Chan Marriage Quotes

Marriage is one of the most humbling, sanctifying journeys you will ever be a part of. It forces us to wrestle with our selfishness and pride. But it also gives us a platform to display love and commitment.

We can't cure our narcissism by trying to ignore ourselves. The solution is to stare at God. When we actually stare at Him, everything else fades to its proper place.

People accuse me of going overboard in preparing for my first ten million years in eternity. In my opinion, people go overboard in worrying about their last ten years on earth.

Many people will tell you to focus on your marriage, to focus on each other; but we discovered that focusing on God’s mission made our marriage amazing.

When two people are right with Him [God], they will be right with each other.

Again, our marriage problems are not really marriage problems. They are heart problems. They are God problems. Our lack of intimacy with God causes a void that we try to fill with the frailest of substitutes. Like wealth or pleasure. Like fame or respect. Like people. Like marriage.

You can be more effective together than apart. In a truly healthy relationship, we enable each other to accomplish more than we could have done alone. This was His plan.

If we don’t stare at God, we’ll spend our time staring at lesser things. Namely, ourselves.

Here’s a blueprint for marriage: 1. We become overwhelmed by Christ’s care for us. 2. So we shower our wives with the same love we receive from God. 3. Then, people are shocked by our extravagant love toward our wives. 4. As a result, we are given an opportunity to tell them about the love of Christ that compels us.

Maybe this is why 75 percent of church-raised children ditch the church when they turn 18. They see the gap between our supposed beliefs and our actions and decide not to join the hypocrisy.

Arguments escalate when we want to be right more than we want to be CHRIST. It's easy to get blinded in the heat of disagreement. Soon, all we want is to win. Even if victory requires sin. The one who wins the argument is usually the one who acts LESS like Christ.

I quickly found that the American church is a difficult place to fit in if you want to live out New Testament Christianity. The goals of American Christianity are often a nice marriage, children who don't swear, and good church attendance. Taking the words of Christ literally, and seriously, is rarely considered. That's for the 'radicals' who are 'unbalanced' and who go 'overboard.' Most of us want a balanced life we can control, that is safe, and that does not involve suffering.

Most marriage problems are not really marriage problems, they are God problems. They can be traced back to one, or both, having a poor relationship with God, or a faulty understanding of him. An accurate picture of God is vital to a healthy marriage. It's vital to everything.

Draw close to Him and let your marriage be the overflow of that. When things are right with God, your marriage can actually become what it was designed to be. Peace comes when both parties come to an agreement. Agree on God—agree on His holiness and the supremacy He deserves in your lives.

Christians in America have become experts at conviction—and failures at action.

Too many Christians are content with appearing to be a bit more moral than the people around them. But the difference between a true Christian and a non-Christian is not about subtle moral distinctions—it’s the difference between being alive and being dead!

Eternal-mindedness keeps us from silly arguments. There’s no time to fight. We have better things to pursue than our interests. Too much is at stake! God created us for a purpose. We can’t afford to waste our lives. We can’t afford to waste our marriage by merely pursuing our own happiness.

A strong woman has waited patiently while her roots grew down deep into the Word of God. Over time, she becomes unshakeable in her faith. She starts bearing fruit naturally and is full of life. People are attracted to her strength and growth, and many find rest and peace as they lean on her. And when storms and trials come, as they always do, they will not be able to take her down. A few branches may be lost or pruned away, but in their place comes new growth, new life. This is what I long to be! A strong woman who is anchored in God’s promises. But it starts by setting down your roots in God’s Word. It will not happen as you stand up for yourself, and demand attention, and fight for yourself. It will happen as you stand in Christ, and demand that He gets your attention, and fight for His glory. The beautiful thing is that as we pursue this, God takes His rightful place in our lives.

