Ending A Toxic Relationship Quotes

If you walked away from a toxic, negative, abusive, one-sided, dead-end low vibrational relationship or friendship — you won.

Shout out to everyone transcending a mindset, mentality, desire, belief, emotion, habit, behavior or vibration, that no longer serves them.

Sometimes it's better to end something & try to start something new than imprison yourself in hoping for the impossible.

Just because you feel lost doesn't mean that you are. Sometimes you just have to relax, breathe deep, and trust the path you're on.

You don't have to live happily ever after with every single person in your life in order to live happily ever after. Some unfortunate endings are necessary.

When you fail to tap into your wellsprings of inner strength due to toxic habits, environments or people, you wind up feeling trapped, stranded and unhappy. You end up in soulless jobs, destructive relationships and empty friendships. Most of all, you find yourself unsatisfied with who you are, and you often become your own worst enemy,perpetuating the cycles of pain, anger and fear within you – like I did

The moments of silence are gone. We run from them into the rush of unimportant things, so filled is the quiet with the painful whispers of all that goes unspoken. Busy-ness is our drug of choice, numbing our minds just enough to keep us from dwelling on all that we fear we can’t change. A compilation of coping mechanisms, we have become our fatigue. Unwilling or unable to cut ourselves free of this modern machine we have built, we’re dragged in its wake all too quickly toward our end. The virtue of a society’s culture is reflected in the physical, mental, and emotional health of its people. The time has come to part ways with all that is toxic, and preserve our quality of life.

You'll notice that I'll never make a quote about assholes and/or dicks in life. End of story. Dead-end. Avoid like the plague. They always multiply. They're truly the most insecure people on this planet. That pretty much says it all. In conclusion, ignore them with all your might. Never give them your energy.

Toxicity at work, relationship or in life works as a slow poison which often ends its survivors as disillusioned or embittered.

C-PTSD sufferers who experienced abuse may engage in mental arguments with their abusers long after the abuse has ended. Most people with C-PTSD experienced ongoing abuse from someone (or multiple people) who repeatedly betrayed their trust, and blamed them for this betrayal. They were made the scapegoat of someone else’s shame, which eventually caused them to absorb this shame themselves.

Just say NO to complicated, dead-end, unhealthy, and toxic relationships.

You will become stronger than you could ever imagine. You will understand who you are truly meant to be. And in the end, you will be glad it happened.

Staying, when you know you need to leave, is not a kindness to anyone. Least of all yourself. But leaving, when everything in you wants to find a reason to stay, requires more kindness than you can possibly imagine. We think we need strength and bravery to leave. I wonder if what we need is more softness. If you need to leave, dig deep for every ounce of grace and mercy you have to muster. You’re going to need it.

Nobody goes no contact with a loving, caring, gentle, safe family. They end toxic relationships because all the other alternatives were exhausted and unsuccessful. They broke connections to abusive people because it was their last resort.

From beginning to end, all this phony relationship can offer you is a toxic combination of fake love and real abuse. He constructs the psychopathic bond through deception and manipulation. You maintain it through self-sacrifice and denial.

There are many paths to a fairytale ending... Blocking, unfollowing, muting, and unfriending also lead to "Happily ever after.

Kate summed it up: All my life, it’s been going through my mind that I don’t deserve to be happy. I think that’s why I never got married . . . never had a good relationship . . . never allowed myself any real success. When Kate grew up, the physical abuse ended. But through self-loathing, the emotional abuse continued. Except that now, she had become her own abuser.

and do not spend any more of your precious and glorious life trying to figure out why they do what they do, what’s wrong with you, or what you can do to “help” them. In the end, it will not matter.

When you stop avoiding and resisting that truth, you can finally acknowledge and heal it. Life becomes so much calmer. It is no longer a manic search for meaning, filled with shaky declarations of personality and passions. Your identity is no longer a never-ending quest to prove “I am,” but rather an exploration into your suffering so that you can let go of what you “are not.” Once you do that, your true self comes rushing back in at last.

The culture of self-love tells us life’s too short to stay in a marriage that doesn’t make us happy. As a post on the self-love account @femalecollective argues: “Reminder: relationships are supposed to make you feel good.” That logic makes sense only if the self is the highest priority. But if everyone really thought that way, we’d all end up alone.

10 facts about abusive relationships (what i wish i'd known) 1. it's not always loud. it's not always obvious. the poison doesn't always hit you like a gunshot. sometimes, it seeps in quietly, slowly. sometimes, you don't even know it was ever there until months after. 2. love is not draining. love is not tiring. this is not how it is supposed to be. 3. apologies are like band-aids, when what you really need is stitches– they don't actually fix anything long-term. soon enough, you'll be bleeding again, but they will never give you what you really need. 4. this is not your fault. you did not turn them into this. this is how they are, how they've always been. you can't blame yourself. 5. there will be less good days than bad days but the good days will be so amazing that it will feel like everything is better than it actually is. your mind is playing tricks on itself and your heart is trying to convince itself that it made the right choice. 6. they do not love you. they can not love you. this is not love. 7. you're not wrong for wanting to run, so do it. listen to what your gut is telling you. 8. you will let them come back again and again before you realize that they only change long enough for you to let them in one more time. 9. it's okay to be selfish and leave. there is never any crime in putting yourself first. when they tell you otherwise, don't believe them. don't let them tear you down. they want to knock you off your feet so that they can keep you on the ground. 10. after, you will look back on this regretting all the chances given, all the time wasted. you will think about what you know now, and what you would do differently if given the chance. part of you will say that you would never have even given them the time of the day, but another part of you, the larger one, will say that even after everything, you wouldn't have changed a thing. and as much as it will bother you, eventually, you will realize that that is the part that is right. because as much as it hurts, as much as you wish you'd never felt that pain, it has taught you something. it has helped you grow. they brought you something that you would have never gotten from somebody else. at the end of the day, you will accept that even now, you wouldn't go about it differently at all.

