β
The idea that one could live in a world where a friend would invite you to go read in anotherβs library feels more dream than reality. It bodes well for my lifeβs prospects
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
Does he read?β βOh, I expect not. How else would one remain so incredibly stupid?
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
Is it immoral to marry a man solely to gain a library? And if that man happens to be tremendously good looking, is it more or less of a sin?
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 4)
β
And I think that was the moment I began to suspect that the luck Hawkes spoke of might really only be an awareness, an awareness of grace.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
I make a go of it, when I can. Itβs not my disposition toβ¦what I mean to say is, I learned a long time ago that my happiness has to be separate from the things beyond my control.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
Iβve decided positivity is the Everest of virtues. You have to not only confront the dismal realities of life but choose, ofttimes, to blatantly ignore them.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
I hadnβt realised until that moment how much Iβve missed that feeling, of someone inside your four walls watching out for you. The feeling that home isnβt just a place, but also people. Iβve forgotten it could be.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
Life must be lived. And if we can enjoy some of it, so much the better.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
It takes a great deal to trust the future after one is acquainted with loss.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
It was Hawkes who gave voice. βAlchemy.β I shivered. That mythical pursuit that turns disparate elements to gold.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 4)
β
I sit at the very top of a fresh month with a choice before me. One which very well may have an impact on the whole of my existence. Which book do I read next?
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
A grin is only a smile thatβs fully decided to get on with it.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
There is no feeling quite like finishing a book that youβve loved. I expect to feel nothing less.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
Dreams are not reality.
UNTIL THEY ARE.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 2)
β
Hawkes began slowly. βIt takes a great deal to trust the future after one is acquainted with loss.β βIt feels impossible, for longer than is comforting. And then too tentative to trust.β βIt does. But it seems that sword pierced Christ so that we always have a future. Even one different than planned.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
While there are many things beyond our control, Iβve always thought the cruellest is that we mortals are not told when our last glance is just that.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 1 (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion, #1))
β
Itβs messier than we ever imagined it to be as children,β he said. βWhat?β βLife.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
But my true love is the evening walk, that last hour of daylight that has its way with sunlight, shadow, and soul. That was the case this evening. The lamps were lit, light coming from the houses, and there walked I, alone, and not upset to be so.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 1 (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion, #1))
β
We cannot always predict the outcomes of our actions, Miss Lion, however well intended.β I stood. βWhat else is life but a string of outcomes beyond our control?
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
My mother always felt that Christmas -- a proper Christmas -- was meant to delight every sense
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
Of course Iβm coming with you. Donβt be daft. My friends do not go to war alone.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 4)
β
I was there,β I exclaimed. βI could see myself, and the fire, the cool from the window, the table was piled with books, and I was writing something. And it was life, my life, andβ¦and there were footsteps on the stairs.β βWhose?β βI donβt know. But he sounded like the other half of home.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
Oh, how words love Hawkes. They wrap around the unexpected inflections of his voice, eager, offering their best cadence and lilt and soul. They know him well, and he them. Almost as if words are the one thing in his life he has never had to push away. He speaks words the way they pound in my chest. And it feels like a miracle, finding such a dear part of oneself walking around in someone elseβs body.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
He said he wished you to be wise, and good, and true to the beatings of your own heart, and hoped that you could be spared the extremes of society, both the very poor and the very rich, so that neither need nor indulgence would spoil the soul he loved more than anything else in the world.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
I had forgotten what it is like to live with an artist. The unexpected pauses over what might be considered mundane to most.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
But sometimes family gets their minds stuck on what a person is, and they wonβt let it go. Sheβs taken a piece of Islington, formed a picture as to his character, and run with it all the way to America.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
We must be our own before we can be anotherβs.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 4)
β
Heβs a bit mad, that one.β I couldnβt help thinking maybe it wasnβt madness at all, merely that he understood something the rest of us didnβt.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
Maybe Iβm coming down with something. Like a cold, or an allergy to people in general.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
Spring gives us more than we deserve.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
there is never time for what one plans to do, only what one does.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
But it seems that sword pierced Christ so that we always have a future. Even one different than planned.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
I learned a long time ago that my happiness has to be separate from the things beyond my control.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
My friends do not go to war alone." Pierce
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
It takes a courageous man to marry a woman with a mind.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 1 (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion, #1))
β
His words hurt in the way that truth does when you wish it was a lie but you know you cannot claim it to be.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 2)
β
If you want quality, you must work for it. You wake and you strive and you make decisions to sacrifice. An easy life will never bring the kind of satisfaction the soul craves. I despise people who lounge all day as if there werenβt more important ideas than comfort, complacency, and appetite. Stretch yourself! Be industrious! Do something!
