Cryptid Quotes

Never tell anyone to be careful, never ask what that noise was, and for the love of God, never, ever say that you'll be right back." —Evelyn Baker

The problem with people who say monsters don't really exist is that they're almost never saying it to the monsters." —Alice Healy

Blood is thicker than water, but family isn’t just about blood. Family is about faith, and loyalty, and who you love. If you don’t have those things, I don’t care what the blood says. You’re not family.

There's no such thing as a normal life. Some lives are just more interesting than others, and we shouldn't judge people for being boring. —Evelyn Price

We all make mistakes. Luckily for us, there are very few mistakes that cant be solved with a suitable application of either lipstick or hand grenades" —Frances Brown

Crazy gets all the knives.

Anyone who thinks cryptozoology is the study of the impossible has never really taken a very good look at the so-called "natural world." Once you get past the megamouth sharks, naked mole rats, and spotted hyenas, then the basilisks, dragons, and cuckoos just don't seem that unreasonable. Unpleasant, yes, but unreasonable? Not really.

Australia. The only continent designed with a difficulty rating of “ha ha fuck you no.

I require something so horrifically alcoholic that it makes livers tremble with fear and run for their lives when its name is uttered.

Mother Nature is a freaky lady who probably created pot so she could spend all her time smoking it.

Didn't we talk about this?" "HAIL!" "That isn't an answer." I planted my hands on my hips. "Was there a reason for shoving the gummy bears off the counter? Did they tell you they were suicidal? On second thought," I raised a hand, palm out, "don't answer that. If the candy is talking, I don't want to know.

Nothing lasts forever. That's the tragedy and the miracle of existence—that everything is impermanent. Everything changes. All we can do is make the best of the time we have. And go down shooting, naturally. —Enid Healy

Life as the chosen religious figure for a colony of cryptid mice can be a lot of things, but it's definitely never boring.

The Argentine tango isn't here to play nicely with the other children. The Argentine tango is here to seduce your women, spill things on your rug, and sneak out your bedroom window in the middle of the night.

A proper lady should be able to smile pretty, wear sequins like she means it, and kick a man's ass nine ways from Sunday while wearing stiletto heels. If she can't do that much, she's not trying hard enough. —Francis Brown

I really don’t think you should put your hand inside the manticore, dear. You don’t know where it’s been. —Enid Healy

Pronouns are only useful when you combine them with other words. I have a few I can give you, if you're at a loss.

Since Dominic's been sleeping with me, the mice have been trying various labels on him, looking for one that fits. My personal favorite was the week they spent calling him "the God of Absolutely Never Smiling, No, Not Ever.

Mayhem now, please.

Well, that’s not something you see every day. Go tell your father that Grandma needs the grenades.

Your family, your real family, will always welcome you home with open arms. Anyone who says you can lose their love isn't really family, no matter what blood says.

ALL GLORY TO THE SCIENCE RULES OF SCIENCE!

There's nothing wrong with a little fear. Being fearful can save your life-it's saved mine on more than one occasion-but too much fear can stop you from living.

Do we have to have the 'don't lie to the telepath' talk again? It won't take long. I say 'don't lie to the telepath, it never works,' you glare at me, and then you go find something you can hit.

Any man who doesn't believe in carrying weapons on a first date is not a man worth knowing.

Growing up in my family meant ambushes on your birthday, crossbows for Christmas, and games of dodge ball where the balls were occasionally rigged to explode. It also meant learning how to work your way out of a wide variety of death traps. Failure to get loose on your own could lead to missing dinner, or worse, being forced to admit that you missed dinner because your baby sister had tied you to the couch. Again.

Being smart isn't good enough. You need to be educated, and you need to be open-minded, and you need to remember that what you don't know can most definitely hurt you.

Blood is one thing, but that’s not all that goes into family. The family you choose is the family that really matters. They’re the ones who’ll keep you standing.

Rules only matter if everyone understands them, agrees to them, and can be trusted not to break them. Bearing these irrefutable facts in mind, rules never matter at all.

Don’t be careful. Be courageous. Don’t be safe. Be strong. Don’t be a victim. Be the one who makes it home.” —Evelyn Baker

I know because your mice have been sending Facebook messages to my mice. They really like the caps lock key. Someone should teach them about proper email etiquette.

Let's go commit senseless acts of science.

Brenna Kelly, meet Alice Price-Healy. Grandma, meet Breanna. No one is shooting, stabbing or immolating anyone in this hotel room." "Please," added Dominic. "I have to sleep here." "HAIL!" Rejoiced the mice. "HAIL THE LACK OF STABBING, SHOOTING AND FLAME!

Adversity doesn't exist to make us stronger. Adversity exists because this world is a damn hard place to live. Prove that you're better than the things it throws at you. Live.

When you decide to be the immovable object standing in front of the unstoppable force, you'd better pray that you're right about being immovable, and they're wrong about being unstoppable.' 'Otherwise, you'll wind up like a bug on a windshield.