In an effort to gain “converts,” Christians often refrain from telling the full story. We want people to follow, so like cheap salesmen, we share the benefits without explaining the cost. We tell them about Jesus’ promises of life and forgiveness, but we don’t mention His calls for repentance and obedience. We avoid His promise that we will experience persecution. When we do this, we cheapen the gospel.

The verses in the Bible are more than good teachings, they possess power.

maybe we were over-thinking the wife part, and under-thinking who Christ calls us all to be in light of His example.

Even now, I am working to make sure that my family is set up for the future. When most people make that statement, they are talking about financial security for their last few years on earth. When I say it, I’m referring to the millions of years that come after that. People

Like a marriage that has no purpose, many churches have forgotten the point of their existence. They can quickly focus on the complaints of their people rather than the cries of the lost. We get more emotional over Christians leaving to go to a different church than we do about people dying and going to Hell. Something is horribly wrong when we grieve more deeply over people rejecting us than those who reject their Messiah.

Someone is watching you right now as you read this. Think about that. The God who loans you life sees your every move, hears each word you speak, and knows your every thought. And this is a good thing. You are seen by God. Noticed. Known.

I have a beloved, over the mountains and across the seas… I’m his reverse scale… My name is Jing Lin… Ming Jin Stage… City of Huaishu… Qixing town… He and I, he… ...I want to form a marriage alliance with him… In Qixing Town…Ming Jin Stage… Come for me, for me…

If I could read a manuscript of your prayers over the past month, what would I see as the “one thing” you repeatedly ask for? Actually answer that. Our prayers reveal a lot about us. Our requests show us what we treasure, and our tone reveals our opinion of Him.

Jesus took away all of our ugliness. Unlike a typical bride, we are all shabby, grotesque, and woefully unprepared moments before we walk down the aisle. But our Groom beautifies us when we look to Him in faith, and in that instant we become His cherished bride.

Do you remember those times as a kid when you could hardly sleep on Christmas Eve because you were so excited about opening presents in the morning? That anticipation showed that you had no doubt. We should have an even greater anticipation of Jesus. If you are not “eagerly waiting for Him” (Heb. 9:28), something is off. Ask God to restore hope in your life. Not the kind of “hope” where you vaguely wish something would happen, but the kind of hope that anchors your soul (Heb. 6:19). Meditate on His promises and pray for faith.

Take time to rejoice in Christ. Seriously. No woman wants to be led by a joyless man. Let Christ fill you so you have plenty to give your wife. Find all of your security and worth in being a child of God, a member of Christ’s body. He “nourishes and cherishes” you, which enables you to do the same for your wife.

In modern politics, liberal leaders are forgiven for drone bombing as long as they’re cool with gay marriage, while on the right, enacting policies that devastate families and stable communities was cheered on at any cost as long as it dealt a satisfying blow to the trade unions, as we saw during the Reagan and Thatcher years.

the reality is, if we truly desire to follow Jesus, we will definitely not fit in with this culture.

You should really spend the rest of your life and the rest of your marriage trying to live more humbly and more sacrificially with respect to the people around you.

Find all of your security and worth in being a child of God, a member of Christ’s body.

Is there anything you want more than to hear “well done” come from God’s lips? Not “well said” or “well thought out,” but “well done.” Do

A quote I heard recently: “We are God’s plan to make it believable that He is good and loving and true.” God has always chosen to reveal Himself through people.

Let your faith be bigger than your fear.

The goals of American Christianity are often a nice marriage, children who don’t swear, and good church attendance. Taking the words of Christ literally and seriously is rarely considered. That’s for the “radicals” who are “unbalanced” and who go “overboard.” Most of us want a balanced life that we can control, that is safe, and that does not involve suffering.

God promises that an internal change—a new act of creation (2 Cor. 5:17)—will take place within those who believe. And that inward change will produce external actions. The Spirit fuels us so powerfully from the inside that His active presence is tangible and indisputable (see Gal. 5:22–24). If the actions aren’t pouring out of your life, you have to ask yourself: Is He in you?