People stay all the time where we know they should not. Even more, they stay where THEY know they should not. Against reason. At the risk of their bodies. At the risk of their sovereignty. At the risk of their heart. We humans are nothing if not tenaciously obtuse in the face of a story that wants to end itself.

The end for us came with a knock on my window.

Do you fear a relationship’s ending because you see it as abandonment?

And in the end, I said you would love me. We’re in the end and there’s only one of us here.

Elevated blood sugar stirs up inflammation in the bloodstream, as excess sugar can be toxic if it’s not swept up and used by cells. It also triggers a reaction called glycation—the biological process by which sugar binds to proteins and certain fats, resulting in deformed molecules that don’t function well. These sugar proteins are technically called advanced glycation end products (AGEs). The body does not recognize AGEs as normal, so they set off inflammatory reactions. In the brain, sugar molecules and brain proteins combine to produce lethal new structures that contribute to the degeneration of the brain and its functioning. The relationship between poor blood sugar control and Alzheimer’s disease in particular is so strong that researchers are now calling Alzheimer’s disease type-3 diabetes.14

Highly needy men will end up in relationships sometimes, but only with highly needy women. The highly needy man is constantly working to earn a woman’s approval, and a highly needy woman is constantly in need of a man’s approval. So the two conspire together, usually with one creating drama/emotional meltdowns and the other one endlessly fixing it. This relationship is toxic and can harm each person’s self-worth.

You’ll try to come up with a diplomatic solution that evenly distributes the blame, and therefore gives you both a chance to apologize and make up. But in the end, you’ll find that you’re the only one apologizing.

She always tried to create a fairytale from her life, but she was still far from a happy ending. She would always get stuck somewhere in the middle, in that very moment in which things suddenly turn bad after being good. And it got repeated over and over again.

Dysfunctional Healing Approach: C-PTSD causes the sufferer’s thinking to become very rigid and analytical. This was (at some point) a necessary survival skill in order to identify threats and stay safe. However, once the threat is over, those with C-PTSD may still have a lot of trouble “feeling” emotions, and may end up trying to “think” them instead. As they begin recovery, they are likely to use this same analytical and rigid thinking against themselves, embarrassed or impatient by their inability to get in touch with their own feelings. They are also likely to have an extremely negative reaction to the idea of forgiveness, equating that with “letting them win,” and seeing forgiveness as something that abusers use to keep hurting victims. And they’re not wrong! I’ll explore this topic in Part 4 when we come back to forgiveness.

Abusers happily cheat, lie, verbally assault, manipulate, confuse, and ignore others, but survivors often find that when they try to react firmly and stand up to this abuse, they immediately end up feeling bad. Let go of this inner turmoil. Having boundaries is what makes you healthy.

He guided me into the house and walked me to the shower. He ran the water and cared for me as if I was an upset toddler or an elderly person who could no longer care for herself. He washed me hair and gently washed my body, while I cried as if the world was ending. For me, it seemed it was. -The Art of Leaving

After some harshness to her [...] She would say to herself: 'Thus is the end, I won't bear it any more. I shall go from him and never come back'; and then sit white-faced and tight-lipped over the evening meal in the stuffy parlor behind the shop. [...] She could never go from him without her own life leaving her.

I kept thinking of an even more robust research finding: that being on the high end of the Neuroticism dimension is toxic for relationships. Neuroticism, or the tendency to be anxious, stressed, critical, and moody, is far more predictive of relationship unhappiness and dissolution than is personality dissimilarity.

We enter the world of love and relationships with such little confidence that we have a hard time believing that others could be genuinely interested in us. Because of this, we are too afraid to ask for what we need from others. We fear rejection. To us, rejection from others only proves our toxic family members must have been right about us. We have been programmed to believe that having needs of our own bothers other people, so we don’t ask for what we need and end up stifling ourselves by constantly acquiescing to others to stay in relationships we don’t even want to be in. In this way we end up perpetuating the emotional loneliness we were raised in.

Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?’ Amos 3:3 ‘Does This Person Belong in your Life?’ A toxic relationship is like a limb with gangrene: unless you amputate it the infection can spread and kill you. Without the courage to cut off what refuses to heal, you’ll end up losing a lot more. Your personal growth - and in some cases your healing - will only be expedited by establishing relationships with the right people. Maybe you’ve heard the story about the scorpion who asked the frog to carry him across the river because he couldn’t swim. ‘I’m afraid you’ll sting me,’ replied the frog. The scorpion smiled reassuringly and said, ‘Of course I won’t. If I did that we’d both drown!’ So the frog agreed, and the scorpion hopped on his back. Wouldn’t you know it: halfway across the river the scorpion stung him! As they began to sink the frog lamented, ‘You promised you wouldn’t sting me. Why’d you do it?’ The scorpion replied, ‘I can’t help it. It’s my nature!’ Until God changes the other person’s nature, they have the power to affect and infect you. For example, when you feel passionately about something but others don’t, it’s like trying to dance a foxtrot with someone who only knows how to waltz. You picked the wrong dance partner! Don’t get tied up with someone who doesn’t share your values and God-given goals. Some issues can be corrected through counselling, prayer, teaching, and leadership. But you can’t teach someone to care; if they don’t care they’ll pollute your environment, kill your productivity, and break your rhythm with constant complaints. That’s why it’s important to pray and ask God, ‘Does this person belong in my life?

Those willing to listen to your psychopathic story for hours on end are, unfortunately, not likely to be people who are truly invested in your recovery. Vultures often seem exceptionally kind and warm at first. They want to fix you and absorb your problems. They are fascinated by your struggles. But sooner or later, you will find yourself lost in another nightmare.

Life is too short to hang around people who are causing you to compromise. Pulling you down. Your time is too valuable to waste it with people who don't have a dream. People that aren't going anywhere. You don't need to make some big announcement, but little by little, you should spend less time with them. 'Joel, what if I hurt their feelings, what if they get upset?' What if you miss your destiny? What if they are keeping you from going to the next level? When you come to the end of life, you won't stand before people, you will stand before God. He has entrusted you with a gift, you have an assignment, there is something for you to accomplish. you have a responsibility to become who God has created you to be. You have to take bold steps to protect what you are feeding.

A woman’s number one relationship goal should be with herself first. Liking, loving, and valuing who she is will set the standard for what kind of man she chooses to date and/or marry. She’s got to not only know her worth, but she’s got to protect it, too! Protect it from men that don’t mean her any good. Dead-end, unhealthy, and toxic relationships won’t be something that she cares to entertain. Her self-love won’t allow her to go down that road.

Queen, our daughters should NEVER have to wonder what they have to fix for a man to love them. Even more?...Nor should you! Love yourself, teach self-love and end that toxic relationship. If you're "working" on allowing a man to walk all over you, giving multiple chances and not giving that one chance to yourself to WALK AWAY permanently it's time for self-reflection. When you love yourself you KNOW some things you must walk away from and not waste another moment investing in someone who doesn't even invest in themselves!

Out of our insecurities, we strive to be needless in relationships. We take on the belief that we are the person who has to do all the work because who could possibly love us if we’re not the person doing all the work. We have learned we don’t deserve love. We have learned we have to work hard for it. We know that if anyone is going to be wrong or needs to change, it will, without a doubt, end up being us. This is a horrible way to be in a relationship because if the relationship fails, due to no fault of our own, we interpret relationship failures as we didn’t do enough and that we are, in truth, fundamentally unlovable.

Anxiety, as neuropsychologists today tell us, is toxic; our brains are wired to avoid anxiety. Anxiety corrupts the chemistry of the brain and leads us to depart (emotionally or physically) from others to protect ourselves. Jesus’s words to his disciples “to fear not” (Luke 8:50 NRSV) become of utmost significance. Anxiety is so acidic that it is nearly impossible to have relationship, to be a place-sharer, where the air is poisoned with it. Bonhoeffer’s calm and composure, even on the first day, signaled to the boys that he had no anxiety, no worry about lessons being unfinished or others thinking he was a failure. His composure signaled to them that it might be that he is really just here for them, rather than to fulfill some goal that they could frustrate (like getting them through the material). Bonhoeffer’s composure tacitly indicated to the boys that he was more loyal to their concrete persons than any end others sought for them.

When our highest priority is to always make ourselves feel good, or to always make our partner feel good, then nobody ends up feeling good. And our relationship falls apart without our even knowing it. Without conflict, there can be no trust. Conflict exists to show us who is there for us unconditionally and who is just there for the benefits. No one trusts a yes-man. If Disappointment Panda were here, he’d tell you that the pain in our relationship is necessary to cement our trust in each other and produce greater intimacy. For a relationship to be healthy, both people must be willing and able to both say no in here no. Without that negation, without that occasional rejection, boundaries break down and one person’s problems and values come to dominate the other’s. Conflict is not only normal, then; it’s Absolutely necessary for the maintenance of a healthy relationship. If two people who are close are not able to hash out their differences openly and vocally, then the relationship is based on manipulation and misrepresentation, and it will slowly become toxic. Trust is the most important ingredient in any relationship, for the simple reason that without trust, the relationship doesn’t actually mean anything. A person could tell you that she loves you, wants to be with you, I would give up everything for you, but if you don’t trust her, you get no benefit from those statements. You don’t feel loved until you trust that the love being expressed toward you comes without any special conditions or baggage attached to it.

If you have a bad friend, tell them off. The longer you have to do it, the brighter the truth that they aren't a great friend shines. Don't be afraid to cut ties with someone who is hurting you. It won't be the end of the world, just the end of a toxic relationship.

