Deb Dana Quotes

Take a moment and find something that reminds you of the feeling of being anchored in regulation and then put it somewhere you’ll see it as you move through your day.

The job of the autonomic nervous system is to ensure we survive in moments of danger and thrive in times of safety. Survival requires threat detection and the activation of a survival response. Thriving demands the opposite—the inhibition of a survival response so that social engagement can happen. Without the capacity for activation, inhibition, and flexibility of response, we suffer.

The cycle of reciprocity, rupture, and repair is the nature of healthy relationships

Autonomic listening is inextricably linked with the need for self-compassion.

A glimmer can be a micro-moment that’s predictably present in your world.

can also intentionally manipulate. Breath is a direct pathway to our autonomic nervous system, making it both a regulating resource and an activator of our survival states.

We hope that if we disappear, become invisible, and don’t feel what’s happening or inhabit where we are, we will survive. We escape into not knowing, not feeling, and a sense of not being.

Using the examples above, the sentence that emerges from a dorsal state of collapse, “I’m so tired, I could give up,” could be changed to, “I’m so tired, I could rest for a bit.” The sentence that is fueled by sympathetic activation, “I’m so angry, I could scream,” might become “I’m so angry, I could take a break and come back in a while.

Connection is the antidote to the isolation that trauma creates. Through connection, we find safety, support, and the possibility of healing.

The cycle of reciprocity, rupture, and repair is the nature of healthy relationships.

Setting an intention is a way to support this new practice. My glimmer intention is to look for the glimmers that are on my path today waiting for me to find them.

Reflection practices strengthen our connection to self.

The normal breathing rate for adults is between twelve and twenty breaths per minute. An easy way to find your breath rate is by counting your exhalations over the course of a minute.

You can use the following questions to begin to listen from the outside in: Where am I? (Locate yourself in time and space.) What’s happening in the environment? Who is around? What am I doing? What state has been activated? Notice that the questions are designed to evoke curiosity, identify concrete external experiences, and lead you to identifying your autonomic state. Use these five questions to practice listening from the outside in.

When we know where we predictably find glimmers, we can make a practice of returning to those places and experiencing the ventral vagal energy they offer. Keep a glimmer notebook or find a place to note them in your journal.

Connection is the antidote to the isolation that trauma creates. Through connection, we find safety, support, and the possibility of healing.,

Use this question to look through the lens of discernment: In this moment, with this person, in this place, surrounded by these things, are you actually in danger, or are you safe?

. Looking through the lens of the nervous system, we understand that we are all trying to anchor in the state of safety that supports connection to self, to others, to the world, and to spirit and provides the energy we need to navigate our days. When the inner workings of our biology are a mystery, we feel as if we’re at the mercy of unknown, unexplainable, and unpredictable experiences. Once we know how our nervous system works, we can work with it. As we learn the art of befriending our nervous system, we learn to become active operators of this essential system.

To do this, we follow five “R’s”—recognize, respect, regulate, reshape, re-story. Awareness allows us to recognize the autonomic state and accurately name it. We then respect the ways the state has activated in service of survival remembering that the nervous system is always acting to keep us safe. Putting the word “adaptive” before the words “survival response” reminds us that no matter how irrational our behavior in the moment may seem or how crazy our story may feel, a familiar cue of danger has come to life and our nervous system has enacted an old pattern of protection. Next, we bring a bit of ventral regulation and then begin to explore ways to reshape the pattern. Finally, we listen to the new story that is emerging. Through understanding how the autonomic nervous system takes in embodied, environmental, and relational experiences, we become active operators of our systems and authors of our own autonomic stories. Understanding how to find the way back to a ventral state is key to living a balanced life. When we begin to find a foothold in regulation, we can look at any problem with the emergent properties that accompany a ventral state—curiosity, creativity, and the ability to see options and explore possibilities. From this place, we have the autonomic resources to see our experience in a new way, and we often find a path to resolution in a way we never thought possible. A polyvagal perspective on life is not only a theory but a way of being in the world that is experienced from the inside out. Looking through the lens of the nervous system and listening to our autonomic stories, we shape our systems toward ventral regulation, and engage with our systems in new ways. When daily life is lived from a polyvagal perspective, we make a commitment to being aware of our autonomic experiences and becoming a regulated and regulating presence not only for ourselves but also for our partners, family members, friends, colleagues, and the people we naturally come into connection with during a day.

