Grease 2 Quotes

Gods prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight To Oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.

Now, I'm not very vain. If I'd ever been, making my living covered in various grease and dirt mixtures would have cured me quickly. Still, I wasn't up to facing two sexy men when I had one eye swollen mostly shut and half of my face black and blue.

In fact no gods anywhere play chess. They haven’t got the imagination. Gods prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight To Oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god’s idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.

Sham Harga had run a successful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit, and realizing that most of his customers wanted meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar, starch, grease, and burnt crunchy bits.

If you knew enough Greek, she thought, you could assemble a word that meant divination via the pattern of grease left on a paper plate by broasted potatoes. But it would be a long word.

You looked really sexy with all that chicken grease on your face. Ripping the meat away with your teeth like a savage. God. I just want to marry you.

Kai’s attention fell from the pictures and snagged on the small metal foot that sat on the corner of his desk, its joints caked with grease. Like a revolving wheel, his thoughts came full circle yet again.

I guess I can swing it,then." A night free from cow print and grease? Bleep yes I could swing it. "So where to? Italy? Iceland? Ooh,I could go for Japan.

a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god’s idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.

HOPE CAKES 2 tablespoons butter 8 ounces cream cheese 3 bananas 1 teaspoon vanilla 2 cups white sugar 2 eggs, refrigerated 3 cups flour ½ teaspoon baking powder ½ teaspoon baking soda ½ teaspoon salt Topping 1 tablespoon flour ⅔ cup brown sugar 1 cup butter ½ cup nuts Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a big baking pan with butter. In a large bowl, mix together the butter, cream cheese, bananas, vanilla, and white sugar. Add the eggs. Add the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt, mixing all the while. Pour the batter into the pan. To make the topping, in a medium bowl combine flour and brown sugar, then mix in the butter and the nuts. Using a fork, gently lay the topping on the batter. Bake in oven for 40 minutes, or until an impossible thing comes true. Whichever comes first. AUTHORS’ NOTES JENNIFER FINNEY BOYLAN

Cream 2 cups sugar with 2 sticks butter. Then add 2 ½ cups milk, one 13-ounce can evaporated milk, 2 tablespoons nutmeg, 2 tablespoons vanilla, a loaf of wet bread in chunks and pieces (any bread will do, the worse the better) and 1 cup raisins. Stir to mix. Pour into a deep greased casserole and bake at 350° for 2 hours, stirring after the first hour. Serve warm with hard sauce. For the most part, Arthur Siegel is remarkably

It's the first day of the Kingdom's centennial celebration, the day of the Grease Games. Today a new mutant is created, born into a new life. The pressure to win weighs heavily on Tif's shoulders, but she must stay focused. Her eyes are peeled while she waits for the announcer's arrival.

He was covered in syrup, doughnut crumbs, and bacon grease.

You may want to reconsider. Cheese sticks will take residency on your ass," I respond with a sarcastic smile, tilting my head to the side. "You would know," she snorts. "Actually, I wouldn't. I don't eat this shit since I see the tons of grease that it fries in every day. But be my guest, I'm sure you wouldn't mind adding to the cottage cheese factory on your thighs.

1 C real butter (2 sticks) ¼ t salt ½ C powdered sugar 2 C flour   Grease 10” x 13” pan well. Blend above ingredients and press into pan. Bake at 350° F for 30 minutes (until lightly browned).   4 eggs 2 C sugar 5 T lemon juice 4 T flour Grated lemon rind (optional)   Mix above ingredients and pour over first mixture. Bake 20-30 minutes at 350° F or until solid. Cool and then dust with powdered sugar and cut into squares.

We lose all that doesn’t matter—our clothes, yesterday’s memories, tomorrow’s plans. On a dirty drop cloth, over a cold floor, surrounded by musky sweat and grease … We embrace each other and these stolen minutes. The last two people on Earth.

Grandma Rosa's Ricotta Cheesecake   1 box of yellow cake mix 2 pounds ricotta cheese, drained (the whole milk kind works best) 4 eggs ¾ cup granulated sugar ¼ teaspoon vanilla extract   Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Prepare the cake mix according to directions on the box, and pour into a 13x9 inch greased pan. Mix together all the other ingredients. Pour ricotta mixture over the cake mix, leaving the outside edge open. Bake at 350 degrees for one hour. Sprinkle with confectioners' sugar and cut into cubes.       *

Peacekeeper Christmas Spice Cookies 225g butter, softened 200g sugar 235ml molasses 1 egg 2 tbsp. sour cream 750g all-purpose flour 2 tbsp. baking powder 5g baking soda 1 tsp. ground cinnamon 1 tsp. ground ginger pinch salt 145g chopped walnuts 145g golden raisins 145g chopped dates In a large mixing bowl, cream the butter and sugar together. Add the molasses, egg and sour cream; mix well. Combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger and salt; gradually add to creamed mixture. Stir in walnuts, raisins and dates. Chill for 2 hours or until easy to handle. On a floured surface, roll out dough finely. Cut with a 21/2-inch round cookie cutter. Place on greased baking sheets. Bake at 325°F for 12–15 minutes. Cool completely.

Rose Caramels 2 1/2 cups sweet milk 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 2 teaspoons chopped dried rose petals 1/2 c up molasses 1 cup granulated sugar Heat milk, vanilla, and rose petals in a small saucepan and simmer for 5 minutes. Strain petals and cool milk mixture. Then in separate saucepan boil molasses, sugar, and milk mixture for 15 to 20 minutes. Poor mixture into greased tin and cut into small squares once cooled. An excellent hostess gift!

Rose Caramels 2 1/2 cups sweet milk 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 2 teaspoons chopped dried rose petals 1/2 c up molasses 1 cup granulated sugar Heat milk, vanilla, and rose petals in a small saucepan and simmer for 5 minutes. Strain petals and cool milk mixture. Then in separate saucepan boil molasses, sugar, and milk mixture for 15 to 20 minutes. Pour mixture into greased tin and cut into small squares once cooled. An excellent hostess gift!

Basic Cornbread Recipe 1 cup cornmeal ½ tsp. salt ½ tsp. baking soda 2 tsp. baking powder 1/3 cup flour 2 tbsp. melted butter 2 eggs 1 cup buttermilk (fresh or from powder)   Combine the dry ingredients. Add the butter, beaten eggs, and buttermilk. {For maple: add 1/3 cup maple syrup. For spicy: add 2 Tbs. chopped jalapeños and 1 cup cheddar cheese.} Stir. Pour into a greased pan and bake for 20 minutes at 450 degrees. A cast iron skillet works best.

bread pudding recipe when we left, and I’m going to throw it in because it’s the best bread pudding I’ve ever eaten. It tastes like caramelized mush. Cream 2 cups sugar with 2 sticks butter. Then add 2 ½ cups milk, one 13-ounce can evaporated milk, 2 tablespoons nutmeg, 2 tablespoons vanilla, a loaf of wet bread in chunks and pieces (any bread will do, the worse the better) and 1 cup raisins. Stir to mix. Pour into a deep greased casserole and bake at 350° for 2 hours, stirring after the first hour. Serve warm with hard sauce.

1/2 cup plain flour 1 cup caster sugar 3/4 cup desiccated coconut 4 eggs vanilla 125 g butter, melted 1/2 cup flaked almonds 1 cup milk Grease a deep pie dish and preheat the oven to 180 degrees. Put all the ingredients except half the almonds and the milk in a bowl and mix well, then add the milk slowly and beat until you get a cake batter. Pour it into the pie dish, top with the with rest of the almonds. Bake for about 35 minutes. It miraculously turns itself into a spongy sort of layered coconut cake, lovely with stewed fruit and cream.

ESTHER’S RECIPE FOR BOYFRIEND COOKIES Ingredients: 1 cup butter, softened ¾ cup granulated sugar ¾ cup brown sugar, packed 3 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla ¼ cup whole wheat flour ¼ cup soy flour 3½ cups quick-cooking oatmeal 1½ cups salted peanuts, coarsely chopped 1 cup carob chips Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream butter and sugars. Add eggs and vanilla, beating until fluffy. Sift flours and add to creamed mixture. Fold in oatmeal, peanuts, and carob chips. Drop by teaspoon 2 inches apart on greased baking sheet and bake 8 to 10 minutes. Yield: 7 to 8 dozen cookies.

1 cup of ordinary white flour a pinch of salt 2 eggs 2½ cups of milk and water (1½ cups of milk and 1 cup of water mixed) 1 tablespoon of either vegetable oil or melted butter (You’ll also need some granulated sugar and a couple of lemons to put on the pancakes, along with other things like jams and possibly even maple syrup because you’re American.) Put the flour and salt in a mixing bowl. Crack the eggs in and whisk/fork the egg into the flour. Slowly add the milk/water mixture, stirring as you go, until there are no lumps and you have a liquid the consistency of a not-too-thick cream. Then put the mixture in the fridge overnight. Grease or butter or oil a nonstick frying pan. Heat it until it’s really hot (375 degrees according to one website, but basically, it has to be hot for the pancake to become a pancake. And these are crepes, French style, not thick American round pancakes). Stir the mixture you just took from the fridge thoroughly because the flour will all be at the bottom. Get an even consistency. Then ladle some mixture into the pan, thinly covering the bottom of the pan. When the underside of the pancake is golden, flip it (or, if you are brave, toss it). Cook another 30 seconds on the other side. For reasons I do not quite understand (although pan heat is probably the reason), the first one is always a bit disappointing. Often it’s a burnt, sludgy, weird thing, always, in my family, eaten by the cook (which was me). Just keep going, and the rest will be fine. Sprinkle sugar in the middle. And then squeeze some lemon juice on, preferably from a lemon. Then wrap it like a cigar and feed it to a child. (You can experiment with other things in the middle, like Nutella or jam or even maple syrup—but remember that these pancakes are not syrup-absorbent like American-style pancakes.) This is a very peculiar interview, Joe. Let me know how the pancakes come out.

U.S. Presedent Barack Sadam Husene Obame sit in the darkened Oval Ofice at 2 a.m. wearing hes traditienel Kenyan roabe. He take one last bite of the Chicago style deep dish pizza that he has flown to him every day on the Amerecan tax payer's dime and wipe the grease off his mouth with the U.S. consititutien. He get up and walk to desk, where he keeps the Kenyan black magic crystle ball. Its black glow iluminate his face. "Eeny, meeny, miney, mo — which basic U.S. freedoms are next to go?" he say aloud to no one and every one at the same time. Then he flash that trade mark Bary Obame million doller grin as a crack of lightning sound in the distence.

His eyeless skull took in the line of costumes, the waxy debris of the makeup table. His empty nostrils snuffed up the mixed smells of mothballs, grease, and sweat. There was something here, he thought, that nearly belonged to the gods. Humans had built a world inside the world, which reflected it in pretty much the same way as a drop of water reflects the landscape. And yet... and yet... Inside this little world they had taken pains to put all the things you might think they would want to escape from - hatred, fear, tyranny, and so forth. Death was intrigued. They thought they wanted to be taken out of themselves, and every art humans dreamt up took them further in.

A pity that she gets so upset about little things, isn't it?" "Like the time we sneaked the greased piglet into Mrs. Astor's parlor." Smiling reminiscently, Lillian knelt before the door and worked the pin into the lock. "You know, I've always wondered why Mother didn't appreciate that we did it in her defense. Something had to be done after Mrs. Astor wouldn't invite Mother to her party." "I think Mother's point was that putting livestock in someone's house does little to recommend us as future party guests." "Well, I didn't think that was nearly as bad as the time we set off the Roman candle in the store on Fifth Avenue." "We were obligated to do that, after that salesman had been so rude.