A culture of a shame and secrets is bound to hide its dirty laundry and continue the same offences for generations. You can't healthfully and successfully sweep your dysfunctions under the carpet and pretend nothing has happened. Whether it's your family culture, or your religious culture, or both, this is a great way to grow deep roots of poison and toxic dysfunction in all of your close relationships. It's a great way to destroy yourself and your loved ones. End the culture of secrecy. End the follied pride that seeks to cover up its shame rather than admit it. Face your offenses head on with a desire to fix them and heal.

I also tried to explain that I don’t allow “crap” into my life. I simply will not put up with it—whether that “crap” is toxic relationships, negative behavior, or not addressing issues directly when they need to be. If you have low-energy–value crap around you (e.g., day-old newspapers), you are dwelling in a place convoluted with an additional layer of nonsense. Try to evaluate the energetic value of the items that surround you because that directly affects the situations and relationships you bring in to your life. Low-energy items magnetize a low-energy life. The end goal is to keep the crap away and the sacred close.

Men, particularly white men, in America have enjoyed unbelievable privilege, and when that privilege is threatened their response is to often react violently and in anger. My father's breakdown led to the dissolution of my parents' relationship, but when my mother's reaction was to end the marriage, that privilege, and my father's belief that he essentially 'owned' her due to his status as a man, led to harassment. The more my mom denied him, and denied that inherent privilege, the worse it got.

narcissist may often lie yet accuse you of lying, no matter the proof you show to know he is wrong. He may feel as if everyone is out to get him, and they always get the short end of the stick, so he projects his subconscious beliefs on you by accusing you of plotting schemes against him every time there is a simple misunderstanding.

It plays in your mind like a mantra, the self-affirmation reminding you that going in the right direction will be worth it. It should be so easy—why stay with someone who has no empathy, care, or kindness towards you and wants to see you suffer? Yet, it is not as easy as it seems, hence why you need to repeat statements such as this.  It is one detail that many people don't tell you when taking steps to divorce a narcissist. You need mantras or affirmation-like statements to keep you on the course, remind you that this is in your best interests and that it will be worth it in the end. The psychological, mental, and emotional abuse and trauma you have suffered are real, and regardless of how many times you have been gaslighted or made to appear crazy, in the wrong, or losing the plot, you know the truth in the core of your cells. Being with a narcissist is entirely detrimental to your health.

Loss of Self While you struggle to fit into everyone’s idea of who they think you are, you lose the real you. You lose your identity while trying to please everyone. All that’s visible is what the mob has created. This means that you’ll have multiple self-images that appear at different times and in different places. If that sounds weird, it’s because it is. Losing your sense of self can be very damaging to your mental health.

Throughout the years, the ugly boy had lost belief in the practicality of love. He argued there would always be a better version of a man somewhere in the world and thus, no sound reason for a woman to commit to one. Plus, he believed, there was nothing to a woman—they did not love. They chose men for certain seasons and focused to enjoy life above all, in all its grandeur, intentionally saving sincerity for the end—once they were finished. How can men with eyes not sink into depression? And if a woman ever welcomed a man as a companion, she always smelled his feelings, which were gratifying and advantageous to her, and rosily sipped a man’s glad spring of generosity until she was satiated. Andrei saw a woman’s timeline and in response, froze his heart dry and hammered it to pieces. Steel or emptiness—these were the only two available armors available and adequate to withstand the ephemeral nature of women, who he regarded not as individual people, but as a collective entity of superficial vampires. So he promised himself he’d never woo the dead.

Don't Let The Devil Hear You Weeping by Stewart Stafford Don't let the Devil hear you weeping, Or darkness comes as your friend, Saying God sent it to save you, And be with you until the end. Tail wrapped around you snugly, Gripped firmly in meaty claws, Only then get its beastly odour, Against which there should be laws. Dancing the inferno's fiery rim, Spitting bile in your begging bowl, Paper cut, a blood pact union, To steal away your purest soul. © Stewart Stafford, 2024. All rights reserved.

A relationship with God simply cannot grow when money, sins, activities, favorite sports teams, addictions, or commitments are piled up on top of it. Most of us have too much in our lives. As David Goetz writes, "Too much of the good life ends up being toxic, deforming us spiritually." A lot of things are good by themselves, but all of it together keeps us from living healthy, fruitful lives for God. . . Has your relationship with God actually changed the way you live?

