“
She said, “Why can’t you see that people care for you?”
She said, “I care for you.”
“I know that you care. But…” He searched her face. “Anyone would, for a friend.”
“You’re more than a friend.”
“On the battlefield, you stayed--”
“Of course I did.”
“You have a strong sense of honor. You always have. I think you think you owe me something.”
“I stayed because I love you.”
He flinched and looked away. “You don’t mean that.”
“Yes, I do.”
The night outside seemed to swell against the tent. The lamp smelled like a hot stone. His face slowly opened. He touched her hand as it pressed against his heart. His caress was light, secret, almost unsure of her knuckles, the thin tendons as strong as bone. She felt him become sure.
There was no sound when he kissed her. None when she unthreaded the ties of his shirt and found his skin.
He grasped her dagger belt, flexed his fingers once around the leather, then simply held on. He whispered something into her mouth that was almost a word. It lost its shape, became something else.
He let go. She heard the brush of linen as he drew the shirt over his head, his fingertips grazing the tent’s sloped ceiling as if for balance. His ribs were bound with gauze, his body marked by scars. Old ones, badly healed and raised. Others, pink and fresh. His shoulders bore pale gouges; they looked like sets of claws, almost deliberate, like tattoos. Curious, she touched them.
He bit his lip.
“That hurts?”
“No.”
“What is this? What happened?”
“I’ll tell you,” he said. “Later.”
His hand strayed over her shirt, which was eastern, as Arin’s was, with no collar. Threadbare in places. Frayed at the neck. He worried the cloth there, rubbing it between fingers and thumb. Then he drew her shirt open, and she felt as if reality had grown larger and tremulous: a drop of water on the point of a pin.
“Kestrel…I’ve never--”
She whispered that this was new for her, too.
There was a long pause. “Are you certain you want--”
“Yes.”
“Because…”
“Arin.”
“Maybe you--”
“Arin.” She laughed, and then so did he, aware that they’d already found the bed. Words had fallen away. Maybe the words lay on the earth, nestled among clothes, curled into the undone dagger belt. Maybe later, language would be recovered and pieced together. Made to make sense. But not now. Now there was touch and taste and sound.
When he eased into her, she was glad for the burning lamp, the fuzzy glow of it on his skin. The way it showed the black fall of his wet hair, the flesh and scars that made him. She didn’t look away.
”
”