I pulled Slayer from its sheath and pushed the door open with my fingertips. It swung soundlessly on well-greased hinges. Through the hallway, I saw the living room lamp glowing with soothing yellow light. I smelled coffee. Who breaks into a house, turns on the lights, and makes coffee? I padded into the living room on soft feet, Slayer ready. “Loud and clumsy, like a baby rhino,” said a familiar voice. I stepped into the living room. Curran sat on my couch, reading my favorite paperback. His hair was back to its normal short length. His face was clean shaven. He looked nothing like the dark, demonic figure who shook a would-be god’s head on a field a month ago. I thought he had forgotten about me. I had been quite happy to stay forgotten. “The Princess Bride?” he said, flipping the book over. “What are you doing in my house?” Let himself in, had he? Made himself comfortable, as if he owned the place. “Did everything go well with Julie?” “Yes. She didn’t want to stay, but she’ll make friends quickly, and the staff seems sensible.” I watched him, not quite sure where we stood. “I meant to tell you but haven’t gotten a chance. Sorry about Bran. I didn’t like him, but he died well.” “Yes, he did. I’m sorry about your people. Many losses?” A shadow darkened his face. “A third.” He had taken a hundred with him. At least thirty people had never come back. The weight of their deaths pressed on both of us. Curran turned the book over in his hands. “You own words of power.” He knew what a word of power was. Lovely. I shrugged. “Picked up a couple here and there. What happened in the Gap was a one shot deal. I won’t be that powerful again.” At least not until the next flare. “You’re an interesting woman,” he said. “Your interest has been duly noted.” I pointed to the door. He put the book down. “As you wish.” He rose and walked past me. I lowered my sword, expecting him to pass, but suddenly he stepped in dangerously close. “Welcome home. I’m glad you made it. There is coffee in the kitchen for you.” My mouth gaped open. He inhaled my scent, bent close, about to kiss me . . . I just stood there like an idiot. Curran smirked and whispered in my ear instead. “Psych.” And just like that, he was out the door and gone. Oh boy.

Michael’s Magical Sweet Potato Muffins WHISK TOGETHER 1 cup dark brown sugar, 1/2 cup oil, 1 running-over teaspoon vanilla, and 2 eggs. Then, in another bowl, mix together 2 cups all-purpose flour, 2 teaspoons baking powder, 1 teaspoon cinnamon, 1 teaspoon nutmeg, 1/2 teaspoon allspice, and 1/2 teaspoon salt. To that, add 2 big giant sweet potatoes—either baked or boiled—and mashed. I suppose you COULD use canned ones, but it kinda makes me gag to think about. Add your egg/sugar mixture to all of that and stir it up without beating it to death. Put it in greased muffin tins and bake for about 25 to 30 minutes at 350°F. (If you want to, you could add 1/2 cup raisins or 1 cup pecans. I’d go with the pecans—not a big fan of raisins in stuff, but that’s just me.)   Okay—I have got

HOPE CAKES 2 tablespoons butter 8 ounces cream cheese 3 bananas 1 teaspoon vanilla 2 cups white sugar 2 eggs, refrigerated 3 cups flour ½ teaspoon baking powder ½ teaspoon baking soda ½ teaspoon salt Topping ½ cup flour ¼ cup oats ¼ cup brown sugar 1 teaspoon cinnamon ¼ cup butter ½ cup nuts Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a big baking pan with butter. In a large bowl, mix together the butter, cream cheese, bananas, vanilla, and white sugar. Add the eggs. Add the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt, mixing all the while. Pour the batter into the pan. To make the topping, in a medium bowl combine flour, oats, brown sugar, and cinnamon, then mix in the butter and the nuts. Using a fork, gently lay the topping on the batter. Bake in oven for 40 minutes, or until an impossible thing comes true. Whichever comes first.

Little Sleep's-Head Sprouting Hair in the Moonlight 1 You scream, waking from a nightmare. When I sleepwalk into your room, and pick you up, and hold you up in the moonlight, you cling to me hard, as if clinging could save us. I think you think I will never die, I think I exude to you the permanence of smoke or stars, even as my broken arms heal themselves around you. 2 I have heard you tell the sun, don't go down, I have stood by as you told the flower, don't grow old, don't die. Little Maud, I would blow the flame out of your silver cup, I would suck the rot from your fingernail, I would brush your sprouting hair of the dying light, I would scrape the rust off your ivory bones, I would help death escape through the little ribs of your body, I would alchemize the ashes of your cradle back into wood, I would let nothing of you go, ever, until washerwomen feel the clothes fall asleep in their hands, and hens scratch their spell across hatchet blades, and rats walk away from the culture of the plague, and iron twists weapons toward truth north, and grease refuse to slide in the machinery of progress, and men feel as free on earth as fleas on the bodies of men, and the widow still whispers to the presence no longer beside her in the dark. And yet perhaps this is the reason you cry, this the nightmare you wake screaming from: being forever in the pre-trembling of a house that falls. 3 In a restaurant once, everyone quietly eating, you clambered up on my lap: to all the mouthfuls rising toward all the mouths, at the top of your voice you cried your one word, caca! caca! caca! and each spoonful stopped, a moment, in midair, in its withering steam. Yes, you cling because I, like you, only sooner than you, will go down the path of vanished alphabets, the roadlessness to the other side of the darkness, your arms like the shoes left behind, like the adjectives in the halting speech of old folk, which once could call up the lost nouns. 4 And you yourself, some impossible Tuesday in the year Two Thousand and Nine, will walk out among the black stones of the field, in the rain, and the stones saying over their one word, ci-gît, ci-gît, ci-gît, and the raindrops hitting you on the fontanel over and over, and you standing there unable to let them in. 5 If one day it happens you find yourself with someone you love in a café at one end of the Pont Mirabeau, at the zinc bar where wine takes the shapes of upward opening glasses, and if you commit then, as we did, the error of thinking, one day all this will only be memory, learn to reach deeper into the sorrows to come—to touch the almost imaginary bones under the face, to hear under the laughter the wind crying across the black stones. Kiss the mouth that tells you, here, here is the world. This mouth. This laughter. These temple bones. The still undanced cadence of vanishing. 6 In the light the moon sends back, I can see in your eyes the hand that waved once in my father's eyes, a tiny kite wobbling far up in the twilight of his last look: and the angel of all mortal things lets go the string. 7 Back you go, into your crib. The last blackbird lights up his gold wings: farewell. Your eyes close inside your head, in sleep. Already in your dreams the hours begin to sing. Little sleep's-head sprouting hair in the moonlight, when I come back we will go out together, we will walk out together among the ten thousand things, each scratched in time with such knowledge, the wages of dying is love.

Coconut Muffins Makes 6 Muffins If you know you’ll be on the run, keep these candida-safe muffins on hand. Some of the varieties in this book are extra eggy and hearty, but these are light and sweet. Take advantage of the variety. • 2 tablespoons coconut oil, melted into liquid form, plus more for greasing muffin tin • 3 eggs • Coconut milk and liquid stevia to make up ¼ cup total • ¼ teaspoon sea salt • ¼ cup sifted coconut flour • ¼ teaspoon baking powder • 3 tablespoons shredded, unsweetened coconut 1. Preheat oven to 400°F. Grease a 6-muffin tin with coconut oil or use paper muffin cups. Set aside. 2. In a small bowl beat eggs, coconut oil, milk and stevia mixture, and salt. Combine coconut flour and baking powder, and whisk into batter until smooth. 3. Fill muffin cups half full with batter and sprinkle with shredded coconut. Bake in preheated oven for 15 to 20 minutes.

With orchards and gardens bursting with delicious Kentish apples, now is the time to fetch out those favourite recipes. Spiced Apple Cake is simple to make and a nice change from a pie. It works well served warm with custard, or cold with a cup of tea in place of a traditional fruit cake. 3 apples, peeled, cored and sliced 2 tsp golden syrup 1 tbsp butter 1 tsp ground cinnamon Sponge mix: 4 oz butter 2 tbsp golden syrup 4 oz caster sugar 2 eggs 4 oz self-raising flour 1 tbsp milk Simmer the apples with the syrup, butter and cinnamon for a few minutes until tender but not mushy. To prepare the topping, soften the butter and golden syrup in a bowl over a basin of hot water. Remove from the heat and beat in the sugar and eggs. Fold in the flour, adding milk to give the consistency of lightly whipped cream. Place the apple chunks in a greased tin or ovenproof dish and pour over the topping. Bake at Gas Mark 4 for 25 to 30 minutes until the sponge is golden brown and springy to touch.

CHOCOLATE CHIP CRUNCH COOKIES Preheat oven to 375° F., rack in the middle position. 1 cup butter (2 sticks, melted) 1 cup white sugar 1 cup brown sugar 2 teaspoons baking soda 1 teaspoon salt 2 teaspoons vanilla 2 beaten eggs (you can beat them up with a fork) 2½ cups flour (not sifted) 2 cups crushed corn flakes (just crush them with your hands) 1 to 2 cups chocolate chips Melt butter, add the sugars and stir. Add soda, salt, vanilla, and beaten eggs. Mix well. Then add flour and stir it in. Add crushed corn flakes and chocolate chips and mix it all thoroughly.   Form dough into walnut-sized balls with your fingers and place on a greased cookie sheet, 12 to a standard sheet. Press them down slightly with a floured or greased spatula. Bake at 375 degrees for 8 to 10 minutes. Cool on cookie sheet for 2 minutes, then remove to a wire rack until they’re completely cool. (The rack is important—it makes them crisp.)   Yield: 6 to 8 dozen, depending on cookie size.   (These cookies have been Andrea’s favorites since high school.)   Hannah’s Note: If these cookies spread out too much in the oven, reduce temp. to 350° F. and do not flatten before baking.

HERE ARE MY TEN BEEF NOODLE SOUP COMMANDMENTS: 1. Throw out the first: always flash-boil your bones and beef to get the “musk” out. I’ve gone back and forth on this a lot. I would sometimes brown the meat as opposed to boil, but decided in the end that for this soup, you gotta boil. If you brown, it’s overpowering. The lesson that beef noodle soup teaches you is restraint. Sometimes less is more if you want all the flavors in the dish to speak to you. 2. Make sure the oil is medium-high when the aromatics go down and get a slight caramelization. It’s a fine line. Too much caramelization and it becomes too heavy, but no caramelization and your stock is weak. 3. Rice wine can be tricky. Most people like to vaporize it so that all the alcohol is cooked off. I like to leave a little of the alcohol flavor ’cause it tends to cut through the grease a bit. 4. Absolutely no butter, lard, or duck fat. I’ve seen people in America try to “kick it up a notch” with animal fats and it ruins the soup. Peanut oil or die. 5. Don’t burn the chilis and peppercorns, not even a little bit. You want the spice and the numbness, but not the smokiness. 6. After sautéing the chilis/peppercorns, turn off the heat and let them sit in the oil to steep. This is another reason you want to turn the heat off early. 7. Strain your chilis/peppercorns out of the oil, put them in a muslin bag, and set them aside. Then add ginger/garlic/scallions to the oil in that order. Stage them. 8. I use tomatoes in my beef noodle soup, but I add them after the soup is finished and everything is strained. I let them hang out in the soup as it sits on the stove over the course of the day. I cut the tomatoes thin so they give off flavor without having to cook too long and so you can serve them still intact. 9. Always use either shank or chuck flap. Brisket is too tough. If you want to make it interesting, add pig’s foot or oxtail. 10. Do you. I don’t give you measurements with this because I gave you all the ingredients and the technique. The best part about beef noodle soup is that there are no rules. It just has to have beef, noodle, and soup. There are people that do clear broth beef noodle soup. Beef noodle soup with dairy. Beef noodle soup with pig’s blood. It would suck if you looked at my recipe and never made your own, ’cause everyone has a beef noodle soup in them. Show it to me.

