Haha Funny Quotes

We've searched our database for all the quotes and captions related to Haha Funny. Here they are! All 81 of them:

I hate when couples fight and change their status to 'single' when they're still together and are just mad at one another. Do you see me changing my status to 'orphan' after I fight with my parents?
Anonymous
Death is a funny thing. Not funny haha, like a Woody Allen movie, but funny strange, like a Woody Allen marriage.
Norm Macdonald (Based on a True Story)
Leo. Jason said, you're wierd. Yeah, you tell me that a lot. Leo grinned. But if you don't remember me, that means I can reuse all my old jokes. Come on!
Rick Riordan (The Lost Hero (The Heroes of Olympus, #1))
I know I'm a handful, but that's why you have two hands.
Anonymous
Haha, I can't hit you. If I did, I'd feel sorry for the person who'd have to clean up the mess of your splattered brain.
Kyousuke Motomi (電撃デイジー 5 (Dengeki Daisy, #5))
Don't you want to know what cookies is a code word for?" "No! Good God, no!
Jennifer L. Armentrout (Wait for You (Wait for You, #1))
They laugh. What’s so fucking funny? I want to say. But I don’t. I laugh with them. Ha. Haha. Hahaha.
Mona Awad (Bunny)
Handle every stressful situation like a dog; if you can't eat it or play with it, pee on it and walk away.
Anonymous
Do you think the Bible is accurate? I mean, do you think it's real?" "I think Pastor Calvin is hot. In a fortysomething way. That pretty much sums up my religious conviction.
Becca Fitzpatrick
... Where did you go?” “Down below.” “Ugh,” she said. “I’ve heard they’re little better than animals.” Funny. I thought the same thing about most Topsiders I encountered. Tegan touched my hand in silent sympathy, and I set my jaw. ... I stepped forward and pasted on a false smile. We were in her home, after all. The least I could do was be polite. “I’m Deuce, animal from the underground.
Ann Aguirre (Enclave (Razorland, #1))
Thery're both iron, isn't that funny?" "Funny haha or funny strange?" James handed them back to me "Funny 'occult'" "Ah. Funny strange" James looked at me sternly, "Don't start that. I'm supposed to be the humorous one
Maggie Stiefvater (Lament: The Faerie Queen's Deception (Books of Faerie, #1))
I sort of fell." "Percy! Six hundred and thirty feet?
Rick Riordan (The Lightning Thief (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, #1))
Easy for you to say. You're the one who got plowed. I was doing the plowing." Cam's mouth opened. Oh my God, did I really just say that? I had.
Jennifer L. Armentrout (Wait for You (Wait for You, #1))
God, she had forced a married man, a father, to kiss her. Now people thought that he was having an affair. His wife was probably crying into her pillow. His kids would grow up with horrible daddy issues and become serial killers.
Ali Hazelwood (The Love Hypothesis (The Love Hypothesis))
If someone is robbing us, come back after buisness hours!" Calla's voice came from upstairs.
Maggie Stiefvater (The Raven King (The Raven Cycle, #4))
Oh, god…” I whimper. “I haven’t done anything yet, baby,” Colton growls. “I know,” I pant. “I was just saying your name.
Jasinda Wilder (Falling into You (Falling, #1))
You hate birthdays yet pee your pants over presents. There is clearly something wrong with you," Garrett joked.
Tara Sivec (A Beautiful Lie (Playing with Fire, #1))
Your name. That’s all I want.” I debate on whether or not I should explain to him that my name isn't going to help him in his stalking endeavours.
Colleen Hoover (Hopeless (Hopeless, #1))
When we got to the marina we saw this beautiful boat named Tara waiting for us. Fredo, Carin, Ryan, Dan, Kenny, Allison, my mom, and me were all together to enjoy that extraordinary day. As the boat pulled away from the city, its skyline vanished into the horizon. The captain took us to this area where we sailed through caves and lush hilly landscapes. All of a sudden, the captain pushed the throttle all the way down and we started bombing across the water like we were in a James Bond movie. Everyone's hair was blowing all over the place, especially the girls'. Of course, mine was perfect (ha,ha), but theirs ended up looking like the worst case of bed head I've seen! It was so funny.
Justin Bieber (Justin Bieber: Just Getting Started)
They have two moods, hungry and horny. So if you see a boy without an erection, you should go make him a sandwich. - Girl, don't you dare listen to them. You tell them to make their own damn sandwiches.
Jillian Dodd (Kiss Me (The Keatyn Chronicles, #2))
Death is a funny thing. Not funny haha, like a Woody Allen movie, but funny strange, like a Woody Allen marriage.
