Hee Haw Quotes

You know, I would date if I could find a man worth shaving my legs for. But most are such a waste of time that I’d rather sit at home and watch reruns of Hee Haw.

the dining halls were strangely quiet without that great braying hee-haw of his echoing in its customary place by the milk machine.

At the Lamaze class, they had me hold a block of ice for a full minute to stimulate labor pain, saying "Hee-haw, hee-haw," and doing my breathing excercises. They made the husbands try it first. Your father made it through the whole minute. The vision of him shouting "Hee-haw," cross-eyed with pain, was singular. The first really great laugh I've had in weeks.

Charlie Manx laughed, the big, hoarse hee-haw of a country shithead who has just heard a joke involving a kike, a nigger, and a feminist.

A Mormon from Orem,” Dr. Hendricks said, and gave his hee-haw laugh.

Ha ha ha ha! Tee-hee-hee! Mwa-ha mwa-ha! Kee kee kee! Ho ho ho ho! Haw-hee-haw! Heh heh heh heh! Gah guffaw! Hoo hoo hoo hoo! Hoi hoi-eee! Ba ha ha ha! Tsee tsee tsee! Giggle, titter, snicker, crow, laughter makes my 'happy' grow!

When you have been whispering for hours the mere sound of anyone talking out loud has a wonderfully stirring effect. The whole party began talking and laughing: even Puzzle lifted up his head and gave a grand Haw-hee-haw-hee-hee; a thing the Ape hadn’t allowed him to do for days.

Donkeys...I've decided that donkeys are universally cute. Really cute. So cute that donkeys defy any arguments of preferences being relative. When you pet their noses, they blink their eyes and bashfully look away as if embarrassed. And when donkeys hee-haw, they have their mouths and lips curled up as if they are smiling. Boyfriend and girlfriend donkeys rest their heads on each other's rumpt and fan each other's faces with their tails. And kid donkeys, the size of an average dog, trot around with big smiles on their faces and floppy, dangly, long donkey ears. Too cute.

Which meant it was time for the centerpiece of the celebration, the reason they were all gathered on Saturday, the weekly episode of what, as far as many of the Davidsons including Jody were concerned was the greatest television show ever made. Hee Haw. While Roy and Buck sang the opening song, everyone would bicker and talk back and forth, what was better about the show, the music or the humor, what have you, the natural result of 40 people crowded around one rabbit eared television set. But once Hee Haw started, the talking was over. After that, it was all about the love. And so was everything before, really.

hawing, let us ask of the starling (who is a more sociable bird than the lark) what he may think on the brink of the dustbin, whence he picks among the sticks combings of scullion’s hair. What’s life, we ask, leaning on the farmyard gate; Life, Life, Life! cries the bird, as if he had heard, and knew precisely, what we meant by this bothering prying habit of ours of asking questions indoors and out and peeping and picking at daisies as the way is of writers when they don’t know what to say next. Then they come here, says the bird, and ask me what life is; Life, Life, Life! We trudge on then by the moor path, to the high brow of the wine-blue purple-dark hill, and fling ourselves down there, and dream there and see there a grasshopper, carting back to his home in the hollow, a straw. And he says (if sawings like his can be given a name so sacred and tender) Life’s labour, or so we interpret the whirr of his dust-choked gullet. And the ant agrees and the bees, but if we lie here long enough to ask the moths, when they come at evening, stealing among the paler heather bells, they will breathe in our ears such wild nonsense as one hears from telegraph wires in snow storms; tee hee, haw haw. Laughter, Laughter! the moths say. Having asked then of man and of bird and the insects, for fish, men tell us, who have lived in green caves, solitary for years to hear them speak, never, never say, and so perhaps know what life is — having asked them all and grown no wiser, but only older and colder (for did we not pray once in a way to wrap up in a book something so hard, so rare, one could swear it was life’s meaning?) back we must go and say straight out to the reader who waits a-tiptoe to hear what life is — alas, we don’t know.

One afternoon, Sam, the onion man, and his donkey, Mary Lou, were returning to his boat, which was anchored just a little off shore. It was late in November and the peach trees had lost most of their leaves. “Sam!” someone called. He turned around to see three men running after him, waving their hats. He waited. “Afternoon, Walter. Bo, Jesse,” he greeted them, as they walked up, catching their breath. “Glad we caught you,” said Bo. “We’re going rattlesnake hunting in the morning.” “We want to get some of your lizard juice,” said Walter. “I ain’t a-scared of no rattlesnake,” said Jesse. “But I don’t want to come across one of those red-eyed monsters. I seen one once, and that was enough. I knew about the red eyes, of course. I hadn’t heard about the big black teeth.” “It’s the white tongues that get me,” said Bo. Sam gave each man two bottles of pure onion juice. He told them to drink one bottle before going to bed that night, then a half bottle in the morning, and then a half bottle around lunchtime. “You sure this stuff works?” asked Walter. “I tell you what,” said Sam. “If it doesn’t, you can come back next week and I’ll give you your money back.” Walter looked around unsure, as Bo and Jesse laughed. Then Sam laughed, too. Even Mary Lou let out a rare hee-haw. “Just remember,” Sam told the men before they left. “It’s very important you drink a bottle tonight. You got to get it into your bloodstream. The lizards don’t like onion blood.