HONEY-GLAZED SPICED DONUTS (Makes a dozen) 1¾ cups flour 2 teaspoons cinnamon 1 teaspoon nutmeg ½ teaspoon ginger 1 teaspoon baking powder ½ teaspoon baking soda 2 eggs ¾ cup honey 4 tablespoons melted butter ¼ cup oil (vegetable or canola) 1 cup milk (buttermilk can also be used) 1½ teaspoons vanilla Preheat oven to 400 degrees. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, baking powder, and baking soda. Set aside. In another bowl, whisk eggs, honey, butter, oil, milk, and vanilla. Fold dry ingredients into wet and stir until just combined. Grease a donut pan or cupcake tin and fill halfway with batter. (If you do not have a donut pan, use a cupcake/muffin pan. Create small cylinders of tinfoil, place one in the middle of each cup, and spray each cylinder with cooking oil. If using the cupcake tin with aluminum foil cylinders, transfer batter to a ziplock bag and cut a hole to pipe batter around cylinders.) Bake for 8 to 10 minutes. HONEY GLAZE ¼ cup melted butter 1 cup confectioners’ sugar ½ teaspoon vanilla ⅓ cup hot water 1 teaspoon honey Combine all ingredients in a small bowl. Dip warm donuts in glaze. You can omit the glaze and just drizzle honey on top and, if you like, sprinkle with sea salt.

HONEY-GLAZED SPICED DONUTS (Makes a dozen) 1¾ cups flour 2 teaspoons cinnamon 1 teaspoon nutmeg ½ teaspoon ginger 1 teaspoon baking powder ½ teaspoon baking soda 2 eggs ¾ cup honey 4 tablespoons melted butter ¼ cup oil (vegetable or canola) 1 cup milk (buttermilk can also be used) 1½ teaspoons vanilla Preheat oven to 400 degrees. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, baking powder, and baking soda. Set aside. In another bowl, whisk eggs, honey, butter, oil, milk, and vanilla. Fold dry ingredients into wet and stir until just combined. Grease a donut pan or cupcake tin and fill halfway with batter. (If you do not have a donut pan, use a cupcake/muffin pan. Create small cylinders of tinfoil, place one in the middle of each cup, and spray each cylinder with cooking oil. If using the cupcake tin with aluminum foil cylinders, transfer batter to a ziplock bag and cut a hole to pipe batter around cylinders.) Bake for 8 to 10 minutes. HONEY GLAZE ¼ cup melted butter 1 cup confectioners’ sugar ½ teaspoon vanilla ⅓ cup hot water 1 teaspoon honey Combine all ingredients in a small bowl. Dip warm donuts in glaze. You can omit the glaze and just drizzle honey on top and, if you like, sprinkle with sea salt. HONEY

JUMBO GINGERBREAD NUT MUFFINS Once you try these jumbo-size, nut- and oil-rich muffins, you will appreciate how filling they are. They are made with eggs, coconut oil, almonds, and other nuts and seeds, so they are also very healthy. You can also add a schmear of cream cheese or a bit of unsweetened fruit butter for extra flavor. To fill out a lunch, add a chunk of cheese, some fresh berries or sliced fruit, or an avocado. While walnuts and pumpkin seeds are called for in the recipe to add crunch, you can substitute your choice of nut or seed, such as pecans, pistachios, or sunflower seeds. A jumbo muffin pan is used in this recipe, but a smaller muffin pan can be substituted. If a smaller pan is used, reduce baking time by about 5 minutes, though always assess doneness by inserting a wooden pick into the center of a muffin and making sure it comes out clean. If you make the smaller size, pack 2 muffins for lunch. Makes 6 4 cups almond meal/flour 1 cup shredded unsweetened coconut ½ cup chopped walnuts ½ cup pumpkin seeds Sweetener equivalent to ¾ cup sugar 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 1 tablespoon ground ginger 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg ½ teaspoon ground cloves 1 teaspoon sea salt 3 eggs ½ cup coconut oil, melted 1 teaspoon vanilla extract ½ cup water Preheat the oven to 350°F. Place paper liners in a 6-cup jumbo muffin pan or grease the cups with coconut or other oil. In a large bowl, combine the almond meal/flour, coconut, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, sweetener, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, cloves, and salt. Mix well. In a medium bowl, whisk the eggs. Stir in the coconut oil, vanilla, and water. Pour the egg mixture into the almond meal mixture and combine thoroughly. Divide the batter evenly among the muffin cups. Bake for 30 minutes, or until a wooden pick inserted in the center of a muffin comes out clean. Per serving (1 muffin): 893 calories, 25 g protein, 26 g carbohydrates, 82 g total fat, 30 g saturated fat, 12 g fiber, 333 mg sodium BRATWURST WITH BELL PEPPERS AND SAUERKRAUT Living in Milwaukee has turned me on to the flavors of German-style bratwurst, but any spicy sausage (such as Italian, chorizo, or andouille) will do just fine in this recipe. The quality of the brat or sausage makes the dish, so choose your favorite. The spices used in various sausages will vary, so I kept the spices and flavors of the sauerkraut mixture light. However, this makes the choice of bratwurst or sausage the crucial component of this dish. You can also add ground coriander, nutmeg, and

Caramel Apple Bundt Cake For people. Cake 1½ cups flour 1 cup pecans 2 teaspoons baking powder ½ teaspoon baking soda 1½ teaspoons cinnamon ¾ teaspoon nutmeg ¾ teaspoon cloves ¼ teaspoon salt 2 medium apples, peeled and cored ½ cup sugar + extra 1¼ sticks (10 tablespoons) butter at room temperature + extra for greasing the pan 1 cup packed dark brown sugar 2 large eggs at room temperature 1 cup applesauce Preheat oven to 350ºF. Place the flour, pecans, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, and salt in a food processor and pulse until the pecans are fine. Transfer the flour mixture to a bowl. Insert the grating disk and grate the apples. Take 1 tablespoon of sugar out of the plain sugar and set it aside. Cream the butter with the sugars. Beat in the eggs. Alternate adding the applesauce and the flour mixture until completely combined. Stir in the grated apples. Grease the Bundt pan liberally. Sprinkle the extra sugar on the butter. You may need another tablespoon of sugar for full coverage. Use a cooking spoon to ladle the batter into the Bundt pan and smooth the top. Bake 40 minutes or until it begins to pull away from the sides and a cake tester comes out clean. Allow to rest on a baking rack about 5 to 10 minutes. Loosen the edges, and flip onto the rack. When cool, top with caramel. Caramel 4 tablespoons unsalted butter 1 cup packed dark brown sugar ¼ cup heavy cream Place the ingredients in a deep microwave-safe dish (I used a 4-cup Pyrex measuring cup). Microwave in short bursts, stirring occasionally, until it bubbles up and the sugar melts. (You may find that you even like it if the sugar doesn’t melt!) Swedish Tea Ring For people.

Cakes: Microwave milk, water, oil, and butter for two minutes. Make certain it is not too hot to touch (90–100 degrees. We don’t want to kill off our little hardworking yeast, do we? No. We are not killers). Crack eggs into liquid. In the mixing bowl of a standing mixer, combine 1 ½ cups of flour, the salt, sugar, and yeast. Add the liquid and stir thoroughly. Add remaining 2 cups of flour one cup at a time, stirring between each addition. With mixer on low and using the bread paddle or hook, mix dough for 4 minutes. If you don’t have a standing mixer for some strange reason, which I cannot fathom because they are the most useful things ever, you can knead it by hand for 8 minutes instead. Scrape dough into a greased and floured mixing bowl. Let rise for one hour in a warm place. (I preheat my oven to 100 degrees and then turn it off before putting the dough inside, covered with a towel. This is a Great Way to Not Kill Your Yeast.) After one hour, remove the dough and place on a floured cutting board. Gently roll it out to a 12 x 20 inch(ish) rectangle. Combine 3 tablespoons melted butter and ¼ teaspoon orange extract for the filling. Spoon the filling to cover the rectangle, then roll it up. It will be . . . slimy. Delicious, but slimy. Use a sharp knife to cut the log into 12 rolls. (They should be swirled like cinnamon rolls.) Place each roll cut side up in a greased muffin tin and let rise for a half hour covered with the towel. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees, then bake rolls (remove the towel first, flames are such a pain in the kitchen) for 14 minutes. Let them cool in the pan for a few minutes, then tip them out onto a large plate for the next step.

CRANBERRY SCONES Preheat oven to 425 degrees F., rack in the middle position. 3 cups all-purpose flour (pack it down in the cup when you measure it) 2 Tablespoons white (granulated) sugar 2 teaspoons cream of tartar (important) 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 teaspoon baking soda ½ teaspoon salt ½ cup softened salted butter (1 stick, 4 ounces, ¼ pound) 2 large eggs, beaten (just whip them up in a glass with a fork) 1 cup unflavored yogurt (8 ounces) 1 cup sweetened dried cranberries (Craisins, or their equivalent) ½ cup whole milk Use a medium-size mixing bowl to combine the flour, sugar, cream of tartar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Stir them all up together. Cut in the salted butter just as you would for piecrust dough.   Hannah’s Note: If you have a food processor, you can use it for the first step. Cut ½ cup COLD salted butter into 8 chunks. Layer them with the dry ingredients in the bowl of the food processor. Process with the steel blade until the mixture has the texture of cornmeal. Transfer the mixture to a medium-sized mixing bowl and proceed to the second step.   Stir in the beaten eggs and the unflavored yogurt. Then add the sweetened dried cranberries and mix everything up together.   Add the milk and stir until everything is combined.   Drop the scones by soup spoonfuls onto a greased (or sprayed with Pam or another nonstick baking spray) baking sheet, 12 large scones to a sheet. You can also drop these scones on parchment paper if you prefer.   Once the scones are on the baking sheet, you can wet your fingers and shape them into more perfect rounds. (If you do this and there are any leftovers, you can slice them in half and toast them for breakfast the next morning.)   Bake the scones at 425 degrees F. for 12 to 14 minutes, or until they’re golden brown on top.   Cool the scones for at least five minutes on the cookie sheet, and then remove them with a spatula. Serve them in a towel-lined basket so they stay warm.   Yield: Makes 12 large and delicious scones.

Do you believe that?” Melinda says, directing her wonderment at Irv. “That if someone commits suicide they go to hell?” “No.” “But many Christians do, right?” “There’s a debate, but it’s doctrine.” “But you don’t think so?” “No.” “Why not?” “For the same reason the Catholics believe in the Trinity, Melinda.” The appetizers arrive with a speed that Sigrid finds suspicious. “Which is . . . what?” “It’s how I understand Jesus’s words spoken from the cross,” says Irv, taking a calamari. “Jesus spoke seven times on the cross. In Matthew Twenty-Seven, verse forty-six and in Mark Fifteen verse thirty-four he says, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ This led to the Trinity,” Irv said, sucking cocktail sauce and grease from his thumb. “The thinking is, if Jesus was Lord, who was he speaking to? He was obviously speaking to someone or something other than himself, unless . . . ya know.” Irv makes a circular cuckoo motion by his head with a piece of squid. “So perhaps he was speaking to the Father, or to the Holy Spirit. In this act, he distinguishes himself from the eternal and embodies everything that is Man. The fear, the sadness, the tragedy. The longing. The recognition of betrayal. We see him, in that moment, only as the Son, and because of that, as ourselves. As I read it, Melinda, we are not invited in that moment to be cruel to him for his despair, or to mock him. Instead we are asked to feel his pain. When Jesus says, ‘It is finished’ I don’t read, ‘Mission accomplished.’ I see a person resigned. A person who has lost hope. A person who has taken a step away from this life. And our pity for him grows. And finally he says, ‘Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.’ Now, I’m not going to equate Jesus letting go with suicide, but any decent and forgiving Christian person would have to admit that we are looking at a person who cannot fight anymore. We are being taught to be understanding of that state of mind and sympathetic to the suffering that might lead a person to it. It does not follow to me that if someone succumbs to that grief we are to treat them with eternal contempt. I just don’t believe it.

