Butcher Quotes

We've searched our database for all the quotes and captions related to Butcher. Here they are! All 100 of them:

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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching -- they are your family.
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Jim Butcher
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Are you always a smartass?' Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep.
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Jim Butcher (Blood Rites (The Dresden Files, #6))
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A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
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Robert A. Heinlein
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Paranoid? Probably. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face.
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Jim Butcher (Storm Front (The Dresden Files, #1))
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I don't care about whose DNA has recombined with whose. When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching--they are your family.
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Jim Butcher (Proven Guilty (The Dresden Files, #8))
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Evil isnโ€™t the real threat to the world. Stupid is just as destructive as Evil, maybe more so, and itโ€™s a hell of a lot more common. What we really need is a crusade against Stupid. That might actually make a difference.
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Jim Butcher (Vignette (The Dresden Files, #5.5))
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Life is a journey. Time is a river. The door is ajar
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Jim Butcher (Dead Beat (The Dresden Files, #7))
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Laugh whenever you can. Keeps you from killing yourself when things are bad. That and vodka.
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Jim Butcher (Changes (The Dresden Files, #12))
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Most people were heartless about turtles because a turtleโ€™s heart will beat for hours after it has been cut up and butchered. But the old man thought, I have such a heart too.
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Ernest Hemingway (The Old Man and the Sea)
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Sleep is God. Go worship.
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Jim Butcher (Death Masks (The Dresden Files, #5))
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I had to smile at the man. I mean, you have to smile at idiots and children.
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Jim Butcher (Fool Moon (The Dresden Files, #2))
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The human mind is not a terribly logical or consistent place.
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Jim Butcher (Turn Coat (The Dresden Files, #11))
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We have now left Reason and Sanity Junction. Next stop, Looneyville.
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Jim Butcher (Grave Peril (The Dresden Files, #3))
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The building was on fire, and it wasnโ€™t my fault.
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Jim Butcher (Blood Rites (The Dresden Files, #6))
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You're in America now," I said. "Our idea of diplomacy is showing up with a gun in one hand and a sandwich in the other and asking which you'd prefer.
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Jim Butcher (Turn Coat (The Dresden Files, #11))
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You backbiting, poisonous, treacherous, deceitful, wicked, clever girl. If this works I'll buy you a pony.
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Jim Butcher (Summer Knight (The Dresden Files, #4))
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Holy shit," I breathed. "Hellhounds." "Harry," Michael said sternly. "You know I hate it when you swear." "You're right. Sorry. Holy shit," I breathed, "heckhounds.
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Jim Butcher (Grave Peril (The Dresden Files, #3))
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Of course Evil's afoot. If it had switched to the metric system it'd be up to a meter by now.
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Jim Butcher
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What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?
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Jim Butcher (White Night (The Dresden Files, #9))
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Most of the bad guys in the real world don't know that they are bad guys. You don't get a flashing warning sign that you're about to damn yourself. It sneaks up on you when you aren't looking.
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Jim Butcher
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There is a primal reassurance in being touched, in knowing that someone else, someone close to you, wants to be touching you. There is a bone-deep security that goes with the brush of a human hand, a silent, reflex-level affirmation that someone is near, that someone cares.
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Jim Butcher (White Night (The Dresden Files, #9))
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In the name of the Pizza Lord. Charge!
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Jim Butcher (Summer Knight (The Dresden Files, #4))
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We are not going to die." Butters stared up at me, pale, his eyes terrified. "We're not?" "No. And do you know why?" He shook his head. "Because Thomas is too pretty to die. And because I'm too stubborn to die." I hauled on the shirt even harder. "And most of all because tomorrow is Oktoberfest, Butters, and polka will never die.
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Jim Butcher (Dead Beat (The Dresden Files, #7))
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If I need you I'll give you a signal.' 'What signal?' 'I'll imitate the scream of a terrified little girl
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Jim Butcher
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I died. I died and someone made a clerical error and I am in Heaven.
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Jim Butcher (Summer Knight (The Dresden Files, #4))
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So. You get handed a holy sword by an archangel, told to go fight the forces of evil, and you somehow remain an atheist. Is that what you're saying?
