“
It is no longer unusual for people who choose surrogacy, gay adoption, IVF, international and domestic adoption, fostering, and childlessness to live side by side and quietly judge each other. We can all live in peace thinking our way is the best way and everything else is cuckoo.
”
”
Amy Poehler (Yes Please)
“
The children we bring into the world are small replicas of ourselves and our husbands; the pride and joy of grandfathers and grandmothers. We dream of being mothers, and for most of us that dreams are realised naturally. For this is the Miracle of Life.
”
”
Azelene Williams (INFERTILITY Road to Hell and Back)
“
Until you ask my husband those same questions, I just can’t answer them anymore.” But I can’t stop. I can’t help myself. “Do you know why no one asks men how they balance it all? It’s because there is no expectation of that. Bringing home money is enough. We don’t expect you to be anything more than a provider, men. But a working woman? Not only do you have to bring home the bacon and fry it up, you gotta be a size double-zero, too. You’ve got to volunteer at the school, you’ve got to be a sex kitten, a great friend, a community activist. There are all these expectations that we put on women that we don’t put on men. In the same way, we never inquire about what’s happening in a man’s urethra. ‘Low sperm count, huh? That why you don’t have kids? Have you tried IVF?
”
”
Gabrielle Union (We're Going to Need More Wine)
“
Whose interest does egg freezing serve? The woman's or that of an ambitious, still pretty unforgiving culture that doesn't really ever see childbearing for female employees as convenient?
”
”
Randi Hutter Epstein (Get Me Out: A History of Childbirth from the Garden of Eden to the Sperm Bank)
“
All I could do was cry; I felt desolate, the tears rolling down my cheeks as I tried to comprehend what had happened.
”
”
Colette Centeno Fox
“
Embark on your journey to parenthood with confidence at Dr. Aravind's IVF, renowned as the best fertility hospital. Our dedicated specialists and top-notch facilities position us as the preferred choice for individuals and couples. Discover excellence in reproductive medicine with personalized treatment plans and compassionate care, solidifying our reputation as the best fertility centre.
”
”
Aravind Adiga
“
a combination of her polycystic ovaries and my low sperm count meant we’d had to rely on NHS-funded IVF to conceive. But on our second cycle, bingo! We were expectant parents.
”
”
John Marrs (The Good Samaritan)
“
What are you doing on my bed?” I ask.
His eyes, always full of sharp intelligence, take in my sauce-covered dress and the blush still lingering on my cheeks.
“What are you doing covered in barbecue?
”
”
Sarah Ready (Josh and Gemma Make a Baby)
“
Whenever people asked "How are you?" by way of social nicety I lied through my teeth. "Not too bad," I'd say. Or "Swings and roundabouts." At least I didn't say "Fine, thanks." or "A livid scar cuts across my very being.
”
”
Julia Leigh (Avalanche: A Love Story)
“
The life an infertile person seeks comes to her not by accident and not by fate but by hard-fought choices. How to put together the portfolio of photographs. How to answer at the home study. What clinic or doctor or procedure. Donor egg or donor sperm or donor embryo. Open or closed adoption. What country, what boxes to check or uncheck. What questions to ask, and ask again. When to start and when to stop. What to say when her child says, Tell me my story.
”
”
Belle Boggs (The Art of Waiting: On Fertility, Medicine, and Motherhood)
“
It is undignified to inject yourself with hormones designed to slow or enhance ovarian production. It is undignified to have your ovaries monitored by transvaginal ultrasound; to be sedated so that your eggs can be aspirated into a needle; to have your husband emerge sheepishly from a locked room with the “sample” that will be combined with your eggs under supervision of an embryologist. The grainy photo they hand you on transfer day, of your eight-celled embryo (which does not look remotely like a baby), is undignified, and so is all the waiting and despairing that follows.
”
”
Belle Boggs (The Art of Waiting: On Fertility, Medicine, and Motherhood)
“
I have not attempted to cover all aspects of the ethics of in vitro fertilization and embryo experimentation. To do that, it would be necessary to investigate several other issues, including the appropriateness of allocating scarce medical resources to this area at a time when the world has a serious problem of overpopulation. Further uses of IVF, such as donating or selling embryos to others, employing a surrogate to bear the child, using IVF to enable older women to have children (in 2008, a 70-year-old Indian woman used the technique to become the oldest woman reliably recorded as having had a child), or selecting from among a number of embryos for the one that meets some criteria of genetic desirability, raise separate ethical issues.