BUTTERSCOTCH BONANZA BARS Preheat oven to 350 degrees F., rack in the middle position.   ½ cup salted butter (1 stick, 4 ounces, ¼ pound) 2 cups light brown sugar*** (pack it down in the cup when you measure it) 2 teaspoons baking powder 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 2 beaten eggs (just whip them up in a glass with a fork) 1 and ½cups flour (scoop it up and level it off with a table knife) 1 cup chopped nuts (optional) 2 cups butterscotch chips (optional) ***- If all you have in the house is dark brown sugar and the roads are icy, it’s below zero, and you really don’t feel like driving to the store, don’t despair. Measure out one cup of dark brown sugar and mix it with one cup regular white granulated sugar. Now you’ve got light brown sugar, just what’s called for in Leslie’s recipe. And remember that you can always make any type of brown sugar by mixing molasses into white granulated sugar until it’s the right color. Hannah’s Note: Leslie says the nuts are optional, but she likes these cookie bars better with nuts. So do I, especially with walnuts. Bertie Straub wants hers with a cup of chopped pecans and 2 cups of butterscotch chips. Mother prefers these bars with 2 cups of semi-sweet chocolate chips and no nuts, Carrie likes them with 2 cups of mini chocolate chips and a cup of chopped pecans, and Lisa prefers to make them with 1 cup of chopped walnuts, 1 cup of white chocolate chips, and 1 cup of butterscotch chips. All this goes to show just how versatile Leslie’s recipe is. Try it first as it’s written with just the nuts. Then try any other versions that you think would be yummy. Grease and flour a 9-inch by 13-inch cake pan, or spray it with nonstick baking spray, the kind with flour added. Set it aside while you mix up the batter. Melt the butter in a small saucepan over low heat on the stovetop, or put it in the bottom of a microwave-safe, medium-sized mixing bowl and heat it for 1 minute in the microwave on HIGH. Add the light brown sugar to the mixing bowl with the melted butter and stir it in well. Mix in the baking powder and the salt. Make sure they’re thoroughly incorporated. Stir in the vanilla extract. Mix in the beaten eggs. Add the flour by half-cup increments, stirring in each increment before adding the next. Stir in the nuts, if you decided to use them. Mix in the butterscotch chips if you decided to use them, or any other chips you’ve chosen. Spoon the batter into the prepared cake pan and smooth out the top with a rubber spatula. Bake the Butterscotch Bonanza Bars at 350 degrees F. for 20 to 25 minutes. (Mine took 25 minutes.) When the bars are done, take them out of the oven and cool them completely in the pan on a cold stove burner or a wire rack. When the bars are cool, use a sharp knife to cut them into brownie-sized pieces. Yield: Approximately 40 bars, but that all depends on how large you cut the squares. You may not believe this, but Mother suggested that I make these cookie bars with semi-sweet chocolate chips and then frost them with chocolate fudge frosting. There are times when I think she’d frost a tuna sandwich with chocolate fudge frosting and actually enjoy eating it!

Double Chocolate Brownies 2 6-ounce bags semisweet chocolate chips 3 tablespoons butter ¾ cup granulated sugar 3½ tablespoons water 2 eggs ¾ cup flour ¾ teaspoon salt powdered sugar 2 cups walnuts or pecans (optional) Preheat oven to 325 degrees. In a medium saucepan, combine 1 bag of chocolate chips with butter, sugar, and water. Cook and stir over low heat. When melted, stir in the second bag of chocolate chips and dissolve/melt into mixture. Next, stir in eggs, flour, and salt. (Optional: stir 2 cups of walnuts or pecans into batter.) Stir the thick, lumpy batter before pouring into (sprayed) 9-inch square pan. Bake for 30 to 35 minutes then set on rack to cool. Top with dusting of powdered sugar. Yield: 1 pan of brownies Donna’s Cook’s Notes I know I don’t look like I eat brownies by the pan full, and I don’t. But if I get a craving and make a pan, I share them with my pals at the station as well as whenever I run into cute paramedics. I always think I might freeze the rest, but that never happens because they disappear before I get around to it. Chocolate Cheesecake CRUST 1¾ cups graham cracker crumbs 2 tablespoons sugar 1/3 cup melted butter ¼ teaspoon salt Combine graham cracker crumbs, sugar, butter, and salt. Press mixture into side of greased 10 -inch springform pan. Chill. FILLING 2 8-ounce packages cream cheese 8 ounces of chocolate chips 2 eggs 2/3 cup corn syrup 1/3 cup heavy cream 1½ teaspoons vanilla Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Cube cream cheese and set aside to soften. In microwave-safe bowl, microwave chocolate chips on high for 1 minute. Stir. If chips aren’t completely melted, microwave for another minute then stir again. Next, in separate mixing bowl, beat eggs, corn syrup, cream, and vanilla until smooth. Slowly add cream cheese cubes. When filling is smooth, slowly

JAMBOREE MUFFINS   Preheat oven to 400 degrees F., rack in the middle position. 1 large egg, beaten ¾ cup whole milk ½ cup vegetable oil cup white (granulated) sugar 2 cups all-purpose flour (pack it down when you measure it) 3 teaspoons (one Tablespoon) baking powder 1 teaspoon salt Approximately 1/4 cup jam of your choice Hannah’s 1st Note: This is a great recipe for using up all those jars of jam with little dibs and dabs in the bottom that are taking up too much room on your refrigerator shelf! Grease or spray the bottoms of 12 muffin cups with Pam or another nonstick cooking spray. Alternatively, you can use paper cupcake liners. Use a muffin pan or a cupcake pan that has cups approximately 2 and ½ inches across the top and are 1 and ¼ inches deep. (That’s a standard size.) Hannah’s 2nd Note: Don’t use an electric mixer to mix up these muffins. Just stir everything up by hand. The muffin batter should be a little lumpy, like brownie batter, and not over-mixed. In a medium-sized bowl, beat the egg with the milk until they are well combined. Stir in the vegetable oil and the white sugar. Measure out the flour in another bowl. Stir in the baking powder and the salt with a fork. Add the flour mixture to the egg mixture in half-cup increments, stirring after each increment, but only until the flour is moistened. The resulting muffin batter will be lumpy. That’s okay. It’s supposed to be. Fill the muffin cups half-full with batter. Get out your jam jars. You can use all one kind, or several different kinds of jam. It’s totally up to you. Use a teaspoon measure or a small-sized spoon from your silverware drawer to drop 1 teaspoon of jam into the center of each muffin. Hannah’s 3rd Note: I hope Mother never reads this recipe because I use one of the antique silver collector’s spoons she gave me to dish out the jam and drop it into the center of the muffin batter. Cover the jam with muffin batter until the muffin cups are ¾ full.   Bake at 400 degrees F. for approximately 20 minutes, or until the muffins are golden brown. Let the Jamboree Muffins cool in the pan for 10 minutes and then serve them with plenty of butter. They’re good warm and they’re good cold. They also reheat well in the microwave. Yield: 12 yummy muffins

Instead of Punishment 1. EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS STRONGLY—WITHOUT ATTACKING CHARACTER. “I’m furious that my new saw was left outside to rust in the rain!” 2. STATE YOUR EXPECTATIONS. “I expect my tools to be returned after they’ve been borrowed.” 3. SHOW THE CHILD HOW TO MAKE AMENDS. “What this saw needs now is a little steel wool and a lot of elbow grease.” 4. OFFER A CHOICE. “You can borrow my tools and return them or you can give up the privilege of using them. You decide.” 5. TAKE ACTION. Child: “Why is the toolbox locked?” Father: “You tell me why.” 6. PROBLEM-SOLVE. “What can we work out so that you can use my tools when you need them, and so that I’ll be sure they’re there when I need them?

FRIENDSHIP BREAD STARTER 3 cups sugar 3 cups flour 3 cups milk Day 1: In a nonmetal bowl, combine 1 cup sugar, 1 cup flour and 1 cup milk. Stir with wooden or plastic spoon (don’t use metal spoon or electric mixer). Cover bowl loosely with a tea towel. Keep at room temperature, not in fridge. Stir mixture once each day on days 2, 3 and 4. Day 5: Add 1 cup sugar, 1 cup flour and 1 cup milk, and stir. Stir mixture once each day on days 6, 7 and 8. Day 10: Add 1 cup sugar, 1 cup flour and 1 cup milk. Remove 3 cups of mixture and give 1 cup each to three friends, with instructions. Save remaining starter for yourself. FRIENDSHIP BREAD 1 cup starter 1 cup oil 1 cup sugar 1/2 cup milk 2 teaspoons cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon baking soda 2 cups flour 1-1/2 teaspoons baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 3 eggs 1 large box instant vanilla pudding mix Combine starter with all the other ingredients, mixing thoroughly. Grease 2 large loaf pans and dust with mixture of cinnamon and sugar. Spoon batter into pans. Coat top of batter with butter and sprinkle with remaining cinnamon/sugar mixture. Bake at 325°F for 50-75 minutes, or until done.

Pull-Apart Bacon Bread 1 lb. bacon 1 t. oil 3/4 c. green pepper, diced 3/4 c. onion, diced 3 7-1/2 oz. tubes refrigerated buttermilk biscuits 1/4 c. butter, melted 1 c. shredded Cheddar cheese In a skillet over medium-high heat, cook bacon until crisp. Remove bacon to a paper towel, reserving a small amount of drippings in skillet; crumble bacon and set aside. In reserved drippings, sauté green pepper and onion until tender. Remove from heat; set aside. Slice biscuits into quarters; place in a bowl. Add bacon, pepper mixture, butter and cheese; toss until mixed. Transfer mixture to a greased 10" tube pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes, or until golden. Invert onto a serving platter; serve warm.

2 ounces chopped bittersweet chocolate 1 tablespoon instant coffee 1¼ cups boiling water 2¾ cups all-purpose flour 2¾ cups granulated sugar ¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder ½ teaspoon salt 2 teaspoons baking soda 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 cup vegetable oil 1¼ cups buttermilk 4 large eggs 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease and flour a 9″ × 13″ cake pan. Place the chocolate and coffee in a small bowl. Pour the boiling water over the chocolate and coffee and let it stand 5 minutes. Whisk until smooth. Using an electric mixer, combine the flour, sugar, cocoa powder, salt, baking soda, and baking powder in a large bowl. Mix on low speed until well combined. Add the oil and buttermilk and mix well, scraping down the sides as needed. Add the eggs one at a time, beating after each until incorporated. Add the chocolate-coffee mixture very carefully, on the lowest speed, as it will slosh around the bowl. Add the vanilla. Finish by scraping the bowl down and mixing all the batter with a rubber spatula. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan and bake for about 45 minutes, until the cake feels firm when touched lightly in the center or a toothpick inserted in the center comes out with a few moist crumbs attached. If the toothpick comes out clean, the cake is over baked. Cool the cake completely in the pan on a wire rack. Dust with confectioners' sugar and serve right out of the pan.

