Elmwood Quotes

The line between the public life and the private life has been erased, due to the rapid decline of manners and courtesy. There is a certain crudeness and crassness that has suddenly become accepted behavior, even desirable.

There Lives More Faith in Honest Doubt, Believe Me, Than Half the Creeds. - Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Do you think that your worrying can prevent anything from happening? Whatever happens is supposed to happen and whatever doesn’t, isn’t.

In America, no matter how poor you started out or where you came from, you could go as high as you wanted if you were willing to work for it.

Poor little old human beings – they’re jerked into this world without having any idea where they came from or what it is they are supposed to do, or how long they have to do it in. Or where they are gonna wind up after that. But bless their hearts, most of them wake up every morning and keep on trying to make some sense out of it. Why, you can’t help but love them, can you? I just wonder why more of them aren’t as crazy as betsy bugs. ” Aunt Elner, 1978

you can’t have compassion unless you have a certain loyalty to the human race.

How do you know if you're making the right decision? Easy. Just like two and two always add up to four, kindness and forgiveness is always right, hate and revenge is always wrong.

Marriage. Isn't it great? Each time you fall back in love with your [spouse] it gets better and better.

In 1945, when the male soldiers started coming back home from Europe, she and all the other women pilots that had served as WASPs during the war were unceremoniously told to go home and never received a dime or even thanks from the government.

They gave Saint Patrick his own day and what did he do but run out a bunch of snakes. Why, Thomas Edison lit up the world. If it hadn’t been for him we’d all still be sitting here in the dark, with nothing but a candle,

Almost losing one person you love shines a bright spotlight on life, and suddenly strips you of everything but your real feelings.

There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. —ALBERT EINSTEIN

Because any idiot can get married and have children; that’s no great accomplishment.

It’s kind of funny, really, all these years, everybody has been so busy trying to figure what life was all about, and all the while, it was just something for us to enjoy.

A person lives for years, touches so many people, and then at the end winds up just a small picture and a few paragraphs in the paper, the paper gets thrown away, and it’s all over.

Now, I’m not saying they can help it, all I am saying is that in order for this world to keep on progressing the women have got to run things. The trick is to do it without them knowing it.

We must be kind and forgive one another or we won't survive. But even among the most religious there seems to be a great blind spot covering the world, an inability to learn from past experience. Civilization is as precarious as a sand castle. All the care and effort it took to create it can be knocked down in a second by some bully or another. And the world is full of bullies.

You got some idealist idea about man being some noble creature … and all this crap about how we can change human nature. You can’t change it, you’re beating your head against a brick wall. People have had a couple of million years to change and they ain’t changed yet, have they?

You never saw people anymore, everything was self-service, everybody behind glass windows. And you could not get a real person on the phone. Everywhere you called, a recorded message connected you to another recorded message and then hung up on you.

Remember, if people talk behind your back, it only that you are two steps ahead of them.

I hate a book that jumps around. Also I can promise

On every door the management had placed a photograph of the person so they could find their room. As he went by he saw face after face of someone who used to be young.

After Elner Shimfissle accidentally poked that wasps’ nest up in her fig tree, the last thing she remembered was thinking “Uh-oh.

You think people are some kind of pure, white feathered birds flying in the clouds. They’re not. They’re pigs and they love to wallow in the mud and dirt.

Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?’ Luke 12:25.

And when you wonder where I am, just look up at the sun and that’s where I’ll be.

But you soon find out they don’t want to meet you, they want you to meet them.

Women are fools; they will marry anything that has a heartbeat just to have a man.

Marry a nearsighted man and you’ll never look old.

History was being rewritten by the minute. All of his childhood heroes were now being viewed as villains, their lives judged in hindsight by the current fad of political correctness.

And as far as Norma was concerned, that was the main problem with life. You never knew what was going to happen from minute to minute, and more than anything in this world, Norma hated a surprise.

Hard to miss you, babe. You were the only one wearing an Elmwood jersey in the Heston student section. Ballsy move. Red looks great on you.” I swipe my tongue across my lower lip. “Bet you’d look even better in blue and green.

Just like two and two always add up to four, kindness and forgiveness is always right, hate and revenge is always wrong. It’s a fail-proof system; if you just stick to that one simple rule, why, you couldn’t make a mistake if you tried.