”
”
Peter Singer (Practical Ethics)
“
Trying to get pregnant is the most vulnerable thing in the world. You have to openly decide you are ready and then you have to put sperm in your vagina and elevate your legs like you are an upside-down coffee table. It’s all ridiculous and incredibly sci-fi. Everyone’s journey is different and I have nothing to say about how and when someone decides to become a mother. The legacy of my generation will be that we have truly expanded the idea of what “family” means. It is no longer unusual for people who choose surrogacy, gay adoption, IVF, international and domestic adoption, fostering, and childlessness to live side by side and quietly judge each other. We can all live in peace thinking our way is the best way and everything else is cuckoo.
”
”
Amy Poehler (Yes Please)
“
only a remote possibility in the United States, since existing reproductive procedures such as IVF and PGD, which routinely cost tens of thousands of dollars, are seldom covered by health insurance. But in places like France, Israel, and Sweden, countries whose national health plans cover assisted reproduction, it’s possible that simple economics will incentivize governments to make gene editing available to patients who need it. After all, providing lifelong treatment to a single person with a genetic disease could be much more expensive than prophylactic intervention in the embryo using gene editing.
”
”
Jennifer A. Doudna (A Crack In Creation: Gene Editing and the Unthinkable Power to Control Evolution)
“
she will be best of both you and me.
she will have your strength,
your thirst of knowledge
your love of sports
your giving nature
your loving heart
your tenderness
your ability to dream
your creativity
your values and mine too
She will be the best of both you and me
Tireless cycles of ovulation tracking month after month
the yogas and the chinese herbs
the quigong and the accupuncture
the IUIs and the IVFs
the hormones and the bloating
the mood swing and the heart break
when I see the read dot of my period
she would have had the best of both you and me the baby we never had
But I know in my heart She would have had the best of both you and me
”
”
GreenGal
“
Stammzelltherapie
Nord-Zypern IVF-Klinik bietet Stammzelltherapie Behandlung dieser Patienten, die der Patient von Autismus, Osteoarthritis und Diabetes-Erkrankungen in Zypern Klinik sind.
No 143,Bedrettin Demirel Caddesi
Nicosia,99000
+905488289955
”
”
Nord Zypern IVF Klinik
“
Schwanger Mit 50
Schwangerschaft im Alter von 50 Jahren. Die Schwangerschaft im Alter von 50 Jahren ist in den letzten Jahren aufgrund der jüngsten Fortschritte in der assistierten Reproduktionstechnologie, insbesondere der Eizellspende, für Frauen möglich geworden
No 143,Bedrettin Demirel Caddesi
Nicosia,99000
+905488289955
”
”
Nord Zypern IVF Klinik
“
IVF Zentrum
Eine Sorge mit Nord-Zypern IVF-Klinik hilft Frauen, schwanger zu werden. IVF-Center ist eine führende Fruchtbarkeitsklinik in Esslingen. Klinik Mit der IVF, Einfrieren Sperma, Einfrieren Embryonen, Blastozyste Transfer, ICSI, IUI, und vieles mehr.
halil@northcyprusivf.com
No 143,Bedrettin Demirel Caddesi
Nicosia,99000
+905488289955
”
”
Nord Zypern IVF Klinik
“
Chemicals in commercial lubricants Research has recently revealed yet another group of chemicals that can interfere with fertility: those found in lubricants. Studies show that most lubricant brands significantly decrease sperm motility and increase DNA fragmentation.547 It is therefore important to choose a brand that is specifically designed for couples trying to conceive. In a 2014 study that compared 11 different lubricants, the brand with the least negative impact on sperm function was Pre-Seed.548
”
”
Rebecca Fett (It Starts with the Egg: How the Science of Egg Quality Can Help You Get Pregnant Naturally, Prevent Miscarriage, and Improve Your Odds in IVF)
“
Kailash Fertility and IVF is a unit of Kailash Nursing Home Pvt. Ltd. which is one of the pioneers of Women health care in west Delhi since 1980.
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”
Mili Bhatia
“
Medicover fertility is the best ivf centre in delhi india. Medicover Fertility uses cutting-edge technology, clinical embryologists, devoted nurses, a group of fertility specialists, and other services to provide its patients with a standardized, ethical, and sophisticated fertility treatment.
”
”
Online Health Blog
“
The dads know that only time will tell how important genetic ties will be to their children. They also know that their children’s feelings
about it will likely change over time.
