β
I hate this feeling. Like I'm here, but I'm not. Like someone cares. But they don't. Like I belong somewhere else, anywhere but here, and escape lies just past that snowy window, cool and crisp as the February air.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Crank (Crank, #1))
β
Love means holding on to someone just as hard as you can because if you don't, one blink and they might disappear...forever.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Impulse (Impulse, #1))
β
When you love someone, you don't want to hurt them, even if they deserve to be hurt. When you love someone, you want to hurt them, even when they don't deserve to be hurt.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Glass (Crank, #2))
β
Taking no chances means wasting your dreams..
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Crank (Crank, #1))
β
So you try to think of someone else you're mad at, and the unavoidable answer pops into your little warped brain: everyone.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
Act
on your impulse,
swallow the bottle,
cut a little deeper,
put the gun to your chest.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Impulse (Impulse, #1))
β
This time when we kiss, I feel it in the pit of my stomach, I feel it in my heart. And I realize love isn't about sex. It's about connection.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
Forever has no meaning when you're living in the moment. I wasn't ready for that moment to end.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
Have you ever once in your life reached out to touch infinity?
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
Grandma once told me it's easy to overthink love, to dissect it and question it until it is no more.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Impulse (Impulse, #1))
β
imperfections create character...
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
Smile. Nod. Say
something witty
before he finds
out what an incredible
geek you are.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Crank (Crank, #1))
β
You were a summer gift, one I'll always treasure. You were a dream I never wanted to wake up from. You opened my eyes to things I'll never really see. You're the best thing that will ever happen to me.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Crank (Crank, #1))
β
One foot in front of the other, counting tiles on the floor so I don't have to focus the blur of painted smiles, fake faces.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Impulse (Impulse, #1))
β
Happiness, you see, its just an illusion of Fate, a heavenly sleight of hand designed to make you believe in fairy tales. But there's no happily ever after. You'll only find happy endings in books. Some books.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
Funny how when your life is mostly bullshit, you turn off feeling.
Sometimes it's hard to turn it back on again.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Identical)
β
Have you ever had so much to say that your mouth closed up tight struggling to harness the nuclear force coalescing within your words? Have you ever had so many thoughts churning inside you that you didnβt dare let them escape in case they blew you wide open? Have you ever been so angry that you couldnβt look in the mirror for fear of finding the face of evil glaring back at you?
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Crank (Crank, #1))
β
We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It's a death trap.
β
β
Anthony Hopkins
β
It [death] chokes you, gags you, but you have to pretend that you're doing just fine, not trembling with this fear because the end is close.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Impulse (Impulse, #1))
β
Life is all about change. If it were static, think about how boring it would be. You can't be afraid of it, and you can't worry that you'll mess things up. You deserve good things, and I want to be one of them.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
Your life doesn't belong to you, it belongs to the people that love you
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
Too much to take in, too much to purge. Why must every memory, once sweet, dead end in such ugliness?
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Impulse (Impulse, #1))
β
I'm in love. And I like how that feels. And I hate how that feels. Because love is an invention of fiction writers.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Identical)
β
You believe this is a game, and you may be right. But if you think you can play it better than me, think again.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Impulse (Impulse, #1))
β
The monster likes to talk; he jumps into your head and opens your mouth, making it spout your deepest darkest deceptions. Making you say all the things you'd rather not say, at least not in mixed company." (Ellen Hopkins)
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Crank (Crank, #1))
β
My happiest memories have no place in the past; they are those I have yet to create.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Impulse (Impulse, #1))
β
I want the part of you that you refuse to give.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Identical)
β
MAKE STATEMENTS also applies to us women: Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions. No one wants to go to a doctor who says, βIβm going to be your surgeon? Iβm here to talk to you about your procedure? I was first in my class at Johns Hopkins, so?β Make statements, with your actions and your voice.
β
β
Tina Fey (Bossypants)
β
Anger is a valid emotion. It's only bad when it takes control and makes you do things you don't want to do.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Fallout (Crank, #3))
β
Don't make me laugh, I'd much rather cry.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Identical)
β
Memory is a tenuous thing, like a rainbow's end or a camera with a failing lens.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
A word to the unwise.
Torch every book.
Char every page.
Burn every word to ash.
Ideas are incombustible.
And therein lies your real fear.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
Think of how they must have loved when all they had was each other.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
in a woman's womb.
another chance.
to make the world better.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
β
Happily ever after is a concept I'll never believe in.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Identical)
β
Now that I have opened that bottle of memories they're pouring out like wine, crimson and bittersweet.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Impulse (Impulse, #1))
β
Forgiveness isnβt my best thing.
