Im.single Quotes

I'm single because I was born that way.

Dr. Suess said: 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened..' I tell my dates: 'Don't cry because it happened, smile because it's over

So, you're single. I'm single. Let's mingle

The true genius of a Woman is her subtle flair in creating the illusion that you are the smart one

Friends might lose touch but never lose feelings

I'm 38 and I'm single and I'm having my most intense and gratifying relationship with a dog. But we all learn about love in different ways, and this way happens to be mine.

When I'm single, I'm this fabulous, independent, confident woman, and then I get involved with one disastrous man after another and I turn into this needy, insecure, fearful girl who becomes frightened of her own shadow.

And I thought: if I feel single, wouldn't it be easier to be single? And then I wouldn't have to worry about disappointing someone or someone disappointing me? When I'm single, I know where I am. I am alone when I'm ill, but I'm not abandoned.

Women need a reason to have sex, while men just need an angle

Someone told me the other day that he felt bad for single people because they are lonely all the time. I told him that’s not true I’m single and I don’t feel lonely. I take myself out to eat, I buy myself clothes. I have great times by myself. Once you know how to take care of yourself company becomes an option and not a necessity.

If a picture paints a thousand words, then a naked picture paints a thousand words without any vowels....

I wonder whether I'm single not because I haven't met the right person yet, but because I'm not the right person yet. The other night, I had the most terrifying thought: Who would I be a good match for? Like, I honestly can't imagine who that man is.

It's not hard to fail...it's hard to accept you failed...but once that's out of the way, it's pretty smooth sailing

Manners without sincerity, is called polite society

Who enjoys life more? Well to start with, definitely the Living

Sure I eat my feelings, but I save the emotional roller coaster for dessert

I've always been a poor sport and a sore loser...any other behavior might encourage a repeat performance

If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator

If you're single, then I'm single?" What's that supposed to be? Lyrics to a pop song?

Some people are so positive, that when they slip in dog poop, they pirouette

When she says 'I've never done this before" she just means with you

My phone buzzes again. Crush: You're single. I'm single. Let's mingle.

A watched pot never boils.... but it does develop paranoia

If you're stuck in the past, you go forward in reverse

The only way I’d ever die of a broken heart, is if I slammed into something really hard

I don’t want to move in on another guys territory, and I don’t share.” Wow. “I’m single.” I frown again. “But we aren’t…” “Oh, I think we are,” he interrupts, his gaze challenging me. He grips my ass harder and stands, easily pulling me to my feet. “I can’t let go of you,” he whispers.

the only drinking problem I've ever had, is figuring out why I'm still stuck in this salad spinner

Trying to balance chivalry with equality, I always open a door for a Lady...then stick my foot out

I hate cutting my wrists while shaving

I wonder whether I’m single not because I haven’t met the right person yet, but because I’m not the right person yet.

If you're going to walk down the aisle together, best to go single file

Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials....I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months

What I lack in brilliance, I more than make up for in glitter

Don't ever mistake silence for ignorance, when it is obviously stupidity

It's not that I'm ahead of my time, it's more that the world is running late

Revenge is a dish best served in something microwaveable

If positivity is not your mindset, then reset

If the love is not madness, then the sex is not insane

You're only given as much as you can handle, before going back for seconds

Never borrow trouble, the payback's a bitch

I’m single, so--” “No, you’re not.” He had stepped closer, and his voice dropped to a low growl. “Whatever this is… you are not single. You’re not unattached as far as I’m concerned.