This isn’t a very popular idea in the American church, where we separate our love for God from our service to God. We say we love God most, but it’s a vague statement that yields little action.

More than any other attribute of Jesus, his humility is the key to a healthy marriage. If two people make it their goal to imitate the humility of Christ, everything else will take care of itself.

If every married person would do that [focus on God above all else] regularly, many problems would disappear. Again, our marriage problems are not really marriage problems - they are heart problems. They are God problems. Our lack of intimacy with God causes a void that we try to fill with the frailest of substitutes, like wealth or pleasure, like fame or respect, like people, like marriage.

Remember that there is an enemy who is seeking to destroy your marriage. Our battle is not against flesh and blood (Eph. 6:12), so we can’t safeguard our marriages through more date nights, more vacations, or more counseling. Those things are not bad, but we have to see that there is more going on. Sincere and concentrated prayer will do infinitely more than any human strategy for a happy marriage.

If you’d rather watch your kids grow up than see the face of your Savior today, you don’t grasp the beauty of God. If you worry about what would happen to your children if you were gone, you don’t understand the providence of God.

This is the mistake a lot of couples make. They spend a lot of time looking at themselves and each other but very little time staring at God. When this is the focus, they naturally begin to structure every aspect of their lives around the few years they have with each other on earth, rather than the millions they will spend in His presence. Or away from His presence. These people live as though they are not dying. They live as though the King is not returning.

We need to remember at every moment that God stands actively against us when we are prideful (James 4:6). You may think you are digging your heels in against your spouse, but it’s ultimately God you’re opposing, and you’re inviting His opposition in return.

God spoke, and the world came into existence. God spoke, and the world was demolished by a flood. One day, God will speak the only verdict that matters as He judges every person. This is the God who knows you, even now. This is the God who is watching you as you read.

Many times we recognize our weakness, but we fail to recognize what God can accomplish through it. It’s a giving up point for far too many people who claim to know the all-powerful God. “I just can’t” is a foolish statement for those who know God; it should not be in our vocabulary. “I can’t” should be replaced by “I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (Phil. 4:13). Weakness should cause us to surrender to Christ in a way we never have before, to cry out to the One who has also known weakness, who has been tempted in every way, who knows the pull to give up, to move on, to pursue His own way.

There is no greater love story. The Judge of the universe chased after those who rebelled against Him. People made themselves God’s enemies by rejecting His rule and following their own desires. Yet God so loves His “enemies” that He sent His Son to pay the penalty for their crimes. God’s wrath was satisfied as Jesus hung on the cross. Through His death, believers are cleared of their sin and reconciled to the God they once rejected. This makes God both fair and forgiving, just and justifier (see Rom. 3:21–26). He is just because His judgment against our sin was carried out. We are justified because His innocent Son suffered on our behalf.

For those of us who nurture a win-at-any-cost mentality, this verse should shake us to the core. Only a fool would sacrifice this much for any victory. Let this sink into your brain: God actively fights against the proud person. The pride required to win your argument and defeat your “enemy” provides you with a new opponent: God.

Once this internal change takes place, it’s as if you can’t keep yourself from acting. That is how the Christian life is supposed to work. Something wells up inside and gushes out. I don’t conjure up love for Him; I love Him. I don’t convince myself to serve Him; I’m compelled to serve Him. It’s like I can’t help but love people and sacrifice for the poor. There’s a desire within me to do these things, and the actions flow from every fiber of my being. I hate lust. I hate pride. I hate hate, and I don’t even try to. It’s just who I am. I no longer see His rules as burdens, I’m grateful to God for them. I have become a slave of righteousness, and I love it!