When she finally was able to order a martini, the first sip nearly knocked her head off. It was so strong. And how surprised she was that scotch tasted more like iodine than butterscotch candy. Two of the great disappointments in her life.

You see, Elner, life is like one big roller-coaster ride, with all kinds of bumps and twists and turns, and ups and downs along the way.” “Ahh,” said Elner, “so all we have to do is just sit back and enjoy it.” Raymond said, “Exactly. But the problem is … most people think they are steering, and get so busy trying to control it that they miss all the fun parts.” Elner

Oh, I know a lot of people struggle, wondering is there really a God. They sit and think and worry over it all their life. The good Lord had to make smart people but I don’t think he did them any favors because it seems the smart ones start questioning things from the get go. But I never did. I’m one of the lucky ones. I thank God every night, my brain is just perfect for me, not too dumb, not too bright.

I wish I could describe what it feels like to have thousands of people listening to your every word, how easy it is to please them, to get that applause and to hear them out there screaming for you. It’s like being in control of one big ocean and you can calm it down or make it roar.

IN 1865, SWEDEN WAS A LAND with strict class divisions, with no middle ground. If you did not own land, you worked it for the ones who did, with no hope for a different future for you or your children. But something had happened. Something called America. And there was now hope in the world. A place where if you worked hard, you had at least a chance for something better. But at that moment, Ingrid’s baby girl was only forty-two minutes old and already hungry

you will find at least one or two pairs of bronzed baby shoes and a picture of some child on top of the same brown and white Indian pony as the kid next

His motto: “Screw the little people.” He had lied before, and he would lie again. Ethics were for suckers.

Susie, the Weight Watchers leader, helped herself to a second helping of the sweet potatoes with the marshmallows on top,

Just like two and two always add up to four, kindness and forgiveness is always right, hate and revenge is always wrong.

She knew that being in love all by yourself was the loneliest, most painful experience known to man—or woman—and there was nothing she could do to help him.

She had no interest in love. Love had taken her in the back room and beaten her up pretty badly.

Sex, maybe, friendship, yes, but love, no. If she ever felt love coming toward her, she would cross the street to the other side.

Every woman wants to get married and have children.

months was ten years.

No, tesoro, credo ancora in Dio. E' solo la parte su Adamo e Eva che mi fa sorgere un interrogativo.

as they walked home, and she would

she had taught a class in oral history at the community college, and Elner Shimfissle had attended with her friend Irene Goodnight.

Someone’s Waiting for Me Up There” and ended the service with “There’ll Be Peace in the Valley.

And you can’t be happy and in a rage at the same time.

Because, honey," she said, "after you've been to the moon, where else is there to go?

know, Mother. Doesn’t everybody clean their venetian blinds with a Q-tip twice a day? Duh!

Whenever Ida pointed celery at him, she meant business.

Even when I was failing math and everything else and I was feeling so bad about myself, you sat down with me and said, “Honey, there are those who do well at math, and then there are those, like yourself, who have been blessed with a creative mind and a wonderful imagination. I just know you are going on to do great things.” You’ll never know how you changed my life that day.

The problem was that Norvaleen had been in denial and also in McDonald's, eating the cheeseburger special with fries. Evidently, the Diet Coke had not evened out the calories. What a shock.

And for those like Norma and Macky, born and raised in the forties and fifties, it was such a drastic change from that era when everyone felt safe, and your only knowledge of the Middle East was a picture on a Christmas card of a bright star shining down on a peaceful manger, not the place full of hate and rage they saw daily on the television and read about in the newspapers.

She sat there admiring the beauty of the light amber fluid in the clear bottle, the way the condensation on the Miller bottle ran down the black and gold label, like it was a fine piece of art. That was the problem with alcohol. It was so beautiful to look at, how could you resist it? And what kind of place could be more inviting and seductive than a truly elegant cocktail bar?

In the middle of the cemetery is a grassy plane, strangely vacant. There are no granite tombs or crumbling concrete, just a sun-washed treeless patch of green known as "No Man's Land." Here 1,500 unidentified bodies are buried. At one time, their skin burned with yellow fever; now they lie in a cool, dark place where long ago their arms and legs, hands and feet, were intertwined for eternity.