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
one can love many places and still miss home.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
The edge of life can be marked in black faster than one would suppose. Why not ring all the bells?
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
I expect you want tea, now that youβve driven my curiosity a country mile and abandoned it on the side of the road?
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 4)
β
One should go away long enough to know the cotton-soft contentment of coming home.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
That every day should leave some part Free for a sabbath of the heart.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
Yet here I was, determined to fight in the shade. I felt lifted. Noble. Spartan.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 4)
β
Keep your answers brief, tidy, and without too many loose strings she can pull at.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 1 (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion, #1))
β
Question: Ought I read the papers more than I do? Answer: Likely. However: Books.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
Women with pockets are a threat to the male sex.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
I have found that on occasions of high absurdity, one either discovers a great friend or someone to never speak with again.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 2)
β
Our conversation was very June and very Afternoon, meaning it meandered like a honey bee.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 2)
β
It can be a terrible task, that of learning to divide the light from dark, for we agonize beneath the weight that someone we care for might be caught in the twilight of our indecision, our ignorance, our selfishness, or our fear.β Finally, he looked at me. βBut when I recall that with the light of God comes the abundance of God, I take courage. Virtus Apprime.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
Iβve always enjoyed the small turn that happens when one month folds into another. The exchange of the many for the one, the end for the beginning, over and over and over. My mother would say to look for bright things at a new monthββFirst day, Emma. What do you see gleaming?
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
I must march forward before my desire has flown and I become one of those contented souls chained to their small routine, all the while believing themselves to be free. Donβt think I mind a routine, thatβs just what Iβm craving. But the right routine. My routine. Two walks a day, several hours of reading, perhaps one visit with someone I enjoy. One dinner or entertainment per week if you must, possibly two, but please let there be reading.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
As a child, I always thought the shadows cast at Christmastide held something of magic in them. That if you pried up the edges, light would come spilling out from the nooks and crannies of the day.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
As for how weβve varied, I would take my path a thousand times over in a thousand lives, however difficultβthe art, the colour, the way that light bends gold around my memories, even the unhappy ones. I have known love and lost. I was gifted so much.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
On a cream card a single word was scrawled: Imperterritus. I flipped the card over, and embossed in gold was a beautiful lion. It was not docile, neither was it ferocious or violent, rather, it was undaunted. Which is what, I learned upon investigation, Imperterritus means in Latin. Undaunted. Fearless.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 1)
β
But I am not the heroine of a novel. I am flesh, bloodβinteresting enough on occasion, with dull edges here and there, living a life of the expected and the unexpected, the wanted and the worst of the unwanted.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
Then he said, and I quote, βEither a friendship with you is the grandest thing in the world, Miss Lion, or you are delusional. Which is it?β An unfair question, I felt. Surely there is room for a degree of both?