”
”
Rachel HS Ginocchio (Roads to Family: All the Ways We Come to Be)
“
They wondered about IUI and IVF. If fertilization happens in a lab, is the child still created out of love? . . . They came to see that assisted reproduction is still an act of love, albeit a less conventional one than 'making love' to have a baby.
”
”
Rachel HS Ginocchio (Roads to Family: All the Ways We Come to Be)
“
Making a human always takes the same three ingredients—an egg cell, a sperm cell, and a uterus. But just how the ingredients come
together is a fascinating tale. With discoveries in science and medicine, we
have insemination and IVF, along with sex, to bring babies into the world. Sometimes the ingredients that created us come from the same people who are raising us. Other times, we don’t share genetics with the people responsible for our care, such as when we are raised by stepparents, adoptive parents, or foster parents. This is also often true when donors and surrogates are involved.
”
”
Rachel HS Ginocchio (Roads to Family: All the Ways We Come to Be)
“
Making a human always takes the same three ingredients—an egg cell, a sperm cell, and a uterus. But just how the ingredients come together is a fascinating tale. Sometimes the ingredients that created us come from the same people who are raising us. Other times, we don’t share genetics with the people responsible for our care, such as when we are raised by stepparents, adoptive parents, or foster parents. This is also often true when donors and surrogates are involved.
”
”
Rachel HS Ginocchio
“
Making a human always takes the same three ingredients—an egg cell, a sperm cell, and a uterus. But just how the ingredients come together is a fascinating tale. With discoveries in science and medicine, we have insemination and IVF, along with sex, to bring babies into the world. Sometimes the ingredients that created us come from the same people who are raising us. Other times, we don’t share genetics with the people responsible for our care, such as when we are raised by stepparents, adoptive parents, or foster parents. This is also often true when donors and surrogates are involved
”
”
Rachel HS Ginocchio (Roads to Family: All the Ways We Come to Be)
“
Dr. Ian Hardy is an accomplished Medical Director and Reproductive Endocrinologist/Infertility Specialist with over 20 years of experience. He has led more than 20,000 IVF procedures and managed multi-physician practices with ten satellite locations and two medical IVF clinics.
”
”
drianhardy
Brigid Moss (IVF: An Emotional Companion)
“
Venous Air Embolism is a rare but potentially fatal complication of central line insertion in the upper body area and could be prevented with trendelenburg positioning (at least 15 degrees), given no orthopnea. In case, Venous Air Embolism is suspected during line procedure with symptoms of sudden occurrence of cardiopulmonary dysfunction like hypotension, hypoxia or churning murmur over the left sternal border (“millwheel murmur”) - following 7 immediate maneuvers are essential: 1. Clamp the line (do not withdraw) - to prevent further air. 2. Rotate patient to left lateral decubitus position - to decrease air leaving through RV outflow tract. 3. Enhance (or do if not done yet) Trendelenburg position - to help air trapped in the apex of the ventricle. 4. Increase oxygen to 100% - Supplemental oxygen reduces the size of embolus. (Avoid High PEEP as it may increase the risk of paradoxical emboli). 5. Advance the catheter little, unclamp the line and aspirate from the 'distal port' to attempt to remove air. (PA-catheter is not as effective as triple lumen catheter in aspirating air). 6. If hypotension occurs - start IVF wide open and add pressor if needed (catecholamine are preferred).
”
”
Iqbal Ratnani (Critical Care Pearls: Basics for critical patient care and board review)
“
The Catholic ethicist Jana Bennett, for instance, points out that women’s experience of pregnancy and parenthood puts them in a better place to understand that we aren’t in control: You can choose to avoid pregnancy with a condom, pill or IUD — but sometimes that baby’s there anyway. You can try to get pregnant for months on end, even “choosing” IVF, and it doesn’t happen. You can get pregnant and miscarry. And if you get pregnant and your boss decides that you are therefore a liability, you can lose your job unless you make “the right choice”; any resultant poverty is your “choice.” In other words, we try to control sex and parenthood under the guise of individual choice, but it really isn’t a choice. . . . No — it’s a “choice” made in concert with a whole host of racial, economic, technological, age, and other factors.24
”
”
Charles C. Camosy (Beyond the Abortion Wars: A Way Forward for a New Generation)
“
IVF training courses IIRRH:
With more and more couples looking out for infertility treatment, the need for skilled fertility specialists has taken a huge leap in the recent years. Our IVF training courses at IIRRH are carefully structured to cater the needs of a beginner as well as a busy practitioner in the field of embryology, gynaecology and infertility management.