Those Russkies won’t put up with your whining and bellyaching for one second. I believe in freedom and individual rights as well as the next man but nobody has the right to live here and do nothing but run us down.

had been a pilot in the Second World War, said she would be happy to go to Vietnam right now if she could. To them war was war and a draft dodger was a traitor. There was racial unrest everywhere and uneasiness about the rise of crime, drugs, and gangs in the cities and how it was being handled. It seemed to numerous voters that, thanks to the growing power of the ACLU, criminals were beginning to have more rights than the victims.

Cook to a thick paste over slow flame. Cool. Cream sugars and vanilla with butter and shortening. Beat until light and fluffy. Blend in salt. Mix in cooled paste. Beat until fluffy. Blend. Should look like whipped cream.

…  Poor little old human beings—they’re jerked into this world without having any idea where they came from or what it is they are supposed to do, or how long they have to do it in. Or where they are gonna wind up after that. But bless their hearts, most of them wake up every morning and keep on trying to make some sense out of it. Why, you can’t help but love them, can you? I just wonder why more of them aren’t as crazy as betsy bugs.” —Aunt Elner, 1978

it’s not even people anymore, it’s one big thing you want to control and once you’ve had a taste of it, you’re hooked. It’s like if you don’t have it you will die, do you know what I mean? Somebody’s handed you the baton and you can lead this rich, powerful orchestra. Does that make sense to you? I mean after that, leading a five-piece band means nothing, not after you’ve led that orchestra, thousands of people all playing the song just like you want them to.

Mrs. McWilliams’ Corn Bread 4 cups cornmeal 2 teaspoons baking soda 2 teaspoons salt 4 eggs, beaten 4 cups buttermilk ½ cup bacon drippings, melted Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Combine dry ingredients and make a well in center. Combine

I only like to recommend books that are happy and cheerful. ... I know there are sad things out in the world ... but I just don't want to dwell on them. I just stick my head in the sand. I don't want to face the facts. All the scientists are determined to tell us what the moon is made of and what the stars are ... and why there are rainbows ... but I just don't want to know. When i wish on a star, I don't need to know what it's made of--as for me, when a thing is beautiful what does it matter why? I never get tired of looking at the moon. One night it is small and round as a shiny, ice-cold, white marble and the next it's a big soft yellow moon. How can we be bored when nature gives us so many wonders to look at?

You save up all your energy for the big push--when you need it. And when you're up there, concentrate. Remain calm and steady as she goes. Don't look right, don't look left, don't let yourself get rattled, just stay the course, nice and easy all the way.

Well, they are trying to get rid of Christianity and once they do that, then you watch. Our taxes will go up and they’ll take all our guns away and the next thing you know, a communist or a socialist will get in the White House and then it will be all over.

When someone old dies, it is even sadder. First you notice that the paper doesn’t come anymore, then gradually the lights are turned out, the gas turned off, the house gets locked up, and the yard is no longer kept up, then it goes on the market and new people come in and change everything. Elner

Easy!” he said. “Just like two and two always add up to four, kindness and forgiveness is always right, hate and revenge is always wrong. It’s a fail-proof system; if you just stick to that one simple rule, why, you couldn’t make a mistake if you tried.” He sat back and crossed his arms. “Pretty neat, huh?

eggs, buttermilk, and bacon drippings, mixing well; add to cornmeal mixture and beat until smooth. Heat a well-greased 12-inch cast-iron skillet in the preheated oven until very hot. Pour batter into hot skillet; bake for 35 to 45 minutes, or until a knife inserted in center comes out clean and top is golden brown. Yield: 6 to 10 servings.

After Dena hung up she didn’t feel any better. Sookie was wrong. Dena could barely remember any of the girls she went to school with, or at times even the names of the schools. Dena had always been a loner. She did not feel connected to anything. Or anybody. She felt as if everybody else had come into the world with a set of instructions about how to live and someone had forgotten to give them to her. She had no clue what she was supposed to feel, so she had spent her life faking at being a human being, with no idea how other people felt. What was it like to really love someone? To really fit in or belong somewhere? She was quick, and a good mimic, so she learned at an early age to give the impression of a normal, happy girl, but inside she had always been lonely. As a child she had spent hours looking in windows at families, from trains, buses, seeing the people inside that looked so happy and content, longing to get inside but not knowing how to do it. She always thought things might change if she could just find the right apartment, the right house, but she never could. No matter where she lived it never felt like home. In fact, she didn’t even know what “home” felt like. Did everybody feel alone out there in the world or were they all acting? Was she the only one? She had been flying blind all her life and now suddenly she had started to hit the wall. She sat drinking red wine, and thinking and wondering what was the matter with her. What had gone wrong?

