Estate Agent Funny Quotes

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Chase had looked at the apartment—online—talked to the real estate agent—online—obtained references—online. Now, standing in the hallway, it was obvious he’d gotten fucked—online.
Adrienne Wilder (Seven (The Others Project #1))
There is a philosophy by which many people live their lives, and it is this: life is a shit sandwich, but the more bread you've got, the less shit you have to eat. These people are often selfish brats as kids, and they don't get better with age: think of the shifty-eyed smarmy asshole from the sixth form who grow up to be a merchant banker, or an estate agent, or one of the Conservative Party funny-handshake mine's a Rolex brigade. (This isn't to say that all estate agents, or merchant bankers, or conservatives are selfish, but that these are ways of life that provide opportunities of a certain disposition to enrich themselves at the expense of others. Bear with me.) There is another philosophy by which people live their lives, and it goes thus: You will do as I say or I will hurt you. . . . Let me draw you a Venn diagram with two circles on it, denoting sets of individuals. They overlap: the greedy ones and the authoritarian ones. Let's shade in the intersecting area in a different color and label it: dangerous. Greed isn't automatically dangerous on its won, and petty authoritarians aren't usually dangerous outside their immediate vicinity -- but when you combine the two, you get gangsters and dictators and hate-spewing preachers.
Charles Stross (The Fuller Memorandum (Laundry Files, #3))
The Honest Real Estate Agent “It is important that I am honest with you,” the real estate agent said to a man interested in buying a new home.  “I am going to tell you the advantages about this house and the disadvantages.” “Okay give me the disadvantages of the house first,” the man said. “The biggest disadvantage of the house is that it sits near a manure factory,” the real estate agent explained. “Hmmm that’s interesting,” acknowledged the man.  What are the advantages?” “Well,” said the real estate agent.  “The biggest advantage is that you will always know what direction the wind is blowing.
Peter Jenkins (Funny Jokes for Adults: All Clean Jokes, Funny Jokes that are Perfect to Share with Family and Friends, Great for Any Occasion)