IIRRH offers courses that provide an avenue for both scientists and clinicians to enter the field of reproductive medicine; and for those already familiar with this area, an opportunity to gain greater skillset relevant to the manipulation of fertility and the treatment of reproductive abnormalities. Designed to broaden knowledge of the underlying scientific principles and to enhance appreciation of the clinical management of infertility, the institute aims to encourage independent thought and a research orientated approach to the practice of assisted conception.
Designed to broaden knowledge in the field of reproductive medicine and ART, our specialized courses include IVF training programs that cater the needs of a beginner as well as a busy practitioner in the field of embryology, gynaecology and infertility management. Our special Advanced ART course for Clinicians is apt to provide an introductory-level understanding of the clinical IVF (in-vitro fertilisation) laboratory and setting up and IVF lab.
As well as the basics of the IVF lab, it also covers:
• The individual protocols and procedures within the lab
• The requirements that must be considered when working within it
• Information ranging from embryo selection to new technologies in IVF
It will allow better practice and understanding in dealing with patients and IVF cases.
With the increasing demand for answers about our fertility, this course will help you understand:
• The role of the clinical embryologist
• Procedures conducted within the IVF laboratory
For more information visit our website iirrh.org
”
”
IIRRH
“
She tells him about all the trying. About IVF. About how that might have been when the depression started. It was hard to say. Hard to work backwards and see the beginning.
”
”
Alison Espach (The Wedding People)
“
Everything from birth control to condoms to IVF would have been immoral in the world I grew up in. They all resemble an attempt to play God, to take control over our bodies, our fertility, the number of our children. … A woman who tried to control her own body was a woman who hated families, hated herself, hated God.
”
”
Cait West (Rift: A Memoir of Breaking Away from Christian Patriarchy)
“
Indeed they are entirely opposite—while the former seeks to eliminate reproductive difference the latter intensifies it. If there is any take-home lesson from the literature on IVF or surrogacy it is that they are costly, painful and labor intensive procedures in which women are not less defined by sex, gender or biology but more so. As a consequence this highly medicalized and increasingly commercialized — but almost wholly unregulated, undocumented and unmonitored — sector, which is largely orientated toward the production of nuclear families (even, controversially, among lesbians), is unlikely to become a force that liberates women. What Firestone provides is a helpful set of insights into precisely how and why this would be exactly what we would expect to happen, much as she might be as unlikely as any of her feminist contemporaries to prescribe a solution (though one suspects she would have told women to abandon the take-home baby aspiration along with the quest for a perfect bustline).
”
”
Mandy Merck (Further Adventures of The Dialectic of Sex: Critical Essays on Shulamith Firestone (Breaking Feminist Waves))
“
She looks surprised, then grins. “Madison,” she says. “I know. But Number One Mom says I got conceived via IVF in a clinic just off Madison Ave, so…
”
”
N.K. Jemisin (The City We Became (Great Cities, #1))
“
When I was a little kid, I worshiped Josh Lewenthal, now, I couldn’t care less about him, I just need his sperm.
”
”
Sarah Ready (Josh and Gemma Make a Baby)
“
The first proposition, that “IVF is Futile of Obese Women” Brown states that “it seems unlikely to be appropriate to describe IVF treatments as futile in obese women” due to the fact that “analysis of a large sample of cycles in North America showed live birth artesian morbidly obese women (those with a BMI over 35) were not much lower than in women in the healthy weight range (26.% as opposed to 31.4%).
”
”
Nicola Salmon (Fat and Fertile: How to get pregnant in a bigger body)
“
10 Common Reasons for IVF Failure
In-vitro fertilization or IVF provides a means towards parenthood to couples struggling with natural pregnancy. Although IVF is a successful, safe, and effective technique some couples may struggle with multiple IVF failures. According to Dr Vandana Narula, MBBS, MD (Obstetrics & Gynaecology), a lot of factors contribute to the success or failure of IVF. The best infertility specialist in sector 43 Chandigarh advises you to not lose hope and discuss the opportunities with your doctor.
10 Common Reasons for IVF Failure
The infertility & IVF specialist in Mohali gives the following common reasons for IVF failure:
1. Poor Sperm Quality
The quality of sperm determines the quality of the embryo. Men with certain medical conditions including azoospermia or diabetes may procedure poor quality and quantity of sperm. This can either hamper the development of the embryo or lead to an abnormal embryo.