I can recall a time in my life where I had no peace, I was miserable and was in a downward spiral with a never ending bottom. I had given up on living a joyful life and accepted my reality as a person of no value. I surrounded myself with people who were also on a downward spiral, some doing worse than me. I was stuck in a life that was never intended for me. When you lose everything, it's easy to feel that way, it's easy to continue in that downward spiral. I can tell you that if that is where you are now, you don't belong there. God has designed us all to succeed and have joyful life. I think the biggest reason to keep you from reaching your potential is surrounding yourself with people who really don't care if you succeed at all, people who are on the same downward spiral, or have simply settled for a life with no purpose. Take a moment to evaluate your friendships and your daily living. If you are not moving forward, with encouragement from others who want the best for you, make the changes in your life to become the best you! It's never too late! Let go of toxic friendships! Start taking care of yourself, you deserve a life of peace, joy, love and success! I am praying that you find your worth, that you seek after a relationship with God and find your purpose in life! Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Mid June 2012 …Young, as time passed, I missed you more than ever. My exasperation with Toby festered with each passing day. When I finally could not tolerate our tempestuous relationship, I confronted the young man. After a heated emotional argument, Toby left our unfinished discussion in a state of vexation. I did not realize he was using the age-old psychological threat of overdosing himself to obtain my attention. I found him unconscious, foaming at the corner of his mouth from consuming an entire bottle of sleeping pills. He was rushed to hospital. I would not have been able to live with my guilt if Toby had died. He recovered from this ordeal, but my respect for him had plummeted. Instead of loving him, I felt sorry and pitied him. This was a malignant sign of what was to come. To appease him, we often kissed and made up after impassioned disputes. I made false promises that I had no intention of keeping. These desolate pledges soon dissolved into self-abhorrence. I had allowed myself to be trapped into a situation, and I could not figure out a solution. Throughout this ordeal, I threw myself into my engineering studies, channeling my unhappiness into what I enjoyed best. I could not give myself fully to the boy, and had little respect for him. When we made love, I shut him out. Instead, I saw you in our sexual liaisons. Toby was merely a vehicle to satisfy my sexual desires to be with you. Throughout the years we were together, it was you I made love to, not Toby or anyone else. I could not and would not release you from my mind. The pain of losing you was too oppressive, until the fateful day I suffered a nervous breakdown. I ended up in a hospital, in the psychiatric ward. Aria and Ari came to nurse me back to health. Aria stayed for two weeks until I could commence classes again. I knew I had to get away from this toxic relationship. The day I graduated I enrolled in a postgraduate program in Alberta, Canada. I desired to be as far away from New Zealand as possible; I needed to be away from Toby and to find myself again. I finally had a solid and legitimate excuse to separate from the boy. I was glad when Toby’s parents demanded their son’s return to the Philippines after his graduation so that he could take over his father’s business. Toby did not wish to return to Manila, but had no choice. His father threatened to cut off his financial support if he did not return. Thanks to universal intervention, my freedom was restored. I began a new life in Canada. That, my dearest Young, was the beginning of a new chapter in my life. The rest will be revealed to you in our next correspondence. For now, be happy, be well, and most importantly, be you at all times: the Young whom I love and cherish. Andy, Xoxoxo

It is letting go of the dream, the idea / concept, of the relationship that causes the most grief in every relationship break up that I have ever worked with.  We give power and energy to the mental construct of what we want the relationship to be and cannot even begin to see the situation and the other person clearly. Far too often - because of the concept of toxic / addictive love we are taught in this society - it is the idea of the other person that we fall in love with, not the actual person.  It is so important to us to cast someone in the role of Prince or Princess that we focus on who we want them to be - not on who they really are.  In our relationship with our self, we attach so much importance to getting the relationship that we are dishonest with ourselves - and with the other person - in order to manifest the dream / concept of relationship that will fix us / make our life worthwhile.  Then we end up feeling like a victim when the other person does not turn out to be the person we wanted." - The True Nature of Love - part 4, Energetic Clarity

Investing in yourself shouldn’t end with settling for someone who doesn’t appreciate who you are. Let’s face it: the way you dress and act can send out signals like a flashing neon sign to the wrong types.

The metaphor of placing a frog in boiling water and turning up the heat slowly is often used to describe psychological and covert forms of abuse due to its gradual and insidious nature. Just as the frog may not notice the gradual increase in temperature until it's too late, victims of abuse often find themselves trapped in a toxic dynamic before fully realizing the extent of the damage. After the relationship they may also experience “delayed realization” a phenomena where the victim fails to recognize the severity of the abusive relationship until far after it’s ended.

At the end of the day, gaslighting is a form of abuse, and any relationship that perpetuates abuse is not one that you should stay in. Even if it is your significant other, parents, or boss.

I loved myself and since I loved me, I loved him because I realized he was good for me. A type of self worth, a type of narcissistic love.

I fall in that category. For years, I would say yes to things I knew I really did not want to do, or avoid difficult conversations because I could not live with the discomfort of speaking up for myself. I’ve known other victims of trauma who sabotage situations until someone else says no for them—meaning their relationship ends, a friendship becomes toxic, or they lose a job. This is what I hear you saying when you talk about people who poison intimacy.

one individual, the victim, puts far more into the relationship than they can get out of it. It is often likely that someone ends up in a toxic relationship without even realizing it. The result of the relationship is exhaustion by the victim. If the manipulator exhausts all the resources from the relationship completely, then the likelihood of the relationship ending altogether is quite high.

people who are overventing and inadvertently alienating those around them are less capable of solving problems. This makes it harder for them to fix the breach in their relationships, begetting a vicious cycle that can end with a toxic outcome: loneliness and isolation.

I came home unexpectedly in the middle of the day and she was dressed up in her best clothes and make-up, like she was on her way out for a date. She told me never to come home in the middle of the day again! I left a few weeks later, as it was the final straw in the toxic relationship. She ended up with a rotating shift worker!

