Gwar Quotes

Wstanę teraz, by pójść ku wyspie Innisfree, Chatka z gliny i łóz na środku wyspy stanie: W dziewięciu rzędach groch i ul, i pszczoły, i Mieszkanie będę miał na pełnej pszczół polanie. I znajdę spokój tam, gdzie świerszczy śpiewny gwar, Spokój z poranka mgieł powoli spłynie w końcu; Północ tam zawsze lśni, błyszczy południa żar, A purpurowy zmierzch pełen jest skrzydeł dzwońców. Wstanę teraz, by pójść, bo słyszę fali głos, Choć plusk. gdy liże brzeg, ledwie się wsącza w ciszę; Jezdni pod stopą bruk, chodnik czy asfalt szos, Słyszę go dzień i noc, na sercu dnia go słyszę.

Może warto iść do miasta, znajdę przecież tamtą tawernę, knajpę czy jak to zwać. Zamówię solidny kubek wódki, posłucham, jak ślepy dziadek snuje swoje opowieści. Pal diabli, postawię mu nawet kolejkę. Wejdę między ludzi, tam gdzie światło i gwar. Narąbię się bimbrem do nieprzytomności i przestanę wreszcie myśleć o swoich błędach. Zagryzłem wargi. W kieszeni brzęczało kilka monet znalezionych w sakiewce w lesie i parę miedziaków z mojej wypłaty. W każdej epoce alkohol był drogi, a ja przecież muszę oszczędzać, jeśli nie chcę zdechnąć z głodu. Nie napiję się. Z drugiej strony wódka niczego nie rozwiązuje. Pozwoliłaby tylko na krótko zapomnieć, złagodzić dojmujący ból.

Activision was promoting an adventure game called Pitfall Harry and had built a little jungle scene in which passersby could swing on a makeshift vine. In another room, a company called Zombie had a metal sphere that shot blue electric bolts through the air. But the id installation had a bit more in store: an eight-foot-tall vagina. Gwar, the scatological rock band that id had hired to produce the display, had pushed their renowned prurient theatrics to the edge. The vagina was lined with dozens of dildos to look like teeth. A bust of O. J. Simpson’s decapitated head hung from the top. As the visitors walked through the vaginal mouth, two members of Gwar cloaked in fur and raw steak came leaping out of the shadows and pretended to attack them with rubber penises. The Microsoft executives were frozen. Then, to everyone’s relief, they burst out laughing.

By force-marching his exhausted men through the unknown, rain-swept wilderness of the German-infested Teutoburg Forest, this guy had just made a brain-explodingly boneheaded mistake so amazing in its incompetence that it makes the Roman consuls at Cannae look like a conjoined triplet made out of Napoleon Bonaparte, Alexander the Great, and that dude from Total Recall who had the baby coming out of his stomach. In terms of career moves, marching three legions into the Teutoberg was the Classical Age equivalent of coauthoring an academic paper with the Unabomber or asking Charles Manson to write you a letter of recommendation for law school. Unsurprisingly, this came back to bite him in the ass. We don’t know exactly how many Germans were hiding in the woods, watching the column of imperial invaders trudge past. The Germans didn’t bother to write anything down more detailed than “killed sum d00ds 2day lulz,” and the only Romans who managed to run screaming out of this forest alive were the ones who knew better than to sit there and try to count how many GWAR fans were currently trying to brutally dismember them with axes. Let’s just say it was probably a crapload, and that when these long-haired death metal freaks unleashed a bloodcurdling shout and started charging through the forest like a bunch of gigantic mutant Ewok-Wookies ambushing the Imperial Stormtroopers on the Forest Moon of Endor it wasn’t exactly the sort of hilarious laugh riot you might see in an animated GIF involving unicorns, rainbows, and cartoon kitties with Pop-Tarts where their bodies are supposed to be. Bellowing like madmen, these balls-out, frothing-at-the-mouth, beer-swilling sausage fiends went Leeroy Jenkins toward the enemy, blitzkrieging out of the woods from every side seemingly at the same time, their ferociousness magnified not only by their savage blood rage, but by the fact that some of the dudes had taken to painting their entire bodies black with mud to help them hide in the dark forest like how Schwarzenegger hid from the Predator’s infrared vision. It was so damned terrifying that it took every ounce of Roman discipline to not simply spontaneously combust into blood vapor on the spot.

GWAR is an extremely sexist band, we all believe in having all of the sex all the time.