breathe the word out, the lightness of its release making my head spin. I close my eyes to re-center myself because I feel fit to splinter apart from the confession. “I want that. I want…” I open my eyes and stare out at the flickering lights of downtown LA, sparks of amber that bleed together the longer I look at them. “I want you. I don’t know what this is but I haven’t been able to think in a straight line since I saw you and it’s driving me insane. I want…to touch you, breathe you in, kiss you, taste you, and I don’t know what any of it means. It’s…it’s like I’m fucking obsessed. I feel obsessed. Have you ever been obsessed with anything? Ever wanted something so much it makes every breath you have to take without it, pointless?
”
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