Jack Daniels Funny Quotes

I picked up a transsexual hooker named Thor, all six feet of her, at the off ramp to Eau Claire, Wisconsin, as I was driving up north to kill a man.

But Thor and I weren’t going to happen, ever. I didn’t tell her this. I might be a killer, but I’m not mean.

taking it,’ he said as he fumbled for his wallet to pay for the bottle. With that, he grabbed June’s hand and practically lifted her up. ‘Come on, we’re going.’ June had another fit of the giggles. It was the longest mile for Pope. The valet was surprised to see them again so soon. They got into the elevator, only to have to wait ‘til they got back to the room before he could rip the dress off her. With them in the elevator car were a Chinese couple and their six-year-old son. Pope used June as a human shield to hide his erection, but to get even, he kept rubbing his hardness against her backside. She desperately tried to stop laughing but failed miserably, causing the family to wonder what was so funny. Thank God for magnetic keys, because if he’d had to fumble with a traditional key to open the door, he was certain that they would just have to do it right there. The rest of the evening was consumed with passion that was fiery, unreserved, and delirious. ‘I can’t remember having

Yesirree, being able to enjoy the company of a beautiful woman while eating the most delicious meal I have ever had, well, that’s worth working up a sweat.” He waggled his eyebrows at Kate. He looked so funny, she couldn’t help but laugh. She glanced over at Sam and started laughing harder. The expression on his face was priceless. He was clenching his teeth so hard, Kate was sure he would crack them. Before Jack could say anything that would send Sam over the edge, Daniel excused himself from the table to go check on Carly. Kate was still chuckling when she felt someone kick her under the table. She looked up in surprise and met Sam’s stare. She stopped laughing then, because the way he was looking at her wasn’t funny at all. The look he gave her was so full of desire; she thought she might melt under the intensity of it. No, she wasn’t laughing at all.

Funny thing about regrets. I don’t lament what I’ve done, but rather, what I didn’t do.

Marriage is composed of three rings: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

When I still had hair, it was light brown or dark blond depending on the light, thick, and wavy to the point of curls. Wherever I went, women would compliment my hair. They told me how wonderful it would be if they had hair like that, rather than have to go to the hairdresser to get it styled all the time. I’d always hated my hair, because it never did what I wanted it to. The moral of the story, kids, is that everyone wants the thing that they don’t have, and takes for granted the thing that they do. When I eyed my bald head in my rearview, I doubted I’d ever see that full, brown/blond, wavy set of curls again. Funny how you could miss something you never liked.