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Jim Butcher (Death Masks (The Dresden Files, #5))
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Caring about someone isn't complicated. It isn't easy. But it isn't complicated, either. Kinda like lifting the engine block out of a car.
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Jim Butcher (Small Favor (The Dresden Files, #10))
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But the only way never to do the wrong thing is never to do anything.
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Jim Butcher (White Night (The Dresden Files, #9))
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CHORONZON: I am a dire wolf, prey-stalking, lethal prowler. MORPHEUS: I am a hunter, horse-mounted, wolf-stabbing. CHORONZON: I am a horsefly, horse-stinging, hunter-throwing. MORPHEUS: I am a spider, fly-consuming, eight legged. CHORONZON: I am a snake, spider-devouring, posion-toothed. MORPHEUS: I am an ox, snake-crushing, heavy-footed. CHORONZON: I am an anthrax, butcher bacterium, warm-life destroying. MORPHEUS: I am a world, space-floating, life-nurturing. CHORONZON: I am a nova, all-exploding... planet-cremating. MORPHEUS: I am the Universe -- all things encompassing, all life embracing. CHORONZON: I am Anti-Life, the Beast of Judgment. I am the dark at the end of everything. The end of universes, gods, worlds... of everything. Sss. And what will you be then, Dreamlord? MORPHEUS: I am hope.
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Neil Gaiman (Preludes & Nocturnes (The Sandman, #1))
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Life would be unbearably dull if we had answers to all our questions.
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Jim Butcher (Death Masks (The Dresden Files, #5))
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There's more magic in a baby's first giggle than in any firestorm a wizard can conjure up, and don't let anyone tell you any different.
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Jim Butcher (Fool Moon (The Dresden Files, #2))
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Stood in firelight, sweltering. Bloodstain on chest like map of violent new continent. Felt cleansed. Felt dark planet turn under my feet and knew what cats know that makes them scream like babies in night. Looked at sky through smoke heavy with human fat and God was not there. The cold, suffocating dark goes on forever and we are alone. Live our lives, lacking anything better to do. Devise reason later. Born from oblivion; bear children, hell-bound as ourselves, go into oblivion. There is nothing else. Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose. This rudderless world is not shaped by vague metaphysical forces. It is not God who kills the children. Not fate that butchers them or destiny that feeds them to the dogs. Itโ€™s us. Only us. Streets stank of fire. The void breathed hard on my heart, turning its illusions to ice, shattering them. Was reborn then, free to scrawl own design on this morally blank world. Was Rorschach. Does that answer your Questions, Doctor?
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Alan Moore (Watchmen)
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The man once wrote: Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. Tolkien had that one mostly right. I stepped forward, let the door bang closed, and snarled, "Fuck subtle.
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Jim Butcher (Changes (The Dresden Files, #12))
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Time after time, history demonstrates that when people don't want to believe something, they have enormous skills of ignoring it altogether.
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Jim Butcher (Dead Beat (The Dresden Files, #7))
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I let out a battle cry. Sure, a lot of people might have mistaken it for a sudden yelp of unmanly fear, but trust me. It was a battle cry.
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Jim Butcher (My Big Fat Supernatural Wedding)
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An errand is getting a tank of gas or picking up a carton of milk or something. It is not getting chased by flying purple pyromaniac gorillas hurling incendiary poo!
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Jim Butcher (Blood Rites (The Dresden Files, #6))
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I'd made the vampire cry. Great. I felt like a real superhero. Harry Dresden, breaker of monsters' hearts.
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Jim Butcher (Storm Front (The Dresden Files, #1))
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There are bad things in the world. There's no getting away from that. But that doesn't mean nothing can be done about them. You can't abandon life just because it's scary, and just because sometimes you get hurt.
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Jim Butcher (Turn Coat (The Dresden Files, #11))
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Have you ever felt despair? Absolute hopelessness? Have you ever stood in the darkness and known, deep in your heart, in your spirit, that it was never, ever going to get better? That something had been lost, forever, and that it wasn't coming back?