2. Low Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH) Values
AMH is a hormone secreted by cells in the egg. A good level of AMH in the woman’s blood indicates good ovarian reserve. Women with low AMH values may procedure unhealthy eggs that may not be implanted.
3. Implantation Failure
Implantation failure is one of the common causes of IVF failures. It is usually caused by:
A non-receptive uterus lining, thin lining, or lining affected by genital tuberculosis.
Prevailing immunological conditions make the uterine environment hostile for the embryos.
The endometrium has an inbuilt mechanism to reject poor-quality embryos.
4. Poor Quality of Eggs and Embryos
The quality of eggs plays a significant role in IVF failure. The quality of eggs is directly related to the age of a woman and her health. The human egg consists of 23 chromosomes. If any of these chromosomes are missing or arranged incorrectly, they can produce abnormal embryos.
A woman’s age also plays a key role in the egg quality. With advancing age, the eggs become less healthy and are prone to genetic abnormalities. This can make it difficult for them to be fertilized by sperm and lead to abnormal embryos.
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Dr. Vandna Narula
“
When you date from thirty onward, get ready to meet someone with 550 pounds of rucksacks absolutely brimming with history, complications, and demands. There will be divorces and children and houses that half belong to an ex; IVF attempts and dying parents and years of therapy and problems with addiction and jobs that take up all of their time and ex-partners they still have to see once a week because of a custody-battle dog. It can be daunting, serious, intense, grown-up, and not very fun. The older you get, the more baggage you carry, the more honest, open, and vulnerable everyone allows themselves to be.
”
”
Dolly Alderton (Everything I Know About Love: A Memoir)
“
10 Common Myths About Fertility Debunked
According to WHO’s latest report of April 2023, worldwide approximately 17% of total population find it difficult to get pregnant. Although fertility is becoming a rising concern today the subject is still taboo within the society. The couples trying to conceive either visit the Best IVF Doctor in Gurgaon or do not discuss the topic openly. According to the Best IVF Specialist in Gurgaon, Dr. Beena Muktesh, MBBS, MS, Infertility & IVF Specialist, an inability to discuss the topic openly causes the couples to believe in prevalent myths running down the mills. It is important for us as a society to debunk such myths, speak openly, and visit the doctor at the earliest.
”
”
Dr. Beena Muktesh
“
The Five Stages of IVF
The boy stands in our garden
holding all of the snow.
He can't be a snowman,
I insist. He is far too young
for frostbite. He might
be mythic. Or prophetic.
Did anyone see him arrive?
The snowboy's eyes are
kingfishers. Blazing countries
we would like to visit.
Behind him a
squirrel is stealing
all of the food. Bending
over backwards- winter
olympics. The young boy does not
blink. Cradling his snow globe.
The whole world is a blizzard.
We refuse to talk of snow
babies incubating in fables.
How their fingerprints
are the scattered names of
endangered species.
Instead, we dip our palms
in icing sugar and press
our mouths to the window.
Our longings skitter
around the kitchen
like so much white noise.
”
”
Jen Campbell
“
Endometriosis & Infertility
Endometriosis has been estimated to affect up to 10-15% of women at their reproductive age. According to Dr Beena Muktesh, MBBS, MS-Obstetrics & Gynaecology, Fertility Specialist, around 30-50% of women with endometriosis have infertility. Moreover, women with advanced endometriosis also have poor ovarian reserve, low eggs and embryo quality as well as poor implantation. A lot of women with endometriosis experience pain and heavy periods, however, they are not aware of the disease. The disease is often discovered in advanced stages that eventually lead to infertility.
What is Endometriosis?
Endometrium refers to the inner lining of your uterus. When you have a period, this inner lining falls away from the walls of your uterus and If you get pregnant, the embryo attaches itself to the endometrium for development.
Endometriosis is a condition wherein the tissues like endometrium grow on other parts of your body. When these tissues start growing in the wrong places, it causes excruciating pain and makes conceiving difficult.
”
”
Dr. Beena Muktesh
“
The fact that only about one-third of single-cell embryos form blastocysts reflects the one-third success rate of IVF that is found clinically. By playing the film backward, and using software to measure various parameters, the Stanford group identified just three factors that were predictive of future blastocyst formation: the duration of time that it takes the first cell to divide for the first time; the time between that first division and the second; and the synchronicity of the second and third mitosis.