Norm Macdonald (Based on a True Story)
Usually the thought process for a seventeen-year-old boy went girl touching me > omg > boner.
Leah Raeder (Unteachable)
Yes, right, and the earth is flat,” I replied. Stupidly, I said it out loud. Everyone else at the table looked at me, taken aback. “No, Gwenny, the earth is a globe,” Caroline kindly told me. “I couldn’t believe it at first, either. But apparently it flies through the universe at lightning speed.
Kerstin Gier (Smaragdgrün (Edelstein-Trilogie, #3))
She picked up a handheld grenade launcher, cradling it like a baby.
Kimberly Derting (The Pledge (The Pledge, #1))
Dan moans behind me, reminding her of the problem. She straightens in fear at the sound of his voice, peers over my shoulder at the chunk of bloody beef that is Dan Sikorsky. She looks slowly from him to me. “What did you do?” I duck my head, embarrassed. “I sort of lost my temper.
Jasinda Wilder (Falling into You (Falling, #1))
What did they say?" Juni asks me over the cafeteria table. "I didn't catch whatever profoundly unnecessary insult it was." "Ho-livia," I explain over the chatter echoing off the cafeteria ceiling. "It's funny, because ho means whore and also rhymes with the first syllable of my name. Ha-ha. Excellent joke.
Riley Redgate (Seven Ways We Lie)
The doorbell rang, making me and Roland jump. Nikolas opened the door to admit Chris whose good-natured smile did not falter even when he saw our grim faces. Then he saw Remy. I didn’t think I had ever seen someone’s eyes go that round before. Roland shoved a glass of Nate’s whiskey into Chris’s hand while Nikolas brought him up to speed on all he had missed.
Karen Lynch (Relentless (Relentless, #1))
A quote is a quote, bad or not, and mine are especially bad.
Aurora
I stop stretching and face him, unwilling to back down from this visual standoff. I'm not going to let him perform his little Jedi mind tricks on me, no matter how much I wish I could perform them on him. He’s completely unreadable and even more unpredictable. It pisses me off.
Colleen Hoover (Hopeless (Hopeless, #1))
There is a Zen story (very funny — ha-ha) about a monk who, having failed to achieve “enlightenment” (brain-change) through the normal Zen methods, was told by his teacher to think of nothing but an ox. Day after day after day, the monk thought of the ox, visualized the ox, meditated on the ox. Finally, one day, the teacher came to the monk’s cell and said, “Come out here — I want to talk to you.” “I can’t get out,” the monk said. “My horns won’t fit through the door.” I can’t get out . . . At these words, the monk was “enlightened.” Never mind what “enlightenment” means, right now. The monk went through some species of brain change, obviously. He had developed the delusion that he was an ox, and awakening from that hypnoidal state he saw through the mechanism of all other delusions and how they robotize us. EXERCIZES
Robert Anton Wilson (Prometheus Rising)
It was funny, Grey thought. Not funny ha-ha but funny strange, the whole idea of time. He’d thought it was one thing but it was actually another.
Justin Cronin (The Passage (The Passage, #1))
You're funny. Funny peculiar or funny ha-ha? A bit of both, I think.
E.L. James (Grey (Fifty Shades as Told by Christian, #1))
I was funny -- ha-ha, not peculiar. It was a modest currency, like pennies: pedestrian, somewhat laborious, but a currency nonetheless. I was funny, in public, most often at my own expense.
Claire Messud (The Woman Upstairs)
Lucifer looked over her shoulder. “What?” Dahlia cleared her throat. “You stupid bitch, I hate you and love you. Do not wear anything Patience gave you, it’s all ugly. I am going to write on every single blank page. Ha-ha! Love, the Faithful slut.” Lucifer scowled. “That person was mean to you.” Dahlia grinned. “No way, Faith was funny. I was the bitch, she was the slut, and Patience was the crack whore.
Darcy Town (Morningstar (Morningstar, #1))
It was funny, Grey thought. Not funny ha-ha, but funny strange, the whole idea of time. He'd thought it was one thing but it was actually another. It wasn't a line but a circle, and even more; it was a circle made of circles made of circles, each lying on top of the other, so that every moment was next to every other moment, all at once. And once you knew this you couldn't unknow it. Such as now the way he could see events as they were about to unfold, as if they'd already happened, because in a way they had.