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Jim Butcher (Storm Front (The Dresden Files, #1))
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I think that men ought to treat women like something other than weaker men with breasts.
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Jim Butcher (Storm Front (The Dresden Files, #1))
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It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own self-interest. We address ourselves not to their humanity but to their self-love, and never talk to them of our own necessities, but of their advantages
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Adam Smith (An Inquiry into the Nature & Causes of the Wealth of Nations, Vol 1)
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I still can't believe," Michael said, sotto voce, "that you came to the Vampires' Masquerade Ball dressed as a vampire.
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Jim Butcher (Grave Peril (The Dresden Files, #3))
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You know how confusing the whole good-evil concept is for me.
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Jim Butcher (Proven Guilty (The Dresden Files, #8))
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Son. Everyone dies alone. That's what it is. It's a door. It's one person wide. When you go through it, you do it alone. But it doesn't mean you've got to be alone before you go through the door. And believe me, you aren't alone on the other side.
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Jim Butcher (Dead Beat (The Dresden Files, #7))
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Ack!" I said. Fearless master of the witty dialogue, that's me.
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Jim Butcher (Changes (The Dresden Files, #12))
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Smiling always seems to annoy people more than actually insulting them. Or maybe I just have an annoying smile.
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Jim Butcher (Storm Front (The Dresden Files, #1))
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It's all right to be afraid. You just don't let it stop you from doing your job.
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Jim Butcher (Fool Moon (The Dresden Files, #2))
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In the action business, when you don't want to say you ran like a mouse, you call it 'taking cover.' It's more heroic.
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Jim Butcher (Dead Beat (The Dresden Files, #7))
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There are things you can't walk away from. Not if you want to live with yourself afterward.
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Jim Butcher (Death Masks (The Dresden Files, #5))
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The first time it was reported that our friends were being butchered there was a cry of horror. Then a hundred were butchered. But when a thousand were butchered and there was no end to the butchery, a blanket of silence spread. When evil-doing comes like falling rain, nobody calls out "stop!" When crimes begin to pile up they become invisible. When sufferings become unendurable the cries are no longer heard. The cries, too, fall like rain in summer.
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Bertolt Brecht (Selected Poems)
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Me and polite have never been on close terms.
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Jim Butcher
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Thereโ€™s nothing that makes you more insane than family. Or more happy. Or more exasperated. Or more . . . secure.
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Jim Butcher (Vignette (The Dresden Files, #5.5))
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Kids. You gotta love them. I adore children. A little salt, a squeeze of lemonโ€”perfect.
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Jim Butcher (Storm Front (The Dresden Files, #1))
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You rush a miracle worker, you get lousy miracles!
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Jim Butcher (Small Favor (The Dresden Files, #10))
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Hope is a force of nature. Don't let anyone tell you different.
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Jim Butcher (Changes (The Dresden Files, #12))
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Polka will never die.
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Jim Butcher (Dead Beat (The Dresden Files, #7))
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Anger is just anger. It isn't good. It isn't bad. It just is. What you do with it is what matters. It's like anything else. You can use it to build or to destroy. You just have to make the choice." Constructive anger," the demon said, her voice dripping sarcasm. Also known as passion," I said quietly. "Passion has overthrown tyrants and freed prisoners and slaves. Passion has brought justice where there was savagery. Passion has created freedom where there was nothing but fear. Passion has helped souls rise from the ashes of their horrible lives and build something better, stronger, more beautiful.
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Jim Butcher (White Night (The Dresden Files, #9))
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Don't mess with a wizard when he's wizarding!
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Jim Butcher
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Regardless of what I think about Islam or Wicca or any other religion, the fact is that it's a group of people. Every faith has its ceremonies. And since it's made up of people, every faith also has its assholes.
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Jim Butcher (White Night (The Dresden Files, #9))
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Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity.
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Jim Butcher (Proven Guilty (The Dresden Files, #8))
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Nay, but prithee, with sprinkles 'pon it instead," I said solemnly, "and frosting of white.