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
And I hadnβt realised until that moment how much Iβve missed that feeling, of someone inside your four walls watching out for you. The feeling that home isnβt just a place, but also people. Iβve forgotten it could be.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
The memory came to mind just now. And something Iβve not felt for longer than I care to admit began to take shape. That, come sunshine or cloud, I was going to be fine. More than fine. In place, and strong, and anchored in.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
A year is such an odd packet of time. It seems so ordered: a dozen months, a handful of seasons. Deceptively even. Make no mistake, it will go awry every which way. Balance? Impossible. Control? Not worth mentioning the word. Some days cling and others run, many shifting just enough to incommode but give no great variety. And then out of the pedestrian blue comes an explosion which reduces all plans to smithereens. The reward for making it through? Getting to do it again.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
July 4th
Archibald is spending the day having Parian sing βGod Save the Queenβ while heβArchibald, not Parianβcurses the Colonies. He is also dressed in full mourning.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
Manners must prevail! When they suit one's situation, that is.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
It held. We, the four of us, held.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
There is a lightness that comes after truth is spoken plainly
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
Silence among friends forms a pleasant shape.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
Yes, well, sometimes having questionable friends is doing the work of the Lord.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
...My Friends do not go to war alone.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 2)
β
We all cast shadows from our past, only how difficult a thing it is to let others see them.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
Nothing puts oneβs mishaps in perspective like the comical telling.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
Something in my heart untwisted when he said the word home.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
Two paths leading to a love. Both true. A different shape of happiness to be found with each. Which path you take? Depends on many things. What you choose. What they choose. A thousand other decisions, or possibly very few. One you would love deeply. One you would love completely. One sharp as a knife. One a game of mirrors.One more difficult. One less free. Both inheritors to the line that refused to die when your first heart was buried.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
Goodnight.β And I hadnβt realised until that moment how much Iβve missed that feeling, of someone inside your four walls watching out for you. The feeling that home isnβt just a place, but also people. Iβve forgotten it could be.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
Never trust a man who can say so many things with a single syllable.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 2)
β
Bless Hawkes.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
And if Islington enters, then Hawkes appears.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
Novel writers, bless them, are such strange birds.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 4)
β
Think of your worst qualities and be prepared to discuss what we might do with them.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
Foolishness perhaps. Yet comforting. As stories are sometimes meant to be.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
Is it too cold?β Islington asked. βWe could take tea somewhere.β βCertainly not. I find that if I can embrace pain a quarter of an hour, almost everything becomes tolerable.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
I soon finished my draft and set it on the table, then opened Latin Phrases for the Unrepentant, watching him work, and asking questions. It was an easy back and forth.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
I like days of solitude. Not as an everyday dress, but for the special occasion where one's world revolves so slowly it is almost stillness.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
He said nothing, did nothing but keep me close. I, feeling like a ghost he kept chained to earth.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 4)
β
He was never ours to begin with. Some things have to be let go. They werenβt made to stay.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
Trust only those not affected by love to judge with clarity.β βI believe a few more desserts would give us the clarity we need.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 2)
β
If there is one thing Iβve learned from my vicar,β I replied, βitβs that I do not have to explain myself to anyone.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
My mother would say to look for bright things at a new monthββFirst day, Emma. What do you see gleaming?
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
Sometimes we are too sad to trust in anything, even happiness,β Mrs. Morrow replied.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
What else is life but a string of outcomes beyond our control?
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
I enjoy a man who can unironically speak of fearing women.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
Hereβs to the small victories.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
You must be fighting fit, Emma, whatever else. Most of life is the ability to be ready for what comes your way.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 2)
β
His smile came easily, but I could almost see the marionette strings pulling it onto his face. I donβt trust him at all.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 1 (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion, #1))
β
The garret has mice.