Easier staying pissed. But Iβm
tired of being pissed all the time.
Tired of feeling hurt by stuff that
can never be fixed because it is
an indelible part of the past.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Fallout (Crank, #3))
β
he sucked the nectar from her heart like a famished butterfly.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
Wish you could turn off the questions, turn off the voices, turn off all sound.
Yearn to close out the ugliness, close out the filthiness, close out all light.
Long to cast away yesterday, cast away memory, cast away all jeapordy.
Pray you could somehow stop uncertainty, somehow stop the loathing, somehow stop the pain.
Act on your impulse, swallow the bottle, cut a little deeper, put the gun to your chest.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Impulse (Impulse, #1))
β
She is madness,
sanity. She is hell, and
paradise.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Perfect (Impulse, #2))
β
How could I share the
way my heart was breaking
when my confessor
didnβt believe
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Crank (Crank, #1))
β
My philosophy is: Itβs none of my business what people say of me and think of me. I am what I am and I do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. And it makes life so much easier.
β
β
Anthony Hopkins
β
Real love finds you once, if you're lucky.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
β
I am different. And I don't understand exactly how. And I don't understand just why.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Identical)
β
Falling in love with someone is the surest highway to hurt that I know. When the door to love opens, the window to control closes.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Fallout (Crank, #3))
β
We used to do coke, till "Just Say No" put the stuff out of reach. Now it's crank. Meth. The monster. It's a bitch on the body, but damn do you fly.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Crank (Crank, #1))
β
You can have your pick of pretty women. Why me?
You're like the ocean, Pattyn. Pretty enough on the surface, but dive down into your depths, you'll find beauty most people never see. Lucky me. I fell in, headfirst.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
Alone, there is only the person inside. I've grown to like her better than the stuck-up husk of me. Alone, there is no perfect daughter, no gifted high school junior, no Kristina Georgia Snow. There is only Bree." (Ellen Hopkins)
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Crank (Crank, #1))
β
The problem with resolutions is they're only as solid as the person making them.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Crank (Crank, #1))
β
Some people
Never find the right kind of love
you know, the kind that steals
your breath away.
Like diving into a snowmelt.
The kind that jolts your heart,
sets it beating apace.
An anxious hiccuping of hummingbirds wings.
The kind that makes every terrible minute apart feel like hours.
Days.
Years.
Some people flit from one insane possibility to the next.
Never experincing the connection of two people.
rocked by destiny.
Never knowing what it means to love someone else,
more than themselves.
More than life itself, or the promise of something better.
Beyond this world,
More even (forgive me!) than god.
Lucky me, I found the right kind of love.
With the wrong person.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Tricks (Tricks, #1))
β
Can a dream be wrong? Aren't dreams God's way of telling you things?
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
Sometimes the little things in life mean the most.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Glass (Crank, #2))
β
There will always be people for and against you, and its pointless wasting time trying to win over some of the people who are against you. Spend time with people who are for you. Those realtionships are worth it.
β
β
Cathy Hopkins
β
Because to tell you the truth, most of the time dying seems pretty much like my only means of escape
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Identical)
β
Puzzle pieces don't always connect do they?
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Fallout (Crank, #3))
β
I do have friends, but they don't know me, only someone I've created to take my place. Someone sculpted from ice. I keep the melted me bottled up inside. Where no one can touch her, until, unbidden, she comes pouring out.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Identical)
β
I still care for you, you know..
That phrase again. Everyone cares for me. They just don't know how to love me.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
God is love," she said. "And he respects love, whether it's between a parents, and child, a man and woman, or friends. I don't think he cares about religion one little bit. Live your life right. Love with all your heart. Don't hurt others, and help those in need. That is all you need to know. And don't worry about heaven. If it exists, you'll be welcome.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
β
I'd sleep outside naked in the blizzard,for you.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Impulse (Impulse, #1))
β
Yesterday influences today, thus creates tomorrow.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Identical)
β
Memory is a tenuous thing. . . .
flickering glimpses, blue
and white, like ancient,
decomposing 16mm film.
Happiness escapes
me there, where faces
are vague and yesterday
seems to come tied
up in ribbons of pain.
Happiness? I look for it intead
in today, where memory
is something I can still
touch, still rely on.
I find it in the smiles
of new friends, the hope
blossoming inside.