Papaya-Banana Muffins This recipe is a solution to the problem of too much ripe tropical fruit. These muffins have lovely color and flavor, and are nice and moist. 12⁄3 cups flour 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 teaspoon baking soda 1⁄4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg 1 egg 1⁄3 cup oil 3⁄4 cup sugar 1 cup mashed ripe papaya 1⁄2 cup mashed ripe banana (1 large banana) 1⁄4 cup chopped walnuts (optional) 1. Preheat oven to 375°F and grease a medium-sized muffin pan or line it with muffin papers. 2. Combine dry ingredients and set aside. 3. Beat egg with oil, sugar, and mashed papaya and banana in a large bowl. 4. Mix in dry ingredients and walnuts (if using). Scoop mixture into prepared muffin pan. Bake in preheated oven for 18–23 minutes, until toothpick inserted in the middle of a muffin comes out clean. Makes 1 dozen Tips • If the papaya is quite ripe, it will yield a lot of liquid when mashed. Drain off this excess liquid before adding the fruit. • You can make the muffins entirely with papaya if you like; just increase the quantity to 11⁄2 cups. The muffins will have a slightly moister texture and a flatter top.

You won't want to leave when you've tasted Mom's fried chicken," Matt said with a touching faith in the power of grease.

Patty’s Cake with Espresso-Caramel Sauce 7 (1-ounce) squares unsweetened cooking chocolate ¾ cup butter 1½ cups strong coffee ¼ cup bourbon 2 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla 2 cups cake flour 1½ cups sugar 1 teaspoon baking soda ¼ teaspoon salt Grease and flour two 8½ by 4½-inch loaf pans. Put the chocolate, butter, and coffee in a heavy saucepan with a 4½-quart capacity. Place over low heat, stirring constantly, till chocolate is melted, then stir vigorously till mixture is smooth and thoroughly blended. Set aside to cool for at least 10 minutes. Beat in bourbon, eggs, and vanilla. Sift dry ingredients together and beat into the chocolate mixture till well blended. Divide batter between prepared pans and bake in a 275°F oven 45 to 55 minutes, or until a wooden skewer inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool in pans for 15 minutes, then turn out onto racks to cool completely. Serve with whipped cream, crème fraîche, or Espresso-Caramel Sauce. ESPRESSO-CARAMEL SAUCE 1 cup sugar ⅓ cup water ½ cup heavy (whipping) cream 3 tablespoons espresso Whisk sugar into water and pour into heavy-bottomed saucepan—preferably one with a white or light-colored interior, so you can keep an eye on the color change of the caramel. Stir over medium heat until sugar is completely dissolved, about 1 minute. Increase heat to high and bring to a boil. Do not stir, but wash down sides of pan frequently with a clean brush dipped in water. Meanwhile, heat cream to a simmer in another pan. When sugar begins to caramelize and turn golden around edges of pan, lift pan very carefully and gently swirl mixture to ensure even caramelization. Boil until syrup is a beautiful, deep amber—3 to 4 minutes. Remove from heat and set pan in sink. Slowly pour in hot cream, whisking to combine. Mixture will bubble up and may splatter. You may want to wear glasses to protect your eyes. Stir in espresso and blend until smooth. If mixture starts to harden, return to low heat and whisk until dissolved. While sauce is still warm, strain through fine-mesh strainer. Makes about 1 cup.

CLAM WHIFFLE      3–4 servings (A whiffle is a soufflé that any fool can make. This is a dandy recipe for those days when you’ve just had your teeth pulled. It has a nice delicate flavor, too, and it doesn’t call for anything you’re not apt to have around, except the clams. You can even skip the green pepper.) 12 soda crackers (the ordinary 2-inch by 2-inch kind) 1 cup milk ¼ cup melted butter 6.5-ounce can minced clams, drained 2 tablespoons chopped onion 1 tablespoon chopped green pepper ¼ teaspoon Worcestershire sauce dash of salt, pepper 2 eggs, beaten together Soak the crumbled crackers in the milk for a few minutes. Then add everything else, eggs last. Pour it all into a greased casserole, and bake it in a 350˚ oven for forty-five minutes, uncovered.

Happy Camper Tip #7   Jane Ann’s Apple Bars: Combine two cups whole wheat flour, one-fourth cup toasted wheat germ, two teaspoons baking soda, one teaspoon cinnamon, one teaspoon salt, and one-half teaspoon nutmeg. Set aside. In a large bowl, combine four cups diced apples, 1 cup sugar, 1 cup brown sugar, 1/2 cup oil, 1 cup chopped walnuts, 2 eggs and 1 teaspoon vanilla. Add flour mixture and blend well with a wooden spoon. Spread in a greased 13 x 9 pan and bake about 50 minutes at 350.

The Christmas Cake (Bessie’s Apple Cake) Cream together ½ cup of butter and 2 cups of sugar Add 2 eggs and 2 teaspoons of vanilla mixing well Mix in the finely grated zest and the juice of one large orange Add 2 cups of flour, 2 teaspoons of baking soda and ½ teaspoon of nutmeg mixing well Add 4 cups of chopped apples (do not peel) and 2 cups of broken pecans or walnuts mixing everything well Pour into a greased and floured Bundt pan and bake at 325 degrees for 1 hour and 15 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

Everyone loves banana bread! This banana bread recipe cooks up moist and delicious. It also makes a great bread for a nut butter sandwich. Ingredients 1/2 cup butter or unrefined coconut oil 3/4 tsp celtic sea salt 6 eggs, preferably pasture-raised 1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract 1/2 tsp almond extract 1/2 cup honey 3/4 cup coconut flour 1 large or 2 small ripe bananas, mashed Directions Melt butter or coconut oil in a small saucepan over low heat. Turn off heat and allow to cool slightly. Meanwhile, combine the eggs, salt, vanilla extract, and almond extract in a large bowl. If using an immersion blender, pulse a few times to combine. Otherwise, mix to combine with a whisk or mixer. Add the honey to the butter (or coconut oil) and stir slightly. Pour this mixture into the wet ingredients and blend well with immersion blender or mixer. Measure out the coconut flour. Since coconut flour clumps, it will need to be sifted if you are not using an immersion blender. Pour the coconut flour into the bowl with the wet ingredients. Use an immersion blender or mixer to thoroughly combine all ingredients, making sure there are no lumps. (Since coconut flour does not contain gluten, there is no worry of over-mixing the batter). Add mashed banana and mix to combine. Using butter or coconut oil, generously grease one large (9”X5”) loaf pan or two small (7.5”X3.75”) loaf pans. Pour the batter into the loaf pan(s). Bake in a 325 degrees F oven until a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean. This will take 50-60 minutes for two loaves. Remove from oven and cool. Delicious with a pat of butter and a big glass of raw milk or milk kefir!

BLUEBERRY CRUNCH COOKIES Preheat oven to 350 degrees F., rack in the middle position.   1 cup melted butter (2 sticks, 1/2 pound) 2 cups white (granulated) sugar 2 teaspoons vanilla 1/2 teaspoon salt 1½ teaspoons baking soda 2 large eggs, beaten (just whip them up with a fork) 2½ cups flour (no need to sift—pack it down when you measure it) 1 cup dried sweetened blueberries (other dried fruit will also work if you cut it in blueberry-sized pieces) 2 cups GROUND dry oatmeal (measure before grinding)   Hannah’s 1st Note: Mixing this dough is much easier with an electric mixer, but you can also do it by hand.   Melt the butter in a large microwave-safe bowl for 1 minute on HIGH. Add the white sugar and mix it in thoroughly.   Add the vanilla, salt, and the baking soda. Mix it in well.   When the mixture has cooled to room temperature, stir in the beaten eggs. When they are fully incorporated, add 197 the flour in half-cup increments, stirring after each addition.   Mix in the dried blueberries.   Prepare your oatmeal. (Use Quaker if you have it—the cardboard canister is useful for all sorts of things.) Measure out two cups and place them in the bowl of a food processor or a blender, chopping with the steel blade until the oatmeal is the consistency of coarse sand. (Just in case you’re wondering, the ground oatmeal is the ingredient that makes the cookies crunchy.)   Add the ground oatmeal to your bowl, and mix it in thoroughly. The resulting cookie dough will be quite stiff.   Roll walnut-sized dough balls with your hands, and place them on a greased cookie sheet, 12 balls to a standard-size sheet. (If the dough is too sticky to roll, place the bowl in the refrigerator for thirty minutes and try again.) Squish the dough balls down a bit with your impeccably clean palm (or a metal spatula if you’d rather).   Bake at 350 degrees F. for 10 to 12 minutes or until golden brown on top. (Mine took 11 minutes.) Cool on the cookie sheet for 2 minutes, and then remove the cookies to a wire rack to cool completely.   Yield: 6 to 7 dozen unusual and tasty cookies, depending on cookie size.   Hannah’s 2nd Note: These cookies freeze well if you stack them on foil (like rolling coins) and roll them, tucking in the ends. Just place the rolls of cookies in a freezer bag,

Fluffy Pancakes Makes: 12 pancakes Ingredients: ●           3/4 cup blanched almond flour ●           1/4 cup coconut flour ●           1/4 Tbsp baking soda ●           1/2 tsp cream of tartar ●           1/8 tsp sea salt ●           Palm shortening ●           3 large eggs ●           1/2 cup almond milk or full fat coconut milk ●           1/8 cup coconut oil ●           1/8 cup honey or coconut crystals ●           1/2 tsp vanilla extract   Instructions: Combine together the flours, baking soda, cream of tartar, and sea salt in a bowl. In another bowl, beat the eggs, then whisk in the milk, flour mixture, oil, honey or coconut crystals, and vanilla extract. Blend until smooth. Place a cast iron skillet or griddle over medium flame and grease with palm shortening. Pour 1/4 cup of batter into the hot skillet and cook for a minute on one side, or until bubbles start to form. Turn over and cook for another minute. Cook all pancakes, then serve with honey or grade B maple syrup.

Ice Cream Bread Recipe From Agnes Seiwell Prep time: 5 minutes. Ingredients: 1 pint (2 cups) ice cream,  softened. Flavor: your choice. 1 ½ cups self-rising flour. Stir together ice cream  and flour just enough so that flour is thoroughly moistened. Spoon  batter  into a greased  and floured 8x4 inch loaf pan. Bake at 350 for 40 to 45 minutes or until a wooden toothpick inserted in center of bread  comes out clean. Remove from pan and cool on a wire rack. This two-ingredient bread  is great any time of day. It can be served as a dessert topped with some whipped cream  and chocolate or other flavored sauce, or toasted  and used as a side dish to a meal.

medium spaghetti squash (about 2½ pounds) 4 tablespoons butter, ghee, or coconut oil, divided 2 cloves garlic, minced 1 medium carrot, diced 2 stalks celery, diced ½ medium yellow onion, minced 1 small red bell pepper, diced 1 pound ground chicken 1 teaspoon garlic powder 1 teaspoon fine sea salt ¼ teaspoon black pepper 1 cup hot sauce (I prefer Tessemae’s or Frank’s RedHot) ¼ cup Super Simple Mayonnaise (see here) or store-bought mayo (I use Sir Kensington’s or Primal Kitchen Foods) 3 large eggs, whisked chopped scallions, for garnish sliced avocado, for garnish Preheat the oven to 400°F. Cut the spaghetti squash in half lengthwise. Place the squash cut side down on a baking sheet and bake for 30 to 35 minutes or until the skin gives when you press your finger to it. Remove the squash from the oven and reduce the oven temperature to 350°F. Grease a Dutch oven or an 8-inch square glass baking dish with 2 tablespoons of the butter. Let the squash cool for 5 minutes, remove the seeds, and then use a fork to remove the threads and place them in the greased baking dish. In a large sauté pan over medium heat, melt the remaining 2 tablespoons of butter. Add the garlic, carrot, celery, onion, and bell pepper and cook for about 10 minutes, until the onion is translucent. Add the ground chicken, garlic powder, salt, and pepper and cook, using a wooden spatula to break up the chicken into small pieces, until the chicken is no longer pink, about 8 minutes. Remove the pan from the heat, then add the hot sauce and mayo and mix well to combine. Add the chicken mixture to the baking dish and mix well with the spaghetti squash threads. Add the whisked eggs and mix everything together until you can no longer see the eggs. Bake for 1 hour or until the top forms a slight crust that doesn’t give when you press it in the middle. Let rest for 5 minutes before serving. Garnish with chopped scallion and avocado slices.