Justin Cronin (The Passage (The Passage, #1))
So Isis shows up in Byblos like "Hey queen my husband is embedded in your palace may I please extract him?" And the queen is like "sure, go ahead. It's not like he's a major structural support or anything, right?" and Isis is like "haha, sucker". And she goes and removes the pillar WITHOUT DAMAGING THE PALACE AT ALL Thus inventing Jenga.
Cory O'Brien (Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes: A No-Bullshit Guide to World Mythology)
I m not funny, really m not !!! I just tell people the truth, and then they start laughing and say haha you are funny...but seriously m not!!!
shashankbisht
So, tell me about this guy. Did you meet him at work?" "Eww. You know I'm related to everyone in the restaurant.
Ashleigh Stevens (Elephant on my Chest)
She almost wanted to laugh, but not a funny ha-ha laugh, more of an I'm-losing-my-mind laugh.
Aiden Thomas (Lost in the Never Woods)
Okay, not funny ha-ha. More like funny weird.
K.A. Applegate (The Message (Animorphs, #4))
Chris: I bet I can get you to say red Jake: Ok try it Chris: What color is the sky Jake: BLUE Chris: Haha, I told you I could get you to say Blue Jake: No you said red Chris: BOOM!!!
Alex Nice (Text Fails: Comical and Super Funny Messages Jokes and Memes, Hilarious Smartphone Mishaps and Gone Wrong Messages from Parents. How to Be Funny in Conversation, Drunk Texts (Vol.2))
So that’s the secret,” the Beast Lord said. I froze with the spoon halfway to my mouth. That was it. He had figured out what I was and now he was playing with me. “You okay?” he asked. “Gone a bit pale there.” In a moment he would drop the charade and rip me to pieces. If I was lucky. “Secret to what?” “Secret to shutting you up,” he said. “I just have to beat you till you’re half-dead, then give you chicken soup and”—he raised his hands—“blessed silence.” I went back to the soup. Ha-ha. Very funny. “What did you think I meant?” “I don’t know,” I mumbled. “The ways of the Beast Lord are a mystery to a humble merc like me.” “You don’t do humble.
Ilona Andrews (Magic Burns (Kate Daniels, #2))
Meet Chester,” Katie said, holding out a plastic bag with a nervous-looking goldfish darting about in the three inches of water. “What happened to Rudy?” Christy asked. Katie had insisted they buy a goldfish on their way home from Bargain Barn last Saturday. She had situated the fish in his new, twenty-five-cent fishbowl and had named him Rudy. She talked to him every day and fed him way too much. “Rudy went to fish heaven this morning,” Katie said sadly. “Chester wants to live with us now.” “You better get him in the bowl pretty soon,” Christy said. “He looks like he’s drowning in that bag.” “Drowning, ha-ha. Very funny.” “Okay, then, he’s suffocating.
Robin Jones Gunn (As You Wish (Christy and Todd: College Years #2))
Then she called Gansey. It rang twice, three times, and then: "Hello?" He sounded boyish and ordinary. Blue asked, "Did I wake you up?" She heard Gansey fumble for and scrape up his wireframes. "No," he lied, "I was awake." "I called you by accident anyway. I meant to call Congress, but your number was one off." "Oh?" "Yeah, because yours has 6-6-5 in it." She paused. "Get it?" "Oh, you." "6-6-5. One number different. Get it?" "Yeah, I got it.
Maggie Stiefvater (Blue Lily, Lily Blue (The Raven Cycle, #3))
There is funny ha-ha, and there is funny peculiar, and beneath a trapdoor in Kevin's mind is a place where the two blur together, the place of jokes, churning so furiously frequently, when it kicks up a line, he has no idea what it will turn out to be.
Kevin Brockmeier (A Few Seconds of Radiant Filmstrip: A Memoir of Seventh Grade)
Life is a funny, funny thing. Not the ‘ha-ha’ kind of funny, but an odd kind of funny. The kind of funny that you know exists, yet you can’t place your finger on. You know it’s there, and when the funny strikes, you feel it, but you can’t categorize it. It’s almost a feeling of melancholy, fixed with a tickle in your stomach and an odd loss of balance. This feeling catches you when you least expect it. Sometimes it’s better that way, sometimes it may feel like a curse. Regardless, once it passes, you feel different. You may even look different, though not to the naked eye. It may takes days or even months until you recognize the change within yourself, however apparent it may seem. One thing’s for sure: Once this funny thing strikes, you will never be the same.
Leigh Hershkovich
He’s just so…so…unyielding.” “Wow, is that one of your SAT words?” “Ha-ha, very funny. You know what I mean, though.” She shrugs. “Yeah, I know. He’s always been that way. I kind of figured he’d grow out of it.” “Well, don’t hold your breath. That boy’s got a stick up his ass, if you ask me.” “A very attractive one at that.” “What, the stick or his ass?