I read an amazing quote from our dear friend Joni Eareckson Tada. What she says transcends her own personal struggle with quadriplegia and chronic pain, and applies to every circumstance in our lives—whether painful or joyful. She said, “I realized that the stakes were far greater, far more immense and cosmic than merely my satisfaction with a wheelchair and its unpleasant baggage. I shifted my focus onto God. His glory was at stake, and that made my satisfaction in Him (not satisfaction with ‘the way things were’) the real issue. It was no longer a matter of being content with His plan for my life; it was a matter of finding Him utterly and supremely the source of all contentment. This, much to my delight, would give Him the greatest glory.

Listen carefully here, because I’m afraid we’ll lose those of you who have seen so much defeat, you have unknowingly stopped believing that victory is possible. Every person has the choice to think and act and respond in light of the gospel. It’s true that a marriage can fail because of one person’s refusal to do this. But it’s also quite possible for a marriage to thrive because of only one person’s commitment to do this. Ultimate victory is knowing that you have honored Christ at any cost, and your conscience is at rest in His presence. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. (Hebrews 12:3–4)

This is why Jesus told people to count the cost of following Him. When great crowds would gather to see and hear Him, He knew that many were there for the show. They didn’t want to hear Jesus say, “deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me.” Many were not ready for Jesus to tell them that unless they were willing to give up everything they had, they were not worthy to be His disciples (Luke 14:33). Jesus wanted everyone to re-think their enthusiasm for Him.

Jesus was clear that following Him meant—get this—following Him. The church has put so much effort into inventing a new form of “following Christ” that doesn’t require imitating Him. We teach that even though Jesus allowed His rights to be trampled, we should fight for ours. We teach that even though Jesus lived simply, we have the right to live luxuriously (some prefer the term “comfortably”). Even as we teach that Jesus was rejected by the world, we pursue popularity.

I have come to the conclusion that most marriage problems are not really marriage problems. They are God problems. They can be traced back to one or both people having a poor relationship with God or a faulty understanding of Him. An accurate picture of God is vital to a healthy marriage. It’s vital to everything. As A.W. Tozer put it, “All the problems of heaven and earth, though they were to confront us together and at once, would be nothing compared with that overwhelming problem of God: That He is; what He is like; and what we as moral beings must do about Him.

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. (Ephesians 5:28–30)

If we don’t acknowledge the constant battle and begin to fight diligently, pride will sink deeper into our already self-serving hearts and destroy our lives and our marriages.

Humble people are broken over their own sin, more concerned with honoring God than arguing about what they deserve, and try—by the grace of God—to stay focused on the gospel and the goal.

So many couples act like five-year-old soccer players when it comes to the spiritual war that we find ourselves in. God calls us to fight in an ongoing battle against darkness.

So many marriages crumble because humility is lacking. As believers, isn’t that a little sad? We strive for control and equality, caught up in a power struggle rather than the humble self-sacrifice of Christ. So many women focus on what submission does not mean, and they never embrace what it does mean.

There is a battle we have to face every single day. There are weapons we have to pick up and be ready to defend ourselves with—every single day. To live in this world and not allow ourselves to be bullied and enticed by a mindset that is not biblical, we have to be seriously engaged, and seriously on our guard.

Prideful people are defensive, angry, blame-shifting, and focused on self. They consistently see that the problem lies not with them, but with everyone else. The gospel is not the focus; it is not the goal.

You’re not going to find any magazines on the newsstands with articles encouraging you to show humility. Instead, we are saturated with messages about power, independence, and control. We are bombarded with advice telling us to listen to our own hearts, to do whatever we feel like doing. The constant affirmation of the world and the pull of our own hearts make it so easy to believe that we deserve to be treated in a certain way. We should not have to listen to anyone telling us what to do; after all, we are strong and independent.

The Enemy is cunning. In the most subtle of takeovers, he lies to us about everything, and especially about what we “deserve.” He wants us to think of ourselves so highly that a humble heart is something to be laughed at. All that worldly wisdom sounds deceitfully good.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. (Philippians 4:4)

If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you… Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you.” (John 15:18, 20)

Why should husbands love their wives as their own bodies? Because that is what Christ does for us. He “nourishes and cherishes” us “because we are members of his body.” Don’t miss that! Jesus cares for me like I care for my own body! Soak that in. Do you believe it? Do you believe the Son of God cares for you like a member of His body? You should be overwhelmed with joy right now! Take some time to dwell on this and to thank God for this amazing truth.