After they left, Lena threw the dead bolt and hooked the chain. Then she walked over to him, looking as if she was deciding where to kick him and exactly how hard. He tried for a little humor. Holding out the bag of doughnuts, he smiled up at her. “A cruller for your thoughts.” She shot him a look of pure disgust, but took the bag and resumed her seat on the bed. “Deep-fried sugar and grease, no matter how tasty, do not make up for bad behavior.” He waved his napkin like a white flag. “What will it take?

“Chessie?” I ask. The rest of the hamster-size creature materializes, looking just as I remember: the face of a kitten, the wings of a hummingbird, and the body of an orange and gray raccoon. He flits to the dashboard and perches there, cleaning the oil and grease splotches from his fluffy fur with his tongue, like a squirrel taking a spit bath.

Mystery Cookies Preheat oven to 350 degrees F., with rack in middle position. ½ cup melted butter (1 stick) 3½ cups white sugar 2 beaten eggs (just whip them up with a fork) 1 can condensed tomato soup (the regular plain kind, not “Cream Of Tomato” or “Tomato with Basil” or anything else fancy—I use Campbell’s) 2 teaspoons cinnamon 2 teaspoons nutmeg (if you grind your own, use 1 teaspoon instead of 2) 2 teaspoons baking soda 2 teaspoons salt 2 cups raisins (either golden or regular) 2 cups chopped walnuts (measure after you chop them) 4½ cups flour (no need to sift) Microwave the butter in your mixing bowl to melt it. Add the sugar, let it cool a bit, and mix in the beaten eggs. Open a can of condensed tomato soup, add that to your mixing bowl, and then mix it all up. Stir in the cinnamon, nutmeg, baking soda, and salt. Then add the raisins and the walnuts, and stir. Measure the flour and add it in one-cup increments, mixing after each addition.   Let the dough sit for ten minutes or so. Drop the dough by teaspoons onto a greased or Pammed cookie sheet, 12 to a standard sheet. (If the dough is too sticky to scoop, you can chill it for a few minutes, or dip your teaspoon into a glass of cold water.)   Bake at 350 degrees F. for 10 to 12 minutes or until the cookies are golden brown on top. Let them sit on the cookie sheet for a minute or two (no longer or they’ll stick) , and then transfer them to a wire rack for complete cooling.   A batch of Mystery Cookies yields about 10 dozen. (I know that’s a lot, but they’ll be gone before you know it.) They’re soft and chewy and a real favorite.

Prepare a bundt pan by greasing and then sprinkle the pecans in the bottom of the pan. Cut the bread in half and then each half into 8 pieces. Roll the 16 pieces into balls, and place in the pan on top of the pecans. In a bowl, mix the brown sugar and melted butter and set aside. Sprinkle the pudding over the rolls and then cinnamon. Pour the butter mixture over the rolls. Cover the rolls with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 6 hours. Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Remove the wrap from the pan, bake rolls for 25 to 30 minutes or until golden brown. Makes 16 rolls.                               Apple Raisin Bread Pudding   Ingredients 6 eggs 1 cup milk 1/2 cup heavy cream 1 tablespoon vanilla extract 1 tsp ground nutmeg 16 ounce loaf cinnamon bread with raisins, cut into 1-inch cubes 2 sliced apples  1 cup brown sugar 1 tsp ground cinnamon 1/4 cup melted butter 1 diced apple  

She wandered through the crowded feast hall, listening as wine greased tongues and dimmed minds. Her uncle Dalinar was in the full swing of it, rising from the high table to shout for the Parshendi to bring out their drummers. Jasnah’s brother, Elhokar, hurried to shush their uncle—though the Alethi politely ignored Dalinar’s outburst. All save Elhokar’s wife, Aesudan, who snickered primly behind a handkerchief. Jasnah

Ice Cream Bread Recipe From Agnes Seiwell     Prep time: 5 minutes.   Ingredients:   1 pint (2 cups) ice cream, softened. Flavor: your choice. 1 ½ cups self-rising flour. Stir together ice cream and flour just enough so that flour is thoroughly moistened. Spoon batter into a greased and floured 8x4 inch loaf pan. Bake at 350 for 40 to 45 minutes or until a wooden toothpick inserted in center of bread comes out clean. Remove from pan and cool on a wire rack. This

2½ cups crushed graham cracker crumbs 1 cup melted Grade A butter 1 cup peanut butter 2½ cups powdered sugar 1 cup milk chocolate chips with 1 teaspoon Grade A butter Mix together the graham cracker crumbs, melted butter, peanut butter, and sugar. Pat into a greased 9-by-13-inch pan. Melt the chips and butter and spread them on top of the bars. Set in the refrigerator until firm. Cut into bars.  •

morning he couldn’t dwell on waffles and fudge, famous or not. He was far too occupied with thoughts of April and the slimy figure of Jack Leeper. The Boones were seated at a small table in the crowded diner. The air was thick with bacon grease and strong coffee, and the hot topic, as Theo realized not long after he sat down, was the abduction of April Finnemore. To their right, four uniformed policemen talked loudly about the possibility that Leeper was close by. To their left, a table of gray-haired men spoke with great authority on several subjects, but seemed particularly interested in the “kidnapping,” as it was sometimes referred to. The menu promoted the myth that Gertrude’s was indeed the home of “World-Famous Pecan Waffles.” In silent protest against false advertising, Theo ordered scrambled eggs and sausage.

MOM’S SOUR CREAM COFFEE CAKE This recipe is another classic from my mom’s kitchen. She liked to make this yummy cake to take to someone who needed their spirits lifted or just to have as a treat. It’s an all-time favorite with my family, too, and, when it’s my turn to host fellowship hour at church, it’s always part of my repertoire!   Ingredients for Cake 1 cup sugar ¼ pound butter (softened) 1 cup sour cream 1 teaspoon vanilla 2 eggs 2 cups flour (sifted) 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 teaspoon baking soda Pinch salt   Ingredients for Topping ½ cup chopped walnuts ½ cup sugar 1 teaspoon cinnamon   Directions Mix topping ingredients together. Set aside. Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Grease and flour angel-food cake pan. Cream together butter and sugar with electric mixer. Add eggs and sour cream and beat until smooth. Sift together remaining dry ingredients in a separate bowl and blend into mixture. Batter will be thick. Spread half the batter into the angel-food cake pan and sprinkle with half of the sugar, cinnamon, and nut topping. Spread remaining batter on top and sprinkle remaining sugar, cinnamon, and nut mixture. (I gently press down the topping with the back of a spoon.) Bake for 40 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean. Let cool and remove from pan. Enjoy anytime with a hot cup o’ coffee or tea or a big glass of milk!

Mashed potatoes have a best friend in this savory meat. The gravy for both only takes a few minutes to prepare from the drippings. You’ll love the marriage! Yield: 6 servings 1 (4-pound) boneless chuck roast, trimmed and cut in half 1 large yellow onion, peeled and chopped 1 ⅓ cups plus 3 tablespoons water, divided 1 (10.5-ounce) can condensed French onion soup 1 cup firmly packed brown sugar ½ cup Worcestershire sauce ¼ cup cider vinegar 6 garlic cloves, peeled and minced ¼ teaspoon black pepper 3 tablespoons cornstarch Place the roast in a lightly greased large slow cooker and surround it with the onions. In a medium bowl whisk together 1 ⅓ cups of the water with the soup, brown sugar, Worcestershire, vinegar, garlic, and pepper. Pour over the roast, cover, and cook on low for 8 hours. Remove the meat and place on a large cutting board. Cover with aluminum foil to keep warm. Skim the fat from the cooking liquid and pour into a small saucepan over high heat. In a small bowl whisk together the remaining 3 tablespoons of water and cornstarch until smooth. When the cooking liquid comes to a boil, gradually whisk in the cornstarch mixture. Cook and stir constantly for 2 minutes or until thickened. Meanwhile, slice the meat and transfer to a serving platter. Serve the warm gravy with

Wheat Blueberry Muffins   Ingredients required   1 1/2 cups flour (whole wheat) 1 pint blueberries (fresh) 1 egg 1/2 cup apple sauce (unsweetened) 1/3 cup fresh milk 1/3 cup oil (vegetable oil) 3/4 cup white sugar 2 tsp baking powder ½ tsp salt   Process   Take a large bowl and add flour, salt, sugar and baking powder; whip them so that a smooth mixture is ready. Meanwhile preheat the oven to 400°F. Take 12 muffin cups and grease them. In another bowl, whisk together egg, applesauce, milk and vegetable oil till everything blends together properly. Now it's time to add the blueberries; stir them lightly. Fill 2/3 of the muffin cups with this batter. Place these cups in the preheated oven and wait for 20 min. The muffins will then turn golden brown.

Brötchen There’s nothing more German than this recipe. A staple for all true Schmidt bakers. These are best hot out of the oven with butter or cherry jam. That’s the way Mom did it. Here, I’ll give you Oma’s cherry jam recipe too. 2½ to 3 cups all-purpose flour 1 packet active dry yeast (rapid) 1 teaspoon sugar 1 cup warm water 1 tablespoon oil 1 teaspoon salt 1 egg white Put 2½ cups flour into a large bowl and make a well in the middle. Pour yeast, sugar, and two tablespoons of warm water (the water comes from the 1 cup) into the well. Mix yeast, sugar, and water in the well, but don’t mix in the flour yet. Cover the bowl with a cloth and set it in a warm place for 15 minutes until it proofs. Add the rest of the water and oil, and beat in the salt and flour good. Turn out the dough on a floured wooden board, and knead. Add the remaining ½ cup flour as needed to make it smooth. Put dough in a greased bowl, cover, and let it rise until it doubles in size. About an hour in that same warm spot. Punch down, then split it into 12 pieces. Shape into rolls and place 3 inches apart on a greased and floured baking tray. Cover and let rise one more time until they double again. Cut a cross on top of each. Beat egg white and 1 teaspoon water with a fork until frothy and brush the rolls. (Oh, I forgot—should have preheated the oven to 450°F already.) Then you bake for 15 to 20 minutes until the tops are golden.

gâteau au yaourt (Yogurt Cake) 2 six-ounce containers plain whole-milk (not reduced-fat) yogurt. Use the empty containers to measure the other ingredients 2 eggs 2 containers sugar (or just one, depending on how sweet you like it) 1 teaspoon vanilla Just under 1 container vegetable oil 4 containers flour 1 1⁄2 teaspoons baking powder Crème fraîche (optional) Preheat oven to 375oF. Use vegetable oil to grease a 9-inch round cake pan or a loaf pan. Gently combine the yogurt, eggs, sugar, vanilla, and oil. In a separate bowl, mix the flour and baking powder. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients; mix gently until ingredients are just combined (don’t overmix). You can add 2 containers frozen berries, a container of chocolate chips, or any flavoring you like. Bake for 35 minutes, then five minutes more if the cake doesn’t pass the knife test. It should be almost crispy on the outside, but springy on the inside. Let it cool. The cake is delicious served with tea and a dollop of crème fraîche.