I weep.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 1 (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion, #1))
β
For a moment I thought perhaps I ought to apply the lesson to my own life, but rational thought and a good dose of assurance put an end to self-improvement.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
You are the most singular woman I have ever met
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 2)
β
Perhaps it is loss that truly ages us in the end.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
Hawkes clearly has full diplomatic immunity to the country of Islington, with no hesitation to enter, accept sustenance from the natives, be given chocolate, and sit contentedly with a book.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
I have experienced something I canβt quite understand.β Hawkes waited, then, βA state Iβve known.β βWhat do you do with it?β βI wait on the shore of the mystery to see what the tide will bring.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
You say that you are my judge; I do not know if you are: but take good heed not to judge me ill, because you would put yourself in great peril. And I warn you so that if God punish you for it, I shall have done my duty in telling you.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
You know those rare afternoons when sunlight is slanting across the fields but it's raining? It always feels like such a thing should be impossible, and no matter what else has happened that day, you feel absurdly happy? That is how you look now, thinking of him.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
When I entered the front door, I was met by a fretful Agnes. βI wondered if heβd done you in, Miss! But I couldβna think of where heβd have put your body!β I believe my face showed mild disappointment. βAgnes. Really! Anyone knows the river is as good a place as any.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
Is that not a good deal of extra work?β βWhat should that matter?β he said as if slamming his words against the table. βWe have an opportunity to create order from chaos. One book, one year. Simple. Elegant. Certainly itβs extra work! Fine things, fine ideas, fine people, require work! This entire age is indulgent and selfish and shortsighted, complaining that easy things are not as easy as theyβd like.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
The truth of the matter is I find myself thinking of him. Pierce. Not Theseus. Often. I like Niall Pierce. I am more than fond of Niall Pierce. When he walks into the room, I want him to come stand beside me. Itβs only getting worse, isnβt it? I should have simply ended with, I like Niall Pierce, and saved myself the embarrassment.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
Gusts of wind like cannon fire shaking the windows, as if the storm were being thrown against Lapis Lazuli by the handfuls. Warlike and belligerent, only a thin roof between myself and each clap of thunder. The battle raged until dawn, water streaming off the roof and down the window like an extra sheet of glass, distorting the grey morning.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
I refrained from making a long-suffering expression.
I did not.
Long-suffering expression was made.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
Things that ought to come with warnings rarely do.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
And a Wordsworth sonnet,
The world is too much with us; late and soon, Getting and spending, we lay waste our powersβ¦
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 4)
β
we were happily laughing when we came round a corner to meet a familiar mustache, which happened to be attached to the face of my banker, Mr. Penury.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 4)
β
We cannot always predict the outcomes of our actions
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
Life never fails you in this one thing: There is always an unexpected sleight of hand.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
It takes a great deal to trust the future after one is acquainted with loss.β βIt feels impossible
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
We often hear people say life is not fair, and yet it always feels like stubbing one's toe when we actually find it to be true.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
But my true love is the evening walk
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 1 (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion, #1))
β
I want to give my soul plenty of room to mark the moment.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
(Morning robe or mourning robe? How is one to know?)
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
I would accept, and ask Agnes to be my second. Mr. Pierce and I would duel in the street. I would die.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
For the love of mischief, utter nothing of sense, I beg of you.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
There was a wave of emotion on his face. Of anger, or futility, or regret. But it was not at me. It was for me. Iβve no idea what it meant.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
It was then Hawkes pulled me from the water.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
That Reprobate of a vicar was smiling.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
Iβve just met a very particularly pruned woman, and I am beginning to believe I want you to encourage my eccentricities when I grow old.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
walked longingly past The Dalliance today
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 1 (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion, #1))
β
Gossip and meanness have a way of making one feel beaten down
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
Lose the occasional member of the family so the family fortune Remains Intact.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
Me calling him stupid was less a reflection of his ability and more of the state in which he exists.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
Most of life is the ability to be ready for what comes your way.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 2)
β
Arenβt you supposed to be in a crypt somewhere, for your sins?β Islington asked in a ducal tone. βThey evicted me,β I snapped. βWho?β βThe dead.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 2)
β
I took my tentative hope with me.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
Truth be told, there are things one wouldnβt wish on oneβs worst enemy.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
We mostly managed protocol one.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
Even the tea tastes stale. My entire life digresses.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
Steady on, Emma,β I calmed. βYouβve done much worse. Far worse. And are alive to tell the tale.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
Most of us are afraid of the shadow our destiny casts. He didnβt seem to be.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
Thereβs nothing worse than someone who would shrink their generosity for the sake of keeping what they want,
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
My life isnβt always my preferred method
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
Innocent sleep,β he quoted. βSleep that soothes away all our worries. Sleep that puts each day to rest. Sleep that relieves the weary labourer and heals hurt minds. Sleep
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
Fine things, fine ideas, fine people, require work! This entire age is indulgent and selfish and shortsighted, complaining that easy things are not as easy as theyβd like.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
There is no worse evil than a bad woman. βEuripides When Aunt Eugenia sends a missive, run far, far away. βEmma M. Lion
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
If I were to go through this life exclusively on what I think, I would not get very far. However amusing it may prove to be.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
JOLLY GOOD FUN!β they all cried out.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 4)
β
And moving on we did. But not before I smiled at hearing the word betwixt spoken aloud. Betwixt.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 2)
β
Well, let us hold the pass. No traitors among us.