Kristi Cook (Magnolia (Magnolia Branch, #1))
OSCAR. (With a pointing finger.) I'm warning you. You want to live here, I don't want to see you, I don't want to hear you and I don't want to smell your cooking. Now get this spaghetti off my poker table. FELIX. Ha! Haha! OSCAR. What the hell's so funny? FELIX. It's not spaghetti. It's linguini! (OSCAR picks up the plate of linguini, crosses to the doorway, and hurls it into the kitchen.) OSCAR. Now it's garbage!
Neil Simon (The Odd Couple)
Escape from Mr. Lemoncello’s Library The Island of Dr. Libris Welcome to Wonderland: Home Sweet Motel Welcome to Wonderland: Beach Party Surf Monkey The Haunted Mystery series COAUTHORED WITH JAMES PATTERSON Daniel X: Armageddon Daniel X: Lights Out House of Robots House of Robots: Robots Go Wild! I Funny I Even Funnier I Totally Funniest I Funny TV Jacky Ha-Ha Treasure Hunters Treasure Hunters: Danger Down the Nile Treasure Hunters: Secret of the Forbidden City Treasure Hunters: Peril at the Top of the World Word of Mouse
Chris Grabenstein (Mr. Lemoncello's Library Olympics (Mr. Lemoncello's Library, #2))
Can I tell you a funny story?” Gina asked. She didn’t wait for him to say yes or no. “It’s about, well . . . You know the whole age-issue thing?” “The age-issue thing,” Max repeated. “Are you sure this is a funny story?” “Does it still bother you?” she asked. “Being a little bit older than me? And it’s more funny weird than funny ha-ha.” “Twenty years isn’t exactly ‘a little bit,’” he said. “Tell that to a paleontologist,” she countered. Okay, he’d give her that one. “Just tell me the story.” “Once upon a time, when Jones first came to Kenya,” Gina said, “I didn’t know who he was. Molly didn’t tell me, and he came to our tent for tea, and . . . Maybe this isn’t even a funny weird story. Maybe it’s more of an ‘I’m an asshole’ story, because I immediately jumped to the conclusion that he was there because he was all hot for me. It never occurred to me—it never even crossed my narrow little mind—that he might’ve been crushing on Molly. And she’s only maybe ten years older than he is. I remember sitting there after I figured it out, and thinking, shoot. People do make assumptions based on age. Max wasn’t just being crazy.” She smiled at him. “Or at least not crazier than usual. I guess . . . I just wanted to apologize for mocking you all those times.” “It’s okay,” Max said. “I just keep reminding myself that love doesn’t always stop to do the math.” He looked at her. “I’m trying to talk myself into that. How’d I sound? Convincing?” “That was pretty good.” They sat in silence for a moment, then Gina spoke again. “Maybe I could get a T-shirt that says, ‘I’m not his daughter, I’m his wife.’” Max nodded as he laughed. “Yet still you mock me.
Suzanne Brockmann (Breaking Point (Troubleshooters, #9))
At any rate,’ he continued, ‘we hoped that once the war was over the Oracle might start working again. When it did not … Rachel became concerned.’ ‘Who’s Rachel?’ Meg asked. ‘Rachel Dare,’ I said. ‘The Oracle.’ ‘Thought the Oracle was a place.’ ‘It is.’ ‘Then Rachel is a place, and she stopped working?’ Had I still been a god, I would have turned her into a blue-belly lizard and released her into the wilderness never to be seen again. The thought soothed me. ‘The original Delphi was a place in Greece,’ I told her. ‘A cavern filled with volcanic fumes, where people would come to receive guidance from my priestess, the Pythia.’ ‘Pythia.’ Meg giggled. ‘That’s a funny word.’ ‘Yes. Ha-ha. So the Oracle is both a place and a person. When the Greek gods relocated to America back in … what was it, Chiron, 1860?’ Chiron see-sawed his hand. ‘More or less.’ ‘I brought the Oracle here to continue speaking prophecies on my behalf. The power has passed down from priestess to priestess over the years. Rachel Dare is the present Oracle.’ From the cookie platter, Meg plucked the only Oreo, which I had been hoping to have myself. ‘Mm-kay. Is it too late to watch that movie?’ ‘Yes,’ I snapped. ‘Now, the way I gained possession of the Oracle of Delphi in the first place was by killing this monster called Python who lived in the depths of the cavern.’ ‘A python like the snake,’ Meg said. ‘Yes and no. The snake species is named after Python the monster, who is also rather snaky, but who is much bigger and scarier and devours small girls who talk too much. At any rate, last August, while I was … indisposed, my ancient foe Python was released from Tartarus. He reclaimed the cave of Delphi. That’s why the Oracle stopped working.’ ‘But, if the Oracle is in America now, why does it matter if some snake monster takes over its old cave?’ That was about the longest sentence I had yet heard her speak. She’d probably done it just to spite me. ‘It’s too much to explain,’ I said. ‘You’ll just have to –’ ‘Meg.’ Chiron gave her one of his heroically tolerant smiles. ‘The original site of the Oracle is like the deepest taproot of a tree. The branches and leaves of prophecy may extend across the world, and Rachel Dare may be our loftiest branch, but if the taproot is strangled the whole tree is endangered. With Python back in residence at his old lair, the spirit of the Oracle has been completely blocked.
