Iliza Shlesinger Quotes

Seriously, what does having it all even mean? All is subjective. Not every woman's vision of a perfect future looks the same. Not every woman wants kids. Not every woman wants to get married. Not every woman wants a house in the suburbs. Not every woman wants a career. Not every woman is attracted to men in the first place. Why and how did dudes become the key to our Perfect Future?

See, you teach people how to treat you. If you don't like someone's behavior toward you, educate them. Your Girl Logic might be urging you to crawl into a corner, to cry or sulk and pretend it's not happening. And of course you need to pick your battles... But if you aren't getting the respect you deserve, demand it.

We try to stay as thin as possible - which also keeps us weak. When you're skinny, you have no body fat; when you have no body fat, you're cold all the time; and when you're cold all the time, you stay inside; and when you stay inside... you don't vote. I may be joking about that last part... but I'm not totally wrong. Ever stop to think that by keeping women eternally preoccupied with superficialities that we might be missing out on important things in life?

Hard work and intention often go unnoticed. All people see is what you don't do or what they think you should be doing better.

To be a woman who thrives, you have to pinpoint what's good about you and let the confidence in that guide you.

that’s the great part of Girl Logic: it’s nudges is to push yourselves, question what we want, and refine our own ideas about what will make us happier, better people

But women live in the gray, bathe in the gray, and summer in the gray. There are more than fifty shades of it, many of which don’t involve S&M. We invariably consider the past, present, and future when making any choice because for us the stakes are higher emotionally (because we care about consequences) or just logistically (because we are aware of consequences in the first place).

I feel like the 3D and vampire obsessions are two things in entertainment that keep coming back around. Like every ten years, executives are like “ All right, new group of horny weirdos, let’s revive this corpse.

We try to stay as thin as possible - which also keeps us weak. When you’re skinny, you have no body fat; when you have no body fat, you’re cold all the time; when you’re cold all time, you stay inside; and when you stay inside... you don’t vote. I may be joking about that last part... but I’m not totally wrong. Ever stop to think that by keeping women eternally preoccupied with superficialities that we might be missing out in important thinks in life?

just because you took on Oprah and Deepak’s Twenty-One-Day Meditation Experience and only got through day three doesn’t mean you failed; it means you are three days closer to being the person you wanted to be... or thought you wanted to be

My biggest argument to the "we don't know what's in the vaccine" folks (who have hopefully decided to go along with science by the time this book comes out) is "remember what you were okay with drinking at twenty-three?" Yeah, roll up that sleeve.

Now. If someone is divorced, in my book that's not a reason to write him off. No, I like to write men off for concrete flaws like yawning weird of holding a fork the wrong way or saying porridge. But the fact is I don't want to date a man with kids at this stage in my life. I like children fine, and I'm sure I'll love my own someday. But they add a layer of complication to a relationship that I'd just rather not deal with.

When I say we, I'm referring to society: copywriters, companies, and overall general opinion; I am in no way taking personal responsibility. We/they market to women like they are giant toddlers. This endless, pejorative, female-targeted infantilization of the English language when it's directed toward women: "Mama Bear needs her beauty rest!" "Rockstar gal gets her glam on!" "Work it, she-entrepreneur!" "Be a diva-licious ass-kicker in stilettos! The biggest, badass, boss-babe in herstory! The fiercest, she-matologist working in the blood lab!" This pervasive rhetoric is basically watered down, digestible empowerment designed to get a woman's money. It's the advertising equivalent of a "Live Laugh Love" sign.

I have to stop myself once an hour and remind myself that the universe isn't against me. That the woman in front of me in line at CVS didn't wake up and think, "I'm gonna make Iliza's life miserable today." (Honestly? Try as I might, I do believe there is a secret meeting in Los Angeles every morning at five where people gather and get their "Annoyance Assignments" for the day. I bet people are given tasks like, "just get in your car and drive on the freeway, any freeway; do whatever you can do to create more traffic and not contribute to society. Oh, and make sure that when your car breaks down, you never push it off to the shoulder." Or the people at the airport who don't know the rules. You know the ones. It's like, "WE ARE IN A TSA LINE! YES, YOU HAVE TO THROW OUT YOUR FUCKING WATER! YOU HAVE HAD TO THROW IT OUT FOR THE PAST SIXTEEN YEARS, TODAY ISN'T ANY DIFFERENT! THERE IS STILL A WAR ON TERROR!")

I looked into their new mom gift baskets. The basket included... a scarf. A fucking scarf. My first thought was that this company bulk ordered them for something else, and couldn't get rid of them, so they pivoted and tried to make it a "mommy scarf;" selling you on the idea that there are scarves specifically for women who have children. Which are very different, from normal scarves, for childless women. "Great for dressing up a look or just keeping mama warm while she's out conquering the world." The fact that they wrote a blurb about why a human would need a scarf at all, to me, further proves how dumb we think women are. As if there's some tired mom out there, typing into Google "what is scarf and how?" "neck cold. how do i hot it?

We like some people, we loathe others, and we're "meh" on the rest.

My whole life, my stepdad has described chances as "at bats" - meaning how many times you're allowed to step up to the plate and swing, hit or miss. You get "at bats" because you're good enough to miss and still be invited to the plate.

My rule, in both work and life, is to always bet on myself.

But I appreciate real women who aren't trying to get something out of me, who bring not just humor, but hustle. These women were going to work hard with or without me. I respected that.

Just because someone is in charge doesn't mean they should be, and just because they can express an opinion doesn't mean you should listen to it.

I’m not going to downplay my strengths so you feel less shitty about your own shortcomings.

If I don't like a woman, it is because she's shitty, not because of how she looked. I can't stand fake people, and if you suck, I can't sit through brunch with you.

It might sound cynical, but one major lesson I've learned by living in Hollywood is that nothing we do really matters. That red-carpet dress you spent weeks finding? No one is gonna remember it next year. That date you went on when you gave the guy a weird impression and he ghosted on you immediately after dropping you off? Guess what - he's married now and doesn't think about you, just like you don't remember half the guys you've blown off. Upsetting people, worrying about outfits, fretting over how you looked or sounded in a conversation -- none of it matters because if I asked you right now what you wore or did or said last year on this day, you wouldn't remember.