WE WILL FIGHT IN THE SHADE.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 4)
β
Bless a man who knows how to keep his own counsel when you canβt bear to speak.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 4)
β
I look in this mirror and recognise myself less now than when I was a child. I suppose that happens when youβve grown up and still donβt understand your place in the world.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 1 (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion, #1))
β
Christmas with my parents held wonder. It shimmered like a constellation.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
Iβve decided that my life has fallen into an appallingly degenerate state. If only I werenβt enjoying it so very much.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 2)
β
Am I simply mistaking paralysis for healing?(August 16th)
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 2)
β
and you will look very thoughtful and intelligent. Let us hope you are. Unless you hope to marry soon. Then let us hope you are not. It takes a courageous man to marry a woman with a mind.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 1 (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion, #1))
β
A voice spoke. It sounded like a lion would speak, if it could talk.
I WARNED YOU!
In a way that would probably have been comic to watch, Lucinda and I turned, slowly, to see Spider the cat sitting between us and the door.
βThe cat just spoke,β said Lucinda blankly.
βI know,β I said.
βCats donβt talk.β
βI know that, too.β
Iβm not a cat. And I told you to stay away from here.
β
β
Emma L. Adams (The Puppet Spell)
β
This ruse with Islington is advantageous to your not being left behind, but an actual guardian?β Hawkes shook his head. βThat isnβt what you need.β βWhat is it you think I need?β He looked as if it were obvious. βTo remain undaunted.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
I nearly sliced it clean off?β he retorted. βIf I remember, you were the one who had gotten hold of your uncleβs swordββ βThat small fact is not overly relevant to how you looked, Roland,β I insisted, taking off my gloves. βDid it scar?
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 4)
β
I once asked him about the afterlife. I said, "Maxwell, what do you think it will be like?"
He answered back, "Well, Lion, I can't rightly say, but I do hope I'll know better what to do with that one than I do with the one I've got at present.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 1)
β
These long days out of doors feel like coming home to a place to which I've always held a key, but was told it should be put away. But, oh! There has been a sovereignty of self in this place--of body, of spirit, of the intangible magic which sews the two together. To shout and run. To lie in tall grasses and watch the wind play the sunlight both true and false. To feel the building threat of rain and watch it crash to earth from the tenuous safety beneath a tree rather than from behind a window.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
But itβs a tangled thing and I donβt understand all the reasons why. I feel like a jumble drawer inside. You know the sort. The drawer where every odd thing is placed because youβre not certain where it is to go? I need time to sort it out. Both what is past
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
Aunt Eugenia sniffed, βYes, well if you read only Exodus, I approve. But if I hear tell youβve been spending time in the New Testament, I shall remove your Bible entirely.β
βWhy is that Aunt?β
βPaul.β
βPaul?β
βPaul. Paul, with his charity above all. Paul, who feels free to chastise us all like schoolchildren. Paul, always harping on long-suffering. Iβve no patience for it.β
βUnderstood. Iβll read Exodus to the dust and avoid the Apostle Paul in both his pre- and post-conversion state,β I replied. βIt is settled.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
Aunt Eugenia sniffed, βYes, well if you read only Exodus, I approve. But if I hear tell youβve been spending time in the New Testament, I shall remove your Bible entirely.β
βWhy is that Aunt?β
βPaul.β
βPaul?β
βPaul. Paul, with his charity above all. Paul, who feels free to chastise us all like schoolchildren. Paul, always harping on long-suffering. Iβve no patience for it.β
βUnderstood. Iβll read Exodus to the dust and avoid the Apostle Paul in both his pre- and post-conversion state,β I replied. βIt is settled.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 3)
β
Mr. Pierce,β I said, βI have found that on occasions of high absurdity, one either discovers a great friend or someone to never speak with again. Having now experienced a disastrous evening in Lapis Lazuli House, I leave it to you to decide which you would prefer.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 2)
β
Do you have an obscure fact regarding cartography that would catch the attention of a man whose only other interest is the sweet pea?