Rick Riordan (The Hidden Oracle (The Trials of Apollo, #1))
I hope at 50 I'll be dancing like Gianluca Vacchi Party, whiskey, Bellini, Martini, Bloody Maries Bad & Boujee, Tutti Fruity booty, type that really moves me Kundalini rising, energy fill me completely I hope at 50 I'll be writing books like JK Rowling Pen and paper take me places, countries far and foreign Find a cafe up in Edinburgh, write in Scotland Let the stories in my head come out, bloom and blossom I hope at 50
I'll be wealthy like Carlos Slim Buying yachts and mansions and my mother shiny things Encrusted diamond dial on a new Patek Philippe Chill in Maldives but do charity in Ardabil I hope at 50
I'll be funny like Stephen Colbert Cracking witty jokes, making everyone laugh in tears Laughter it goes round and round like a carousel Chronic comic sonic sounds of haha everywhere I hope at 50
I'll be stoic like Robert De Niro Zeno school of thought put an end to my evil ego I hope at 50
I'll be fit as The Rock, Dwayne Johnson Hard rock abs to be paired with an even harder mindset I hope at 50,
I'll be wise like Denzel Washington
Wisdom, knowledge and the faith of God under my skin I hope at 50,
I'll find real love like George Clooney
Amal Alamuddin clone is the type that really moves me
Soroosh Shahrivar (Letter 19)
In chem, Peter sits a row in front of me. I write him a note. Why would you tell Josh that we’re-- I hesitate and then finish with a thing? I kick the back of his chair, and he turns around and I hand him the note. He slouches in his seat to read it; then I watch as he scribbles something. He tips back in his chair and drops the note on my desk without looking at me. A thing? Haha. I press down so hard my pencil tip chips off. Please answer the question. We’ll talk later. I let out a frustrated sigh and Matt, my lab partner, gives me a funny look. After class Peter is swept away with all his friends; they leave in a big group. I’m packing up my backpack when he returns, alone. He hops up on the table. “So let’s talk,” he says, super casual. I clear my throat and try to gather my bearings. “Why did you tell Josh we were--” I almost say “a thing” again, but then change it to “together?” “I don’t get what you’re so upset about. I did you a favor. I could have just as easily blown up your spot.” I pause. He’s right. He could have. “So why didn’t you?” “You’ve sure got a funny way of saying thank you. You’re welcome, by the way.” Automatically I say, “Thank you.” Wait. Why am I thanking him? “I appreciate you letting me kiss you, but--” “You’re welcome,” he says again. Ugh! He’s so insufferable. Just for that I’m going to toss a little dig his way. “That was…really generous of you. To let me do that. But I’ve already explained to Josh that it’s not going to work out with us because Genevieve has you whipped, so it’s all good. You can stop pretending now.” Peter glares at me. “I’m not whipped.” “But aren’t you, though? I mean, you guys have been together since the seventh grade. You’re basically her property.” “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Peter scoffs. “There was a rumor last year that she made you get a tattoo of her initials on your butt for her birthday.” I pause. “So did you?” I reach around him and fake try to lift up the back of his shirt. He yelps and jumps away from me, and I collapse in a fit of giggles. “So you do have a tattoo!” “I don’t have a tattoo!” he yells. “And we’re not even together anymore, so can you stop with this shit? We broke up. We’re over. I’m done with her.” “Wait, didn’t she break up with you?” I ask. Peter shoots me a dirty look. “It was mutual.