Through the eyes of compassion, from your own regulated nervous system, you can see another person’s dysregulated system, respond with regulation, and connect with kindness. From the energy of your ventral vagal system, you can also connect inside and be with your own suffering in an act of self-compassion. Ongoing experiences build the capacity for connecting with compassion. Find the combination of practices that brings your ventral vagal system alive. Create your own compassionate connections.

On the days we’re not anchored in ventral safety, as we move through the world we broadcast cues of danger.

When choice is limited or taken away, or when we have a sense of being stuck or trapped without options, we begin to look for a way out. In this search for survival we may feel the mobilizing energy of the sympathetic system with some form of anxiety or anger, or we may feel our energy draining as we are pulled into a dorsal vagal collapse.

The information carried along this vagal pathway travels in two directions, with 80 percent of the information going from the body to the brain and 20 percent from the brain to the body. When we are disconnected from our bodies, we are also disconnected from the ability to tune in to the important information being sent from the body to the brain through the vagal pathway.

In survival mode, the dorsal vagus takes us out of awareness, out of connection, and into collapse and immobilization. In this survival state, we feel disconnected and numb and have the experience of being here but not here and the sense of going through the motions of life without really caring.

if we are locked into a defensive state, feelings of safety may not be easily accessible.

If the autonomic nervous system is well resourced, we are resilient and there is a low threshold to trigger states of safety that would lead to spontaneous social engagement and co-regulation. Alternately, if we are locked into a defensive state, feelings of safety may not be easily accessible.

it is the bodily feelings and not the events that are central to the experience of trauma.

The role of the autonomic nervous system is to store, conserve, and release energy to help us safely move through our daily lives.

When the inner workings of our biology are a mystery, we feel as if we’re at the mercy of unknown, unexplainable, and unpredictable experiences. Once we know how our nervous system works, we can work with it.

The beauty of a living thing is not the atoms that go into it, but the way those atoms are put together. CARL SAGAN, COSMOS, EPISODE 5

Reflecting on the two sentences “The world is …” and “I am … ,” we see how dramatically our stories change as we move from one state, one building block, to another.

Neuroception follows three streams of awareness: inside, outside, and between.

When we learn to attend to neuroception, we can begin to shape our stories in new ways.

Without explicitly stated information, we are more likely to sense unsafety and move into a pattern of protection.

Choice is the second element necessary for a regulated nervous system. With choice it’s possible to be still or move, approach or avoid, connect or protect.

The final element, connection, brings a sense of relationship. The experience of connection encompasses four domains: connection to self, connection to other people (and pets), connection to nature and the world around us, and connection to spirit.

While we may think our brains are in charge, the heart of our daily experience and the way we navigate the world begins in our bodies with the autonomic nervous system.

Immobilization and disappearing are the survival strategies of the dorsal vagal system

To summarize, our autonomic nervous system is made up of the parasympathetic and sympathetic systems with the vagus providing the primary pathways for the parasympathetic system through the dorsal and ventral branches.

When we are disconnected from our bodies, we are also disconnected from the ability to tune in to the important information being sent from the body to the brain through the vagal pathway.

Place one hand on the base of your skull and the other hand over your heart. Imagine the ventral vagal pathway and feel the energy moving between your two hands. Take a moment to acknowledge the abilities for regulation and connection this system brings. And now move your hand from your heart to your abdomen. With one hand on your brainstem and one hand on your abdomen you’re connected to the dorsal vagal pathway. Imagine this pathway and feel the energy that moves here.

From the diaphragm upward is the realm of the ventral vagus. This is the place where we anchor in safety and can both self- and co-regulate.

On each inhalation the vagal brake offers a slight release and the heart rate speeds up just a bit, and then on the exhalation the vagal brake reengages, and the heart rate returns to a slower beat.

The function of the vagal brake is to allow us to feel, and use, some of the mobilizing energy of the sympathetic nervous system without being pulled into the survival state of fight and flight.

Without the vagal brake we lose our anchor in safety and connection and move into the protective states of fight and flight.

Once you gain confidence in your ability to stay anchored, you can intentionally adjust the balance toward calm when you feel a rise in anxiety or toward more energy when you need to take action.

