Eve Rodsky Quotes

We expect women to work like they don’t have children and raise children as if they don’t work.

Self-help author Brianna Wiest suggests: “True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake; it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.

Seventy-eight percent of moms say they are so busy maintaining family stability by being constantly available, mentally and physically, to deal with every detail of home life that they aren’t taking care of themselves.

Would a reasonable person (in this case, your partner, spouse, babysitter, caregivers, parents, and in-laws) under similar circumstances do as I’ve done? What is the community standard, and do we want to adopt this standard within our own home? What’s the harm for doing, or not doing, it this way? What is our “why”?

Resentment grows out of perceived unfairness.

Having to remind your partner to do something doesn’t take that something off your list. It adds to it. And what’s more, reminding is often unfairly characterized as nagging.

Stay forever curious. Live your dream. Don’t let anyone talk you out of it. And be ready to pick yourself up when you get knocked down, because anything worth having shouldn’t be easy.

A reminder, in itself, takes tremendous mental effort by you. It requires knowing what needs to be done, remembering what needs to be done, and reminding someone to get it done, whereas the person being reminded gets off easy.

In fact, multitasking is bad for everyone because our brains are not built to deal with more than one complex thing at a time. Even when folks designed studies to prove that women are better at multitasking, nothing was really there.

What if everything isn’t important? What if you let some of it . . . go? What if you choose with intention what you want to do in service of the home and your family based on what’s most valuable to you and your partner? Rather than doing more, or continuing to believe that you should do it all, save yourself from burnout and what the millennial generation has termed “errand paralysis” by engaging in a process that systematically lightens your load and allows you to live the life you truly want. In other words, give yourself permission to do less!

Having to remind your partner to do something doesn’t take that something off your list. It adds to it. And what’s more, reminding is often unfairly characterized as nagging. (Almost every man interviewed in connection with this project said nagging is what they hate most about being married, but they also admit that they wait for their wives to tell them what to do at home.) It’s not a partnership if only one of you is running the show, which means making the important distinction between delegating tasks and handing off ownership of a task. Ownership belongs to the person who first off remembers to plan, then plans, and then follows through on every aspect of executing the plan and completing the task without reminders. A survey conducted by Bright Horizons—an on-site corporate childcare provider—found that 86 percent of working mothers say they handle the majority of family and household responsibilities, “not just making appointments, but also driving to them and mentally calendaring who needs to be where, and when.” In order to save us from big-time burnout, we need our partners to be more than helpers who carry out instructions that we’ve taken time and energy to think through (and then who blame us when things fall through the cracks). We need our partners to take the lead by consistently picking up a task, or “card”—week after week—and completely taking it off our mental to-do list by doing every aspect of what the card requires. Otherwise we still worry about whether the task is being done as we would do it, or done fully, or done at all—which leaves us still shouldering the mental and emotional load for the “help” or the “favor” we had to ask for. But how do we get our partners to take that initiative and own every aspect of a household or childcare responsibility without being (nudge, nudge) told what to do? Or, to simply figure it out?

When you go from your own version of a bad event to a good outcome, from a low place to a high place, from an object at rest to an object in motion, from stagnation to creating something you bravely and proudly share with the world, you become a healthier, more adjusted person who can weather the next rainstorm (because you’ve been through a few and now have the wherewithal to throw up an umbrella and keep going). But even more than that: you become someone committed to improving the lives of others. You increase your “generativity”—your concern for, contribution to, and impact on future generations. And that, dear reader, is how you create an active and lasting legacy.

Of course. She’s a great mom.” Some would also tack on sentiments like, “I couldn’t do it without her,” and “It’s amazing how she keeps the house running.” I thought it was interesting that when I used the word “proud,” men almost always pointed straight to their wives’ role as a mother and caretaker. So I reframed the question, and asked, “Beyond her role as a mother or a wife,” I clarify, “are you proud of her?” The men whose wives forfeited the focus of their personal passion in the context of becoming a wife and a mom—those women with no connection to their Unicorn Space—had a hard time saying yes. They’d often hedge, hem and haw, then finally land on something their life partners did in the past that caused them to feel proud. I call this The Case of the She Used To’s, and it’s strong evidence that a woman’s gone missing.

If you’re not sure what your passion is or what it once was, try brainstorming with the following questions: I would like more time for ________________ Or I want to get back to _______________________ Or I have always wanted to __________________ (If you have more than one, pick one for now.) Or When doing _______ or thinking of doing _______ I feel at least two of the following: Exhilarated Content Fulfilled Focused If you’re still drawing a blank, consider the following visual prompts to spark an idea. Are you more drawn to activities that utilize your hands, build heart connections or heart-pumping adrenaline, or challenge you to use your head and/or align with a higher purpose? Pick one category that appeals to you today and drill down to identify a trade, skill, sport, art, practice, or class that you want to commit to exploring, developing, or completing over the next six months. It’s not forever—whatever you choose today can change.