Jenny Han (To All the Boys I've Loved Before (To All the Boys I've Loved Before, #1))
I prodded him in the chest with a finger and said, “Look here, smart mouth, I’m getting pretty sick of you already. If you know what’s best for you, keep your trap shut and do as I tell you. I still haven’t forgotten how you pushed my friend into that corpse. So unless you want to end up like that body in the underpass, do yourself a favour and keep out of my face, okay?” “Whatever you say, boss. You’re the boss, boss,” Drake said. “See, there you go again!” I snapped at him. “I’m not sure I know what you mean, boss,” Drake said. “You even say boss like a wise arse,” I shot back at him. “I don’t know what you mean b-” Drake started again. “Did I say you had to call me boss?” “It’s just that I thought…” “Don’t think!” I barked. “Just do as I say and we’ll get along just fine.” “Whatever you say,” Drake said. I glanced at Madison and she was smiling. “What’s so funny?” I asked. “Nothing,” she smiled back. “Oh, I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t realise that I was some sort of freaking comedian. Let’s see if you think it’s so funny when another one of those dead kids shows up. Jesus, no wonder you amateurs haven’t caught this piece of scum yet – you’re probably all too busy sitting round cracking jokes and taking the piss to do any real police work.” “You are funny though,” she half-laughed. “It’s just that when you get angry, your jaw goes all tense and your nostrils flare out at the sides.” “Oh yeah, how very amusing,” I remarked. “I think you two clowns are funny – not ha-ha funny – but fucked-in-the-head funny! Now, if you two have quite finished doing your Laurel and Hardy impersonations, we’ve got a killer to catch!
Tim O'Rourke (Wolf House - Potter's Story (Kiera Hudson Series One #4.5))
the team will say “We can’t get anything done in a week.” I generally ask them, “Well, can you get anything done in a day, then?” They’ll reply that they cannot, and I’ll ask them why they plan to come in tomorrow if they aren’t going to do anything. Haha, very funny. Except serious.
Anonymous
This stupid toaster is ruining my life!
Cole Gibsen (Katana (Katana, #1))
Jack prepared another needle with the antibiotics. “You’re not sticking me with that.” “Come on. It’ll only hurt for a second, and I’ll get to look under that sheet again.” “Jack, I’m not kidding. I don’t like shots. Enough already.” “You need the medicine. Now gimme your cheek.” “Ha. Ha. Very funny.” She let him give her the shot and stuck her tongue out when he finished. He loved how easily she made him laugh. “Smart ass.” “Sore ass is more like it.” -Jenna & Jack
Jennifer Ryan (Saved by the Rancher (The Hunted, #1))
Fireworks aren’t even American. They’re Chinese. It’s kind of funny when you think about it, celebrating the birth of this country with something invented by the country it borrows the most money from, who basically owns it. Home of the free? Ha-ha.
A.D. Aliwat (In Limbo)
They say home is where the heart is, although in my case, the location of the fridge is also important.
Carol Hedges (Jigsaw)
Myron nodded again. “You find anything else?” “Yes,” she said. “And this too I found funny. Very funny.” “Ha-ha funny or strange funny?” “You decide,” she said. She smoothed her lab coat. “I’m no ballistics expert, but I know a little something about bullet slugs. I pulled two slugs from Yeller. One from the rib cage, one from the head.” “Yeah so?” “The two slugs were of different calibers.” Amanda West put up her index finger. All traces of a smile were gone now. Her face was clear and determined. “Understand what I’m telling you, Mr. Bolitar. I’m not just saying two different guns here. I’m talking about different caliber. And here’s the funny part: all the officers on the Philadelphia force use the same caliber weapon.” Myron felt a chill. “So one of the two bullets came from someone other than a cop.” “And,” she continued, “all those secret service men were carrying guns.” Silence. “So,” she said, “ha-ha funny or strange funny?” Myron looked at her. “You don’t hear me laughing.