This journey is the tempest before the flourishing, where we are stripped of everything we hold dear, left naked, and on our knees. It is the necessary death of our false selves so that we may be born into our true selves—healed and whole. When it comes without our choosing, this initiation shows up as the abrupt desecration of something foundational: The loss of a job we loathed but relied upon. The end of a toxic relationship. The death of a loved one. The diagnosis of an illness. An accident. An assault. It is the sudden cracking open of the ground beneath your feet, which forces you to face what lurks beneath. It is a holy invitation to honor your wounds and grieve them fully so that you may invite the grace of healing. It is a benevolently ruthless call to face all the ways in which you have betrayed yourself so that you may find your way back to who you truly are, what you really want, and what you will no longer stand for.'' -Syma Kharal

Guilt Trip Examples Ending Toxic Relationships Rob had an abusive father and felt he had to end his relationship with his dad. Even within his family, he was subject to social scrutiny. Both family members and friends disagreed with his desire to terminate the unhealthy relationship. His sister said, “He’s your father. You have to talk to him.” Underlying issue: Rob’s sister devalued the importance of setting boundaries when a relationship is unhealthy.

Many of us have a limited threshold for how much venting we can listen to, even from the people we love, as well as how often we can tolerate this venting while not feeling listened to ourselves. Relationships thrive on reciprocity. That’s one of the reasons why therapists charge us for their time and friends don’t. When this conversational balance becomes lopsided, social connections fray. To make matters worse, when this occurs, the people who are overventing and inadvertently alienating those around them are less capable of solving problems. This makes it harder for them to fix the breach in their relationships, begetting a vicious cycle that can end with a toxic outcome: loneliness and isolation.

Going to therapy and talking about healing may just be the go-to flex of our time. It is supposedly an indicator of how profoundly self-aware, enlightened, emotionally mature, or “evolved” an individual is. Social media is obsessed and saturated with pop psychology and psychiatry content related to “healing”, trauma, embodiment, neurodiversity, psychiatric diagnoses, treatments alongside productivity hacks, self-care tips and advice on how to love yourself without depending on anyone else, cut people out of your life, manifest your goals to be successful, etc. Therapy isn’t a universal indicator of morality or enlightenment. Therapy isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution that everyone must pursue. There are many complex political and cultural reasons why some people don’t go to therapy, and some may actually have more sustainable support or care practices rooted in the community. This is similar to other messaging, like “You have to learn to love yourself first before someone else can love you”. It all feeds into the lie that we are alone and that happiness comes from total independence. Mainstream therapy blames you for your problems or blames other people, and often it oscillates between both extremes. If we point fingers at ourselves or each other, we are too distracted to notice the exploitative systems making us all sick and sad. Oftentimes, people come out of therapy feeling fully affirmed and unconditionally validated, and this ego-caressing can feel rewarding in the moment even if it doesn’t help ignite any growth or transformation. People are convinced that they can do no wrong, are infallible, incapable of causing harm, and that other people are the problem. Treatment then focuses on inflating self-confidence, self-worth, self-acceptance, and self-love to chase one’s self-centered dreams, ambitions, and aspirations without taking any accountability for one’s own actions. This sort of individualistic therapeutic approach encourages isolation and a general mistrust of others who are framed as threats to our inner peace or extractors of energy, and it further breeds a superiority complex. People are encouraged to see relationships as accessories and means to a greater selfish end. The focus is on what someone can do for you and not on how to give, care for, or show up for other people. People are not pushed to examine how oppressive conditioning under these systems shows up in their relationships because that level of introspection and growth is simply too invalidating. “You don’t owe anyone anything. No one is entitled to your time and energy. If anyone invalidates you and disturbs your peace, they are toxic; cut them out of your life. You don’t need that negativity. You don’t need anyone else; you alone are enough. Put yourself first. You are perfect just the way you are.” In reality, we all have work to do. We are all socialized within these systems, and real support requires accountability. Our liberation is contingent on us being aware of our bullshit, understanding the values of the empire that we may have internalized as our own, and working on changing these patterns. Therapized people may fixate on dissecting, healing, improving, and optimizing themselves in isolation, guided by a therapist, without necessarily practicing vulnerability and accountability in relationships, or they may simply chase validation while rejecting the discomfort that comes from accountability. Healing in any form requires growth and a willingness to practice in relationships; it is not solely validating or invalidating; it is complex; it is not a goal to achieve but a lifelong process that no one is above; it is both liberating and difficult; it is about acceptance and a willingness to change or transform into something new; and ultimately, it is going to require many invalidating ego deaths so we can let go of the fixation of the “self” to ease into interdependence and community care.

My overarching premise is that good people who want to be married accidentally hurt one another and betray each other’s trust without either partner being aware of it as it is happening until their marriage slowly becomes toxic and/or ends. Just as health professionals in the 1950s and ’60s were compelled to sound the alarm regarding the dangers of tobacco smoking to a then-unaware public, this book’s purpose is to raise awareness of routine, everyday behaviors happening in marriage (or any long-term romantic relationship) that will lead to relationship sickness and death if gone unchecked.