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Jim Butcher (Small Favor (The Dresden Files, #10))
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If you can't stop the bad thoughts from coming to visit, at least you can make fun of them while they're hanging around.
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Jim Butcher (Turn Coat (The Dresden Files, #11))
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Heroism doesn't pay very well. I try to be cold-blooded and money-oriented, but I keep screwing it up.
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Jim Butcher (Dead Beat (The Dresden Files, #7))
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Wizards and computers get along about as well as flamethrowers and libraries.
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Jim Butcher (Changes (The Dresden Files, #12))
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Even in winter, the cold isn't always bitter, and not every day is cruel.
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Jim Butcher (Changes (The Dresden Files, #12))
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People love dogs. You can never go wrong adding a dog to the story.
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Jim Butcher (White Night (The Dresden Files, #9))
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Jobs are a part of life. Maybe you've heard of the concept. It's called work? See, what happens is that you suffer through doing annoying and humiliating things until you get paid not enough money. Like those Japanese game shows, only without all the glory.
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Jim Butcher (Blood Rites (The Dresden Files, #6))
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Star Trek?โ€ I asked her. โ€œReally?โ€ โ€œWhat?โ€ she demanded, bending unnaturally black eyebrows together. โ€œThere are two kinds of people in the universe, Molly,โ€ I said. โ€œStar Trek fans and Star Wars fans. This is shocking.โ€ She sniffed. โ€œThis is the post-nerd-closet world, Harry. Itโ€™s okay to like both.โ€ โ€œBlasphemy and lies,โ€ I said.
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Jim Butcher (Ghost Story (The Dresden Files, #13))
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Fear is a part of life. It's a warning mechanism. That's all. It tells you when there's danger around. Its job is to help you survive. Not cripple you into being unable to do it.
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Jim Butcher (Dead Beat (The Dresden Files, #7))
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Knowledge is the ultimate weapon. It always has been.
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Jim Butcher (White Night (The Dresden Files, #9))
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See? This is why I'm not religious. I couldn't possibly keep my mouth shut long enough to get along with everyone else.
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Jim Butcher (White Night (The Dresden Files, #9))
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Punctuality is for people with nothing better to do
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Jim Butcher (Small Favor (The Dresden Files, #10))
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On my fifth trip to France I limited myself to the words and phrases that people actually use. From the dog owners I learned "Lie down," "Shut up," and "Who shit on this carpet?" The couple across the road taught me to ask questions correctly, and the grocer taught me to count. Things began to come together, and I went from speaking like an evil baby to speaking like a hillbilly. "Is thems the thoughts of cows?" I'd ask the butcher, pointing to the calves' brains displayed in the front window. "I want me some lamb chop with handles on 'em.
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David Sedaris (Me Talk Pretty One Day)
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Age is always advancing and I'm fairly sure it's up to no good.
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Jim Butcher (White Night (The Dresden Files, #9))
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Harry," Bob drawled, his eye lights flickering smugly, "what you know about women, I could juggle.
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Jim Butcher (Storm Front (The Dresden Files, #1))
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A technicality I'm prepared to hide wildly behind.
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Jim Butcher (Storm Front (The Dresden Files, #1))
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Likest thou jelly within thy doughnut?
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Jim Butcher (Small Favor (The Dresden Files, #10))
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I don't know about your true form, but the weight of your ego sure is pushing the crust of the earth toward the breaking point.
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Jim Butcher (Grave Peril (The Dresden Files, #3))
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Many things are not as they seem: The worst things in life never are.
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Jim Butcher (White Night (The Dresden Files, #9))
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Put some clothes on, you weird, yellow-eyed, table-dancing, werewolf-training, cryptic, stare-me-right-in-the-eyes-and-don't-even-blink wench.
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Jim Butcher (Fool Moon (The Dresden Files, #2))
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She frowned at me. "You need some rest. You look like hell. And you're obviously tired enough to have gotten the giggles." Wizards don't giggle," I said, hardly able to speak. "This is cackling.
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Jim Butcher (Changes (The Dresden Files, #12))
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There's a fine line between audacity and idiocy.