”
”
Siddhartha Mukherjee (The Song of the Cell: An Exploration of Medicine and the New Human)
“
Let us begin with a fact that is both strikingly self-evident to a cell therapist and startling to someone outside the field: in vitro fertilization (IVF) is cell therapy.
”
”
Siddhartha Mukherjee (The Song of the Cell: An Exploration of Medicine and the New Human)
“
One stat you won’t see on a peppy social media post: of the approximately 2.5 million IVF cycles performed annually, a staggering 2 million do not succeed, which puts the global IVF cycle failure rate at nearly 80 percent.
”
”
Rina Raphael (The Gospel of Wellness: Gyms, Gurus, Goop, and the False Promise of Self-Care)
“
The dads know that only time will tell how important genetic ties will be to their children. They also know that their children’s feelings about it will likely change over time.
”
”
Rachel HS Ginocchio (Roads to Family: All the Ways We Come to Be)
“
Please, stop saying that you had “trouble getting pregnant with your third child” or that you “miscarried in between kids three and four.” It’s not the same, and it’s a dagger in the heart when you try to sell it like it is. I had to suffer through child-bearing advice from a GOMO who had the luxury of planning when she was going to have her next baby. After vacation? After Brian’s wedding in Mexico? I always wanted a summer baby, so maybe I will wait until the fall. They just didn’t get it. It’s the emptiness that hurts. The thought that you may never be able to look down at a baby who is your own. That’s the hard part.
”
”
Brett Russo (The Underwear in My Shoe: My Journey Through IVF, Unfiltered)
“
If you are trying to conceive through IUI or IVF, you will benefit most if CoQ10, alpha-lipoic acid, N-acetylcysteine, vitamin E, and DHEA are started at least two to three months before your egg retrieval or insemination, if possible. For melatonin, the recent successful studies have started the supplement one month or two weeks before egg retrieval.
”
”
Rebecca Fett (It Starts with the Egg: How the Science of Egg Quality Can Help You Get Pregnant Naturally, Prevent Miscarriage, and Improve Your Odds in IVF)
“
The real concern now is that manufacturers are simply replacing BPA with very closely related chemicals, such as bisphenol S and bisphenol F. At a practical level, this means it is much better to minimize canned food and replace plastic with glass and stainless steel, rather than simply buying products labeled as BPA free. This is important because new research indicates that BPA’s cousins can compromise fertility in exactly the same way.45
”
”
Rebecca Fett (It Starts with the Egg: How the Science of Egg Quality Can Help You Get Pregnant Naturally, Prevent Miscarriage, and Improve Your Odds in IVF)
“
In her enthralling debut, Circle of Chalk, Christina McClelland tackles the complicated and sometimes controversial subject of IVF with compassion and honesty. McClelland doesn’t shy away from the messiness but rather invites the reader into the decades’ long journey. The story twists and turns until the very last page.
Elizabeth Musser, author of The Swan House, When I Close My Eyes, The Promised Land
”
”
Elizabeth Musser
“
In 2012, Japanese cell biologists Katsuhiko Hayashi and Mitinori Saitou announced they had used the Yamanaka factors to reprogram adult mouse skin cells in a dish into iPS cells. They then added more chemicals to turn these stem cells into egg and sperm progenitor cells, the precursors of eggs and sperm. After they placed the same artificial cells into mouse ovaries, the cells matured into eggs. When they put induced sperm precursor into mouse testes, these cells matured into sperm. These induced eggs and sperm were used for mouse IVF, resulting in perfectly healthy baby mice.
”
”
Jamie Metzl (Hacking Darwin: Genetic Engineering and the Future of Humanity)
“
I think – as women – we can all agree on one thing: sometimes biology fucks us over. Those of us who can’t get pregnant – does that make a woman less of a woman? Women who choose IVF or surrogacy? Those of us who need mastectomies – less of a woman? Those of us (including me) on HRT – less womanly? I think I’m just one more woman who was royally fucked over by biology and now I’m in the process of putting that right.
”
”
Juno Dawson (The Gender Games: The Problem With Men and Women, From Someone Who Has Been Both)
“
In addition, sometimes publicly counting our blessings can cause inadvertent pain to others. We no more deserve our blessings than others deserve their pain. In a recent essay on Motherwell, Liz Becker writes: When we say we are blessed, when we refer to our marriages or pregnancies or children in this way, we say, whether intentionally or not, that we have been arbitrarily chosen for joy, and that all of the suffering in the world has been chosen as well. Every hashtag, every smiling angel emoji, is another tiny arrow aimed at the person who does not have these things, the couple who just failed a third round of IVF, the woman going through her fifth miscarriage, the single man or woman who has struggled through yet another breakup, the parents who have buried a child.