In addition to this quick, short-term adrenaline-fueled response, the sympathetic system also responds to distress with the release of cortisol.

In our evolutionary history, being a part of a tribe was essential for survival. We survived in groups. There was strength in numbers. When we are anchored in the safety of ventral regulation, we look for connection and see possibilities for friendship.

the three pathways of the autonomic nervous system (dorsal, sympathetic, and ventral) emerged and formed the building blocks of the system (hierarchy). Our preferred place, the place where we find experiences of health, growth, and restoration, is anchored in the ventral vagal state of safety and connection

The ability to flexibly move between states is a sign of well-being and resilience.

Ventral vagal energy is the active ingredient in safety and connection.

The image I have been using recently for the ventral vagal state is a colorful umbrella that is sheltering the sympathetic and dorsal vagal states, keeping them safe and dry.

Maybe you take an elevator or ride a stream of light. Take time to find your own unique route between states. Now experiment with traveling your personal pathway.

How do you slow the descent? You can use your regulated pathway and add details to safeguard your journey. You might want resting places along the path, a railing or handholds, more stopping points in an elevator, or more shades of color in a light stream. Sometimes the path through protection is totally different from the path through regulation.

To continue the journey upward to ventral connection, we need to connect with the mobilizing energy in an organized way.

As we explore what moves us into protection or connection, we begin to look for patterns.

But as we increase our ability to move between patterns of protection and patterns of connection and not get stuck in protection, we build flexibility. Flexibility is tied to resilience.

A way to measure our level of resilience is by tracking how often we get pulled into protection, how long we stay there, and how easily we can find our way back into connection.

In the middle of winter, I at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer. ALBERT CAMUS

We only need enough of a connection to ventral to bring the system online and keep it operational.

micro-moments of savoring accumulate. With a savoring practice, they add up and shape our systems toward connection.4

Savoring is a practice of twenty to thirty seconds at the most, making it possible to do many times during the course of the day.

Everything is accomplished bit by bit. CHARLES BAUDELAIRE,

Take some time to explore your own loops. Start by looking at a moment of mobilization. Feel your embodied response and then hear the thought that starts this particular survival story. Watch how your thoughts and stories get stronger and begin to magnify the experience. Continue by looking at a loop that ends in collapse. Notice your embodied response, listen to how this story begins, and feel how you are pulled into the experience, falling deeper into disconnection.

In order to change, it’s necessary to find the right degree of challenge that keeps us safely anchored in the shaping process.

I’ve come to know I’m losing my ventral anchor when my thoughts begin to get just a bit chaotic or disorganized. I start to feel stuck in one story and forget that there are other possibilities.

Complete the exploration by looking at a loop that creates an upward spiral of connection.

I’ve found that an easy way to bring some self-compassion is by adding one of my favorite words: yet. Yet holds a feeling of change and a sense of possibility.

Make a statement, add yet to the end of the sentence, and see what happens.

Staying in curiosity and out of self-criticism is the key to this exploration. We need an anchor in regulation to be curious and not judgmental.

Remember information is traveling the body-to-brain pathways. It’s your brain’s job to make sense of what’s happening in your body, so the brain creates a story filled with motive and meaning. The story is often one of blame, criticism, and judgment of ourselves or others. As you explore, remind yourself to just listen. This is an information-gathering step, not a time to make changes.

Find the way of connecting that feels co-regulating.

Start with finding the color of your center dorsal circle. Then add the color of your surrounding sympathetic circle. And finally the color of your ventral outer ring that holds the others in a circle of safety.

I sometimes hold my hands clasped tightly together imagining dorsal, spread my fingers apart, just touching, for sympathetic, and then have my hands wide apart to hold the other two in ventral.

I sometimes hold my hands clasped tightly together imagining dorsal, spread my fingers apart, just touching, for sympathetic, and then have my hands wide apart to hold the other two in ventral. Along with hand motions, explore other ways to hold your states. You might imagine holding three different-sized balls of light or three streams of energy. Take a moment and experiment with the variety of ways you can hold your states.

There are many flavors of ventral, but the common ingredient is the neuroception of safety that underlies the state.

Along with calm and happy, when we’re anchored in our ventral state, we can be excited, joy filled, aware, engaged, passionate, curious, compassionate, alert, ready, and focused.