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Jim Butcher (Turn Coat (The Dresden Files, #11))
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Nobody can be bad at everything. Thereโ€™s no such thing as a perfect screwup.
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Jim Butcher (Mean Streets)
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I know it's not thematically in tune with my new job and all, but I find it effective. Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day," I say. "But set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life. Tao of Pratchett. I live by it.
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Jim Butcher (Cold Days (The Dresden Files, #14))
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Love is another kind of power, which shouldn't surprise you. Magic comes from emotions, among other things. And when two people are together, in that intimacy, when they really, selflessly love each other it changes them both. It lingers on in the energy of their lives, even when they are apart.
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Jim Butcher (Blood Rites (The Dresden Files, #6))
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It isn't good to hold on too hard to the past. You can't spend your whole life looking back. Not even when you can't see what lies ahead. All you can do is keep on keeping on, and try to believe that tomorrow will be what it should beโ€”even if it isn't what you expected.
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Jim Butcher (Death Masks (The Dresden Files, #5))
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Think of every fairy-tale villainess you've ever heard of. Think of the wicked witches, the evil queens, the mad enchantresses. Think of the alluring sirens, the hungry ogresses, the savage she-beasts. Think of them and remember that somewhere, sometime, they've all been real. Mab gave them lessons.
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Jim Butcher (Small Favor (The Dresden Files, #10))
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A bolt of warmth, fierce with joy and pride and gratitude, flashed through me like sudden lightning. I donโ€™t care about whose DNA has recombined with whose. When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinchingโ€”they are your family. And they were my heroes.
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Jim Butcher (Proven Guilty (The Dresden Files, #8))
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But there were some things I believed in. Some things I had faith in. And faith isn't about perfect attendance to services, or how much money you put on the little plate. It isn't about going skyclad to the Holy Rites, or meditating each day upon the divine. Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others - even when there's not going to be anyone telling you what a hero you are.
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Jim Butcher (Changes (The Dresden Files, #12))
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When I'm in turmoil, when I can't think, when I'm exhausted and afraid and feeling very, very alone, I go for walks. It's just one of those things I do. I walk and I walk and sooner or later something comes to me, something to make me feel less like jumping off a building.
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Jim Butcher (Storm Front (The Dresden Files, #1))
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No one is an unjust villain in his own mind. Even - perhaps even especially - those who are the worst of us. Some of the cruelest tyrants in history were motivated by noble ideals, or made choices that they would call 'hard but necessary steps' for the good of their nation. We're all the hero of our own story.
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Jim Butcher (Turn Coat (The Dresden Files, #11))
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The human mind isn't a terribly logical or consistent place. Most people, given the choice to face a hideous or terrifying truth or to conveniently avoid it, choose the convenience and peace of normality. That doesn't make them strong or weak people, or good or bad people. It just makes them people.
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Jim Butcher (Turn Coat (The Dresden Files, #11))
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Sure, we'd faced some things as children that a lot of kids don't. Sure, Justin had qualified for his Junior de Sade Badge in his teaching methods for dealing with pain. We still hadn't learned, though, that growing up is all about getting hurt. And then getting over it. You hurt. You recover. You move on. Odds are pretty good you're just going to get hurt again. But each time, you learn something. Each time, you come out of it a little stronger, and at some point you realize that there are more flavors of pain than coffee. There's the little empty pain of leaving something behind - gradutaing, taking the next step forward, walking out of something familiar and safe into the unknown. There's the big, whirling pain of life upending all of your plans and expecations. There's the sharp little pains of failure, and the more obscure aches of successes that didn't give you what you thought they would. There are the vicious, stabbing pains of hopes being torn up. The sweet little pains of finding others, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life they grow and learn. There's the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand beside a wounded friend and help them bear their burdens. And if you're very, very lucky, there are a very few blazing hot little pains you feel when you realized that you are standing in a moment of utter perfection, an instant of triumph, or happiness, or mirth which at the same time cannot possibly last - and yet will remain with you for life. Everyone is down on pain, because they forget something important about it: Pain is for the living. Only the dead don't feel it. Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it's a big part, and sometimes it isn't, but either way, it's a part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: It teaches you, tells you that you're alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another.