My happiest memories
have no place in the
past; they are those
I have yet to create.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Impulse (Impulse, #1))
β
you fly until you crash two days
two nights
no sleep,
no food,
come down off the monster
YOU CRASH REAL HARD
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Crank (Crank, #1))
β
Forever has no meaning when you're living in the moment.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Impulse (Impulse, #1))
β
The stars shine as they always do. Same stars. Same sky. Only I am different.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Identical)
β
I don't love him, & he definitely doesn't love me. Still, he semi-fills a gaping black hole inside me. That place wants love, maybe even needs love, but love is something I"m pretty sure doesn't exist.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Identical)
β
Everyone's afraid of everybody else...maybe because we're all afraid of ourselves.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Impulse (Impulse, #1))
β
How can I explain purposely setting foot on a path so blatantly treacherous? Was the fun in the fall?
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Crank (Crank, #1))
β
This is unstoppable, no holds barred. This is beautiful. Crazy. A beginning. Betrayal. Addictive. Aggressive. Alive. This is something to be afraid of.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Fallout (Crank, #3))
β
Love is only found in books
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
β
I want to open myself, let him inside. But how do I give what has already been taken?
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Glass (Crank, #2))
β
empty and closed, hovering in some frozen netherworld neither sun nor rain could thaw.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Crank (Crank, #1))
β
THE BAD THING ABOUT FEAR
Is it requires a reaction. Some hide.
Some cry. But, like a dog condemned
to a walled yard with no hope
of escape or affection, some learn
to bite.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
Girls get screwed.
Not that kind of screwed, what I mean is, they're always on the short end of things.
The way things work, how
guys feel great, but make girls feel
cheap for doing
exactly what
they beg for.
The way they get to play you,
all the while claiming they
love you and making you
believe it's
true.
The way it's okay to gift their heart one day, a backhand the next,
to move on to the apricot
when the peach blushes and bruises.
These things make me believe God's a man after all.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Crank (Crank, #1))
β
HOW
do you define a word without concrete meaning? To each his own, the saying goes, so
WHY
push to attain an ideal state of being that no two random people will agree is
WHERE
you want to be? Faultless. Finished. Incomparable. People can never be these, and anyway,
WHEN
did creating a flawless facade become a more vital goal than learning to love the person
WHO
lives inside your skin? The outside belongs to others. Only you should decide for you -
WHAT
is perfect.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Perfect (Impulse, #2))
β
We kissed for about
the thousandth time,
No promises,
no demands,
Just solid rebuilding
of shattered trust.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Crank (Crank, #1))
β
Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us.
Every flaw he held and every perfection he flaunted made her love him even more.
"I hate this feeling. Like I'm here, but I'm not. Like someone cares. But they don't. Like I belong somewhere else, anywhere but here, and escape lies just past that snowy window, cool and crisp as the February air.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
You canβt walk away from someone you love, leave them drowning in your desertion. If love has no more meaning than that, you can keep it. I donβt want it now or ever again. Donβt want to hear the word or wear its scars.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Tricks (Tricks, #1))
β
Life was good
before I
met
the monster.
After,
life
was great
At least
for a little while
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Crank (Crank, #1))
β
The first time I kissed you. One kiss, and I was totally hooked. Addicted to you. I could never love anyone the way I love you. I'd follow you across the universe.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Tricks (Tricks, #1))
β
Funny thing, your brain,
how it always functions on one
level or another. How, even stuck in
some sort of subconcious limbo, it works
your lungs, your muscle twitches, your heart,
in fact, in symphony with your heart, allowing it
to feel love. Pain. Jealousy. Guilt. I wonder if itβs the
same for people, lost in comas. Is there really such a thing
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Crank (Crank, #1))
β
I mean, if you're gonna
purposely lose your mind,
you want to get it back some
day. Don't you? Okay, maybe not.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Impulse (Impulse, #1))
β
Why doesn't love come with an owner's manual?
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Fallout (Crank, #3))
β
...what good would it
do to
shutter your windows, never
dream of rainbows or find hope
in promises? Why choose to
walk away
rather than hold your ground
and fight for love?
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Perfect (Impulse, #2))
β
They think old people are lame. But they're not. They're awesome, & I know exactly why I think so. It's because they've lived entire lifetimes. Loved. Laughed. Surrendered. Stumbled. Weathered, beaten, still they don't crumble, not even as they inch toward death.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Identical)
β
What would the world be, once bereft
Of wet and of wildness? Let them be left,
O let them be left, wildness and wet;
Long live the weeds and the wilderness yet.