I adore macaroni and cheese. Whenever I see it on a menu at a restaurant, I have to order it. I’ve had (and consequently made) fried mac and cheese balls, lobster mac and cheese, truffle mac and cheese, quattro formaggi mac and cheese, and Kraft mac and cheese. Now, don’t get me wrong—all of the fancy macaroni and cheese dishes have been delectable and enjoyable, but at home, I like a simple, delicious mac and cheese. So here’s my recipe. This dish is best when served during a game or movie night with family and friends. Serves 8 to 10 8 ounces (225 g) elbow macaroni 1½ cups Velveeta cheese (about 7 ounces/190g), cut into ½-inch cubes 2 tablespoons plus 1 teaspoon all-purpose flour 1½ teaspoons kosher salt 1½ teaspoons dry mustard ¼ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper ¼ teaspoon ground nutmeg ⅛ teaspoon cayenne pepper ⅔ cup (165 ml) sour cream 2 large eggs, lightly beaten 1½ cups (360 ml) half-and-half 1½ cups (360 ml) heavy cream ⅓ cup (55 g) grated onion 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce 2 cups grated sharp Cheddar cheese (about 8 ounces/230g) • Preheat the oven to 350°F (175°C). Grease a 9-by-13-inch (23-by-33-cm) baking dish. Bring a 4-quart (3.8-L) saucepan of salted water to a boil. Add the pasta and cook it halfway through, about 3 minutes. Drain the pasta and transfer it to the baking dish. Stir in the cubed Velveeta. • Combine the flour, salt, mustard, black pepper, nutmeg, and cayenne in a large mixing bowl. Add the sour cream and eggs and whisk until smooth. Whisk in the half-and-half, cream, onion, Worcestershire sauce, and a sprinkle of black pepper. Pour the egg mixture over the pasta mixture in the prepared baking dish and stir to combine. Sprinkle the Cheddar cheese evenly over the surface. Bake until the pasta mixture is set around the edges but still a bit loose in the center, about 30 minutes. Let it cool for 10 minutes before serving.

2½ cups crushed graham cracker crumbs 1 cup melted Grade A butter 1 cup peanut butter 2½ cups powdered sugar 1 cup milk chocolate chips with 1 teaspoon Grade A butter Mix together the graham cracker crumbs, melted butter, peanut butter, and sugar. Pat into a greased 9-by-13-inch pan. Melt the chips and butter and spread them on top of the bars. Set in the refrigerator until firm. Cut into bars.  • • •

What you need:   1 sliced lemon 2 tablespoons bourbon 2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar ¼ cup brown sugar 1/3 cup ketchup ½ cup cola 3 pounds chicken ½ teaspoon pepper ½ teaspoon garlic powder 1 ½ teaspoons paprika 2 teaspoons salt   What you need to do:   -        Add salt, paprika, powdered garlic, and pepper to a small bowl. -        Mix and sprinkle over chicken. -        Place chicken in a greased slow cooker. -        Mix cola, ketchup, brown sugar, apple cider vinegar, bourbon, and lemon slices. -        Add to slow cooker and cook on high for 5 hours. -        Serve!

Cappuccino Muffins Ingredients 2 cups flour ½ cup sugar ½ cup brown sugar 2 teaspoons baking powder 2 teaspoons instant coffee 1 teaspoon cinnamon, ground ¼ teaspoon salt 1 egg 1 cup milk ½ cup butter, melted before use 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips   6 tablespoons flour ¼ cup brown sugar ½ teaspoon ground cinnamon ¼ cup butter, cold Method Preheat the oven to 190°C/375°F/gas 5. Grease muffin cups with oil or nonstick cooking spray. In a bowl, combine the dry ingredients; flour, sugars, baking powder, instant coffee granules, cinnamon and salt. In a mixing bowl (separate) beat the egg, milk, butter and vanilla. Add this mixture into the dry ingredients mixture and stir until moistened. Add in chocolate chips and stir. Place the dough in to the greased muffin cups three-fourths full.

A jumbo muffin pan is used in this recipe, but a smaller muffin pan can be substituted. If a smaller pan is used, reduce baking time by about 5 minutes, though always assess doneness by inserting a wooden pick into the center of a muffin and making sure it comes out clean. If you make the smaller size, pack 2 muffins for lunch. Makes 6 4 cups almond meal/flour 1 cup shredded unsweetened coconut ½ cup chopped walnuts ½ cup pumpkin seeds Sweetener equivalent to ¾ cup sugar 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 1 tablespoon ground ginger 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg ½ teaspoon ground cloves 1 teaspoon sea salt 3 eggs ½ cup coconut oil, melted 1 teaspoon vanilla extract ½ cup water Preheat the oven to 350°F. Place paper liners in a 6-cup jumbo muffin pan or grease the cups with coconut or other oil. In a large bowl, combine the almond meal/flour, coconut, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, sweetener, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, cloves, and salt. Mix well. In a medium bowl, whisk the eggs. Stir in the coconut oil, vanilla, and water. Pour the egg mixture into the almond meal mixture and combine thoroughly. Divide the batter evenly among the muffin cups. Bake for 30 minutes, or until a wooden pick inserted in the center of a muffin comes out clean. Per serving (1 muffin): 893 calories, 25 g protein, 26 g carbohydrates, 82 g total fat, 30 g saturated fat, 12 g fiber, 333 mg sodium

Leighton was used to letting women talk. Whether by temperament or by the requirement to be amiable, women talked, their speech the unguent that greased the gears of polite society.

Ain’t no refunds up in here,” she said. “The hell you think this is, Walmart? You bought it, you eat it.” Another customer complained that the mac and cheese was too greasy. “Cheese is grease,” she said, like he was a moron. “The macaroni don’t do nothin’ but hold the grease—what? Yeah, you write a bad review and see if I don’t come lookin’ for your ass.” Which the guy quoted word for word on Yelp.

We had driven miles to find the world's creamiest cheesecake and the world's largest pistachio nut and the world's sweetest corn on the cob. We had spent hours in blind taste testings of kosher hot dogs and double chocolate chip ice cream. When Julie went home to Fort Worth, she flew back with spareribs from Angelo's Beef Bar-B-Q, and when I went to New York, I flew back with smoked butterfish from Russ and Daughters. Once, in New Orleans, we all went to Mosca's for dinner, and we ate marinated crab, baked oysters, barbecued shrimp, spaghetti bordelaise, chicken with garlic, sausage with potatoes, and on the way back to town, a dozen oysters each at the Acme and beignets and coffee with chicory on the wharf. Then Arthur said, "Let's go to Chez Helene for the bread pudding," and we did, and we each had two. The owner of Chez Helene gave us the bread pudding recipe when we left, and I'm going to throw it in because it's the best bread pudding recipe I've ever eaten. It tastes like caramelized mush. Cream 2 cups sugar with 2 sticks butter. Then add 2 1/2 cups milk, one 13-ounce can evaporated milk, 2 tablespoons nutmeg, 2 tablespoons vanilla, a loaf of wet bread in chunks and pieces (any bread will do, the worse the better) and 1 cup raisins. Stir to mix. Pour into a deep greased casserole and bake at 350* for 2 hours, stirring after the first hour. Serve warm with hard sauce.

Strawberry Cake About 16 Servings Ingredients Cake 2 cups self-rising flour 2 cups sugar 4 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla 2 teaspoons lemon juice 1 cup canola or coconut oil 1 cup milk 1/4 cup sweetened strawberries, mashed 1 small box strawberry gelatin Icing 2 cups sliced strawberries 1 cup butter, softened 3 cups confectioners' sugar 1 teaspoon vanilla extract Preparation Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Mix all cake ingredients and pour into greased 9×13 pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean. While the cake bakes, prepare the icing. Mix together all icing ingredients until smooth. Add more powdered sugar, if needed. Icing should be spreadable but not runny. Once the cake is cool, spread the icing on the cake. Refrigerate for at least two hours. Serve chilled.

Sometimes you need to grease your sword, so you can draw it easily out of sheet.

CHOCOLATE OVERLOAD COOKIE BARS Preheat oven to 350 degrees F., rack in the middle position. FOR THE CRUST: 1½ cups flour ¼ cup cocoa powder ¾ cup sugar ¾ cup softened butter (1½ sticks) Mix the dry ingredients together and then cut in the softened butter. (You can also do this in a food processor with a steel blade, using chilled butter that’s been cut into chunks.) Spread the mixture out in the bottom of a greased 9-inch by 13-inch cake pan and press it down with a spatula. Bake at 350 degrees F. for 15 minutes. (Don’t shut off the oven—you’ll need it for the second step.) FOR THE FILLING: 2 eight-ounce packages softened cream cheese (the block type, not the whipped type) 1 cup mayonnaise 1 cup sugar 4 eggs 2 cups melted chocolate chips (12-ounce bag) 2 teaspoons vanilla You can do this by hand, but it’s a lot easier with an electric mixer. Soften the cream cheese and beat it with the mayonnaise until it’s smooth. Gradually add the sugar. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating after each addition. Melt the chocolate chips in a microwave-safe bowl for 3 minutes. (Chocolate chips may retain their shape, so stir them to see if they’re melted.) Let them cool for a minute or two, and then gradually add the chocolate, mixing thoroughly. Then mix in the vanilla. Pour the finished mixture on top of the crust you just baked. Bake at 350 degrees F. for 35 minutes. Let it cool to room temperature and then chill for at least 4 hours. Cut into brownie-size bars. Garnish the bars with strawberries, whipped cream, or powdered sugar if desired. Baking Conversion Chart These conversions are approximate, but they’ll work just fine for Hannah Swensen’s recipes.

STRAWBERRY FLIP COOKIES Preheat oven to 375 degrees F., rack in the middle position. 1 cup melted butter (2 sticks) 1 cup white (granulated) sugar 2 beaten eggs (just whip them up with a fork) 1/3 cup seedless strawberry jam 1 teaspoon strawberry extract (or vanilla, if you can’t find it) 1 teaspoon baking powder ½ teaspoon soda ½ teaspoon salt 1½ cups chopped walnuts (or pecans) 3 cups flour (not sifted) small bowl of powdered (confectioner’s) sugar 1 bag frozen strawberries for garnish*** Melt the butter and add the white sugar. Then add the eggs and the strawberry jam. When the jam is fully incorporated, add the strawberry extract, baking powder, soda, and salt. Then add the chopped walnuts and the flour, and mix well. Roll dough balls with your hands about the size of unshelled walnuts. (If the dough is too sticky, chill it for a half hour or so and then try it again.) Roll the dough balls in the powdered sugar and place them on a greased cookie sheet, 12 to a standard sheet. Make a deep thumbprint in the center of each cookie. While the strawberries are still partially frozen, cut them in half lengthwise. (If your berries are too large to fit on your cookie balls, cut them in quarters instead of halves.) Flip the cut piece over and place it skin side up in the thumbprint you’ve made on top of each cookie. Bake at 375 degrees F. for 10 to 12 minutes. Cool on the cookie sheet for 2 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to finish cooling. Dust the cookies with powdered sugar and place them on a pretty plate before serving. Yield: 7 to 8 dozen cookies. The tart strawberry pieces are wonderful with the sweet cookie. Carrie Rhodes just adores these. As a variant, you can also makes these with seedless raspberry jam and whole fresh raspberries on top. Chapter

GERMAN CHOCOLATE CAKE COOKIES Do not preheat oven yet—make cookie dough first COOKIE DOUGH: 1 cup butter (2 sticks) 1 cup milk chocolate chips 2 cups white (granulated) sugar 2 eggs ½ teaspoon baking powder ½ teaspoon baking soda ½ teaspoon salt 2 teaspoons vanilla 3 cups flour (no need to sift) FROSTING: ½ cup firmly packed brown sugar ¾ cup tightly packed coconut ½ cup chopped pecans ¼ cup chilled butter (½ stick) 2 egg yolks, beaten In a microwave-safe bowl, melt the butter and chocolate chips on HIGH for 2 minutes. Stir until smooth. In another mixing bowl, mix the sugar and the eggs. Add the baking powder, baking soda, salt, and vanilla. Stir the melted chocolate until it’s fairly warm to the touch, but no longer hot. Add it to the mixing bowl and mix it in thoroughly. Add the flour and mix well. (Dough will be stiff and a bit crumbly.) Cover the dough and set it aside while you make the frosting. Combine the sugar and coconut in a food processor. Mix with the steel blade until the coconut is in small pieces. Add the chopped pecans. Cut the butter into four chunks and add them. Process with the steel blade until the butter is in small bits. Separate the yolks, place them in a glass, and whip them up with a fork. Add them to your bowl and process until thoroughly incorporated. (If you don’t have a food processor, you can make the frosting by hand using softened butter.) Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F., rack in the middle position. Chill the frosting while the oven’s preheating. It’ll make it easier to work with. This will be especially true if you’ve made the frosting by hand and haven’t chopped the coconut into shorter shreds. Pat the cookie dough into one-inch balls with your fingers. Place the balls on a greased cookie sheet, 12 to a standard sheet. Press down in the center of each ball with your thumb to make a deep indentation. (If the health board’s around, use the bowl of a small spoon.) Pat the frosting into ½-inch balls with your fingers. Place them in each indentation. Bake at 350 degrees F. for 10 to 12 minutes. Let the cookies cool on the cookie sheet for 2 minutes, then remove them to a wire rack to finish cooling. Yield: 5 to 6 dozen, depending on cookie size. Chapter Fifteen By the end of the day, Hannah’s feet were aching.