Humans have a built-in negativity bias. In order to support our survival, we’re wired to respond more intensely to negative experiences than equally intense positive ones. We have to actively look for, take notice of, and keep track of these moments, or micro-moments, of safety and connection that are our glimmers. Otherwise they can easily pass right by without our knowing

But as we increase our ability to move between patterns of protection and patterns of connection and not get stuck in protection, we build flexibility. Flexibility is tied to resilience. Resilience is an outcome of a nervous system that moves from patterns of connection to protection and back to connection with some ease. A way to measure our level of resilience is by tracking how often we get pulled into protection, how long we stay there, and how easily we can find our way back into connection.

first notice the survival state and then name it. When you look through the lens of your nervous system, where are you? Mobilized or shut down? Remind yourself that this response is activated because the connection/protection equation is out of balance. Your biology has reacted to a neuroception of danger.

Take a moment to send a message of gratitude to this state, this home away from home that’s been such an important part of your life. You know this place now in a new way, can journey here again when you want, and can trust that your home away from home will be welcoming in the moments when your system reaches for protection. Now, return to present time. Come back to this time and this place. Take a moment to reflect on the journey you just took. Document what you discovered and want to remember.

Sometimes I use the image of reaching for ventral and other times I actually stretch my arm up over my head to reach for some regulating energy. Then I begin to hear the ventral story that reassures me there is in fact enough regulating energy available in my system and I can stay in connection with it.

Once you find your movement, use it to extend your energy to someone. Feel what happens for you when you use your movement to make an offer, and imagine what happens for them as they receive the invitation.

See how it feels to be with someone and hold them in your ventral embrace.

Many people find writing SAFE stories helps them reconnect to remembered moments of safety and bring the experience alive in the present

I felt the first stirring of energy in my body that signals I am beginning to come back to life, and I turned toward it. Next I felt a bit of hope returning and that opened up my well-traveled path back to ventral and feeling alive again. I experimented with ways to honor and deepen this experience so I could stay anchored there. What I discovered was that feeling grateful for finding my way to safety and regulation was not enough. I needed a more active celebration to bring my system alive. It was the act of celebrating by saying out loud and with passion, “I’ve arrived! I’m here!” that helped me feel fully alive and anchored again. I’ve discovered that for my system, actively acknowledging by celebrating out loud is an important part of the experience. When I celebrate, I strengthen my ability to stay anchored in safety.

you may notice a glimmer through your senses: a smell, a taste, a sight, a sound, the touch of something.

Take a moment and create your own glimmer intention. Write your intention and then read it out loud to yourself.

And then there are objects that bring the tangible reminder that we can find our way back to a ventral connection and anchor there.

Look around your daily living environment and find your personal connection place.

ventral, sympathetic, and dorsal, experiment with naming your states with your own labels. Turn inward, connect with each state again, and see what names you hear (e.g., sunny, stormy, foggy; flow, chaos, collapse; connected, activated, gone). Write down combinations of names that catch your interest and play with them until you find three that fit together and represent your experience.

the next step is to turn your attention to finding a phrase that helps you say a regulated yes and stay anchored in the state of listening with curiosity.

Have you found a state that you don’t visit very often? Do you see a pattern that you know well or is there an interesting new pattern emerging?

Listening from the inside out is an equally important way to connect.

What am I sensing in my body? Where is energy moving? Where is energy not moving? Do I feel filled? Do I feel empty? What state is active in this moment

I am human because I belong to the whole, to the community, to the nation, to the tribe, to the earth. ARCHBISHOP DESMOND TUTU, FOREWORD TO DIGNITY

our longing is not simply to feel safe but to feel safe in the arms of another.

While we may give up the active search for people to connect with, our nervous system never stops looking for, waiting for, and longing for connection. Until the day we die, we long for safe and reliable connections. Co-regulation is essential; first for survival and then for living a life of well-being.

Our biology has evolved to include a system known as the social engagement system. When the ventral vagal building block was added, five circuits came into connection in the brainstem and the human social engagement system came to life. The ventral vagal pathway to the heart, joined with the nerves that control our eyes, ears, voice, and the way we move our head, make the social engagement system truly a biological face-heart connection

To locate your social engagement system, start by placing your hands at the base of your skull where your brainstem meets your spinal cord. This is the hub of the social engagement system.