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. (1 Corinthians 16:13, NIV)

Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. (1 Peter 2:11)

If we want our marriages to be healthy, we have to first believe God’s promises and look to Him before we look to our spouses.

Perhaps this sense of purpose is what has been missing in our failed attempts at unity. As I said at the beginning of this chapter, when Lisa and I are fighting side by side for the mission Jesus gave us, it keeps us from fighting with each other in our marriage. A common mission brings oneness.

Truth be told, Lisa and I have very little in common. I love sports, she doesn’t. She loves the mall, I hate it with a passion. She likes to sing, and I sound like a cow. I love weird Asian food, she thinks it’s creepy. I love to surf, she won’t go in the ocean. She likes serious conversations, I enjoy sarcasm. She loves Jesus. I love Jesus. And that’s enough.

We have to make it clear to our children that we love God more than we love them.

Here’s a question every parent should be asking: What will break my heart more? If my kids don’t end up loving me? Or if they don’t end up loving Jesus? Seriously contemplate that question.

It’s not just about making sacrifices, big or small. It’s about character. It’s about letting go of myself and constantly thinking of others. It’s about becoming like Christ.

Though Jesus has already taken all of her sin on the cross, you still have a real responsibility. You are to love, lead, and sacrifice in such a way that it results in your wife’s sanctification. The most loving thing you can do is to lead your wife to be closer to Jesus, to become more like Him.

We know that if we seek His kingdom, we will be fine. God is aware of our needs, and He will meet them as He sees fit. We will eat, but may not be able to eat out. We will have clothes, but they may not match. We will have water, but it may not be bottled. For the content, this is a great promise.

Beautiful people make beautiful marriages. Jesus is the most beautiful person to ever walk the earth. Your best shot at having a beautiful marriage is if both of you make it your goal to become like Jesus. While husbands are told specifically to love like Christ loved, Jesus is the standard for every believer.

We are sad about the victory Satan enjoys in watching couples call themselves “Christian” while living idly, living for themselves.

In a truly healthy relationship, we enable each other to accomplish more than we could have done alone. This was His plan.

While we cannot possibly know the next step for you, we can guarantee there is one. The worst thing you can do is nothing.

Once you have experienced true life, there’s no going back! David urged us to “taste and see that the Lord is good” (Ps. 34:8), and that’s what has happened for me. I have tasted what it’s like to live a life that is more and more surrendered to Him. I have tasted and seen His love for others, and when He gives you that same love in your heart, it feels shallow and unfulfilling to go back to your old way of doing things. I have a taste in my mouth for steps of faith that draw you so near to Him you don’t want to ever go back, even if He would let you.

You must determine your goal. What matters most? Winning arguments? Or resembling Christ? Even in the heat of an argument we should be asking ourselves if we are acting like Christ.

The destruction of Jerusalem serves as the apex of suffering for God’s people. The last stronghold for a formerly great nation fell, inaugurating the exilic period for God’s people. When this tragedy occurs, the people of God tumble to the depth of despair. In Jeremiah 29, we are given a glimpse of two possible responses to the national tragedy of exile. On the one hand, God’s people were tempted to withdraw from the world. On the other, they were tempted to return to their idolatrous ways. Lamentations 1:1-3 reminds us of the tragic set of circumstances that confronts God’s people. They have fallen from the heights. A vibrant city filled with people now lies deserted. A noble queen has now become a slave (v. 1). How will the people of God respond to this tragedy? Although the proper response to the historical reality of this text is the lament offered in Lamentations, Jeremiah 29 presents two unacceptable options available to God’s people sent away into exile. Jeremiah responds to the situation described in Lamentations 1:1-3 by sending a letter “from Jerusalem to the surviving elders among the exiles and to the priests, the prophets and all the other people Nebuchadnezzar had carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon” (Jer 29:1). Jeremiah 29:4-7 reveals YHWH’s command for the exiles when they are tempted to withdraw from the world: This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.