DESPERATION COOKIES Preheat oven to 350 degrees F., rack in the middle position. 2 cups melted butter (4 sticks, one pound) 3 cups white sugar 1½ cups brown sugar 4 teaspoons vanilla 4 teaspoons baking soda 2 teaspoons salt 4 beaten eggs 5 cups flour (no need to sift) 3 cups chips*** 4 cups chopped nuts**** Melt the butter. (Nuke it for 3 minutes on high in a microwave-safe container, or in a pan on the stove.) Mix in the white sugar and the brown sugar. Add the vanilla, baking soda, salt, and mix. Add the eggs and stir it all up. Then add half the flour, the chips, and the chopped nuts. Stir well to incorporate. Then add the rest of the flour and mix thoroughly. Drop by teaspoons onto greased cookie sheets, 12 cookies to a standard-size sheet. If the dough is too sticky to handle, chill it slightly and try again. Bake at 350 degrees F. for 10 to 12 minutes or until nicely browned. Let cool two minutes, then remove cookies from the baking sheet and transfer to a wire rack to finish cooling. Yield: Approximately 10 dozen.

This recipe might not sound healthy, but it’s loaded with protein and fiber and incorporates just enough of “the good stuff” to make it taste great. To beef up the healthy side of your meal, consider serving this dish with Simple Salad (here). You can find cooked bacon near other cured meats at the grocery store, or set aside a cooked strip of bacon from your morning breakfast. 1 teaspoon butter, at room temperature ½ cup fat-free evaporated milk ½ cup 2% milk 1 egg ½ cup sharp Cheddar cheese, grated 4 ounces whole-wheat elbow macaroni, cooked 1 strip bacon, cooked and crumbled ¼ cup canned jalapeño peppers 1. Grease the inside of the slow cooker with the butter. 2. In a large bowl, whisk together the evaporated milk, 2% milk, egg, and cheese. 3. Add the macaroni, bacon, and peppers to the bowl, and stir until thoroughly combined. 4. Pour the mixture into the slow cooker. 5. Cover and cook on low for 6 hours.

1 teaspoon extra-virgin olive oil ½ cup brown rice 3 cups low-sodium vegetable broth, divided 4 collard leaves, ribs removed, chopped into thin ribbons ½ cup minced red onion 1 tablespoon minced ginger 2 tablespoons tomato paste ¼ cup unsalted creamy peanut butter 1 teaspoon Sriracha ⅛ teaspoon sea salt ¼ cup roughly chopped cilantro, for garnish Lime wedges, for garnish 2 tablespoons roasted peanuts, roughly chopped, for garnish 1. Grease the inside of the slow cooker with olive oil. 2. Put the rice, 2 cups of broth, collard greens, and onion in the slow cooker. 3. In a medium bowl, whisk together the remaining 1 cup of broth, ginger, tomato paste, peanut butter, Sriracha, and salt. Stir this mixture into the slow cooker. 4. Cover and cook on low for 6 to 8 hours. Garnish each serving with fresh cilantro, a lime wedge, and the peanuts.

calories and no fat. 1 ounce dried wild mushrooms 1 teaspoon extra-virgin olive oil ½ cup minced onion 1 cup diced button mushrooms 1 teaspoon fresh thyme 1 cup short-grain white rice 2 cups low-sodium chicken or vegetable broth ⅛ teaspoon sea salt Freshly ground black pepper 2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese 2 tablespoons minced fresh parsley, for garnish ½ lemon, cut into wedges, for garnish 1. Soak the dried mushrooms in 1 cup of very hot water while you prepare the other ingredients. 2. While the mushrooms are soaking, grease the inside of the slow cooker with the olive oil. Add the onion, button mushrooms, thyme, rice, and broth. Season with the salt and pepper and stir everything to mix well. 3. Remove the soaked mushrooms from the hot water, roughly chop them, and add them to the slow cooker. 4. Cover and cook on low for 6 to 8 hours, until the rice is tender and all the liquid is absorbed. Just before serving, stir in the Parmesan cheese and garnish each serving with the fresh parsley and a lemon wedge.

CHOCOLATE ALMOND TOAST Preheat oven to 350 degrees F., rack in the middle position. 1½ cups melted butter (3 sticks) 1 cup cocoa powder (unsweetened) 2½ cups brown sugar 5 large eggs beaten (just whip them up in a glass with a fork) 4 teaspoons baking soda 1 teaspoon salt 2 teaspoons vanilla 1 cup slivered almonds 6 cups flour (not sifted) Melt the butter and mix in the cocoa. Add the brown sugar. Let it cool slightly and then stir in the beaten eggs. Add the soda, salt, vanilla, and slivered almonds. Stir until well blended. Add the flour in half-cup increments, mixing after each addition. Spray two cookie sheets with nonstick cooking spray. Divide the dough into five parts, forming each part into a free-form loaf, 1 inch high, 7 to 8 inches long, and 3 to 4 inches wide. Place 2 loaves on one cookie sheet and 3 loaves on the other. Bake the loaves at 350 degrees F. for 35 minutes. Cool the loaves on the cookie sheets for 10 minutes, but DON’T SHUT OFF THE OVEN. Transfer the loaves to a wire rack and cool for another 5 minutes. Slice them (just like bread) into ¾-inch-thick pieces with a sharp knife. (The end pieces don’t need more baking—save them to dunk in your coffee while the rest are baking.) Place the slices on their cut sides on the greased cookie sheets. Bake the slices for an additional 5 minutes, flip them over to expose the other cut side, and bake them for an additional 10 minutes.

Four-Ingredient M&M Brownies Serves Nine Ingredients: 1 1/4 cups (371g) Nutella - or one 13-ounce jar 2 large eggs room temperature 1/2 cup (62g) all-purpose flour 1/2 cup (100g) M&M’s chocolate candies (Perhaps a cup if there has been a death) Instructions: Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease an 8”x8” non-stick baking pan. Set aside. Mix the first three ingredients in a large bowl with a wooden spoon until smooth. About 50-60 strokes. Do not over mix. Pour batter into prepared pan and smooth top with a spatula. Sprinkle M&M’s candies over batter, distributing evenly. Bake for 20-25 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Do not over-bake. Let brownies cool and set before cutting and serving. Cut into nine squares. I suggest you make a double, or even a triple-batch as I could eat nine brownies for breakfast. For instant gratification, eat the caramel and Nutella as you bake. I’m not suggesting that chocolate cures us of all our worriment, but you cannot operate in crisis mode non-stop - you have to take a break.

21. Bacon and Cheddar "Pot-Potatoes" Preparation time: 20 minutes cooking time: 40 minutes servings: 4 Ingredients: 1 pound bacon (diced) 2 medium onions (thinly sliced) 5 medium Idaho potatoes (thinly sliced) ½ pound cheddar cheese (grated) 4 tablespoons of butter with cannabis 1 teaspoon of salt ½ teaspoon of black pepper ½ teaspoon of chili powder aluminum foil potato pot baking tray / frying pan Optional garnishes: spring onions (thinly sliced), a dollop of sour cream, etc. Directions: Enough to make the top - starting clothed your crockpot or slow cooker with some aluminum foil potatoes to cover if you're ready. Then heat a large skillet or stovetop on the stovetop (most ideally because of the large surface area) over medium heat. Add 1 tablespoon of butter with cannabis and grease your pan.

Cream 2 cups sugar with 2 sticks butter. Then add 2 ½ cups milk, one 13-ounce can evaporated milk, 2 tablespoons nutmeg, 2 tablespoons vanilla, a loaf of wet bread in chunks and pieces (any bread will do, the worse the better) and 1 cup raisins. Stir to mix. Pour into a deep greased casserole and bake at 350° for 2 hours, stirring after the first hour. Serve warm with hard sauce.

pudding I’ve ever eaten. It tastes like caramelized mush. Cream 2 cups sugar with 2 sticks butter. Then add 2 ½ cups milk, one 13-ounce can evaporated milk, 2 tablespoons nutmeg, 2 tablespoons vanilla, a loaf of wet bread in chunks and pieces (any bread will do, the worse the better) and 1 cup raisins. Stir to mix. Pour into a deep greased casserole and bake at 350° for 2 hours, stirring after the first hour. Serve warm with hard sauce.

A key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.

Banana Nut Bread Recipe Ingredients 2 eggs 1-1/2 cups sugar ½ cup shortening 1 tsp. vanilla 3 cups flour 2 tsp. baking soda ½ tsp salt 2/3 cup sour milk 3 very ripe bananas ½ cup chopped pecans or walnuts (optional) *Preheat oven to 325 degrees 1. In large bowl, cream together sugar and shortening.  Add eggs and vanilla.  Mix well. 2. In separate bowl, mix flour, baking soda and salt 3. Add dry mixture to the creamed mixture of eggs, sugar and shortening, alternating between that and the sour milk and bananas until all are well mixed. 4. Add nuts, if desired. 5. Pour into two lightly greased bread pans. 6. Bake at 325 degrees for one hour or until toothpick, inserted in center of pan, comes out clean. 7. Cool for 15 minutes or drizzle with optional topping (recipe below) Orange Drizzle (optional) Bake bread as directed above. Let cool for 10 minutes Mix: 1 cup powdered sugar, 3 tbsp. fresh orange juice and 1 tsp grated orange rind. Drizzle evenly over warm bread.

There was no amount of skillful cooking that could replace good old-fashioned grease and salt.

Pony Cakes 1 cup rolled oats 1 cup flour 1 tsp salt 2 tsp sugar 2 tsp corn oil ¼ cup molasses 1 cup shredded carrots 1 cup diced apple   1. Preheat the oven to 350°F (177°C).* 2. Mix the oats, flour, salt, sugar, oil, and molasses in a bowl. 3. Stir in the carrots and apple. 4. Lightly flour your hands to keep the batter from sticking to them. Then form balls of batter no bigger than a golf ball. 5. Grease a cookie sheet (rub it with butter or margarine or spritz it with a spray-on cooking oil). 6. Place the balls of batter on the cookie sheet. 7. Bake for about 12 minutes or until the cookies turn gold. 8. Let cool. 9. Serve to your favorite horse.   *