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Jim Butcher
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Oh," the girl said, shaking her head. "Don't be so simple. People adore monsters. They fill their songs and stories with them. They define themselves in relation to them. You know what a monster is, young shade? Power. Power and choice. Monsters make choices. Monsters shape the world. Monsters force us to become stronger, smarter, better. They sift the weak from the strong and provide a forge for the steeling of souls. Even as we curse monsters, we admire them. Seek to become them, in some ways." Her eyes became distant. "There are far, far worse things to be than a monster.
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Jim Butcher (Ghost Story (The Dresden Files, #13))
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Hua Cheng said quietly, "Your Highness, I understand your everything. "Your courage, your despair; your kindness, your pain; your resentment, your hate; your intelligence, your foolishness. "If I could, I would have you use me as your stepping stone, the bridge you take apart after crossing, the corpse bones you need to trample to climb up, the sinner who deserved the butchering of a million knives. But, I know you wouldn't allow it." (...) However, Hua Cheng only replied, "To die in battle for you is my greatest honour." Those words were like a fatal blow. The tears in Xie Lian's eyes could no longer be restrained, and they came pouring out. Like he was hanging on the thread of his life, he pleaded, "You said you would never leave me." However, Hua Cheng replied, "There is no banquet in this world that doesn't come to an end." Xie Lian bowed his head and buried it deep into his chest, his heart and throat in constricted agony, unable to speak. Yet soon after, he heard Hua Cheng say above him, "But, I will never leave you." Hearing this, Xie Lian's head shot up. Hua Cheng said to him, "I will come back. Your Highness, believe me.
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Mรฒ Xiฤng Tรณng Xiรน (ๅคฉๅฎ˜่ต็ฆ [Tiฤn Guฤn Cรฌ Fรบ])
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Loneliness is a hard thing to handle. I feel it, sometimes. When I do, I want it to end. Sometimes, when you're near someone, when you touch them on some level that is deeper than the uselessly structured formality of casual civilized interaction, there's a sense of satisfaction in it. Or at least, there is for me. It doesn't have to be someone particularly nice. You don't have to like them. You don't even have to want to work with them. You might even want to punch them in the nose. Sometimes just making that connection is its own experience, its own reward.
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Jim Butcher (White Night (The Dresden Files, #9))
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I don't want to live in a world where the strong rule and the weak cower. I'd rather make a place where things are a little quieter. Where trolls stay the hell under their bridges and where elves don't come swooping out to snatch children from their cradles. Where vampires respect the limits, and where the faeries mind their p's and q's. My name is Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden. Conjure by it at your own risk. When things get strange, when what goes bump in the night flicks on the lights, when no one else can help you, give me a call. I'm in the book.
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Jim Butcher (Storm Front (The Dresden Files, #1))
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Da. This is going very well already." Thomas barked out a laugh. "There are seven of us against the Red King and his thirteen most powerful nobles, and it's going well?" Mouse sneezed. "Eight," Thomas corrected himself. He rolled his eyes and said, "And the psycho death faerie makes it nine." "It is like movie," Sanya said, nodding. "Dibs on Legolas." "Are you kidding?" Thomas said. "I'm obviously Legolas. You're . . ." He squinted thoughtfully at Sanya and then at Martin. "Well. He's Boromir and you're clearly Aragorn." "Martin is so dour, he is more like Gimli." Sanya pointed at Susan. "Her sword is much more like Aragorn's." "Aragorn wishes he looked that good," countered Thomas. "What about Karrin?" Sanya asked. "What--for Gimli?" Thomas mused. "She is fairly--" "Finish that sentence, Raith, and we throw down," said Murphy in a calm, level voice. "Tough," Thomas said, his expression aggrieved. "I was going to say 'tough.' " As the discussion went on--with Molly's sponsorship, Mouse was lobbying to claim Gimli on the basis of being the shortest, the stoutest, and the hairiest-- "Sanya," I said. "Who did I get cast as?" "Sam," Sanya said. I blinked at him. "Not . . . Oh, for crying out loud, it was perfectly obvious who I should have been." Sanya shrugged. "It was no contest. They gave Gandalf to your godmother. You got Sam.