β
β
Gerard Manley Hopkins (Gerard Manley Hopkins: The Complete Poems (Annotated))
β
Some people never find love at all, count yourself blessed if it ever happens your way
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
β
I tattered their wings and tore off their legs, joint by joint, watched them crawl in circles, like little lost infants, untill they decide to die.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Impulse (Impulse, #1))
β
I want to know what it means to be in love. But in my dictionary 'in love' is indefinable.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Identical)
β
Bad choices or good, if you never take chances, someone else will build your life for you.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Perfect (Impulse, #2))
β
Clear.
Cold.
Empty.
Like how I feel
right now. Love
is strange. One
minute youβre
jungle fever.
The next
youβre
Artic
winter.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Fallout (Crank, #3))
β
Losing It
Some days I think
I'm losing my mind.
What seems so
clear
most of the time
becomes a big question mark.
Am I really
the way
I percieve myself, or
is the person others see
the truth of me? I wait
for
answers, but inside
I know I have to go out
and find them. And
answers
like knowledge, are
not always where we
first look for them.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
Being In Love
Means hard questions.
Will I? Won't I?
Should I? Could I?
Yes? No?
You?
Me? There is no me
without you.
Is there a you without
me?
And if were truly one.
how will I breathe
when circomstance pries
us
apart?
You are my oxygen.
my substance,
the blood inside my veins.
When
we
touch, you are my skin.
hold all my joy inside of you.
When you go, I
wither.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
you come home, and everyone talks at once and everyone asks questions, but no one waits for the answers.Instead they talk about themselves, what they've been up to, what they're going to do next, Β Β Β Β Β as if you're a photo on the wall.And then they talk to one another, forgetting you've jsut flown in, forgetting you're in the backseat, forgetting they've already said it all.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Crank (Crank, #1))
β
You're a gift, one I'll always treasure. You're a dream I never want to wake up from. You open my eyes to things I'll never really see. You're the best thing that will ever happen to me. Be safe. Be smart. Stay you.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Crank (Crank, #1))
β
Sometimes you're traveling a highway, the only road you've ever known and wham! A semi comes from nowhere and rolls right over you. Sometimes you dont wake up. But if you happen to you know things will never be the same. Sometimes that's not so bad. Sometimes lives instersect, no rhyme, no reason, except, perhaps, for a passing semi.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
Eyes Tell Stories
But do they know how
to craft fiction? Do
they know how to spin
lies?
His eyes swear forever,
flatter with vows of only
me. But are they empty
promises?
I stare into his eyes, as
into a crystal ball, but
I cannot find forever,
only
movies of yesterday,
a sketchbook of today,
dreams of a shared
tomorrow.
His eyes whisper secrets.
But are they truths or fairy tales?
I wonder if even he
knows.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Tricks (Tricks, #1))
β
Have you ever
had so much to say
that your mouth closed up tight
struggling to harness
the nuclear force
coalescing within your words?
Have you ever
had so many thoughts
churning inside you that you didnβt
dare let them escape
in case they blew you wide open?
Have you ever
been so angry that you
couldnβt look in the mirror
for fear of finding the face of evil
glaring back at you?
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
Did you ever, when you were little, endure your parentsβ warnings, then wait for them to leave the room, pry loose protective covers and consider inserting some metal object into an electrical outlet?
Did you wonder if for once you might light up the room?
When you were big enough to cross the street on your own, did you ever wait for a signal, hear the frenzied approach of a fire truck and feel like stepping out in front of it?
Did you wonder just how far that rocket ride might take you?
When you were almost grown, did you ever sit in a bubble bath, perspiration pooling, notice a blow dryer plugged in within easy reach, and think about dropping it into the water?
Did you wonder if the expected rush might somehow fail you?
And now, do you ever dangle your toes over the precipice, dare the cliff to crumble, defy the frozen deity to suffer the sun, thaw feather and bone, take wing to fly you home?
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
β
Smoke
You stand infront of me,
pretending to be solid,
but you are nothing more
than smoke and
mirors.
You said you'd never leave,
that you would care for us forever,
but now you claim you
cannot
stay?
That you've been called away.
When you go,
who will i turn to when it all
crashes down?
Tell
me who.
Then tell me,
how I can believe
anone again, if all your promises have been
lies.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins
β
I only have have one question, scraping the inside of me. Answer it, and I will stumble back into her shadow, shut my mouth, never ask again. I've tried to ignore it, but it won't go away. It haunts my dreams, chases me through every single day, and I don't have the strength to turn around, face it down. So please tell me and I swear I'll never ask again. It's in your power to make it go away, and all you have to do is tell me why you love her more.
β
β
Ellen Hopkins (Tricks)