We stood in the wings together, side by side. Reed's mouth was still agape. "It makes sense when you think about it," I mused. "You get two people together who have you-know-what, and sparks are going to fly." Reed's cue was about to start. He pointed at me and said, "Tonight. There's a party. And we're going to talk." "Yes" "Because this is crazy." "Totally." "Okay. Well." He tugged a strand of my hair. "Good luck out there." "You're not supposed to say that." "Fine. How about..." He squinted at me. "Here's looking at you kid." The smile melted off my face. "What did you say?" "It's a line. From a movie." He shrugged and burst onto the stage with a hee-haw. It was a line. From Casablanca. The same line KARL had said to me when I was Elsa. The same like Karl didn't recognize when I said it to him as Floressa. Which meant... nothing. Right? Lots of people know that line. Just because Reed said it, and Reed was a sub, it didn't mean he was... he was... "You're on," the stage manager whispered. I stumbled onto the stage. The lights were too bright. The theater was packed. Reed gave me a quick, crooked smile, and I knew. My crush on Karl was less complicated than I thought, because it wasn't Karl I'd been with that day in the garden. Now my crush on Reed... ? THAT was a scandal all on its own.

And at the risk of sounding like Andy Rooney on Sixty Minutes, have you ever wondered why we say fiddle-faddle and not faddle- fiddle? Why is it ping-pong and pitter-patter rather than pong-ping and patter-pitter? Why dribs and drabs, rather than vice versa? Why can't a kitchen be span and spic? Whence riff-raff, mish-mash, flim-flam, chit-chat, tit for tat, knick-knack, zig-zag, sing-song, ding-dong, King Kong, criss-cross, shilly-shally, see-saw, hee-haw, flip-flop, hippity-hop, tick-tock, tic-tac-toe, eeny-meeny-miney-moe, bric-a-brac, clickety-clack, hickory-dickory-dock, kit and kaboodle, and bibbity-bobbity-boo? The answer is that the vowels for which the tongue is high and in the front always come before the vowels for which the tongue is low and in the back.

Jayson had decided that he was homosexual while watching a Phil Donahue episode on the topic eight years earlier. He’d come home early from kindergarten that day because he’d gotten a stomach ache from worrying about whether his Hee Haw overalls were too outré for his peers.

This time that ornery creature full-out belly laughed at me. But to my surprise, instead of “Neigh!” it came out as a loud “Hee-haw!

Some mules just seem to be born with the hee-haw habit. Back home we call those fellows 'Missouri Nightingales'.

Hee, hee,” he giggled. “Hee, hee, hee, HOO, HAA!” Enderbrine stood up, grinning evilly at all of them. “HEE HEE HOO HOO HAA!!!” Enderbrine shrieked, his eyes bulging out of his head and black, oily tears running down his cheeks. “HAW HAW HAW HEE HEE HOO HOO!!!!” Suddenly Enderbrine’s eyes began to glow white. The light from his eyes was so bright that Spidroth had to squint. “Oh no,” gasped Vioroth. “He’s monstermaxing!” “HOO HOO HUUUUGGGHHH!!!!!” Enderbrine screamed. His laughter was suddenly cut off by something inside his mouth. He was making raspy, choking noises, like he was trying to get something out of his throat. And then Enderbrine lifted back his head and hundreds of huge black tentacles burst from his mouth; so many of them that they blocked out the sun.

He had to be putting me on. No one was this slow outside of HEE HAW.

Hee Hee Hee Haw!

The Latin root of the word "civilization" is civitas or city. You can't have civilization without cities. Watch reruns of Hee Haw for proof.

The I Told You So impulse was strong. “And, while we’re at it,” Kevin Williamson wrote in National Review, “maybe turning your party over to Generalissimo Walter Mitty, his hideous scheming spawn, and the studio audience from Hee-Haw was not just absolutely aces as a political strategy.

release knot and led Cloud slowly down the ramp and around the back of the house to the stables. As she passed the kitchen window she saw Charlie watching her, a huge grin on his face. Her heart was threatening to burst as she undid the bolts of Chester’s stable. The donkey looked up and hee-hawed loudly when he saw his old friend. Cloud limped straight over and they nuzzled each other affectionately. ‘It’s a bit of a squeeze. Do you think they’ll be OK in there together?’ asked Caroline, who was watching over the stable door. Poppy looked at them and smiled. ‘I think so. He looks pretty settled already, I’d say.’ ‘We’ll get the vet out to have a look at his leg. You do realise it’s going to be a long journey, getting him back to full strength, Poppy? His leg might be so badly damaged you’ll never be able to ride him. And if it does heal it’s been years since Cloud has had anyone on his back. We’ll be starting from scratch,’ said Caroline. Poppy was glad her stepmother was planning to help. It felt right. ‘I know, Mum. All I care about is that he’s safe and he’s here. Anything else will be a bonus.’ Caroline smiled. Cloud Nine lay down, exhausted, in the thick straw, with Chester standing over

Hee Haw cast member Lulu Roman was busted for amphetamine, marijuana, LSD and “some unknown capsules.” Sentenced to four years in prison, she brokered a deal that allowed her to appear on Hee Haw, provided she return to jail after each taping.

himself out. He was out cold for quite a while, apparently. Jimmy had to slap his cheeks a few times before he came round. Other than a blinding headache he was as right as rain. Unfortunately.’ Ted added with feeling. Poppy looked at the streaks of dried blood that were caked to Cloud’s flanks and wondered what had gone on in the back of that lorry. She laid her cheek gently against Cloud’s as Ted continued. ‘Blackstone decided last night to send the pony to the sales. He wasn’t prepared to throw good money after bad, Jimmy said. Cloud here was one of the last lots of the afternoon. Bella recognised him as soon as he came into the ring. And the rest you know. Right, shall we unload him now?’ Poppy pulled the quick release knot and led Cloud slowly down the ramp and around the back of the house to the stables. As she passed the kitchen window she saw Charlie watching her, a huge grin on his face. Her heart was threatening to burst as she undid the bolts of Chester’s stable. The donkey looked up and hee-hawed loudly when he saw his old friend. Cloud limped straight over and they nuzzled each other affectionately.