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Jim Butcher (Changes (The Dresden Files, #12))
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Where is the graveyard of dead gods? What lingering mourner waters their mounds? There was a time when Jupiter was the king of the gods, and any man who doubted his puissance was ipso facto a barbarian and an ignoramus. But where in all the world is there a man who worships Jupiter today? And who of Huitzilopochtli? In one year - and it is no more than five hundred years ago - 50,000 youths and maidens were slain in sacrifice to him. Today, if he is remembered at all, it is only by some vagrant savage in the depths of the Mexican forest. Huitzilopochtli, like many other gods, had no human father; his mother was a virtuous widow; he was born of an apparently innocent flirtation that she carried out with the sun. When he frowned, his father, the sun, stood still. When he roared with rage, earthquakes engulfed whole cities. When he thirsted he was watered with 10,000 gallons of human blood. But today Huitzilopochtli is as magnificently forgotten as Allen G. Thurman. Once the peer of Allah, Buddha and Wotan, he is now the peer of Richmond P. Hobson, Alton B. Parker, Adelina Patti, General Weyler and Tom Sharkey. Speaking of Huitzilopochtli recalls his brother Tezcatlipoca. Tezcatlipoca was almost as powerful; he consumed 25,000 virgins a year. Lead me to his tomb: I would weep, and hang a couronne des perles. But who knows where it is? Or where the grave of Quetzalcoatl is? Or Xiuhtecuhtli? Or Centeotl, that sweet one? Or Tlazolteotl, the goddess of love? Of Mictlan? Or Xipe? Or all the host of Tzitzimitl? Where are their bones? Where is the willow on which they hung their harps? In what forlorn and unheard-of Hell do they await their resurrection morn? Who enjoys their residuary estates? Or that of Dis, whom Caesar found to be the chief god of the Celts? Of that of Tarves, the bull? Or that of Moccos, the pig? Or that of Epona, the mare? Or that of Mullo, the celestial jackass? There was a time when the Irish revered all these gods, but today even the drunkest Irishman laughs at them. But they have company in oblivion: the Hell of dead gods is as crowded as the Presbyterian Hell for babies. Damona is there, and Esus, and Drunemeton, and Silvana, and Dervones, and Adsullata, and Deva, and Bellisima, and Uxellimus, and Borvo, and Grannos, and Mogons. All mighty gods in their day, worshipped by millions, full of demands and impositions, able to bind and loose - all gods of the first class. Men labored for generations to build vast temples to them - temples with stones as large as hay-wagons. The business of interpreting their whims occupied thousands of priests, bishops, archbishops. To doubt them was to die, usually at the stake. Armies took to the field to defend them against infidels; villages were burned, women and children butchered, cattle were driven off. Yet in the end they all withered and died, and today there is none so poor to do them reverence. What has become of Sutekh, once the high god of the whole Nile Valley? What has become of: Resheph Anath Ashtoreth El Nergal Nebo Ninib Melek Ahijah Isis Ptah Anubis Baal Astarte Hadad Addu Shalem Dagon Sharaab Yau Amon-Re Osiris Sebek Molech? All there were gods of the highest eminence. Many of them are mentioned with fear and trembling in the Old Testament. They ranked, five or six thousand years ago, with Yahweh Himself; the worst of them stood far higher than Thor. Yet they have all gone down the chute, and with them the following: Bilรฉ Ler Arianrhod Morrigu Govannon Gunfled Sokk-mimi Nemetona Dagda Robigus Pluto Ops Meditrina Vesta You may think I spoof. That I invent the names. I do not. Ask the rector to lend you any good treatise on comparative religion: You will find them all listed. They were gods of the highest standing and dignity-gods of civilized peoples-worshiped and believed in by millions. All were omnipotent, omniscient and immortal. And all are dead.
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H.L. Mencken (A Mencken Chrestomathy)