1.          They were perfect… initially. We’ve discussed this one, but it’s worth mentioning again. A narcissist wants you to believe they’re totally into you and put you on a pedestal. Once they have you, though, they stop trying as hard and you end up being the one working to keep them. 2.          Others don’t see the narcissist the way you do. It’s hard enough to see it yourself, but when those around you, especially their friends and family, make excuses for them, you start doubting yourself even more. Stick to what you see. 3.          They’re making you look bad. In order to maintain their facade of perfection, they make you look like a bad person. Usually this involves spreading rumors, criticizing you behind your back, or creating lies you supposedly told. The worst part is that when you try rectifying the situation, or laying the blame where it should belong, the narcissist uses your defense to back their own lies. It’s frustrating because the generous, wonderful person they displayed initially is what those around you still see, even if you see them for who they really are. 4.          You feel symptoms of anxiety and/or depression. The toxic person may have caused you to worry about not acting the way you’re expected to, or that you haven’t done something right or good enough. In making this person your entire world, you may lose sleep, have no interest in things you used to or have developed a, “What’s the point?” attitude. You essentially absorb all of the negative talk and treatment so deeply, you believe it all. This is a dangerous mindset to be in so if you feel you’re going any steps down this path, seek outside help as soon as possible. 5.          You have unexplained physical ailments. It’s not surprising that when you internalize a great deal of negativity, you begin to feel unwell. Some common symptoms that aren’t related to any ongoing condition might be: changes in appetite, stomach issues, body aches, insomnia, and fatigue. These are typical bodily responses to stress, but if they intensify or become chronic, see a physician as soon as you can. 6.          You feel alone. Also a common symptom of abuse. If things are really wrong, the narcissist may have isolated you from friends or family either by things they’ve done themselves or by making you believe no one is there for you. 7.          You freeze. When you emotionally remove yourself from the abuse, you’re freezing. It’s a coping mechanism to reduce the intensity of the way you’re being treated by numbing out the pain. 8.          You don’t trust yourself even with simple decisions. When your self-esteem has been crushed through devaluing and criticism, it’s no wonder you can’t make decisions. If you’re also being gaslighted, it adds another layer of self-doubt. 9.          You can’t make boundaries. The narcissist doesn’t have any, nor do they respect them, which is why it’s difficult to keep them away even after you’ve managed to get away. Setting boundaries will be discussed in greater detail in an upcoming chapter. 10.    You lost touch with the real you. The person you become when with a narcissistic abuser is very different from the person you were before you got involved with them. They’ve turned you into who they want you to be, making you feel lost and insecure with no sense of true purpose. 11.    You never feel like you do anything right. We touched on this briefly above, but this is one of the main signs of narcissistic abuse. Looking at the big picture, you may be constantly blamed when things go wrong even when it isn’t your fault. You may do something exactly the way they tell you to, but they still find fault with the results. It’s similar to how a Private feels never knowing when the Drill Sergeant will find fault in their efforts. 12.    You walk on eggshells. This happens when you try avoiding any sort of conflict, maltreatment or backlash by going above and beyond to make the abuser happy.

Self-destructive behavior: When someone has been in a controlling relationship long enough, they carry on with the feelings of shame and fault even after the relationship has ended. This can flow over into forms of self-harm and substance abuse to continue with what the abuser did to them. ●     Overly obliging: Being forced to make the needs and wants of another person a number one priority from wake up until bedtime can result in extending the people-pleasing into other areas of your life. ●     Trust issues: Being mentally abused to the point where a person doubts themselves, or doesn’t even trust themselves or others, it can create severe trust issues. This can even lead to more severe concerns such as social anxiety. It instills mistrust of what others say, what they really mean and their sincerity. ●     Emotionally disconnected: It’s not uncommon to not understand how to emotionally respond to situations or people, or even express emotions at all. ●     Cognitive issues: This can be the result of the ill-treatment itself or the physical symptoms impairing health. Lack of sleep can result in many of the symptoms listed earlier as can digestive issues. Additional concerns also include memory loss, inability to concentrate, losing focus performing basic tasks or “spacing out”. ●     Inability to forgive the self: Feelings of unworthiness, shame and blame dissipate over time they never completely go away. Similar to PTSD, one small trigger can be all it takes to relive the trauma. Another aspect of this is a damaged self-worth that causes us to not make an effort to reach goals or dreams, or we self-sabotage because we’re convinced we don’t deserve happiness or success.

Even long after the relationship is ended those scars can continue to haunt the individual, affecting their mood, how they perceive reality and even the choices they make on a daily basis. Perhaps the greatest of these scars is that of anger.

Once you have created your list the next step is to identify each individual entry as something that belongs to you or something that comes from the heart and mind of someone else. How you mark the items on your list is up to you, the important thing is that you clearly differentiate those things that are yours from those things that aren’t. You can put an “x” next to the items that don’t come from your heart and mind, and a check mark next to those things that do. Alternatively, you can cross off the items that are alien, leaving your thoughts, hopes and dreams unmarked. In the end, all that matters is that you do what feels best to you.

because you cant end relationships, no matter how toxic, and not feel some kind of grief.

Habit Elimination ● Cut out toxic people What friends or family are always reaffirming negative thoughts you have about yourself? They gotta go. It’s simpler (though not necessarily easier) to cut out toxic friends than family, so if you have family members who always put you down, commit to spending less time with them. You don’t have to give excuses or explain yourself.

To lovers out there… Most people are single. Most relationship are toxic and end badly . Most people are hurt, because of someone trying to prove a point.

Sometimes we are compelled to end a relationship, not because it is toxic,but closeness becomes more painful than the distance

To lovers out there ... A relationship must be 10 percent looks and 90 percent feelings, but some people have made it 100 percent about looks .That is why their relationship is always failing every time. Their relationship is about looks, not feelings. They end up looking at the wrong places and looking at the wrong people. They want their relationship to look like so and so relationship. They want their love to look certain way not to feel a certain way. Looks are deceiving and looks keep changing. Most relationship are toxic, bad, emotional draining, hurting, even when people look happy in them.