If you offered me the chance to do it all over, knowing what I know now, after the things I’ve seen . . . I’d shoot you in the head. That ain’t the kind of thing you ask a lady. —Frances Brown

Expectations are dangerous things. They've probably killed more people than any creature or cryptid you care to name.

It me birthday and nobody came...Bigfoot decide do something nice for self for big day and sneak in they house at night and pick out own present and blow out flickering candle of life in they brains. Make a wish, jerks.

The history of the human race has been one long quest to find, novel things and then kill, eat, or enslave them. There's a reason the aliens haven't made an appearance yet, is what I'm saying.

Telepaths have ethics?" Dominic's eyes narrowed, tone and posture united to convey disbelief. "My mother and I do," said Sarah, letting her head settle against the back of the chair. "We mostly got them from Babylon 5, but they still work.

You shouldn't believe all the press about Ouija boards. They can't be used in an exorcism. Trivial Pursuit can, but that's another story.

Lindworms are a sign of a healthy ecosystem,” I said, straightening. “Now let’s get out of here before the healthy ecosystem eats us.

To people who think they're the best the world has to offer, kindness is an afterthought and an unnecessary one at that.

First, check your ammunition. Then, check your escape routes. Finally, check your hair. —Frances Brown

Love is love. If anybody tells you that your love's not worth having, shoot them in the kneecaps a couple of times. It won't change their minds, but it'll make you feel better.

Were you the cryptid?" "Bah. Your FACE was the crypid.

Sarah turned her narrow-eyed gaze on him, making me glad once more that Antimony's comic books got it wrong, and telepaths can't actually kill you with their brains. Give you a whopping headache and earworm you with annoying jingles, yes; kill you, no. (Although sometimes, when she's managed to stick "The Happy Banana Song" in my head for a week, I sort of wish she could kill people with her brain. It would be kinder.)

Hello carnivore,' said the mouse priest. He turned and bowed to Uncle Mike and Dominic. 'Hail to the High Priest of Goddammit Eat Something Already, and to the God of Hard Choices in Dark Places.' Ryan blinked. 'What?' 'It's a mouse thing, just roll with it, you'll be happier that way,' I advised.

If you find something you truly love, stick with it. There's nothing else in this world that will make you half as happy. There's nothing else that will make you half as miserable, either, but you can't have one without the other.

The second search party did say, lo, we are going this way, and the rest of us did say, yea, though you walk through the hallway that was not on the map, you should fear no evil.

I WAS DONE. No. That wasn’t quite right. I was a hundred miles past done, cresting into the Fjords of Nope, heading for Fuck-That-Ville.

Logic and loss aren't always great friends. Sometimes we mourn for the things that hurt us. Sometimes, that's okay.

Try your best. That's always been good enough for the people who love you.

I've done tangos with men who thought my ass was a squeaky toy.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. It's much easier to be brave when you don't believe that the monster under your bed is real.

Australia basically holds the copyright on “weird ecosystem.” The only place where you’re going to find weirder things is at the bottom of the ocean, and no one suggests that you go there for a fun family vacation.

For is it not said That Girl Knows No Fear, and Dammit, Fran, She's Going To Get Herself Et, and This Is From Your Side Of The Family, Jonathan, No One In My Family Has Ever Hugged A Basilisk Before?

Every time I think my family has plumbed the depths of stupidity, somebody goes and finds a goddamn shovel.” —Jane Harrington-Price

Sometimes monsters are made, not born.

When someone judges you for something you can’t help, try to forgive them. They don’t understand. And if they keep doing it, knock their fucking teeth in.

Love doesn't care what you want. Love doesn't care if it's convenient. Love pursues its own agenda, and there's no bullet in the world that can take it down. More's the pity.

If I want to subject myself to toxic people, I'll just read the comments on literally any article about female-led comic book properties.

Nobody gets to pick where they’re born or who they’re born to, but everybody gets to pick their family. Make good choices with yours.” —

Sorcery is just physics gone feral.

When in doubt, play dead. Well, unless you might be dealing with a ghoul, or a basilisk, or something else that likes its meat a little ripe. Actually, when in doubt, just start shooting. —Alice Healy

Love what you do. Even if it’s not what you thought you’d be doing when you were a kid, love what you do. Eventually, it’s going to kill you, and it would be a real pity if you died doing something you hate.” —Evelyn Baker

It’s not that I don’t date. It’s that I don’t date. I am an essentially misanthropic person: I don’t like people much, and they usually reward me by not liking me either.

Nobody pronounces capital letters like an Aeslin mouse.

Yes, that’s a brilliant idea. Choose the career path most likely to lead to an early, painful death, and you’re sure to find job satisfaction.

Now, if you will excuse me, a dead woman is trying to convince me to drink something that comes in layers.

Once upon a time there was a little boy who lived with monsters, and the monsters swore that they would never hurt him, because even monsters dream of living happily ever after.

Hell hath no fury like a centuries-old organisation of zealots scorned.

You’d think the predators of the world would eventually learn that it’s not a good idea to charge the sort of person who brings throwing knives to a dance club.

I don’t want to be a monster. I refuse to be a monster. I am a person, and people get to make our own choices about whether or not we bare our claws.

