Calories Funny Quotes

Let me ask you something, in all the years that you have...undressed in front of a gentleman has he ever asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out and left? No? It's because he doesn't care! He's in a room with a naked girl, he just won the lottery. I am so tired of saying no, waking up in the morning and recalling every single thing I ate the day before, counting every calorie I consumed so I know just how much self loathing to take into the shower. I'm going for it. I have no interest in being obese, I'm just through with the guilt. So this is what I'm going to do, I'm going to finish this pizza, and then we are going to go watch the soccer game, and tomorrow we are going to go on a little date and buy ourselves some bigger jeans.

Ish #19 "If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?

The Decision ...I wiped my hands on my pinafore now sullied and stained not crisp or pressed as it had been before...

I am so dying to know what cookies are slang for.” “Probably his cock,” Jacob plopped down on the arm of the couch. “Oh my God,” I said, taking a handful of chips. I needed the calorie fortitude for where this conversation was heading. Brittany nodded. “Makes sense then. I mean, with the whole not sharing cookies with ugly girls.” “I don’t think he really meant that,” I said, popping a chip in my mouth. “So, back to our history notes…” “Fuck history. Back to Cam’s cock.” Jacob said. “Do you know, if cookies is a code word for cock, then that means his cock was in your mouth.

The Bible tells me that “every good and perfect gift is from the Lord.” I believe it. But, unlike things like stress and calories, these good gifts really are optional—I can choose to push them away, or I can embrace them with open arms. I wonder how many good gifts I’ve left unopened because I was too stressed, harried, or just plain shortsighted to recognize them for what they were?

How is it that food STILL contains calories that make you gain weight in the 21st CENTURY?! It’s like scientists aren’t even trying!

How do fireflies lose weight? A: They burn calories. *** Q: How do fleas travel? A: Itch hiking!

believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.” ~ Audrey Hepburn Audrey Hepburn believes in many different things, most of which would be considered frivolous by people. However, when you read it in depth, it does make you think. 67)

And she did it without once talking about carbs, calories, the evils of refined sugar, or apologizing for her large appetite. It was baller AF!” Steven explained he was further entranced with Marcella because she seemed so much freer than any girl he had ever met before. She wasn’t polite or perfectly dressed. She laughed at all his jokes and kept telling him he was funny for a rich dickhead.

That drummer is hot,” Sam says. He’s still watching the footage with no sound, since we play the TV with subtitles for Logan all the time. “I would have thought you’d like the lead singer best,” Emily says, watching his face. He shakes his head. “Not my type.” “Not enough ass,” Pete tosses out. “He’s not into skinny chicks.” Pete looks over at Emily. “No offense, Em.” Emily rolls her eyes and points to her very pregnant belly. Sam shoots Pete a look and shoves Pete’s legs out of his lap. Pete makes a move like he’s grabbing and squeezing. “Sam likes a girl he can hold on to.” Sam’s face goes pink as he shrugs. “I like curves,” he says. “I can’t help it.” Pete shoves him again. “He wants tits and ass,” he says, making that squeezing motion again. “And a brain,” Sam says, holding up his finger. “And an appetite,” I add. Sam raises his brow. “I like to cook. So I like a girl who likes to eat. Go figure.” Emily laughs. Sam must feel the need to explain himself because he goes on. “I hate taking a girl to dinner and having her order a salad. Or having her tell me she can’t eat one of my famous cupcakes because she’s on a diet.” He shivers like he’s repulsed by the very idea of it. He draws an hourglass figure in the air with his hands. “I’ll take tits, ass, and thighs, please,” he says, as though he’s ordering dinner. “And, dammit, if there’s icing that can be licked off places, I want her to be able to partake without thinking about calories.” “TMI, Sam!” Emily cries, covering her ears. Sam laughs, so I throw a remote at his head. “Act like a gentleman,” I warn, because I feel like I should. But that shit’s funny as hell.

The ideal gives us a sense of who we are. We get to be the one who goes to the gym, the one who wears the best clothes, the one with the rocking body and the willpower of a saint. Except all those superficial things do is distract you from everything you could be. Who wants an identity that's built on a calorie count? And what happens to your identity when your body changes, when you fall of the diet, miss the gym, grow, or age? Wouldn't you rather be known as the one who's kind, intelligent, funny, thoughtful, brave, adventurous, serene, confident or reliable? Whatever it is that makes you uniquely you? You really are so much more than a body.