When you are with certain people, do you invariably feel like “less?” Do you spend all of your energy worrying about pleasing someone else? Is his or her happiness more important than yours? Are their shifting moods a constant concern to you, because you never know when to expect a storm? It may seem that when you spend time together, you need to work hard to keep them upbeat and happy, as if it were your responsibility. It can seem like a constant struggle, with you never certain just where you’re going to end up. A toxic relationship has lots of negativity. Nothing is ever right. It can be you, your family, your job, your friends, the weather, the food, the news – anything. There’s always something wrong; something to complain about. In a toxic relationship, you can’t ever do anything right. If you get a promotion, you’ll be accused of seeing work as too important. If you don’t get promoted, you’ll be accused of not being competent enough. If you buy a new outfit, you’re a spendthrift. If you wear something old, you’re frumpy. The truth is, you’re caught in a vicious circle where you can no longer win. Toxic relationships can become familiar and almost comfortable, if that is what we are used to. It may become difficult or impossible for you to acknowledge a positive relationship because it lacks the drama that you are used

These are the yin and yang of any toxic relationship: the victim and the saver, the person who starts fires because it makes her feel important and the person who puts out fires because it makes him feel important. These two types of people are drawn strongly to one another, and they usually end up together. Their pathologies match one another perfectly. Often they’ve grown up with parents who each exhibit one of these traits as well. So their model for a “happy” relationship is one based on entitlement and poor boundaries.

ENDING UP IN the care of one’s child is generally seen as a natural outcome of a life well lived, but it is unlikely that Stan knew peace once his daughter was calling the shots in his life. Stan’s existence grew quieter for the remainder of his days, insofar as there were no more visits from the cops or notarized statements attesting to Grand Guignol circumstances. But based on all we know about Stan’s relationship with JC, from testimony and his own recorded words, we can only assume that his hours were still privately hellish. As a source close to the Lees says, JC is “very fear-based” and prone to verbal violence. “It’ll be something simple,” the person says, “like ‘Oh, I forgot to pick up the milk,’ and suddenly this whole avalanche of ‘You’re a terrible person and you’re just trying to use me!’ That kind of thing will happen. It’s incredibly hard to be around. It’s incredibly toxic.

We were riding fast, I got lost in the thought that this couldn’t end. Good things end. Bad things we reminisce.

Certainly you can think of some people in your life who stress you out, make you feel insecure, and yet keep you coming back for more. These relationships exist at the lighter end of the toxicity spectrum, but they are self-defeating nonetheless.

It wasn’t good. It was good in the beginning and I held on to that.

Letting go of this transactional and abusive relationship was not an achievement as such, but rather the acceptance of ending a dramatic trauma bond that had the toxic behaviour dynamics to cause severe (and possibly long-term) negative consequences. I was unfortunatly enmeshed in an unhealthy relationship with someone who was emotionally stunted in the ability to trust, love and / or respect others as part of the reciprocal values required for an emotionally stable relationship.

if Jeremiah really felt that emotions couldn’t be trusted, he wouldn’t have written Lamentations. Far too often, emotions are pitted against a healthy Christian walk with God. We are told our feelings are waiting to sabotage us with lies and deceit. Marc Alan Schelske, in his book The Wisdom of Your Heart, explains instead how emotions are our early warning signs of what’s happening so that we can take stock and make decisions. When we are emotionally healthy, our emotions become our litmus test for the world. They’re our “spidey-senses” that something isn’t quite right. They tell us this relationship isn’t good for us, this job environment is toxic, this university degree just isn’t the right fit. Yet, as Schelske explains, we’re often told to ignore those warning signs. “Ignore the emotion, and it would go away. That was often called living by faith. We were taught to keep the proper sequence: faith, fact, feelings, in that order. There was no encouragement to stop and reflect on the feelings we were having.”7 When we’re advised to ignore feelings, though, and live only by faith and logic, we can end up doing great harm.

B.S., I Luv You by Stewart Stafford Bite that lying tongue in your cheek, Shaman's mask to play hide-and-seek, A whirlpool vortex being, so deluded, Tarantuled me in, my senses denuded. Checking blood banks - Yes! You got paid! A sociopath's shameless, sick parade, In sycophant shade, carrion crows convene, Alibis caw over a cadaver's gangrene. Botox sessions ended frowned, Dredge up memories when you're around, Bury your drained victims, vampire creep, From oozing floorboards, vile secrets seep. Communing with nocturnal revelry, Hog feast at a bonfire of hypocrisy, Scapegoating ends in mirrored past, In tumbling runes, flaws naked, cast. © 2025, Stewart Stafford. All rights reserved.

I danced alone for a couple of years, and came to believe that I might not ever have a passionate romantic relationship—might end up alone! I’d always been terrified of this. But I’d rather not ever be in a couple, or ever get laid again, than be in a toxic relationship. I spent a few years celibate. It was lovely, and it was sometimes lonely. I had surrendered; I’d run out of bullets. I learned to be the person I wished I’d meet, at which point I found a kind, artistic, handsome man. When we get out of bed, we hold our lower backs, like Walter Brennan, and we laugh, and bring each other the Advil.

I hated him and I loved him. That was our relationship.