Hey, it’s okay. No one knows everything until they learn about it. That’s the whole point of learning things, isn’t it? We go out, we learn, we know more. It’s cool.

There are very few people in this world who will love and treasure us for who we are, rather than who they think we have the potential to someday become.

I’ve found that the difference between an opportunity and an obstacle often comes down to how many knives you have hidden in your clothing.

HAIL THE VISITATION OF THE GOD OF QUESTIONABLE MOTIVATIONS!” Dominic raised his eyebrows. “Is that my divinity this week?

Realism and actual reality have never had more than a passing acquaintance anyway.

The mice have email,” I said darkly.

Sometimes closure is the only gift worth giving.

She’s a telepath?” demanded Dominic. “And he catches up with the conversation.” I patted his knee. “Yes, she’s a telepath. Sarah reads minds. Don’t worry, she’s not reading yours.” “It would be rude,” said Sarah. Putting her phone down, she began arranging herself carefully in the chair. “Telepathic ethics say you should never read a sentient creature’s mind without permission, provocation, or legitimate reason to fear for your life.” “Telepaths have ethics?” Dominic’s eyes narrowed, tone and posture united to convey his disbelief. “My mother and I do,” said Sarah, letting her head settle against the back of the chair. “We mostly got them from Babylon 5, but they still work.

What's to stop the populace from decrying you as a witch and rising against you?" "I don't know. A couple hundred years of social evolution, combined with a general failure to believe in anything that doesn't have a Wikipedia entry?

I don't believe every cryptid should be allowed to roam free, just like I don't believe every human should be allowed to roam free. We have psychos, too. People kill their coworkers. Kids kill their classmates. Parents kill their own children. Those people are every bit as monstrous as the worst cryptid predator you can ever point to, yet they're human, just like we are.

She was trying to do something good and she fucked up, which is basically the story of humanity’s time on this planet—we’re always trying to do something good, and we’re always fucking up.

The trick to doing things people say are impossible is confidence. As long as you seem to know what you’re doing, and never hesitate, you’re very unlikely to face any challenges. People don’t like to break illusions, even when they don’t know that’s what they’re looking at.” —Kevin Price

Family matters more than anything else in this world. Family doesn’t have to love you. Family doesn’t even have to like you. But when you need them, family has to have your back.” —Kevin Price

We build our presents on the ruins of our pasts, and we hope the foundations we construct from the dust of bad ideas and painful choices will be strong enough to hold up our futures. They have to be.

Turns out, ignorance often comes with an exciting, unexpected side effect: cruelty. To people who think they're the best the world has to offer, kindness is an afterthought and an unnecessary one at that.

It was easier than I expected, maybe because I was too angry and too afraid to really pay attention to what I was doing. Things are always easy when you refuse to let yourself remember how dangerous they are.

When all else fails, put on a fresh coat of lip gloss and pretend you have no idea what that horrible thing that just went running down Main Street was. A surprisingly large number of people will believe you.

There was a moment of silence before Istas said, “I was unaware the telepathic girl possessed a temper. This is pleasing. Temperamental people are more likely to participate in carnage.” “Sweetie, what have we talked about?” asked Ryan. Now it was Istas’ turn to sigh. “Humans are discomforted by excessive discussion of their squishy interiors.” “Which means . . . ?” “No referencing carnage more than once in a single conversation.

Protecting the human race should really come with a per diem, I swear.

We may be the only people in history to defect from their religious order not over a point of faith, but over footnotes.

I mean, it was hard on them. They were turning their backs on everything they’d ever known, because they’d decided there was something that mattered more than doing what they’d been taught to do. Hell, what they’d been raised to do. This wasn’t a choice they made on a whim. This was everything to them.

I have so many problems with this plan that I don't think I could list them all even if I wanted to try," said Sam. "On second thought, no. I really want to try, because this isn't so much a 'plan" as it is the Rube Goldberg version of a suicide attempt.

There’s not a chosen one. There never was. There’s just people, all over the world, trying their best to make sure the sun comes up tomorrow. We do the job because we know the job exists, and once you know the job exists, it’s hard to pretend it doesn’t matter.

Magic is real, in the sense that sometimes the world does things that can't be explained using science as we currently understand it. Magic isn't real, because once something becomes explainable, we start thinking of it as "science," and we no longer pretend it doesn't exist.

I told them you almost certainly were not a serial killer, and that they were being horribly sexist by assuming that of the two of us, only you were capable of committing murder. That may have been a tactical error—it got me rather a lot more questioning that I hadn’t exactly been planning on.” “Well, yes. It’s usually unwise to tell the police you could be a serial killer if you really, really wanted to.

Just so you know, I had already decided I was adopting you and taking you home to meet the rest of the family. I really, really hope you wanted siblings, because you now have two sisters, a brother, a sister-in-law, a brother-in-law, and assorted cousins, aunts, uncles, and other such familial detritus.” James looked back to me, blinking in slow bewilderment. “Ah,” he said finally. “I suppose I’ll have a busy Christmas.