...Look at me...and tell me what you see.' Norma put her pencil down and studied him. 'You look just like you always did, Macky, only older.' 'How much older?' 'You look... oh, I don't know, Macky, you look the same to me as you always did. I don't know what you look like. Go look for yourself in the mirror.' 'I want an objective view. I see myself every day.' 'Well, I see you every day too. How am I supposed to know what you look like?

They always wanted too much from her, something she could not give. She had told him over and over she would not marry him or ever live with him. But, typical of most men, they always believed she didn’t really mean what she said and would change her mind. She never did. Why did they always have to push her into a corner and get so upset? She didn’t want to live with anybody. She liked being alone. She hated anybody grabbing at her, trying to smother her.

Aunt Elner,” she said, “do you like people?” “Oh, lands, yes, honey, sure, I do. Come to think of it, I guess you could go so far as to say that people are my pets (...) To tell you the truth, I feel sort of sorry for most of them. Some days I could just sit down and cry my eyes out … poor little old human beings—they’re jerked into this world without having any idea where they came from or what it is they are supposed to do, or how long they have to do it in. Or where they are gonna wind up after that. But bless their hearts, most of them wake up every morning and keep on trying to make some sense out of it. Why, you can’t help but love them, can you?

On the other hand, everyday language would soon prove inadequate for designating all the olfactory notions that he had accumulated within himself. Soon he was no longer smelling mere wood, but kinds of wood: maple-wood, oak-wood, pine-wood, elm-wood, pear-wood, old, young, rotting, mouldering, mossy wood, down to single logs, chips and splinters – and could clearly differentiate them as objects in a way that other people could not have done by sight. It was the same with other things. For instance, the white drink that Madame Gaillard served her wards each day, why should it be designated uniformly as milk, when to Grenouille’s senses it smelled and tasted completely different every morning depending on how warm it was, which cow it had come from, what that cow had been eating, how much cream had been left in it and so on … Or why should smoke possess only the name ‘smoke’, when from minute to minute, second to second, the amalgam of hundreds of odours mixed iridescently into ever new and changing unities as the smoke rose from the fire … or why should earth, landscape, air – each filled at every step and every breath with yet another odour and thus animated with another identity – still be designated by just those three coarse words. All these grotesque incongruities between the richness of the world perceivable by smell and the poverty of language were enough for the lad Grenouille to doubt that language made any sense at all; and he grew accustomed to using such words only when his contact with others made it absolutely necessary.

It seemed to numerous voters that, thanks to the growing power of the ACLU, criminals were beginning to have more rights than the victims. Preachers across the country were becoming alarmed about the young people’s apathy and lack of morals. Some blamed television. Or as Reverend W. W. Nails put it, “The devil has three initials: ABC, NBC, and CBS. They love Lucy more than they do the Lord and they would rather leave it to Beaver than to Jesus.” The average middle-class Americans who worked hard every day, who were not criminals, not on welfare, and had seldom complained, suddenly and collectively started showing signs of growing disillusionment, worried that with all the new social programs they were now going to have to carry the rich and the poor on their backs. They were tired of having to pay so much income and other taxes to support half the world while they struggled to make ends meet. They began to feel that no matter how hard they worked or how much they paid, it was never appreciated and it was never enough.