I PRESUME THAT WAS A SERIOUS QUESTION?
It was.
THE HEREFORD MAPPA MUNDI IS ORIENTED TO THE EAST. PERHAPS A COMMENT ON THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THIS? IF HE IS AN ENTHUSIAST, ANY USE OF THE WORD MAPPA MUNDI SHOULD WORK IN YOUR FAVOUR.
Then he sent another:
FAR BE IT FROM ME TO PRY INTO YOUR PERSONAL BUSINESS, BUT ARE YOU CERTAIN THIS IS A MAN YOU WISH TO IMPRESS?
I laughed.
He is moneyed, with a good deal in the funds, three country estates, and would spend his life consumed by cartography and the sweet pea, thus proclaimed an eligible candidate. Alas, not for me, but my cousin, a reality I fully accept.
USE THE WORD THEORY IF YOU CAN. MEN WHO THINK THEY KNOW A GREAT DEAL FIND SATISFACTION FROM THE WORD.
THE VERY LITTLE I KNOW ABOUT YOUR LIFE EXHAUSTS ME.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 2)
β
The memory came to mind just now. And something Iβve not felt for longer than I care to admit began to take shape. That, come sunshine or cloud, I was going to be fine. More than fine. In place, and strong, and anchored in. Tonight, Islington became a stake. And Pierce. And Mary. And Saffronia. And Hawkes. All I can think of is the sound of the rain on the canopy, and everyone still smiling.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
For example, why was Sarah chastised for laughing at the angel who told her she would bear a child. At ninety! I would have fallen about in absolute stitches, promise or no promise, mind you! The angel would have had to repeat himself three, possibly four, times. I know there is the business of faith in Godβs promises, and believing angels is wise to do, but I feel there was some justifiable amusement to be had.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
Miss Lion, I take this opportunity to tell you that I know somewhat of your situation. Your cousinββ βArchibald?β βYes. He does not often come to Sunday service, but for some reason, he believes the Anglican church has a confession.β βHow very Catholic of him.β Hawkesβs smile was like the flicker of a candle. βYes. And I honour it. Iβve even set up a booth in a back office for his use.β Admirably, I reined in my laugh.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 2)
β
At time I feel my body has betrayed the girl I was, growing past the lithe limbs hewn in independence. We are to be fit for the purposes of adulthood, I know this. Childhood anticipations are traded with the shouldering of heavier things. But these days, these stones-tossed-in-tall-grass-days, have stretched my muscles, recalled past forms, and I am remembering how it is to feel, to follow the instincts of something young yet ancient. To step outside the province of maturity and marvel.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
He lifted a hand before him, half shake of a fist, half artistic passion. βIf you want quality, you must work for it. You wake and you strive and you make decisions to sacrifice. An easy life will never bring the kind of satisfaction the soul craves. I despise people who lounge all day as if there werenβt more important ideas than comfort, complacency, and appetite. Stretch yourself! Be industrious! Do something!β He was perspiring, his strong grip on the words just shy of a yell. I sat agog.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
I sat and let out a long slow breath. βBrave acts deserve a measure of stillness,
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
It leaves one feeling inside of the window, instead of outside, looking in.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
I am not commanding you, rather I am establishing a benevolent dictatorship, in which a command may be given.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
You are wise. Take the truth you have been given and do not mingle it with flattery and trinkets.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
Against all desire, I need you to balance the table at a dinner tomorrow evening here at Spencer House. Wear your emerald green dress. Do try to be less of the attitude I found you in this afternoon.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 1)
β
Arabella is to be a picture."