It’s really a dance where you lean in to take care of your baby, but you have to lean out to take care of yourself,” says reproductive psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks. “Because you’re still a human being, and you still have to care for your own body, your own emotions, your relationship with your partner, with your friends, your intellectual life, your spiritual life, your hobbies . . . all these other aspects of your identity and your basic needs. Even if you want to just give unconditionally to your child, you can’t, because we’re humans. We’re not robots.

Ownership belongs to the person who first off remembers to plan, then plans, and then follows through on every aspect of executing the plan and completing the task without reminders.

Whoever you are and whatever you do, you still need time and space to engage in something outside of the work you do for money to make you come alive.

If you’re not careful, domestic encroachment will trap you every time. The net result is that you spend less time on your career and social outlets, and likely deny yourself mental breathers and important self-care.

I know things need to change, but I worry he won’t be open to changing.” “It’s too hard. I’d rather not talk.” “I’d almost rather keep doing things my way than have to explain a new way to my spouse.” “I’m not used to asking for help; I’m used to doing it all.” “I don’t want to admit that I need help—that I can’t do it all.” “The idea of sitting down with my spouse to discuss all that I do in a day makes me want to scream.” “I don’t want to have to tell him what to do.” “I worry that he’ll become defensive and we’ll end up in a fight.” “I’m not even sure what to ask for.” “I can just hear him now—‘I already do more than most guys and now you want me to do more’?” “I shouldn’t have to ask for help; he should be able to figure it out.” “In the time it takes to sit down and talk, I can just do it.” “Maybe I’m scared; maybe I’m proud. Whatever it is, I’m not comfortable asking for help.” “What happens if he says no?” “What happens if I realize I don’t have the partnership I thought I had?

Are you making time for activities and interests that elevate your own sense of worth?

what she contributed to the relationship as a stay-at-home wife and mother was no longer “interesting to my husband, my community, or myself.

Honestly, I believe I lost my permission to be interesting.” She explained that, at first, the role of wife and mother fulfilled her, and she’d lived vicariously through her husband’s professional success. But then, more than a decade and a half later, she recognized that she’d lost her earlier identity—the vibrant and passionate woman who she’d worked so hard to become (and who her husband had originally fallen in love with).

I recognized that the more valuable question to ask individuals is not “Are you proud of your partner?” but “Are you proud of yourself?” Are you making time for activities and interests that elevate your own sense of worth?

New research shows that women who spend time on themselves have a greater capacity to care for their children.

Whoever you are and whatever you do, you still need time and space to engage in something outside of the work you do for money to make you come alive. Unfortunately, many of us confuse financial success with personal value,

Admit it, even though we’re super-tired and overextended, we still like to brag about all that we do and how much better women are at getting it done. But here’s the thing: There is no consistent data proving that women are better at multitasking than men. It’s just something we say to our girlfriends over coffee to feel better about all that we’ve piled on our own plates.

It's not actually motherhood or kids that derail women's careers and personal ambitions - it's men who refuse to do their fair share, write author and columnist Jessica Valenti.

Both of you must reclaim your right to be interesting beyond your roles as wonderful parents and partners, and both must demand more time and space to explore this right.

From where we sat, this man appeared to be enjoying a luxury all of the women we know couldn't imagine: the freedom to focus on one task at a time.

A reminder, in itself, takes tremendous mental effort by you. It requires knowing what needs to be done, remembering what needs to be done, and reminding someone to get it done, whereas the person being reminded gets off easy. He doesn't have to remember a thing, nor does he worry about forgetting. And if you think about it, reminding and praising is the daily work of parenting children, not partnering with husbands.

Don’t let your passion be the perfection of your children. Because when you solely define yourself in relation to another, it’s not enough.

Twitter @PhillyD: Best part of being a Dad is I can do almost anything and people are like OMG YOU’RE THE BEST DAD IN THE WORLD!!! I’m like . . . for making my son a PBJ? Meanwhile my wife who does 90% of the work can tweet how she needs an hour for herself to recoup and people will try to shame her.

We need to hold ourselves accountable for whatever voluntary steps we took toward losing sight of our right to be interesting and turn on our heels and find ourselves again.

invisible work”: invisible because it may be unseen and unrecognized by our partners, and also because those of us who do it may not count or even acknowledge it as work . . . despite the fact that it costs us real time and significant mental and physical effort with no sick days or benefits.