Do you believe in God, Aunt Elner?” “Sure I do, honey, why?” “How old were you when you started believing, do you remember?” Aunt Elner paused for a moment. “I never thought about not believing. Never did question it. I guess believing is just like math: some people get it right out of the chute, and some have to struggle for it. (...) Oh, I know a lot of people struggle, wondering is there really a God. They sit and think and worry over it all their life. The good Lord had to make smart people but I don’t think he did them any favors because it seems the smart ones start questioning things from the get go. But I never did. I’m one of the lucky ones. I thank God every night, my brain is just perfect for me, not too dumb, not too bright. You know, your daddy was always asking questions.” “He was?” “I remember one day he said, ‘Aunt Elner, how do you know there is a God, how can you be sure?’ ” “What did you tell him?” “I said, ‘Well, Gene, the answer is right on the end of your fingertips.’ He said, ‘What do you mean?’ I said, ‘Well, think about it. Every single human being that was ever born from the beginning of time has a completely different set of fingerprints. Not two alike. Not a single one out of all the billions is ever repeated.’ I said, ‘Who else but God could think up all those different patterns and keep coming up with new ones year after year, not to mention all the color combinations of all the fish and birds.’ ” Dena smiled. “What did he say?” “He said, ‘Yes, but, Aunt Elner, how do you know that God’s not repeating old fingerprints from way back and reusing them on us?’ ” She laughed. “See what I mean? Yes, God is great, all right. He only made one mistake but it was a big one.” “What was that?” “Free will. That was his one big blunder. He gave us a choice whether or not to be good or bad. He made us too independent … and you can’t tell people what to do; they won’t listen. You can tell them to be good until you’re blue in the face but people don’t want to be preached at except at church, where they know what they are getting and are prepared for it.” “What’s life all about, Aunt Elner? Don’t you ever wonder what the point of the whole thing is?” “No, not really; it seems to me we only have one big decision in this life, whether to be good or bad. That’s what I came up with a long time ago. Of course, I may be wrong, but I’m not going to spend any time worrying over it, I’m just going to have a good time while I’m here. Live and let live.

Elmwood "I've been waiting for a rescue attempt. Is this it?

I’ll probably get to take her home and sleep with her cold nose buried in my chest all night. We’ll go to bed best friends and we’ll wake up best friends and I won’t do anything to change that because she doesn’t see me as more than her friend. I work to be okay with that every fucking day.

Elmwood UFO Capital of the World Stop through Elmwood at any time of year other than the last full weekend in July, and you’ll think the aliens have already come and gone … and took everyone with them! Not much seems to be happening in this sleepy little burg. But that hasn’t always been the case. The first UFO sighting near Elmwood occurred on March 2, 1975. A star-shaped light chased a local woman and eventually landed on her car’s hood when she stopped to get a better look. A year later, in April 1976, another fireball—this one the size of a football field—shot out a blue light beam that blasted all the sparkplugs in a police cruiser driven by officer George Wheeler. Little green men seem to have trained their laser sights on Elmwood. And Elmwood welcomes the extraterrestrial attention. A few years ago Tomas Weber of the UFO Site Center Corporation in Chippewa Falls proposed that a two-square-mile UFO landing pad be built near town. The price? Twenty-five million dollars. The project has yet to get off the ground, or on the ground. Nobody talks much about it anymore, perhaps due to some type of black-ops “shadow government” cover-up.

Elmwood Park Dental is the best choice for all your dental needs, such as preventative, restorative, and cosmetic dental treatments.

I wanted him to claim me, to possess me, to scream my name, to… I couldn’t dare think l-o-v-e.

When you put your guard down, that’s when shit hit, when you least expected it.

The sheets were cool against my skin, and his scent clung to them. I told myself not to sniff them, that I hated the way he smelled. Big. Fat. Lies. I did the unthinkable. I pressed my nose into the pillow and inhaled. Dear fucking God.

This had to be a joke. Some kind of mindfuck.

It was only then that I realized Mads had called my name more than once. “Sorry. I can’t help it. I just want to kick her in her kitty.

Girls are crazy. This is exactly why I don’t date. You totally strike me as the kind of girl who would slash my tires and key my car.

He had always been casting about in his mind: What was life all about? What the hell was his purpose? What was he supposed to be doing? But now, everything made sense. He had lived and died; it was as simple as that. He hadn’t needed a purpose. The fact that he was born was all the purpose he had ever needed. He was meant to be his parents’ child, his wife’s husband, his daughter’s father, and on and on. Despite all his grand schemes and ambitions to set the world on fire, to be someone special, he was just another little link in the chain of life, inching forward from generation to generation. The only thing he had to do was relax and enjoy where he was. This was exactly where he was meant to be right now. He had to agree with Norma. He didn’t think he had ever been happier in his entire life.