"And I the complementary but unobtrusive picture frame.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion Complete 7 Book Set)
β
Best write it all out I suppose - exorcise the demons.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
Shimmer and fire, autographing the sky with smoke.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
The idea that one could live in a world where a friend would invite you to go read in anotherβs library feels more dream than reality. It bodes well for my lifeβs prospects.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
It isnβt that Iβm looking to become another Mrs. Morrow, but the idea of this fledgling family isβ¦almost like watching the beginning of a story.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
St. Crispianβs was out for blood, and Hawkes was going to lead the crusade.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
Who the hell is Hawkes?β he asked.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 8)
β
How casually they spoke of what they would do, and when.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
Father had meant to take me, but there is never time for what one plans to do, only what one does.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
What does one with a limited library read when melancholy? One attempts to read a dozen chapters from Leviticus for perspective (I wouldnβt say Leviticus was particularly helpful), a passage of Whitman for hope (hope and impatience, more like), and a soliloquy or two by The Bard (What a piece of work is a man, indeed!) before circling back to Isaiah, if necessary. It was necessary.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
Did you ever, as a child, have a vision of what you hoped your home would be?
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
I think about what Hawkes said those few months ago. Alchemy.β I motioned at the four of us. βIt stands to reason it wonβt last forever, but for now it feels like a season set apart, a foreordainedβ Oh, I donβt know.β Islington, relaxing into the back of the sofa, found the right phrase. βA golden age.β Now I did smile. βIβll toast to that.β Islington reached forward for our abandoned teacups, handed me mine, then lifted his own. βTo the golden age.β My cup rang against his.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
It was sweet of Parian, really, and after Pierce nodded and walked through the opened door with nary a glance back, I gave Parian a small smile. He smiled in return. Who would have supposed a year ago that we would be in cahoots?
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
I will come out conqueror, but it will require stratagem.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
You!β he pointed at Professor Fletcher. βYou, you gutter-minded scoundrel. How dare you come for the robes! How dare you come for the robes!
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
He wasnβt happy, but I managed to get a stubborn smile when I handed him a key.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
All that, and I never threw my second coin in the fountain.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
The last thing I felt owed was an apology. All I could hear was thunder in my ears.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
No.β Islington turned an accusing eye on me, as if one errant female is accountable for another. βShe comes traipsing through the garden like an explorer searching for El Dorado.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
I stared at the wrapped book in my hands. The white feather affected me more than I was willing to let on.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 7)
β
This is how I am now greeting all of my favourite acquaintances: βWhat good wind brings you here?
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
Mother preferred to keep our cottage a quiet, private place, and Father preferred to keep Mother delighted.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
Very strange,β I answered. βTrue souls sometimes are.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
know I have incommoded more than one person in my lifetime, and Iβm convinced itβs not pleasant for them. She had my full sympathies.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
part of me would rather be wrong than have it proved false.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 5)
β
As much as this tea would Not Be Approved Of under polite circumstance, it was such a warm, human moment.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 2)
β
We shared a look, one honest, bare moment of joint determinationβto survive the vicissitudes mortal life affords. Namely, other people.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
Would the both of you care to join us for tea?β I managed, as one should ask when the world is ending.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
Iβve stood just now and thrown an apron over Islington, A Portrait of. He was beginning to nose about, and I could feel a remonstration coming.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
Having washed my face, I looked in the mirror, searching for the inch of added light Iβd promised myself. It was there. Winter come and gone in my life, spring ahead.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 6)
β
YOUβRE THE TOKEN RABBLE-ROUSER.
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 4)
β
was Hawkes who gave voice. βAlchemy.β I shivered. That mythical pursuit that turns disparate
β
β
Beth Brower (The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion: Vol. 4)