Jesus was not giving us His Spirit so that we could merely feel Him, like some kind of divine teddy bear. He gave us the Spirit and His power so we could be His witnesses. And He accompanies us, not so we can have happy families, but so we can make disciples.

This relationship [your relationship with God] is far more critical than your marriage. And it's everlasting.

Arguments escalate when we want to be right more than we want to be Christ. It is easy to get blinded in the heat of disagreements. Soon, all we want is to win, even if victory requires sin. The one who wins the argument is usually the one who acts less like Christ.

Is there anything you want more than to hear “well done” come from God’s lips? Not “well said” or “well thought out,” but “well done.” Do something. Use your knowledge, gifts, and possessions today. You have a mission to pursue.

We hear strong opinions from arrogant people all day long. We need to cleanse our minds by reminding each other of God’s actual words.

I want to stop writing, stare you in the face, and scream: Jesus died! He chose the most grueling death to bring you to God! Everything is changed! You and I were destined for a horrifying encounter with God—we were “objects of wrath” (Eph. 2:3)—but that has all changed! Death

As A.W. Tozer put it, “All the problems of heaven and earth, though they were to confront us together and at once, would be nothing compared with that overwhelming problem of God: That He is; what He is like; and what we as moral beings must do about Him.

God takes center stage in every story of Scripture. He is the Creator of life, the Judge, and the Savior. So while the Bible does talk about marriage, let’s be careful not to use the Bible just to find helpful tips on marriage. There is a much, much bigger picture.

The Bible begins with a Being so powerful that His words command non-existent things to exist, and they obey. It presents to us a Being so holy and just that He once drowned every person on earth, sparing only the eight people who still looked to Him. This book is full of examples of God punishing the arrogant and blessing the humble. And the Bible concludes with visions of a terrifying future judgment, where every person is cast eternally into either a place of perfect pleasure in union with God or a place of ultimate pain apart from Him.

Jesus died! He chose the most grueling death to bring you to God! Everything is changed! You and I were destined for a horrifying encounter with God—we were “objects of wrath” (Eph. 2:3)—but that has all changed! Death no longer scares me! I can’t wait to die! Thank you Jesus!!!

God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Gen. 2:18). Anyone who has experienced the pain of loneliness feels that truth. So much of the pleasure we find in life comes in the context of healthy relationships. Marriage is absolutely brilliant. And yet, as beautiful as marriage can be, by design it is a mere shadow of something much greater.

Without a healthy fear of God, we will not fully enjoy life and love. Without it, our priorities will be completely off. Yet if a healthy fear of God is at the foundation of who we are, a beautiful life and marriage can be built upon this.

Ministry sounds intimidating until you develop a realistic view of what ministry is really about. Maybe you’re not gifted to preach sermons, start a rehabilitation clinic, or lead a marriage retreat. But do you know people who struggle with sin? Do you know people who are carrying burdens? If so, then your first steps toward ministry are easy: help them.

Whether as individuals or as couples, our mission is to make as many disciples as we can during our time on earth. This takes priority over everything else. So

We are sad for the hurting couples; it breaks our hearts, actually. But we are even more brokenhearted about the effect it has on the Kingdom. We are sad because godly marriages magnify God’s ingenious creation, but few marriages radiate that glory. We are sad about the victory Satan enjoys in watching couples call themselves “Christian” while living idly, living for themselves. We are devastated by how many choose divorce over obeying the King. The sad state of marriage makes the bride of Christ look dirty and unattractive. We write in hopes of changing some of this.

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!