I have a keen sense of the oblivious

It's one thing if your hobby is to put ships inside a bottle, but a deer in the headlights!... That's a real talent

I’m single, like a cheese slice individually wrapped in plastic.

it can't be wrong, if it feels so wrong

Life is a very brief candle especially when you burn it at both ends

I am happy and I'm Single

I spread eggshells all over my room, so anyone who tries to get close when I sleep will know what they're walking on

I used to be into ‘forbidden fruit’, but I’ve moved on to‘verboten vegetables

positivity is the father of reinvention

Anyone can spin a victory, it's a total loss that demands creativity

Maturity is when you no longer get the urge to make snow angels in mud season

People who live in brick houses shouldn't throw wrecking balls

To acknowledge the absurdly surreal is the clarity to embrace life as it is, not as we desire it- what you do with this information, hell if I know

Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are

At this point in my life, beaming confidence is largely a matter of mind over bladder control

Everyone comes with baggage, make sure you get one that comes with a rack

Death is life's way of telling you, you've been recalled

When people try to rain on your parade,...pee on theirs

Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the rhetorical question

Don't be so hard on yourself....that's what a loofah's for

Fuck me. I’m single, I’m a little depressed, and I’m very horny, with a side of sexual confusion, too.

In order to butterfly kiss, does it require caterpillar lips?

If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried

Fasten your belts and sharpen your arrows, we're going for a hunt! I'm single again!

Don't you wish some people came with a silencer?

I'd die for your sins, but I'd probably enjoy them first

No, it’s cool,” Mills replied. “I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m single.” It was the first time he had ever defined himself as single, which felt like defining himself as American in a foreign country. It sounded advanced and self-reliant and lonely.

If life is a bowl of cherries.... do you know how many virgins it took to make that....

YOU CAN LEAD A HORSE TO WATER, BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM DRINK FROM THE TOILET"


If you can't beat them, conjoin them

The only difference between me and a madman is that he has the certification

Be nice to people on your way up, because you'll land on them on your way down

I’m single. Saturday morning has no value for people like us. You, on the other hand, should have a life. - Harry Hole

Does speed dating necessarily end up in a quickie divorce....?

If the second date seems to be going well, it's pretty much a given that by dessert I'll renounce my faith

As for Chicks with Daddy Issues: Do I really want to be with a Woman who wants to be my Father?

Patience is learning to take a deep breath while you’re exhaling

If you don't fall down now and again, it just means the training wheels are working

An alibi is one alliterative consonant short of being a magic carpet

I like my coffee like I like myself....making rustling noises inside a burlap bag

Having a life expectancy is just part of being self-entitled

Some people try to climb the ladder of success, while others try to jump on it

If you take things the wrong way, be aware of which end is up

Blood is thicker than water, and so is diarrhea

Ever play 'mirror mirror on the wall' with two mirrors facing each other?

I like gross generalizations...I also like disgusting specifics!

There's always someone we'd love to kill, the trick is to make it not look like an accident

You always miss 100% of the shots you don't order

Blood is thicker than water, but they still use corn starch as a thickener on cooking shows

Target your random acts of kindness, to keep a tally of who owes what

Falling in love means your reserve chute didn't work as you hurtled back to earth

Love is just the chocolate-coated realization you're going to spend the rest of your life with a person and unfortunately it melts in your mouth

Love is the canvas covering the furniture that you've become a part of

Treat life as a suicide mission, take on the impossible jobs and attack with the gusto of someone who has nothing to lose.... and when you revel in victory, make like it's a dirty win

Karma can be an ill-timed mistress who always calls when your Mother-in-law is the first to answer the phone…. and it would be a completely sad story had it not been so surreally hilarious.  

You never know. Maybe you’ll meet Mr. Right,” Carol says, winking. Hah. I’m starting to think either Mr. Right is trapped in another dimension or he just doesn’t exist. Either way, I’m single for life.

J.D.: Elliot, I'm thirty years old; I'm single, I'm homeless, and I'm pretty sure I just soiled myself. Elliot: Why don't you just move into my place? J.D.: Oh, great, then we'll be two losers under one roof.

Not that I have to explain myself, but I’m single because I want to be single. … I don’t need you to think a certain way about me. In fact, you’ve made it pretty clear how little you think of me. I don’t care.” She shook her head, her fierceness electrifying the air between them. “I am epic, and if a guy plays his cards right, I know how to make him feel like a goddamn king.