Harlan Coben (Drop Shot (Myron Bolitar, #2))
Wrath watched the doctor go through the little monitoring room and out into the hall. A moment later, she returned with the tall, thin physician. Havers bowed to him and to Beth through the glass and then went over to the monitors. Both of them assumed the identical pose: bent at the waist, hands in the pockets, brows down low over their eyes. “Do they coach them to do that in medical school?” Beth said. “Funny, I was wondering the same thing.” -Beth & Wrath
J.R. Ward (Lover Avenged (Black Dagger Brotherhood, #7))
Let’s go inside,” his father said, standing. “We stay out much longer, one of us is going to get misty and say, ‘Wanna play catch?’ ” Myron bit off a laugh and followed him inside. Mom came home not long after that, lugging two bags of food as though they were stone tablets. “Everybody hungry?” she called out. “Starving,” Dad said. “I’m so hungry I could eat a vegetarian.” “Very funny, Al.” “Or even your cooking …” “Ha-ha,” Mom said. “… though I’d prefer the vegetarian.” “Stop it, Al, I’m going to phlegm up, you keep making me laugh like this.” Mom dropped the bags onto the kitchen counter. “See, Myron? It’s a good thing your mother is shallow.” “Shallow?” Myron asked. “If I judged a man on brains or sense of humor,” Mom continued, “you’d have never been born.” “Right-o,” Dad said with a hearty smile. “But one look at your old man in a bathing suit and whammo—all mine.” “Oh please,” Mom said. “Yes,” Myron said. “Please.” They
Harlan Coben (Darkest Fear (Myron Bolitar, #7))
It was funny, Grey thought. Not funny ha-ha but funny strange, the whole idea of time. He’d thought it was one thing but it was actually another. It wasn’t a line but a circle, and even more; it was a circle made of circles made of circles, each lying on top of the other, so that every moment was next to every other moment, all at once. And once you knew this you couldn’t unknow it. Such as now, the way he could see events as they were about to unfold, as if they’d already happened, because in a way they had.
Justin Cronin (The Passage (The Passage, #1))
It’s funny to think that in all my protestations that Zoe and I had nothing in common, I was overlooking our two recent suicide attempts. Well, not funny ha-ha …
Joseph Knox (True Crime Story)
Lily: What are you doing under there? Bruno: Under where? Lily: Ha-ha! You said underwear!
Smiley Beagle (You Laugh You Lose Challenge: 300 Jokes for Kids that are Funny, Silly, and Interactive Fun the Whole Family Will Love - With Illustrations ... for Kids)
Arrange marriage main Love shaadi ke baad shuru hota hai Aur Love marriage main shaadi ke baad khatam... Haha Aur kuch saalo baad no matter Arrange tha ya Love Marriage.. Pyaar nahi bach Paata haha
honeya
Cashiers interact with hundreds of strangers per day, but seem to treat them all like one person. As a result, they seem to laugh at just about anything you say. “Hi, what can I get started for you?” “I’ll take a breakfast muffin.” “Haha, nice! Anything else?” “That’s everything.” “Haha, alright, there you go, sir. Your total is $3.24.” “Okay, here’s $5. Keep the change.” “Haha, no you’re good, haha.” If you want to feel like a stand-up comedian, buy something. 

Kristian Ventura (The Goodbye Song)
From 111 Mike " I never travel with drugs because I don't want to get caught at the airport, so if I ever have any coke or ecstasy left over after night of partying I tuck it in the pages of the Bible in my hotel room. I like to picture someone alone in the strange city, lost and looking for answers , opening the Bible and having my leftover drugs fall into his or her pal. I consider it missionary work." --- haha, never touch the hotel Bible, or, always check the Bible out?
NOFX (NOFX: The Hepatitis Bathtub and Other Stories)
Brit: OH MY GOD. Tyler. It’s a woman, isn’t it? You’re dating someone! Who is she? What’s her name? When do we get to meet her? Are you bringing her home for Christmas? Is she a bunny, or is she someone else? Wait! Wait! Are you dating one of your teammates’ sisters? OH MY GOD. You’re dating the coach’s daughter and you’re trying to make a good impression, aren’t you? Tyler: *picture of a skinny white guy with big glasses* Haha! Psych. I stole this phone. This is me. I’m Bernard. You guys sound like fun. Will you adopt me? I’ll send you my real number. Dad: That’s a funny Grand Canyon of a vagina, Tyler, my favorite son, god of the sun and moon, he who bangs best. Dad: Grand Canyon of a vagina. Dad: WHO CHANGED MY PHONE TO INSULT YOUR YO-YO MA’S SEX TAPE? Dad: BEEEEEEEEEEEP. Keely: OMG, I’m wheezing. Allie: My favorite part of this is that Tyler’s going to get blamed for changing the autocorrect setting in Dad’s phone. Again. Brit: I can’t believe no one changed “joke” in his phone before now. Dad: I CAN STILL SEE YOUR MESSAGES.
Pippa Grant (I Pucking Love You (The Copper Valley Thrusters #5))
For instance, research by Goleman and the Hay Group has found that within organizations, the most effective leaders were funny (that is, funny ha-ha, not funny strange). These leaders had their charges laughing three times more often than their managerial counterparts.