”
”
Phoebe Farag Mikhail (Putting Joy Into Practice: Seven Ways to Lift Your Spirit from the Early Church)
“
Maybe Sloan would agree to a deal. I’d talk to someone about some of my issues if she would agree to go to grief counseling. It wasn’t me giving in to Josh like she wanted, but Sloan knew how much I hated therapists, and she’d always wanted me to see someone. I was debating how to pitch this to her when I glanced into the living room and saw it—a single purple carnation on my coffee table.
I looked around the kitchen like I might suddenly find someone in my house. But Stuntman was calm, plopped under my chair. I went in to investigate and saw that the flower sat on top of a binder with the words “just say okay” written on the outside in Josh’s writing.
He’d been here?
My heart began to pound. I looked again around the living room like I might see him, but it was just the binder.
I sat on the sofa, my hands on my knees, staring at the binder for what felt like ages before I drew the courage to pull the book into my lap. I tucked my hair behind my ear and licked my lips, took a breath, and opened it up.
The front page read “SoCal Fertility Specialists.”
My breath stilled in my lungs. What?
He’d had a consultation with Dr. Mason Montgomery from SoCal Fertility. A certified subspecialist in reproductive endocrinology and infertility with the American Board of Obstetrics and Gynecology. He’d talked to them about in vitro and surrogacy, and he’d had fertility testing done.
I put a shaky hand to my mouth, and tears began to blur my eyes.
I pored over his test results. Josh was a breeding machine. Strong swimmers and an impressive sperm count. He’d circled this and put a winking smiley face next to it and I snorted.
He’d outlined the clinic’s high success rates—higher than the national average—and he had gotten signed personal testimonials from previous patients, women like me who used a surrogate. Letter after letter of encouragement, addressed to me.
The next page was a complete breakdown on the cost of in vitro and information on Josh’s health insurance and what it covered. His insurance was good. It covered the first round of IVF at 100 percent.
He even had a small business plan. He proposed selling doghouses that he would build. The extra income would raise enough money for the second round of in vitro in about three months.
The next section was filled with printouts from the Department of International Adoptions. Notes scrawled in Josh’s handwriting said Brazil just opened up. He broke down the process, timeline, and costs right down to travel expenses and court fees.
I flipped past a sleeve full of brochures to a page on getting licensed for foster care. He’d already gone through the background check, and he enclosed a form for me, along with a series of available dates for foster care orientation classes and in-home inspections.
Was this what he’d been doing? This must have taken him weeks.
My chin quivered.
Somehow, seeing it all down on paper, knowing we’d be in it together, it didn’t feel so hopeless. It felt like something that we could do. Something that might actually work.
Something possible.
The last page had an envelope taped to it. I pried it open with trembling hands, my throat getting tight.
I know what the journey will look like, Kristen. I’m ready to take this on. I love you and I can’t wait to tell you the best part…Just say okay.
I dropped the letter and put my face into my hands and sobbed like I’d never sobbed in my life.
He’d done all this for me. Josh looked infertility dead in the eye, and his choice was still me.
He never gave up.
All this time, no matter how hard I rejected him or how difficult I made it, he never walked away from me. He just changed strategies. And I knew if this one didn’t work he’d try another. And another. And another.
He’d never stop trying until I gave in.
And Sloan—she knew. She knew this was here, waiting for me. That’s why she’d made me leave. They’d conspired to do this.
”
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Abby Jimenez
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I have friends who’ve conceived easily, who’ve struggled to conceive, who’ve adopted or gone through invasive IVF procedures or used surrogates, or who’ve decided not to conceive—and the main constant in all of their experiences seems to be judgment.
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Every day I’d plaster my face with make-up, wear loose clothes, and a fake smile, but some days, it was just numbness and emptiness.
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He said I failed him.” The knife fell from her hand onto the cutting board, and she braced her palms flat on the gray marble. “How screwed up is that? I’m the one who went through the miscarriages, the IVF, the hormones, the—” Her head drooped. “But he’s the one who feels let down. Like I’m not heartbroken too?
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Rebecca Yarros (Variation)