Daniel H. Pink (A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future)
As soon as the door closed, Uncle Enzo looked around. "I say he needs money." Uncle Nico shook his head. "He's been arrested." Nick came through the back door, hopping on a counter. "Who's been arrested?" His father hit him on the back of the head. "No one. Get down." I turned to my cousin. "Uncle Rob called." "Oh. I say he needs money.
Ashleigh Stevens (Elephant on my Chest)
Phil walked along beside the belt, reaching the top well before me. After he pointed to where I was supposed to go, I pushed myself off the belt and fell flat on my face. I could hear the little kids behind me giggling as our instructor helped me upright.
Ashleigh Stevens (Elephant on my Chest)
A woman about my mother's age touched my shoulder. "Anything broken, sweetie?" I looked around. "I'm not sure. Where are my poles?" Pug laughed. "She meant you, Pickles. Did you break any bones?
Ashleigh Stevens (Elephant on my Chest)
...'After I got mauled by the wolf, my scars weren't sexy scars---'* 'He just said sexy scars,' Jacks drawled. 'Are you really listening to this?' 'Shh,' Evangeline hissed. *Luc is speaking
Stephanie Garber (Once Upon a Broken Heart (Once Upon a Broken Heart, #1))
I didn't choose you or him, I chose me
Kiera Cass (The Selection (The Selection, #1))
but instead I just felt funny inside. Not funny ha-ha, but funny weird. / I was too sad to deal. I slumped to the ground and became a line. A line! That gave me an idea! / “Oh! You caught us!” I said. I tried to sound really guilty.
Elise Allen (Driven by Emotions (Disney/Pixar Inside Out))
Nu cred că dragostea neîmpărtășită mi s-ar fi potrivit. Probabil aș fi început să scriu poezii.
Margaret Rogerson (Sorcery of Thorns (Sorcery of Thorns, #1))
It's funny, haha. Time consuming oil.
I forgot the name
I still can’t believe you kissed him.” “Speaking of,” Lucy says coyly, “on a scale of one to ten…?” I just stare at her, mouth agape. “What, you want me to rate him?” “Uh, yeah,” Lucy answers, smiling wickedly. “Don’t leave us hanging.” “Fine.” I let out my breath in a huff. “He was a perfectly competent kisser.” “Perfectly competent? Yeah, I don’t think so. C’mon, you gotta dish, girlfriend.” I fold my arms across my chest. “Don’t you think I’m in enough trouble as it is?” Her response is a pointed stare. “Okay, fine. He was a good kisser. Really good. A seven, maybe an eight. There, are you satisfied?” Her lips twitch with a smile. “I figured he would be.” Morgan mimes sticking her finger down her throat and gagging. “Your mama’s going to be brokenhearted, you know,” Lucy says, reaching for my abandoned plate and pulling it toward her. She picks up a half-eaten éclair and examines it, then sets it back down. “Hasn’t she already picked out a china pattern for you and Ryder?” “Ha-ha, very funny.” But truth be told, she probably has.
Kristi Cook (Magnolia (Magnolia Branch, #1))
Penny’s house was a standard three-bedroom postwar suburban home. The décor wasn’t what I would call gaudy, but it was definitely froofy. Kind of like a ten-year-old had been allowed to order anything she wanted from the Sears catalog. Everything had a damn ruffle on it. It didn’t suit my idea of Penny. When we got to the doorway of her room, I noticed how dramatically different it was from the rest of the house. Her bed was covered in a simple black comforter, and everything projected a modern aesthetic—sharp angles, cold, and minimalist. “Do you live in here with a vampire?” “Ha-ha, very funny. You can sit there and wait for me.” I sat at her glass desk in an office-style chair as she tossed clothes out of her bag and into a hamper. “Some of this furniture is from my dad’s old office, so it’s pretty sterile.” “Seems like you have different tastes from the rest of your family. No ruffles and flowers?” “I like flowers,” she said absently. “What, like Venus flytraps?” “If you grew up with all this frilly shit, you’d be over it, too. I mean, do you know any other families who still use doilies? Every surface is literally covered in them.
Renee Carlino (Blind Kiss)
So that’s the secret,” the Beast Lord said. I froze with the spoon halfway to my mouth. That was it. He had figured out what I was and now he was playing with me. “You okay?” he asked. “Gone a bit pale there.” In a moment he would drop the charade and rip me to pieces. If I was lucky. “Secret to what?” “Secret to shutting you up,” he said. “I just have to beat you till you’re half-dead, then give you chicken soup and”—he raised his hands—“blessed silence.” I went back to the soup. Ha-ha. Very funny.
Ilona Andrews (Magic Burns (Kate Daniels, #2))